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+--- Thread: General Dating (/Thread-General-Dating)
General Dating - WildFlower - 07-07-2010
Most of these are issues I've faced before I started the Alpha set and I sought advice about them at the time. Since using the Alpha set these issues haven't arose, but I've no doubt they will given time. I'm sure I'll mostly play it by ear and trust my programming, but right now I'm setting my own standards so I know them in my own mind before anything happens. I'd like anyones personal input on the following:
What is the least and most amount of time you'd allow a girl to get to know you before sex happens?
What is the least and most amount of time you'd allow for a non-verbal, non-official but exclusive relationship to occur?
Would you accept an exclusive relationship offer before having sex?
What is the least and most amount of time you'd allow for an official, exclusive relationship to occur?
Same for living together.
Same for Marriage and children (doesn't concern me just yet but I'm setting my standards now for the sake of prudence.)
Obviously circumstances are different with every case. I've had one night stands, and I've also had sex with friends I've known for years before anything happened. I've had undefined relationship that occurred months after knowing the person, and official relationship which happened within the space of a month or two. Generally though what standards would you hold someone too? This is never something I've done before - pre-empted my standards but I'm sure it will be useful as a backup if I need it. If anyone else has any other standards they'd set, chip in!
RE: General Dating - K-Train - 07-07-2010
Very good, questions, I'll try to answer them in order from my point of view.
For the 1st one, I'd say as long as I knew the girl for at least a week then I would probably consider sex. The most would be maybe 2 months. One of the reasons why I say at least a week is because for me personally, I've hardly ever been turned on by a woman so much to the point where I considering having sex with her after one day of meeting her.
As for the non-verbal relationship, I usually say (once again) 2 weeks or a month. The reason why is because I (this is just a personal thing) have to see how a girl acts during her period because if I'm going to get knives thrown at me for 3-4 days out of a month then I am NOT putting up with that.
Now, the 3rd question was "would you have an exclusive relationship offer before sex?" Yes. I've had a relationship before where me and the girl didn't have sex but the thing is she had a GREAT personality. Honestly though, I would probably make sure sex was an option, because...well you know.
For official relationships, I'd say the minimum is one month and the max being about 6 months. I think 6 months is still pushing it because at that point you could very well be in the friend zone which is why after about a month it's best to make somekind of move.
Living together? I can't say for sure but I would definitely need to REALLY trust a woman before I move in with her. I don't have a number off the top of my head, but I'll say it would have to be for more than 4 months.
I reserve the right to change any of the above information at any time because I understand that sh!t happens and that rules can (and will) be broken...even if I made them
RE: General Dating - WildFlower - 07-08-2010
(07-07-2010, 06:09 PM)K-Train Wrote: Very good, questions, I'll try to answer them in order from my point of view.
For the 1st one, I'd say as long as I knew the girl for at least a week then I would probably consider sex. The most would be maybe 2 months. One of the reasons why I say at least a week is because for me personally, I've hardly ever been turned on by a woman so much to the point where I considering having sex with her after one day of meeting her.
As for the non-verbal relationship, I usually say (once again) 2 weeks or a month. The reason why is because I (this is just a personal thing) have to see how a girl acts during her period because if I'm going to get knives thrown at me for 3-4 days out of a month then I am NOT putting up with that.
Now, the 3rd question was "would you have an exclusive relationship offer before sex?" Yes. I've had a relationship before where me and the girl didn't have sex but the thing is she had a GREAT personality. Honestly though, I would probably make sure sex was an option, because...well you know.
For official relationships, I'd say the minimum is one month and the max being about 6 months. I think 6 months is still pushing it because at that point you could very well be in the friend zone which is why after about a month it's best to make somekind of move.
Living together? I can't say for sure but I would definitely need to REALLY trust a woman before I move in with her. I don't have a number off the top of my head, but I'll say it would have to be for more than 4 months.
I reserve the right to change any of the above information at any time because I understand that sh!t happens and that rules can (and will) be broken...even if I made them
These answers are pretty much in line with my own.
Now a days, if I have respect for the girl, I won't have sex within the week of meeting her. If I do however, I'd be very turned of by her and not consider her for anything serious. The maximum amount of time I'd give a girl to become comfortable with me is about a month to a month and a half.
I'm in agreement with the 2 weeks to a month, depending on the tempo, for an exclusive but 'non-official' exclusive relationship to develop. Sort of through unwritten rules.
I would not consider having a relationship with anyone till after having sex at least a few times. In the past I have started relationships before having sex, but this was a bad move and a mistake on my part. For whatever reason the two times this has happened the girls have sought to make me wait as long as possible whilst actually having a history of not waiting so long with others. I don't know why they did this, but I wouldn't settle for it again in the future.
An official relationship anything under a month is too soon for me. The max I would leave it is three to four months. I think a month and a half to two months in ideal for me.
