+- Subliminal Talk (https://subliminal-talk.com)
+-- Forum: Men's Journals (18+ NSFW) (https://subliminal-talk.com/Forum-Men-s-Journals-18-NSFW)
+--- Forum: Men's Journals (https://subliminal-talk.com/Forum-Men-s-Journals)
+--- Thread: Return of an Alpha (/Thread-Return-of-an-Alpha)
Return of an Alpha - DavisMind91 - 05-09-2020
Won’t go into detail about what guided me to return to AM6, especially since I’m more alpha/sigma then ever. To sum it all up however, I’d like to extend, refresh and strengthen the results I got 2 years ago when my last run ended. The fact that I still see results internally and externally from my last AM6 run 2 years after the fact is a testament to this program’s power, permanence, and effectiveness. Honestly AM6 has more lasting power than any other subliminal I’ve ever used from Shannon or even other producers.
Wasn’t planning to do a journal, and it’s also the first journal I’m doing that’s a repeat of a program, but seeing as I now have more resources and tools than ever to help build and maintain myself as a man, I’d like to document this 9 month journey and see where I end up compared to last time. I always knew I’d return to AM6 so here goes. I’ll be doing the entire program plus 3 months of the refresher stage like I should’ve the first run. My previous run lasted only one month per stage but I’d like for the programming to run even deeper this time.
RE: Return of an Alpha - Shannon - 05-10-2020
It has more staying power partly because it's being run longer, and partly because its core focus is to cause you to grow out of the box you were in before. Once you do that, you can't go back.
RE: Return of an Alpha - DavisMind91 - 05-11-2020
(05-10-2020, 10:22 AM)Shannon Wrote: It has more staying power partly because it's being run longer, and partly because its core focus is to cause you to grow out of the box you were in before. Once you do that, you can't go back.
Makes sense. Guess I should try running another program 6-9 months after I’ve gotten more out of AM6.
RE: Return of an Alpha - DavisMind91 - 05-11-2020
Stage 1, Day 2:
Here I am for the third day in a row waking up after only 4 hours of sleep and feeling refreshed. This is a little surprising, considering that AM6 put me down for the count after 12 hours of listening yesterday. I went to bed with a good amount of pressure in my head, but it never turned into a headache luckily.
Notable differences from yesterday:
- The ultrasonic track felt great to listen to. With the masked track I felt normal, but the US track filled me with a sense of “masculine bliss”. I felt completely centered and unbothered by anything or anyone.
- Although this is stage 1, I can already feel a more powerful sense of masculinity being established than it was in my previous run.
- It was relatively easy to do what I wanted to do without having to struggle with an urge to procrastinate like I had been a couple days prior.
RE: Return of an Alpha - DavisMind91 - 05-11-2020
Update:
- Woke up and performed a full hygiene and grooming routine which I haven't done in a couple weeks.
- Chose a new purpose in life, I've decided against fulfilling the one I originally discovered during LTU 5 for personal reasons.
- Just moved into a new place, my place is still relatively clean but an inner nagging to clean and organize everything around me has begun to surface.
- Found it very difficult to relax or sit still.
- Had a phone interaction with a patient where I maintained masculine frame after she said something stupid and irresponsible. I remained calm and unresponsive and quickly ended the call shortly after.
- Carried myself with a no-nonsense attitude the whole day.
RE: Return of an Alpha - DavisMind91 - 05-16-2020
Stage 1, Day 7:
Time flies, already been a few days since my last update and it went by lightning quick. What I've noticed the past 3 days is a growing sense of subconscious depression trying to eat at me but failing hard. This period may be the first time in my life where I've been able to completely remain detached from negative thoughts. Unsure if this is a test or actual resistance but either way I'm at least being shown where there is room for improvement.
Seeing the type of thoughts I'm having is definitely signaling to me that it's been a good 2 years since my last run for sure because it feels similar to my first run, only I'm seeing and feeling things happen quicker below the surface. During run number one it took almost 2 weeks for me to realize anything major was happening, now in this run not only am I having these thoughts, my sex drive and urge for release are also skyrocketing at an alarming rate. I can also feel my subconscious already trying to tempt me into going another route and to either run something else, or just take a break from subliminals altogether. Damn near feels like I've never run a sub before lol.
RE: Return of an Alpha - DavisMind91 - 05-17-2020
Stage 1, Day 8:
For a while the numerous stares I used to get while out and about stopped. They’ve picked back up but it’s mostly men that are looking. Not sure if they see some type of “alpha energy” in my aura but honestly I make eye contact for about 2 seconds and go back to my business. They may just be insecure, either way I don’t care. I know a trick to “out-alpha” men when they stare hard but I’m uninterested in whatever their agenda is, I have my own to tend to which deserves more energy.
