(05-15-2021, 11:56 AM)Shannon Wrote: I'm guessing these are joke affirmations that nobody should take seriously as affirmations?

(05-15-2021, 09:11 AM)Ruffian Wrote: While we're waiting...


Affirmations



I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

I assume full responsibilty for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.

I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.

Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others.

My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment.

I can change any thought that hurts into a reality that hurts even more.

I am grateful that I am not as judgemental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.

I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain.

As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.

When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit. But not nearly as gratifying.

As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.

All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid, and disgusting parts.

I am at one with my duality.

Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.

I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.

False hope is nicer than no hope at all.

A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.

Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day watching TV. Instead, I will move my TV into the bedroom.

Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?

I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.

I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at.

The next time the universe knocks on my door, I will pretend I am not home.

To have a successful relationship, I must learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I am getting.

I am willing to make mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.