Living together would be at least a year to a year and a half. And Marriage would be another year or two after living together.
RE: General Dating - K-Train - 07-08-2010
(07-08-2010, 09:47 AM)WildFlower Wrote: These answers are pretty much in line with my own.
Now a days, if I have respect for the girl, I won't have sex within the week of meeting her. If I do however, I'd be very turned of by her and not consider her for anything serious. The maximum amount of time I'd give a girl to become comfortable with me is about a month to a month and a half.
I'm in agreement with the 2 weeks to a month, depending on the tempo, for an exclusive but 'non-official' exclusive relationship to develop. Sort of through unwritten rules.
I would not consider having a relationship with anyone till after having sex at least a few times. In the past I have started relationships before having sex, but this was a bad move and a mistake on my part. For whatever reason the two times this has happened the girls have sought to make me wait as long as possible whilst actually having a history of not waiting so long with others. I don't know why they did this, but I wouldn't settle for it again in the future.
An official relationship anything under a month is too soon for me. The max I would leave it is three to four months. I think a month and a half to two months in ideal for me.
Living together would be at least a year to a year and a half. And Marriage would be another year or two after living together.
I think the best way to describe that situation is that at that particular time those girls wanted to "change". This is only a theory, but I suspect that sometimes girls with a history of "giving it up" fast start feeling bad about their behavior and attempt to slow down.
I've also been around girls who were willing to have sex with me in just a week but for other guys they wouldn't hear of it (I wasn't in a relationship either).
One thing I will say though Wildflower is watch out, because with the Alpha set pretty much complete you're going to get a LOT of Alpha girls coming after you and I'm sure you've seen that they can be...difficult to say the least.
RE: General Dating - WildFlower - 07-08-2010
(07-08-2010, 10:06 AM)K-Train Wrote:(07-08-2010, 09:47 AM)WildFlower Wrote: These answers are pretty much in line with my own.
Now a days, if I have respect for the girl, I won't have sex within the week of meeting her. If I do however, I'd be very turned of by her and not consider her for anything serious. The maximum amount of time I'd give a girl to become comfortable with me is about a month to a month and a half.
I'm in agreement with the 2 weeks to a month, depending on the tempo, for an exclusive but 'non-official' exclusive relationship to develop. Sort of through unwritten rules.
I would not consider having a relationship with anyone till after having sex at least a few times. In the past I have started relationships before having sex, but this was a bad move and a mistake on my part. For whatever reason the two times this has happened the girls have sought to make me wait as long as possible whilst actually having a history of not waiting so long with others. I don't know why they did this, but I wouldn't settle for it again in the future.
An official relationship anything under a month is too soon for me. The max I would leave it is three to four months. I think a month and a half to two months in ideal for me.
Living together would be at least a year to a year and a half. And Marriage would be another year or two after living together.
I think the best way to describe that situation is that at that particular time those girls wanted to "change". This is only a theory, but I suspect that sometimes girls with a history of "giving it up" fast start feeling bad about their behavior and attempt to slow down.
I've also been around girls who were willing to have sex with me in just a week but for other guys they wouldn't hear of it (I wasn't in a relationship either).
One thing I will say though Wildflower is watch out, because with the Alpha set pretty much complete you're going to get a LOT of Alpha girls coming after you and I'm sure you've seen that they can be...difficult to say the least.
I agree with you on that. Sadly here in the UK there is a culture of having sex for the sake of sex, which seems to be part of growing up for many girls (generally younger guys don't get the same luxury) Sleeping with people they hardly find attractive just to experience having sex - it is something girls grow out of, but that they actually go through this phase is kind of disconcerting. I can hardly be one to talk though and this very thread is me wanting to 'change', and by defining my own standards I'm ruling out 'giving it away' to easily.
Actually one of the girls - couple of years ago this now - literally raised her voice at me and got angry because I refused to take her back to mine on the first night I met her. After that she didn't want sex for 2 months until we got in to a relationship. She fell for me pretty hard, and I think when a girl is really into you she will do her best to keep hold of you. And if that means delaying sex until she's 'got you' I think she will. Again this isn't something I wouldn't tolerate any more and I'd make it known.
I don't know about Alpha girls but I'm finding more and more girls are being very forward with me. Especially verbally. That is something you'd associate with Alpha girls though. There has definitely been a general increase in attraction from all of the female population, including types of girls who've never been interested in me before in the past. you are right, Alpha girls can be difficult. I actually much prefer the submissive, shy, self-underestimating girls though. I have fantasies about being a white knight and all that.
RE: General Dating - K-Train - 07-08-2010
Quote: Sadly here in the UK there is a culture of having sex for the sake of sex, which seems to be part of growing up for many girls (generally younger guys don't get the same luxury) Sleeping with people they hardly find attractive just to experience having sex - it is something girls grow out of, but that they actually go through this phase is kind of disconcerting.