RE: Return of an Alpha - DavisMind91 - 05-18-2020
Stage 1, Day 9:
Went to a party for my Daughter’s birthday, which her mom hosted and I helped finance. For some reason it was the first time in years I felt any social anxiety at all before the party. It was mild but strange because pretty much all my social fears had been conquered already. After about 20 minutes of meditation the feeling subsided. At the party however I interacted with virtually no one. No one was rude but I went into recluse mode as more people arrived, I wasn’t too interested in interacting at all. People even had to speak to me first before I’d say anything.
I eventually had to plug my phone up to recharge so I sat there on it watching YouTube videos and playing a mobile boxing game, since boxing is my favorite sport, which I’m now just realizing. Also joked around with my former nephew-in-law who wasn’t exactly digging the vibes of the party either, stating that all everyone was doing was sitting around and gossiping while the kids painted. I wasn’t even close enough to the other adults to know what they had been talking about, when I found that out I was even more happy to be on my own.
My ex did comment about how I always get lost in my own world and mildly complained that I didn’t interact with the guests. I hardly interacted with her either. Honestly I was only there for my child. I wasn’t in a negative mood but were it not my child’s party I could’ve done without it. Maybe also because it was for children and although I don’t dislike kids like I used to I don’t exactly enjoy children’s parties.
Sitting here, I’m starting to feel like all my subliminal results from the past 2.5 years with the exception of emotional healing and confidence improvements are being stripped away. This feels like I’ve come to a “zenith point” similar to what I discovered during LTU 5. That strange space where the old me is dying and I haven’t fully manifested the new me either. It’s mildly uncomfortable because I feel lost when this sort of thing happens; although, I know that they’ll be a time during the journey where the new version of me blooms. It is however, aggravating because ever since I was 17 my personality; and therefore views, goals, etc have constantly changed. I never seem to be able to stick with one path or one overarching vision for my own life. Even as I type this I sit here once again feeling empty, like a shell of a person. The only defense I have against this emptiness is indifference towards how it all plays out.
Damn it, stage 1 is hitting far harder than I imagined.
RE: Return of an Alpha - Zubrowka - 05-18-2020
(05-18-2020, 03:36 AM)DavisMind91 Wrote: Stage 1, Day 9:
Went to a party for my Daughter’s birthday, which her mom hosted and I helped finance. For some reason it was the first time in years I felt any social anxiety at all before the party. It was mild but strange because pretty much all my social fears had been conquered already. After about 20 minutes of meditation the feeling subsided. At the party however I interacted with virtually no one. No one was rude but I went into recluse mode as more people arrived, I wasn’t too interested in interacting at all. People even had to speak to me first before I’d say anything.
I eventually had to plug my phone up to recharge so I sat there on it watching YouTube videos and playing a mobile boxing game, since boxing is my favorite sport, which I’m now just realizing. Also joked around with my former nephew-in-law who wasn’t exactly digging the vibes of the party either, stating that all everyone was doing was sitting around and gossiping while the kids painted. I wasn’t even close enough to the other adults to know what they had been talking about, when I found that out I was even more happy to be on my own.
My ex did comment about how I always get lost in my own world and mildly complained that I didn’t interact with the guests. I hardly interacted with her either. Honestly I was only there for my child. I wasn’t in a negative mood but were it not my child’s party I could’ve done without it. Maybe also because it was for children and although I don’t dislike kids like I used to I don’t exactly enjoy children’s parties.
Sitting here, I’m starting to feel like all my subliminal results from the past 2.5 years with the exception of emotional healing and confidence improvements are being stripped away. This feels like I’ve come to a “zenith point” similar to what I discovered during LTU 5. That strange space where the old me is dying and I haven’t fully manifested the new me either. It’s mildly uncomfortable because I feel lost when this sort of thing happens; although, I know that they’ll be a time during the journey where the new version of me blooms. It is however, aggravating because ever since I was 17 my personality; and therefore views, goals, etc have constantly changed. I never seem to be able to stick with one path or one overarching vision for my own life. Even as I type this I sit here once again feeling empty, like a shell of a person. The only defense I have against this emptiness is indifference towards how it all plays out.
Damn it, stage 1 is hitting far harder than I imagined.
I don't know if that is a "part of the AM journey" - but I can identify with some of the feelings you have described about being an empty shell. For me it have been important to find what I like and enjoy doing, that is my guidance to what I want to do with my life. Getting in touch with my emotions and discovering what I like and what I don't. But if you don't feel well, it's hard to understand what you enjoy doing. When I was depressed I didn't know what felt good or not, and life felt pretty meaningless. To understand what you want and take out a direction to get there is what gives life meaning. I could recommend doing some meditation and connecting to your body - as you don't seem to have a lack of reflective skills - it's more about getting in touch with how you feel. Hope this help.
