1. A third run of MHS that was more turbulent that either of my two MHS runs from 2020.
   
2. A run of AOL.
   

• A recently heightened sexual bluntness (online) from someone who has already spent the last 30 years being fairly direct about her interest in me.
  
• Very forward online and oral conversation that came out of me before I'd even noticed that I wasn't filtering myself.
  
• Compliments about how I'd looked and smelled on Friday after running DMSI -- BUT Occam's razor's probably leaning more toward the fact that I'd just showered, shaved, and done plenty of other grooming immediately before running said DMSI loop. The sub is never the only thing that I've been doing.
  

• Remembering dreams again. I'd encountered few, if any, memorable dreams during FRM-containing subs. Might explain why MHS led to turbulent sleeping, although DMSI 3.4 has (so far) been a different experience. If anything, dreaming on DMSI's more reminiscent of my E2 run, years ago.
  
• Experienced the beginning of a recurring dream sequence in which my parents typically pursue me from dream to dream, but, for the first time in recent memory, I chose to stand my ground, stay in the first dream, and nonchalantly disable their plan for whatever it was they were trying to get me to do.
  
• Noticed a pronounced increase in the number of times that some variation of the word "physical" enters my writing or speech. Not sure if the word gets a hefty number of repeats in the DMSI 3.4 script or if it's some other nearby earworm that my head keeps spilling over into my sentence construction.
  

• Libido hasn't been as high on 3.5 as had begun happening on 3.4. Maybe something that was left out of 3.4 became a higher priority in 3.5?
  
• Back to no dream recall. Given the sort of dreams that I'd had on 3.4, I'm extremely comfortable with this.
  
• Only been exposed to one woman lately, and her level of flirtation hasn't really changed. Not that it was ever all that subtle.
  
• Still blurting out my thoughts before realizing what's about to be said. Seems likely to get me into trouble at some point, but it hasn't done so yet.
  
• Have had some "stop and smell the roses" moments, something that I'd previously credited to the so-called "morphine drip" before it'd been removed.
  

(12-19-2021, 12:29 PM)Shannon Wrote: I think you're a little paranoid here.  DMSI for couples would be about making the couple more sexually attractive to each other.

(12-19-2021, 07:39 PM)myth Wrote:

(12-19-2021, 12:29 PM)Shannon Wrote: I think you're a little paranoid here.  DMSI for couples would be about making the couple more sexually attractive to each other.

Understood. And the first half of my point was to illustrate how more sexual attraction (and kindling/rekindling sparks and going to couples therapy and more) can prolong/enhance relationships, including unhealthy ones.

Whether or not someone wants to prolong/enhance an unhealthy relationship is their choice, of course, but the second half of my point was that people may not always realize how unhealthy the relationship is.

I'm certainly not suggesting that all (or even most) relationships are unhealthy (or, to use your terminology, "toxic"), but, while I'm not completely convinced that it's paranoid to suggest evaluating a relationship's health/trajectory before hitting the accelerator, I do realize that I shouldn't have cast any accidental aspersions as to the quality of anyone else's relationships. Besides, everyone has their own definitions of healthy/unhealthy. Mine only apply to me.

In any case, my last post's point overstepped the intent of my public journals anyway. I usually aim for observational summaries, and, instead, I seem to have veered off into the Land of What Ifs. I'll make an effort to stay more on-course in future posts.

(12-19-2021, 09:44 PM)Shannon Wrote: Would your relationship have fared any better without the program you used, or would it have been a longer, slower death of the same sort?  By the sounds of it, it was already suffering some serious issues before you used that program.  I appreciate your point, but having been through what you're referring to myself, I'm of the opinion that adding sexual attraction will neither save nor destroy a relationship that is going to die anyway.

(12-20-2021, 12:37 PM)Shannon Wrote: The whole point I was raising is what seems to be confirmed here.  You were engaged in a relationship with someone who had what sounds like a mental and or emotional disorder.  The relationship would have self destructed regardless.  So warning people about the mind programming isn't going to do much when it's the person you chose who was the real issue.  Been there, done that.

• Dream recall returned. Any association with the sub appears to have been either coincidental or, at closest, temporary.
  
• Work performance is back on the rise. Often happens when I run DMSI, even though 99.9% of my work is autonomous/invisible, not social/noticeable.
  
• Still blurting things out before my mouth's private/public filter knows what I've just said. More of a continuation of a recent change than a new one.
  
• My ability to size up situations (or "mindful awareness" or any other preferred synonym) seems highly performant.
  
• Received praise specifically for my patience and helpfulness, behaviors that were simply byproducts of seeing no need to overreact.
  
• Online situations/relationships where sex is often discussed/reminisced have become unusually asexual. But there's still a pandemic in progress.
  
• My minimal interest in self-identification continues to wane. Less concerned about which qualities are/aren't "like me" and feeling less so every day.
  
• Still only around one woman in person, and, when compared with my time on AOL, she's gotten more irritable and less cuddly. More back rubs, though.
  

• I sometimes rely on the kindness of others while suffering under the weight of their expectation.
  
• Anyone actively participating in a consumer society (services/products/trade) operates without complete independence.