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+--- Thread: My Change Journal (/Thread-My-Change-Journal)
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My Change Journal - Artemis - 03-28-2014
Hey guys, I started LTU about 34 days ago and have been noticing consistent, visible changes. I play the silent track while I sleep and usually get anywhere from 6-10 hours with it, and try to play the masked track throughout the day for at least an hour - 2 hours.
I wanted to make this journal when I first began but I went through a stage where I was trying to not use the internet as much as possible so I'll try and recap my journey with LTU up til now.
-When I first started LTU I was going mad with the tapping, and tapping for hours in private, and tapping in my head whenever I was in public, but I've reduced that immensely since starting LTU just because I've become so comfortable now. I haven't solved all of my issues, but it's come to the point where I just feel comfortable with them because they're not as bad as they used to be and I've just stopped. This isn't really a good place for me, it just seems like limbo, but I can't muster up the motivation like I had before to finish tapping on my issues.
-Fear of being perceived as being a bad person, or being made fun of for being confident, or taking care of myself, or expressing myself is gone. This was my biggest issue with ASC. I believed that if I became wildly confident my friends would leave me, or I would do something crazy and get in trouble. I see that this is BS now.
-Sometimes there will be what feels like a giant well of positivity emanating from my stomach. It's not always there but when it is it makes my day so much better.
-I went 28 days without fapping, which is one of the highest records I've ever gotten.
-I care so much less about what other people think about me now. I'm much more assertive than I used to be, although I'm not where I want to be.
-I've accepted some mistakes in the past as being my fault and trying to take care of them and empowering myself.
-I've noticed this strange thing where I was at my workplace and I was being really submissive because I wanted to be left alone and stay in my thoughts, so I would just say "mhm" or "yeah" whenever someone was talking to me, and just follow orders like I was on auto-pilot and people treated me like crap.
I noticed this and got out of my head and started taking command and people instantly loved me. It was like my whole energy changed or something.
-I've been noticing synchronicities that pop up whenever there's an issue I need to deal with. The issue will immediately become part of my reality and kind of force me to deal with it.
-I talk to a lot more girls now than I did before.
Negative/Neutral effects:
-After day 30 or so the effects of LTU seem to have diminished greatly. Before I would see so much changing right before my eyes but now some of the effects seem to be just gone, or less pronounced. Some of the qualities have stayed though.
-I seem to get less pleasure from external validation and all that's left to me is internal validation and it's not really strong enough to do anything for me right now. So I'm stuck in motivational hell right.
-I'm constantly battling the fear of becoming a different person. I now more easily express my anger, take less crap and am more productive, but I'm irrationally scared of being seen as a different person.
-Social anxiety is still here, as is laziness and procrastination, but these are mainly my problem and something I need to deal with.
-Still believing in my BS reality that no one wants to talk to me and that no one cares about my problems and that stuff. I believed this was a hard truth, that life is and always will be very unfair to me, but I've had enough experiences to know that this isn't all of the truth and I'm working on busting out.
RE: My LTU journal - lokko - 03-28-2014
dude all your experiences and beliefs are so close to mine that I understand exactly what you're going through. Even the last part where you mention no one cares and they just doing things for themselves. Don't stop using LTU for atleast 3 months. I bet you have the urge to start a new sub but that's really a resistance to a new change. I'm at day 29 so we're feeling the same things almost. Keep going buddy
RE: My LTU journal - Artemis - 03-28-2014
(03-28-2014, 09:05 AM)lokko Wrote: dude all your experiences and beliefs are so close to mine that I understand exactly what you're going through. Even the last part where you mention no one cares and they just doing things for themselves. Don't stop using LTU for atleast 3 months. I bet you have the urge to start a new sub but that's really a resistance to a new change. I'm at day 29 so we're feeling the same things almost. Keep going buddy
Thanks Lokko. I have no urge to start a new sub right now, I actually plan to use this sub until the end of summer just to make sure I have a really firm foundation with it. After that I'll start Grow Taller 5G and see if I can't squeeze a few more inches out of myself
RE: My LTU journal - Artemis - 03-29-2014
I'm texting this girl I've wanted to get at for months and I could honestly care less. I focused on what I was doing and when I didn't feel like replying I just made up an excuse and ended the conversation. I'm not sure how it'll turn out, I heard women like men who are in total control of themselves, but I'm just happy I don't feel the need to look for a woman to complete me anymore.
