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+--- Thread: So here I AM (/Thread-So-here-I-AM)
So here I AM - Illogical - 08-09-2012
A few days ago I stumbled upon this forum, I can't even remember what the rabbit trail was that lead me here but since that first visit I've been absorbing the forums and finally made the leap into AlphaMale.
background
A little background before I start, I'm late 30s, rather overweight and hold down a very successful career as a software developer for a large multinational company. I'm already considered to be dominant with the people that know me but I don't really get out and socialize much except in my local bdsm community and that's only been of late. On that topic I am in the bdsm lifestyle where I'm considered dominant and currently have a submissive female that is attached to me.
I've always been a person that gets what I want and I'm a pretty big believer in things like the law of attraction, not because of some book or what I've read but because of what I've experienced in my life. Most people just say I'm very lucky but I know it's deeper than that. I think this is part of what has peaked my interest concerning AM. Part of what I do in this area is a lot of self affirmations but on a very believable level. You will never catch me saying something like "I hope I don't catch the flu going around" because I completely dissasociate myself from such things. I don't get sick so there's not a possiblity of that happening. I have never even been in hospital because of of injury or sickness and I've been in some pretty percarious situations where I simply should not be alive let alone walk away unscathed.
So here I am on the forums reading all of you guys turn your life around to a dominant side of things basically doing it the same way I have but with subs making it more precise and defined.
goals
While I do consider myself already dominant I don't think it's in the most healthy way. Because of the way I think and my job I'm a very logical person. I've been called spock by many and a ruthless uncaring asshole by past girlfriends and an ex-wife. When I read down through all the items that AM5 is suppose to address some of them I think I already am and others I know I really need in my life. Among those are in the social arena. Right now I have 0 close friends male or female except for my submissive and I really want to change that. Also I need to take better care of myself and just be a better rounded indivual but keep my dominant nature. Lastly I do want to meet a lot of women and be the object of their desire (don't we all). This last one is something I've never been able to really acheive on my own. Don't get me wrong there's always a woman in my life but I'm what I call a serial monogomer and I'd like to change that. My submissive goes back to college in about a week and it's located in another state so it's a good time to start exploring this possibility.
Starting
I started today, in fact I'm listening to the ultrasonic right now. Last night I read a good portion of the book that was suggested and I must say it's really opened my eyes to a lot of things and I've very excited about the possibilites. I work out of my home office so I'll be listening to them as I work during the day for now. After my submissive goes back to college I will probably switch to a nightly routine to help optomize it a little more.
This forum is a bit of an obsession right now so hopefully I'll be updating frequently or at least when something is noticble. I do have to add though I am just a little bit skeptical about the technology and it's ability to bring about such changes but I'm in a positive state and excited about enhancing my life with this.
RE: So here I AM - Spiral - 08-09-2012
Welcome Illogical! I'm positive AM5 will change you for the better. I'm sure you're also looking forward to the sense of humor aspect of it. I could be wrong.. I'm currently using AM 2011 version but AM5 is huge step among the rest so I will keep an eye out for your updates.
RE: So here I AM - massagemaggie - 08-09-2012
Welcome!
I started as something like your opposite, it will be fun to read your journal
RE: So here I AM - Illogical - 08-10-2012
On day 3 of the ultrasonic stage one. Previous days I was getting a lot of head pressure/headache during the day that I can fully attribute to the sub as I never get headaches otherwise. Today seems to be much better though, I had a good night of sleep and feel very light and good today so hoping that pressure is gone.
I've had a couple of things happen over the last few days but I don't think I can they are the subs as I think it's too early to see effects. One was while going to the store alone. I Consciously made note of my walk and slowed down. It felt much better. This was something that stood out from the book though and like I said I purposefully did it. I did get a couple of looks from girls while there but it could have been because of my shaggy hair which is way out of control right now lol I got a hair cut today to calm it back down. Which on that note I seem to be gravitating to keeping better care of myself and researching a lot of things in that area.
Next was an issue with my submissive. This again was not because of the subs I know because she's asked me about it before and I new it was coming to a head. She started out with saying she was scared I wasn't going to want her to come back after she goes back to school. She graduates in this fall and would like to move at least to the same city as me. Being in a Ds (dominant/submissive) relationship is a little different than normal. I'm in control and she submits to that. She knows very well that I have no interest in marriage and that it's at my discretion whether we continue or not. I won't play games I'll just say I'm ready for a change. I was very frank with her and basically told her that she was right and I have not made up my mind on that decision. Since then she's been a little rebellious toward me which I will be taking care of shortly but I did expect it.
Thanks for the welcomes, I love this little community you guys have built here.
RE: So here I AM - Javier Gerardo - 08-11-2012
Warma welcome to you bro!
It is nice to see new users out here. I assure you bro that the Alpha Set will change your life for the better. I used the 3g version and the results were great back then. Now that it is on its 5th version, the results are sure to blow us all away.
RE: So here I AM - Tiesto - 08-11-2012
Welcome Illogical! I can't wait to try AM 5.0 as well.. Looking forward in seeing your results! All the best!
RE: So here I AM - Illogical - 10-15-2012
So came here to figure out if I should be starting phase 3 and sure enough I'm right on the day to start it so I really should give a progress update.
I must say looking back over the last 2 months I can definitely see a change in my life and honestly I didn't think I would. For one I'm more solid in who I am than I ever have been before. So much so that other men really irritate me, the beta behavior makes me disgusted and I've lashed out several times from it. I hear them talk about their wives and girlfriends or whatever and I feel sorry for them, they are so beat down and I want to help but they look at me like I'm crazy for taking a position of dominance with women. This has calmed down over the last couple of weeks though and I simply observe most of the time and let people live their bleak lives.
On my relationship front I have decided to maintain my current relationship with my sub. As Shannon said they have a tendency to lash out with uncertainty and this was her case. At around the time I started phase 2 I had gone to see her and told her that if we were going to continue I need more control and structure and that meant her giving me more as well. She agreed and wanted it very much, feeling this level and amount of submission is something few get feel and it's a beautiful thing. If things continue at this level then after school is over she'll be allowed to move in with me under my terms of service.
This move is also somewhat of a result of seeing what is out there as far as the market for women is involved. It's really rather dismal, or at least in the area I am in. It brought back memories of why I stopped all the dating I use to do 3 years ago. Women are definitely more receptive to me but their desire for me is not enough to make want much more out of them. I need a lot from a woman, after all I'm a man of high value right? and most just don't even come close to even grabbing my attention.
On the emotional front, which is one of the areas I wanted to work on, I would say that I'm a much more irritable person right now. I have little tolerance for anything that seems, well.. illogical to me. I simply remove myself from it most of time. But I would say my interpersonal skills have greatly improved. I went on a group camp out this weekend the group seemed to be drawn to what I was doing or saying even though most of the time it seemed to be not much. It was funny to see some of the guys trying to get the women to pay attention to them when all they wanted to do was talk and hang out around me
My last area was just generally taking care of myself and my domain and this has seen a major shift. I have taken an attitude of "do it now" with most everything. Instead of letting something sit, like say the dishes needing done or bigger things like the garage being a mess.. I do it now, don't wait and get it done. My work has been stressing me out and putting a lot of strain on me but I feel I'm coping with this attitude. Also I've been putting considerable effort in making sure that if I go out in public it's always in the best attire and presentation I can for the situation. I'm still working on my health too but that I'm finding hard to fit in my schedule but have been eating much better.
So that's my update, I'll try to be more frequent with these especially if there's interest.