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+--- Thread: Mega Man's AM7 Journal (/Thread-Mega-Man-s-AM7-Journal)
Mega Man's AM7 Journal - MegaMan - 09-13-2026
I'm using AM7 S0 6.5G in the 4 months, 120 days configuration. Ultrasonic, android phone, 8/15 volume.
Day 86, 1/3 off.
Just woke up from a violent dream in the middle of the night, 3.30 am. The last few weeks waking up at this time happened a few times. But never more than 2 times in a row. And usually on a off day. Yesterday night was an on day, so today is a special case.
Usually when I notice I have a bad day, with less motivation, gloomy feelings and being unsure of the future and past, I notice it's the 2nd or 3rd off day. So S0 helps me to be better but this time it feels more like it has hit a wall and now something inside is hurting.
At the end I was first watching someone being beaten by somebody else they considered a friend but who took their girl. Then I heard like gossip about how this person was beaten so badly they got a broken jaw. Then a jump an I AM that person, huffing in a bathroom spitting blood and I am feeling the hurt. I never had a broken jaw but my subconscious came up with the best impression based on wisdom teeth removal. While I was thinking about blod clotting and calling an ambulance, I woke up. For a moment they pain remained and I also had a dry mouth which confused me like is this the clotted blood? Worst dream in months, easily.
The night before I woke up with a fright, turned out I had a really long mullet in the dream. Absurd, harmless and funny in comparison.
RE: Mega Man's AM7 Journal - MegaMan - 09-14-2026
Day 87, 2/3 off.
Just woke up at 3.10 again. This time my dream was like from an episode of the Simpsons, but the characters were real people not cartoons. Lisa and Bart played a game together and Marge was at first worried if they would get along this time. But it turned out they had fun and just danced and sang like the game instructed and Marge was happy. They were happy too. Now the game had like levels to complete and the songs and dances got more complicated each time. Lisa and Bart kept at it over summer break and Marge was talking to the neighbors how happy she is the children seem to be getting along now much better.
But now the game it just, it didn't end. You had to do the dances together with the specific songs and then fill in a kind of spreadsheet that you did it. This unlocked the dance steps and the lyrics for the next level. And it just went on and on. Each time the songs got more words and the dances more steps. Where they would giggle and be full of joy and energy during the first week, by the second month they were taking it somehow serious preparing for an attempt of completion beforehand. By the third month it was just consuming them. The seasons kept changing and they kept doing it, got older and older, as teens still doing it. As young adults still doing it. Now as fully grown adults they finally completed the last song and dance. They are finished. But they don't even know why they started anymore. The joy and goggles were left behind long ago. They competed it only because they thought they must do it, but why did they have to do it? Maybe because they already came so far and didn't want to quit early. The truth is they just don't remember. Now they are alone in a big empty parking lot, they needed the space to complete the many many dance steps. And they just look at each other with dead eyes, both have a thousand yard stare and think about how they sacrificed years upon years for this. No vacations, no parties, no nothing just THE GAME. And now they have finished it and they have gained nothing, they have even lost the game. They are just empty and directionless, lost at sea because the lighthouse turned out to be a mirage.
Maybe they cry, maybe they just look at each other and say "good game" before they leave. It doesn't matter, they have lost what mattered, to them.
I'm trying the Brainwave Entrainment program "Sleep Magic" to fall asleep again now.
RE: Mega Man's AM7 Journal - MegaMan - 09-15-2026
Day 87 recap.
In retrospective I notice that I was calmer during some social situations that would cause uncomfortable feelings for me usually. And during my walk to the grocery store I noticed that most of my social hangups are actually quite ridiculous. Noticing is nothing new but then my automatic response to the though was standing more straight, and relaxing my stance (less stiff) while also feeling more grounded. So something is happening.
RE: Mega Man's AM7 Journal - MegaMan - 09-16-2026
Stage 0 day 89, 1/1 on
Morning:
I have been experiencing like a dream series with one per night.
First a violent bad dream, woke up at 3am and lay awake the night. Then a bad dream that wasn't violent but was about loss of direction and meaning, the Simpsons game. Woke up from that too and lay awake.