Lol, the same thing happens over here in the U.S. my friend. I know several friends and even some girls that do the same thing. They're not bad people by any means it's just...how it is unfortunatley.
Quote:Actually one of the girls - couple of years ago this now - literally raised her voice at me and got angry because I refused to take her back to mine on the first night I met her. After that she didn't want sex for 2 months until we got in to a relationship. She fell for me pretty hard, and I think when a girl is really into you she will do her best to keep hold of you. And if that means delaying sex until she's 'got you' I think she will. Again this isn't something I wouldn't tolerate any more and I'd make it known.
I've actually had something VERY similar happen to me a few months ago. I'd been talking with this girl for around 2-3 months and finally she came right out and declared we were now dating. The thing is, I've seen how she behaves long enough to know that a relationship with her would be unwise so when I turned it down...yeah. I almost blame myself because I used MX297 and A1 around her
Quote:I don't know about Alpha girls but I'm finding more and more girls are being very forward with me. Especially verbally. That is something you'd associate with Alpha girls though. There has definitely been a general increase in attraction from all of the female population, including types of girls who've never been interested in me before in the past. you are right, Alpha girls can be difficult. I actually much prefer the submissive, shy, self-underestimating girls though. I have fantasies about being a white knight and all that.
Shy girls are definitely good to be around in my experience. I notice that they tend to be very deep emotionally but it's hard to understand what they're feeling sometimes.
Alpha girls are pretty straight up usually. If they want you, they'll usually make it know. They make good friends, but whenever they want more than just being "friends" they tend to lash out.
RE: General Dating - Shannon - 07-08-2010
Quote:Most of these are issues I've faced before I started the Alpha set and I sought advice about them at the time. Since using the Alpha set these issues haven't arose, but I've no doubt they will given time. I'm sure I'll mostly play it by ear and trust my programming, but right now I'm setting my own standards so I know them in my own mind before anything happens. I'd like anyones personal input on the following:
What is the least and most amount of time you'd allow a girl to get to know you before sex happens?
I have had sexual relationships begin in as little as 2 hours after meeting, but that only happened once and showed itself to be a serious mistake. If I really connect with a woman, it can be 1-2 days; my last major relationship, I went on a date the first night, refused her request for sex that night, and then let her have it on the second date the next night, and we lasted 4 years. But in most cases, I would say it takes a week or two. I want to get to know her a little bit and know that she's worth being intimate with.
Quote:What is the least and most amount of time you'd allow for a non-verbal, non-official but exclusive relationship to occur?
I don't play like that. When there's a relationship that forms that is more than friends, I sit her down and we hash out the rules. What she wants, what I want, what we are willing to agree to, and the rest. If it's exclusive, I want to know it and I want her to know it, and I want to know up front what the rules are so we can have a good shot at not blowing it.
Quote:Would you accept an exclusive relationship offer before having sex?
No. The typical woman will take you as a beta if you agree to that, and then resist having sex with you because she can. This is a way of shit testing you, I believe, and she's trying to see what she can get away with in denial of sex (control). What you'll put up with. For me, sex is very much a part of the emotional intimacy and if it's not something she is interested in, I am not going to play games in a relationship over it. Sex is a big part of what makes the relationship. It's now I share myself with my lover emotionally, physically and intimately. It is for me what allows the exclusivity of "us" versus everyone else, to a large degree. I give her access to this special intimate part of me emotionally and physically, and she gives me the same, and that will be our special emotional and physical intimate bond through which we become more, both romantically and otherwise.
Quote:What is the least and most amount of time you'd allow for an official, exclusive relationship to occur?
If everything was going well, 1-2 weeks minimum. Maximum for me would be 1-4 months, depending on circumstances.
Quote:Same for living together.
I would not extend it to living together in less than 3 months, more probably 6 to 12. Maximum, I don't know.
Quote:Same for Marriage and children (doesn't concern me just yet but I'm setting my standards now for the sake of prudence.)
Marriage is not something I take lightly. If she can be with me for 2-3 years without turning into a cheater, liar, thief, backstabber, user, freak, drug user, manipulator, etc. I'll propose, and marry her another 1-2 years after that. So far, three women have made it to fiance and none have made it to the altar.
Quote:Obviously circumstances are different with every case. I've had one night stands, and I've also had sex with friends I've known for years before anything happened. I've had undefined relationship that occurred months after knowing the person, and official relationship which happened within the space of a month or two. Generally though what standards would you hold someone too? This is never something I've done before - pre-empted my standards but I'm sure it will be useful as a backup if I need it. If anyone else has any other standards they'd set, chip in!
RE: General Dating - WildFlower - 07-09-2010
Nice one Shannon. I think we're all pretty much on agreement here. It has definitely helped me consciously thinking about each point though. Thanks for the input