RE: My LTU journal - Artemis - 04-04-2014
Day 40 of LTU:
My biggest problem right now is my laziness. I won't even tap because I've become very comfortable with my situation. I'm just settling for where I'm at.
I'm not particularly happy, but I'm not sad.
Not particularly fulfilled, but better than where I was at before.
I'm just somewhere in the middle of my life lol. In between greatness I could easily reach by being more proactive, and my old habits.
I'm not sure exactly where the problem lies. Every time I go to do work it feels like I have to fight myself, like tooth and nail, just to get some stuff done. I'm fine with that to an extent but I'm worried I'm hurting myself in some way because it doesn't feel very natural. I feel like if I repress this emotion it'll just come back much bigger and mess with me later in my journey. It's extremely frustrating.
My second biggest problem is caring excessively what others think. I'm worried what they'll say if I become alpha, not to mention that it's going to be a complete life change for me.
As of now, I've become slightly more aggressive and assertive and I know some of my friends aren't liking it so much, but my biggest fear is actually a strangers opinion lol.
I'm worried a stranger will see me out on the street and be like "oh wow what an asshole." Or "what a freak, ew"
I realized last night that I've been heavily repressing myself to avoid being taunted or getting into trouble, and now that I've sensed that I'm back to dealing with an old set of fears.
And I could tap away on a bunch of this stuff, but I'm so lazy I won't even help myself, argh!
In other news though I've begun doing natural grounding. I really, really enjoy it. I only started last night so I have no real effects to report.
I've also begun doing self talk. Whenever I hear a voice doing negative self talk, I make it say something nice. Since I trust the negative voices in my head more than the positive ones, them saying something nice is really encouraging to me.
I've noticed micro changes in the way I act too. I now walk more confidently, I participate on forums more than before, smile a lot more. Now whenever I put on the sub I get a really nice warm feeling.
RE: My LTU journal - IronSmooth - 04-04-2014
I can't imagine what another few months of the sub will do. Its gonna be good, you've obviously come a long way already.
I also started NG a week ago. Im finishing up AM5 in a week and i'm Alpha enough, so since NG makes you more "feminine" it balances me out nicely. Not only because of AM, but because I bodybuild and have a very short haircut. So my presence is a little intimidating and it "softens" my look up a bit. Since i started NG I feel less judgmental and focus less on the physical traits of girls when i look at them, and just feel their feminine energy as i'm looking at them and just sort of smiling. Loving the moment.
Just yesterday my boss, his brother, and I. Were on lunch break and we stopped by at Raleys. And
there was this very cute girl. For the sake of description i would say a 7.5/10. 8.5 on a date without a doubt. Just stunning. As we are walking in she is distracted by some old folks talking to her, she was helping them with something. I walk by and just look at her beauty and the whole time im smiling. When she meets my gaze we share a 3 second moment where she stops talking and looses her composure. I doubt anyone has ever looked at her that way. I certainly never looked at anyone this way before NG. As we are eating i notice she was looking at me from afar. Only then do i realize that this girl was flattered at the way i looked at her. And surely, a few minutes later she is standing near the exit with some of her coworkers on a break i presume. And completely acting sexy and looking my way frequently. I was seconds away from walking up to her and the boss man takes a call and we have to leave. Unfortunately i never got a chance to talk to her. Mostly because i was so impressed at the power of a 3 second look, that i was thrown off a bit and thought i would surely screw up my chance somehow. What a stupid move. I need to get rid of this stupid fu8king belief, its stopping my life dead in its tracks. I'm going to start doing affirmations on not caring if i screw things up or not. But this AM thing is really something. And NG complements the Alpha Male look perfectly.
I like the video called "One" by Mpgamer55 on YT
And i love the natural sexuality of Palmy in this one. Shes always amazing but this is a nice song as well. And the sounds she makes at the end are pleasing too. lol
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SqhN9LdIpr0
RE: My LTU journal - Artemis - 04-05-2014
(04-04-2014, 09:07 PM)IronSmooth Wrote: I can't imagine what another few months of the sub will do. Its gonna be good, you've obviously come a long way already.
