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beta tendencies, what do you think? - tahersyed34 - 12-20-2014
STORY # 1
So yesterday I had an orientation with 9 other fellas. It was for a job. As I am sitting there for about 1.5 hours, a few of them were joking around laughing it off and just having fun. Then there was me and this other guy and 2 more or just barely talked.
I did not talk at all. In fact when I see a group having their fun joking around and laughing I start to "fake" laugh. Like if others are naturally hysterically laughing, I put on an act and fake laugh even if I don't find it funny just to be "a part of the group". As I fake laugh I start to hyperventilate -- you know that feeling that you get where you want to say something and make a joke, too, but you cannot because you are afraid of only hearing crickets (catch my drift)?
But I did make a few statements related to the topic of why us men were sitting their.
My last question before the session ended lead to a response from the host that was giving the presentation of something related to "common sense" which I totally felt stupid with an unexpected response like that. Especially that he said it in front of the group. Basically I was also afraid of making conversation with the others since I suck at small talk. Upon leaving a few group together and walk together back to their cars and I silent as a dull pencil walk alone back to mine.
STORY # 2
I really hate this one but need feedback. So obviously some of you may know or not know I am 34 still living with the parents. This is a typical thing that happens occasionally. I am embarrassed to post this but it needs to be told. I was wearing black pants and a white button down shirt. I admit I have this problem of laziness that is like a poison to me. I have been wearing that same exact black pants for days regularly.
My mom is excellent at criticizing and she always tells me that it doesn't match. To me white and black DO match. Then she says that I look like a begger from the street because of the way I dress. Being 34, I don't need to be told what to wear and how to dress. I understand that my mom is watching out for my best interest because she's afraid that people who see me "dressed" like the way she does not want to see me dressed will think I look horrible and will not win the respect of my peers whether at the job or what have you. This is not the first time this, as I mention, happens every once in a while. I am sure its a cultural thing but my point is you don't do that to a 34 year old grown man.
I know alpha male will make you stand up for yourself even in situations like these but being beta I already told her how I felt about it and that "she needs to stop it" and "if it was up to me I hope one day I can get my own house so I don't have to deal with your criticizing mom". Of course she takes offense. I don't know if I can put the whole blame on her because I am lazy to iron clothes, put on a belt, shit I don't even put on socks when I go out; that's how lazy I am. I could have avoided the argument by letting her pick clothes for me but wtf do I look like, 10 years old?! LOL all I know is when I get back home later today I will be waiting for one big hot juicy roll of lectures and more criticizing oh and let's not forget the touch of shouting, either.
I honestly don't care about being alone because I am so used to it but my mom will put in the victim story that my old man is literally an old man and I don't have a solid career to take care of them both and that he works his ass off to bring in the dough to pay the bills but even in my standard job I kinda pitch in too but the victim story she gives me to give me guilt about how I want to leave them that they can't support themselves without me even when I clearly explained why it would be better to just bounce so that I don't have to tolerate the criticizing and can dress freely as I please.
Though for my age I should have a career, a perfect partner and heck even my own place but unfortunately that is not the way it is...for now??
I need some good feedback about both stories particularly story # 2 in relation to how close to beta am I and how AM would turn it around?
Thanks for reading.
RE: beta tendencies, what do you think? - Leo1990 - 12-20-2014
AM6
now!
Forget about how it would change you... it just will...!
Although I am waiting on my Credit Card to be fully paid off, and last payment just needs to be posted... but... I will let other AM folks chime in.
Your similar to my friend. Shes 30 and has the "give me sympathy" aura (for lack of better word" going on. Shes a victim. She says all the things that somebody might say to get out of the rut. She has no job. She almost has no friends- because of this victim mentality. She blames everyone but herself. She ignores me when I render honest advice... and honestly im a hairs-breath away from turning in the towel.
Not to be mean, but your in your moms house. She has her own way of trying to get you out of the house, weather its by being annoying or whatnot. I know. Im 24 and about had it.
I could move out already, but honestly its either 1.)this now 2.) living with a bunch of wannabe men-teenagers (who think being a jerk/AMOG is the way to do it) or 3.) live in my own place (and a much lighter wallet).
The only issue I have is lack of motivation to get my CCNA cert. I have enough experience to hold a job, and one that pays more than double minimum wage and 90% of other co-workers.
I work hard for my money- its time I worked smarter.
****************
Change.
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
-Albert Einstein
Think about that quote long and hard. How bad do you want to change? If you want it bad enough, if you want your Wife, your place, your career and most importantly YOUR OWN LIFE and OWN SPACE- youll do something about it.
Do small things first.
-Iron your clothes even if your not going anywhere. (DRESS for the job you want to have, the life you want)
-Dress right and look at fashion. (white and black is out of date fashion IMO)
-Wear socks.
-Etc.
Seriously.
How do climbers climb K2 or Mt. Everest?
One Step At A Time
leepy:-Leo
RE: beta tendencies, what do you think? - blue42 - 12-21-2014
"I did not talk at all. In fact when I see a group having their fun joking around and laughing I start to "fake" laugh. Like if others are naturally hysterically laughing, I put on an act and fake laugh even if I don't find it funny just to be "a part of the group".
You dont have to mirror anyone to be a beta. you have been seized by the leader of the laugh