RE: Return of an Alpha - DavisMind91 - 05-19-2020
(05-18-2020, 04:30 AM)Zubrowka Wrote:(05-18-2020, 03:36 AM)DavisMind91 Wrote: Stage 1, Day 9:
Went to a party for my Daughter’s birthday, which her mom hosted and I helped finance. For some reason it was the first time in years I felt any social anxiety at all before the party. It was mild but strange because pretty much all my social fears had been conquered already. After about 20 minutes of meditation the feeling subsided. At the party however I interacted with virtually no one. No one was rude but I went into recluse mode as more people arrived, I wasn’t too interested in interacting at all. People even had to speak to me first before I’d say anything.
I eventually had to plug my phone up to recharge so I sat there on it watching YouTube videos and playing a mobile boxing game, since boxing is my favorite sport, which I’m now just realizing. Also joked around with my former nephew-in-law who wasn’t exactly digging the vibes of the party either, stating that all everyone was doing was sitting around and gossiping while the kids painted. I wasn’t even close enough to the other adults to know what they had been talking about, when I found that out I was even more happy to be on my own.
My ex did comment about how I always get lost in my own world and mildly complained that I didn’t interact with the guests. I hardly interacted with her either. Honestly I was only there for my child. I wasn’t in a negative mood but were it not my child’s party I could’ve done without it. Maybe also because it was for children and although I don’t dislike kids like I used to I don’t exactly enjoy children’s parties.
Sitting here, I’m starting to feel like all my subliminal results from the past 2.5 years with the exception of emotional healing and confidence improvements are being stripped away. This feels like I’ve come to a “zenith point” similar to what I discovered during LTU 5. That strange space where the old me is dying and I haven’t fully manifested the new me either. It’s mildly uncomfortable because I feel lost when this sort of thing happens; although, I know that they’ll be a time during the journey where the new version of me blooms. It is however, aggravating because ever since I was 17 my personality; and therefore views, goals, etc have constantly changed. I never seem to be able to stick with one path or one overarching vision for my own life. Even as I type this I sit here once again feeling empty, like a shell of a person. The only defense I have against this emptiness is indifference towards how it all plays out.
Damn it, stage 1 is hitting far harder than I imagined.
I don't know if that is a "part of the AM journey" - but I can identify with some of the feelings you have described about being an empty shell. For me it have been important to find what I like and enjoy doing, that is my guidance to what I want to do with my life. Getting in touch with my emotions and discovering what I like and what I don't. But if you don't feel well, it's hard to understand what you enjoy doing. When I was depressed I didn't know what felt good or not, and life felt pretty meaningless. To understand what you want and take out a direction to get there is what gives life meaning. I could recommend doing some meditation and connecting to your body - as you don't seem to have a lack of reflective skills - it's more about getting in touch with how you feel. Hope this help.
Thanks for the advice.
RE: Return of an Alpha - DavisMind91 - 05-19-2020
Stage 1, Day 10:
To sum it up, I'm feeling super annoyed at how dumb and absent-minded everyone is today. I'm pretty aggressive too, and having a tough time shaking my anger off.
RE: Return of an Alpha - DavisMind91 - 05-20-2020
Stage 1, Day 11:
- Increased aggression is still present but I’m much calmer compared to yesterday.
- Feeling colder and turned off towards loving interactions. I don’t want to hear, see or even think about other people. I’m ignoring texts after short conversations and tuning people out if they call me.
- Easily pushed myself for deep clean my new apartment and even cook, felt like the destruction of laziness and overcoming procrastination programming worked its magic today, even with me having a slightly low energy level.
- Nearly got into an argument with my delivery driver earlier since there was a couple things missing from my order and he seemed unwilling to fix it. Got the issue handled via refund by the restaurant but too bad I can’t take away the tip I gave during payment. I’ll just stick to store bought food until this whole cocos episode is over with.
RE: Return of an Alpha - DavisMind91 - 05-22-2020
Stage 1, Day 13:
- Rage and aggression finally leveled out although I still snap when someone does or says something stupid, but in a more even-keeled manner. It's strange also that for the past 40 hours or so up until today, My rage actually increased while listening to loops of stage 1, so I believe some nerve was hit under the surface which aggravated me and caused me to lash out.
- My motivation has slightly increased but regardless of my motivation levels I still push to get things done.
RE: Return of an Alpha - DavisMind91 - 05-26-2020
Stage 1, Day 17:
Feeling increasingly driven to play AM6 as much as I can. At first I was planning to take a balanced listening approach and just loop it for a set number of hours each day; I however, feel like I'm wasting precious time when I'm not playing the program however, especially with me still working from home for now.
A few days back there was a random woman that sent me a friend request on Facebook, she messaged me and seemed to just want to be friendly. After a couple exchanged messages I immediately recognized that she was a bit on the slow side and didn't seem willing or even able to carry a decent conversation. Somehow I knew this just by looking at her and pretty much knew we wouldn't be communicating for long, oh well, no surprise there. Most people period these days bore the shit out of me which is why I've been becoming increasingly introverted during the past 7 months.
Sounds crazy but at this point I'd literally rather talk to myself all damn day and keep social interactions strictly business.