I also started NG a week ago. Im finishing up AM5 in a week and i'm Alpha enough, so since NG makes you more "feminine" it balances me out nicely. Not only because of AM, but because I bodybuild and have a very short haircut. So my presence is a little intimidating and it "softens" my look up a bit. Since i started NG I feel less judgmental and focus less on the physical traits of girls when i look at them, and just feel their feminine energy as i'm looking at them and just sort of smiling. Loving the moment.
Just yesterday my boss, his brother, and I. Were on lunch break and we stopped by at Raleys. And
there was this very cute girl. For the sake of description i would say a 7.5/10. 8.5 on a date without a doubt. Just stunning. As we are walking in she is distracted by some old folks talking to her, she was helping them with something. I walk by and just look at her beauty and the whole time im smiling. When she meets my gaze we share a 3 second moment where she stops talking and looses her composure. I doubt anyone has ever looked at her that way. I certainly never looked at anyone this way before NG. As we are eating i notice she was looking at me from afar. Only then do i realize that this girl was flattered at the way i looked at her. And surely, a few minutes later she is standing near the exit with some of her coworkers on a break i presume. And completely acting sexy and looking my way frequently. I was seconds away from walking up to her and the boss man takes a call and we have to leave. Unfortunately i never got a chance to talk to her. Mostly because i was so impressed at the power of a 3 second look, that i was thrown off a bit and thought i would surely screw up my chance somehow. What a stupid move. I need to get rid of this stupid fu8king belief, its stopping my life dead in its tracks. I'm going to start doing affirmations on not caring if i screw things up or not. But this AM thing is really something. And NG complements the Alpha Male look perfectly.
I like the video called "One" by Mpgamer55 on YT
And i love the natural sexuality of Palmy in this one. Shes always amazing but this is a nice song as well. And the sounds she makes at the end are pleasing too. lol
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SqhN9LdIpr0
Nice story IronSmooth. Are you really sure using AM5 with NG would be the best thing to do though? I know NG softens some of the parts that AM is supposed to change and I could see the two conflicting. Shannon himself has also commented that he doesn't believe they should be used together, but tell me how it all goes, I really want to use AM6 after I finish my run with LTU.
Also, I have the exact same problem with the belief that I would somehow mess up an approach. Last year at the end of summer and the beginning of the new school year I had done quite a lot of self-development and when I actually got to school and started getting checked out by the ladies I went completely into panic mode. Like some part of my subconscious couldn't believe that what I had been hoping for in the last few weeks had actually come through. There was even one particular girl that had been giving me ridiculously obvious signs that she was interested and it just spooked me lol. I became completely weird and even angry about it.
For solving that problem I've heard of using affirmations but they just never seem to work for me. They give me a conscious boost, but it always seems like a placebo. When I actually try and lean on that belief it always breaks and scares the crap out of me. For stuff like that I would definitely using tapping to release the negative memories and feelings and then try and replace them with positive ones.
I'm hoping similar things begin to happen to me soon with all this Natural Grounding I've been doing. I've done at least an hour and a half today alone
I went to go look in the mirror and I can see that my features are definitely softer. Like I've physically changed after doing Natural Grounding. It's really amazing.
RE: My LTU journal - Artemis - 04-05-2014
I reconnected with my inner child today. My inner child just sits in this dark room playing with Legos. I'm sure psychologically that's not a good sign.
A curious thing about meeting my inner child is that I now feel fulfilled by our meeting. What I was looking for in women (to be fulfilled, loved) I known I'll get from my inner child.
The only bad part about all of this is my inner child kind of hates me. My inner child wants nothing to do but sit around in his room and play all day. This seems to lead to my apathy in the real world and the large amounts of self-sabotage I put myself through, and maybe also why things don't seem to work out for me.
For example I consciously like sex, but my inner child finds it both gross and sinful. I already know that in the battle between the conscious and the unconscious, the unconscious always wins, so this isn't a very good sign.
I try and talk to my inner child and it just seems to hate everything I say. Even it's something that very obviously benefits him, he'll refuse to take it or do it just to spite me. Right now the only thing we can agree on is that we both like Natural Grounding lol.
