(01-23-2019, 02:19 AM)Williamx25 Wrote: Third round.

Same settings apply as in my previous log. I’m on Nofap, and sober. I remain sober for the rest of my life anyway. No more drinking and drugs for me. The only thing that I was updet about was the fact that it would be a hassle to listen to the sub with earbuds. I have good quality earbuds especially for this kind of stuff, so now they are kinda useless. I’m forced to listen overnight. I have this weird feeling / placebo-like feeling that listening through iphone stereo speakers isn’t as effective as listening the whole 8 loops through earbuds.

Ah well. I just need to do it. No complaining, I will set my timer and when 8 loops are finished I expect to wake up refresbed from the almost 9 hours of sleep lol. I have pretty high expectations of this upgraded version.

I am confident and positive that I will break free from my stonewall resistance and fears.

DMSI-3.3.1D: day 1 8 loops
Nofap: day 3

(01-24-2019, 04:50 PM)Williamx25 Wrote: It’s 01:45 AM and I can’t sleep. I feel immense sadness because of my life and the cards that I have been dealt. I am thinking about suicide, i’m crying and I play constant scenes about horrible future outcomes. Behold: this may have nothing to do with DMSI.

I am currently playing DMSI-3.3.1D 5.5G on ultra-sonic sound. I have it on VLC mediaplayer and I listen at 8/16th clicks.

I fantasize about stabbing myself in my neck, to see the blood flowing until my soul exits my body. I suddenly have these weird thoughts and angerness. About everything. Like I really want to hurt myself. I think of my parents, my mom and dad, why my life turned out the way it is now. Started to go bald at the age of 14. Going through a miserable period of highschool, adolescenthood and all the negativity of the past in my miserable lonely life.

I seriously doubt and wonder why my parents ever decided to reproduce. I know one thing for sure. I don’t want any family or kids later in life. And I am asking myself what the point of living is.

I don’t know what the **** is happening. Maybe this is all a huge giant shit test. I feel empty and dead inside.

DMSI-3.3.1D: day 2
Nofap: day 4

(01-24-2019, 07:08 PM)Shannon Wrote: When you feel like this, the first priority is to take care of yourself. Seek someone, or someones, who can provide you with help. Self destruction is not the answer that will solve the issue. Trust me. I have been in your shoes with this. More than once. I still live in part because I realized that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and because of that, I sought help to weather the storm.

Find someone to spend time with, talk to, help keep you safe through this.

And as for going bald at 14, guess what? That sucks, but it's what you have. Stop framing baldness as a detraction. Make it a feature. Baldness and confidence together are one of the biggest displays of sexiness you can make. Look at Patrick Stewart. There are actually lots of famous guys who went bald and only got sexier by shaving their heads. Bruce Willis, and others as well.

And I speak from experience with this as well. I didn't start going bald at 14, but at 21 I got Testicular cancer, and the chemo drugs started my balding. They destroyed my lungs, too. Prevented me from joining the military, or being a police officer, or a firefighter, or doing anything I was planning to do.

I'm bald. And in the beginning, I was afraid to be seen bald. But you know what? People got used to it when I started shaving my head. Now that they're used to it, they like it. And my confidence and baldness actually makes me more attractive. I have had teenage girls come on to me since I went bald. Never had that when I had hair!

Being bald isn't less attractive. Trying to comb it over, trying to hide it, trying to pretend it's not happening... those aren't the way to maximize your attractiveness. If you haven't yet, shave it all off. Then own it. It's sexy. And you are on the way to becoming irresistibly sexually attractive.

By the way, getting upset over the cards you've been dealt, not going to help. Find ways to make them useful. Strengths. Positives. There's always a way. You can do this.

Stay with us, William. There's a lot of good to experience in life yet.

Quote:All the things we have to do, being in top shape, earning high income, being handsome, having a big cock, dancing like a monkey, dancing to the tunes of a woman, I feel like an caged animal. All the things men have to do just to please a woman, just to build attraction, and to get in her pants. Listening to this program etc, sometimes I just wish that I could turn this shit off.