Then a slightly bad, almost neutral dream where I was selling something and doing sales calls. I called an old wealthy man to pitch him and he actually agreed to a meeting but his voice was so smooth, I was wondering if it was his assistant I spoke to instead of him. Then during the meeting I saw that he is in a wheelchair and the talking and much of the decision making is done by an advanced AI system that helps him, a little like Jarvis. And then I thought about if I am now talking to the system or to him and if it's not like a loss of something to be so reliant on a system. But in the dream I actually relaxed and thought it doesn't matter because both are one part of a whole. Woke up for a moment and continued sleeping.
Now last night I actually had a good dream about getting to know new people and I was at a party with a lesbian friend and had fun. Slept through the night.
RE: Mega Man's AM7 Journal - MegaMan - 09-20-2026
Stage 0 day 92, 3/3 off
This cycle was a whole lot of up and down. There were self doubts and unpleasantness. But no more really bad nightmare recently. Altogether I only had 1 nightmare related to physical injuries, that I woke up from with pain and fear.
The upside was moments of feeling good and bliss, just because I wanted to feel good. Also out on the street I felt better, not constant judging and feeling like I am being judged by other people.
RE: Mega Man's AM7 Journal - MegaMan - 09-21-2026
Stage 0 day 93, 1/1 on
Today something weird happened. Usually I listen to the loop before sleep. Now today starting after lunch I got this queasy feeling in my stomach region. Had to go number 2 three times instead of normally once. It got worse until I rode my bicycle home and then I got into some self talk. Like "you gonna throw this pain at me huh? You wanna make me change my plans? You want to convince me I'm ill? Bring it on! I'm gonna take you out! I'm gonna gut you open with a sword and I will smother you with love at the same time! I'm gonna take this and I'm gonna move through it!" And as I was ranting to myself in my head, but taking care not to go 100% aggressive but also include some love and like self integration offers. The pain subseded and what was left was only queasiness and a hot feeling in my stomach. Once I got home the queasy feeling almost disappeared and the hot stayed.
I'll see how it continues in the morning but as of now I think that was a resistance scare by some part of my subconscious.
RE: Mega Man's AM7 Journal - MegaMan - 09-24-2026
Stage 0 day 96, 3/3 off
As long as I can think back I have been tired. This goes back way before I ever heard of subliminals. Like during the day when I needed the juice to reach my goals I have been tired so often. What's kinda funny is that now as I'm thinking about it, this was way less when I just did what I was doing, like no major struggle to improve things equals full energy available.
The reasons are varied. Most often it's just going to bed late, reading late, not falling asleep quickly or waking up in the middle of the night.
And I have come to the realization that this is most likely a form of defense by my subconscious. Like the status quo is not scary but to change is scary, change needs energy, disturb the resting periods. Outcome is subtle but effective, the chance of major change is reduced dramatically.
I don't know what to do about it. But even the realization of this long standing pattern feels like a break through.
RE: Mega Man's AM7 Journal - MegaMan - 10-04-2026
Stage 0 day 106, 1/3 off
Things have been harrowing at times. A lot of old guilt and unresolved feelings coming up. About my own actions during romantic relationships and also how I acted when women expressed interest in me. The realization that more women than I was aware of showed interest but it was my actions that resulted in it fizzling out.
Then also dreams about family and my relationship with them, father and mother. Hiding behind at times and at other times how they tried to pilot me like a puppet. Not because they wanted to do it, but just because their world is so small and orderly in some ways, they can't fathom what my world might be. And so they instinctually pressure me to stay inside the box they know.
Sleep has been better. Took the last two days and just rested. A special insight is that AAM is not about being alpha, but about being emotionally and socially free. Like free to express myself, free to look at my shortcomings and not shy away, free to challenge myself. Free of guilt and free of the desire to please others and linking my own self worth to their opinions. Just free
RE: Mega Man's AM7 Journal - MegaMan - 10-16-2026
Stage 0 day 118, 1/3 off
Listened to my last loop of S0 yesterday. I have grown a lot over the 4 months of stage 0. I don't think I am finished yet, there is definitely still more to do. But I am sufficient to continue.
Some things where I was convinced they were specific problems like this is about topic X or this is about other preson Y, I have noticed during AAM S0, some of these problems just disappear at times. Like poof and everything is alright. A lot can be solved just by being, being more myself and present.
RE: Mega Man's AM7 Journal - MegaMan - 10-19-2026
Stage 1 day 1, 1/4 on
(by date day 2 but I'm often listening through midnight)
Just finishing the loop. No immediate effects so far. Maybe a wee bit calmer than before. Noticed the instructed volume is quite low at 4 of 15 for this stage.