It's a really interesting situation, and I know once we come to an agreement my life will get 5x as better. Right now the only thing I have to do is balance my adult needs with those of my inner child and have patience that everything will turn out ok.
I hope I can become a good parent to my inner child and teach it about being happy, productive and loving life because that would definitely make us both happier in the long run.
Natural grounding is really softening my ego as well. I find that when I watch the videos it triggers me in all sorts of ways. I find myself going through several negative emotions, and it's nice that they're popping up because now I can deal with them. It's also making me more comfortable with feminine energy, which saves me a lot of inner fear.
The only way to have become accustomed to feminine energy before NG would have been to approach a lot. And I know most of those approaches would have ended with me beating myself up over what I wasn't able to do or not do, so this is nice.
I'm also achieving real inner peace, because I try to actually meditate when watching. I slow down, ignore my thoughts and focus on my breathing while watching
RE: My LTU journal - Artemis - 04-06-2014
I realized my problem with procrastination and why I have seemed to make no progress lately. I've become so OKAY with everything. If I fail: It's ok, I'll try harder next time. It's a good thing to have, when I really need it, but right now I'm just babying myself. Loving yourself means doing what has to be done, and doing whats best for yourself under any and all circumstances, not just as a safety net for failure. I'm glad I have it, because it's something I never had as a child, but I'm ready to move on now.
The subliminal seems to have also changed my response towards my inner child, and my inner childs response towards me. He seems happier now, and since he's enjoying life I seem to be able to find a better reason to do so as well.
With natural grounding work I've started to laugh so hard, all the time at just about anything. Chicks give me good looks, but as soon as they do I become needy, they sense it and back off. I'm going to need a lot more work on that.
RE: My LTU journal - Artemis - 04-13-2014
I just bought AM5 which I had previously pirated so hopefully that unlocks the copy protection.
RE: My LTU journal - JackOfHearts - 04-13-2014
Welcome to the other side of the wall
. Enjoy the honesty :angel: (I pirated too at the beginning)
RE: My LTU journal - Artemis - 04-15-2014
With the copy protection unlocked from LTU I've been noticing some more changes.
I think the next step for me right now is AM5 + overcoming procrastination though. I think I'm going to intensely listen to LTU for the rest of the week since I've been really slacking off on it, just to drive the point home, then go all out on am5.
I was hoping I would be able to do am6 but I'm afraid it costs too much for me right now, sadly.
I think one of the reasons why I avoided doing the AM series was because I was so scared of what others would think of me if I became an alpha, but I see that I have to do this for myself because I'm the only thing I have. Friendships will fade, relationships will end, but I experience all these things through myself, so I have to be the best person I can be.
RE: My Change Journal - Artemis - 04-21-2014
I'm actually going to get am6, but I have to wait another 22 days before I can get it and the wait is killing me. In the mean time I'm using epraha
RE: My Change Journal - Artemis - 05-02-2014
I am now using epraha and I have to admit this thing kicks ass. I was going to continue with LTU, but I felt that my life didn't really need a "tune up" as much as there were concrete problems that had to be fixed. My first experience with subliminals was trying to make them do all the work, and not even trying, getting only really passive results.
I've taken more charge now than ever, and I'm beginning to value myself more too, but like usual change is slow.
I have only 3 weeks of school left but I can't muster up any of the motivation to finish my work, and I've become increasingly anti-social, like I really don't give a fuck about what anyone thinks of me while using this subliminal. This subliminal has really dug out a lot of emotional issues I simply hid under the rug so to speak, and I now actively have to confront them.
I've noticed since starting natural grounding that women give me really, really good signals, but I'm just not emotionally healthy to act upon them, and then I also feel lonely because I have no women in my life.
But everything is still on the upward slope and I know soon I'll be a lot better than I am now. A quote that's really helped me in the last couple of days is "no matter what happens to you, you are completely responsible for it." At first I thought the quote was stupid because for example if a girl rejects me how can I be responsible for her behavior? Although I can never force her to like me I can always control my own response and make it positive for myself. A girl rejects me? Great I had the courage to approach a girl today!