Quote:Why do I need this validation from women? Why do I need human interaction and why do I need companionship? Why do I want to be desired alot by women? Also when women look at me, I feel very uncomfortable.

Quote:I wish I could delete all that shit.

Quote: Maybe just focus on being valuable / adding value to our society. Like Elon Musk, I admire him. He’s doing very important stuff and he forgot women to do his mission her on earth. Lol I feel like a worthless bum eventhough i’m still a student but in huge debts.

(01-25-2019, 06:45 AM)Shannon Wrote: In your case, and a lot of others, you will need to change in ways that are significant in order to achieve the program's goals, because until you accept them as possible and then start to change your thinking and beliefs from what they were to what they must be, you will stagnate with what you have always had.

It may be that that was your subconscious screaming "I can't change!", which is of course not true.

Whatever the case, if and when you become unstable emotionally, make sure you are safe.

Also remember Rule 4. This post violates it. Please change that. In response to the part that violates it, I would say that you should consider that perhaps you have simply been given the task of outgrowing the limitations you perceive yourself to have, partly by realizing they are not really limitations, and partly by taking charge of your own life instead of looking for someone else to take care of you. Growing into that has made me much more attractive to women.

I didn't mention my cancer treatment to make you feel guilty or sorry for me or compare dick sizes, so don't think any of that. I was trying to point out how I dealt with adversity and refused to give up in spite of "the cards I was dealt". Shit happened, and I had the option of becoming a self pitying loser who lived on food stamps and pretended to be helpless, or standing up, refusing to be pitied, rejecting the identity of "helpless cancer victim" and making something worthwhile of the rest of my life. I did exactly that. No matter what adversity or challenge we face, I strongly believe that we would not face it if we could not find some way to deal with or overcome it. I believe that we are never given a challenge we cannot deal with or overcome, if we really try.

The next paragraph reveals a seriously flawed belief you have about what a man must do to be valuable and valid and attractive to a woman. You are very wrong.

Quote:All the things we have to do, being in top shape, earning high income, being handsome, having a big cock, dancing like a monkey, dancing to the tunes of a woman, I feel like an caged animal. All the things men have to do just to please a woman, just to build attraction, and to get in her pants. Listening to this program etc, sometimes I just wish that I could turn this shit off.

You don't have to be in top shape.
You don't have to earn a high income.
You don't have to be handsome.
You don't have to have a big cock.
You don't have to dance like a monkey. (In fact that will either turn her off or land you a ***** up woman.)

Do you want to know what a woman wants, William? She wants two things. She wants to feel secure, and she wants to be happy. Just like you.

Women are attracted to muscly guys because that feeds into her security algorithm. Subconsciously, she is thinking, "He is big and strong, so he can protect me, feed me and he will provide me with babies who will survive to carry on my genes." i.e. security.

Women are attracted to high income because it means that if she is with him, she will have financial security. He can protect her, feed her, and because he has a high income, he can presumably provide her with babies that will survive and carry on her genes.

Handsome tells a woman, "This man's genes produce a symmetrical face and body." That apparently helps her decide that your genes are good. But handsome is easily the last thing most women are really looking for in a guy. They may not realize it, but it's true: most women will take a guy who is average looking or even ugly over a handsome man if he can make her feel taken care of, cared about and secure in the right ways. For example, does she feel like she matters to you? Does she feel like she is safe trusting her heart to you? Does she feel like you will keep her safe to whatever degree you can? Does she feel like she can trust you when the chips are down? Does she feel like you want her? Does she feel like she is more than just a vagina to you? Does she feel like you pay attention to her? Does she feel like you really care about her? THOSE are the things a woman REALLY wants. THAT is what makes a woman look at you and see value even if you're not handsome. And I know, some guys will say, "Oh, that's just being Beta." No, if you provide those things for your chosen female, you are being good LTR material. And in a LTR, as long as you don't legally marry her or bore her, you will have access to her vajayjay. If you do it right, you will also have access to her heart through her vajayjay, because sex to most women is a very deeply intimate thing, which is why most of them don't want random hookups.

You don't need to have a big cock. You need to know how to make her feel like she is getting equal pleasure when you have sex. You could have a legit micropenis (not saying you have one), and if you can give her pleasure with your hands or tongue or toys well enough, she'll usually overlook that. The key is, she needs to be given the same sexual pleasures you would give her if you had a big cock. Give her some amazing tongue dancing on her nether regions! Learn to use your fingers and hands in interesting ways! Get a nice glass dildo or a vibrator and give her some deeper pleasure with that. Just make sure she gets her fair share of sexual attention and pleasure during sex.

As for dancing like a money, that's what betas do. That will turn off the worthwhile ones, and the ones who will come forward are the ones who are messed up who want to use and take advantage of you. Self respect should prevent you from ever dancing like a monkey for any woman.

Quote:Why do I need this validation from women? Why do I need human interaction and why do I need companionship? Why do I want to be desired alot by women? Also when women look at me, I feel very uncomfortable.

You think you need validation from women, but you don't. What you need is validation from yourself. Until you start self validating, women won't give you validation.

You need human interaction because you're human.

As to whether you need companionship, there are two schools of thought. One says, "It's just human nature." and one says, "You're seeking outside yourself for what you need to provide yourself with, and only then will it become available outside you." In this case, you would have to become your own companionship, your own friend. Seeking others to make you whole or fulfill you is not attractive to women. Women are attracted to men who can take care of themselves, physically, emotionally and otherwise. What used to be the signals of an adult male, not a boy. Now we have a society in chaos and most men don't know how to do this anymore.

I would bet that when women look at you, you feel uncomfortable because you believe that you aren't good enough, and they will reject you, which will hurt your feelings and prove that you're not good enough.

That means you are being hampered by faulty beliefs and faulty thinking. Whether or not you are "good enough" is up to you, not just in terms of what you believe about yourself, but also in what you choose to do about it. The fact is, for every male at every level, there is a female somewhere (or a person, let's say, to be all inclusive) who is on his level and would be happy to be with him in whatever capacity. The key is, are you at a level where you can attract that level of person that you want yet? If not, keep growing. And that means rooting out faulty limiting beliefs and thinking, and changing them. Grow into being the man that would attract the kind of woman you want. And remember that not every woman is attracted to muscles; my girlfriend actually likes that I'm not muscular, and is repulsed by the body builder types at our gym. Not every woman needs a handsome man. My girlfriend says that I'm the best looking guy she ever dated, but that for her, it wasn't looks that ever really mattered; she says that before me, she dated some ugly guys, because they were able to meet what she needed and in the right way - security, emotional comfort and understanding. Big cock isn't necessary as long as you are considerate instead of selfish or lazy during sex. And so on.

So next time you catch yourself thinking negative failure based and failure causing thoughts, start actively disassembling them, replacing them with positive and empowering thoughts and beliefs.

Quote:I wish I could delete all that shit.

Nothing stopping you but you.

Quote: Maybe just focus on being valuable / adding value to our society. Like Elon Musk, I admire him. He’s doing very important stuff and he forgot women to do his mission her on earth. Lol I feel like a worthless bum eventhough i’m still a student but in huge debts.

This is because you hold beliefs that do not work for you achieving your goals. Beliefs that lead you to think things like, "I'm not good enough. I am worthless. Nobody will want me. I don't compare to other guys."

Those beliefs have to be rooted out and changed to beliefs that result in success, positive thinking, successful results and positive moods. And when you start doing that process, it can result in some pretty serious upset. That just means you're changing. Keep going.

Nothing is impossible, except that your beliefs make it so.

(01-27-2019, 05:36 AM)Shannon Wrote: I wonder of this is interfering with what DMSI is trying to accomplish.