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+--- Thread: Shannon's BAMM 2.0 Journal (/Thread-Shannon-s-BAMM-2-0-Journal)
RE: Shannon's BAMM 2.0 Journal - Shannon - 07-07-2013
Of that I have no doubt.
RE: Shannon's BAMM 2.0 Journal - Shannon - 07-13-2013
More and more I am surprised at the ways in which BAMM and OE are altering my life, experiences, circumstances and actions. It seems to be affecting my interactions with the opposite sex in significant ways, for instance. It also seems to be correcting my focus and forcing me to go back and work on things that need work before other things... which I could not see before.
Case in point, last Friday, my laptop CPU fan died, and it refused to turn on. I called Lenovo tech support and requested an on-site warranty repair. "It'll be Monday." Okay. Monday comes and goes... no call, no repair. I call Tuesday. "It'll be tomorrow." That day comes, and no call from the tech by 2 pm, when the call should have come in by 1. I call. "The part's not in... it'll be tomorrow." Why didn't someone call me to inform me of this? And why did yesterday's tech tell me the fan was available?
Next day the tech calls me and tells me he'll be out between 1-3 PM. One of my forecasting models tells me the computer will be repaired between 4 and 5 PM. When does the tech show up? 4 pm. When does he leave? 4:57 PM.
Then I go to the office and discover that Andrew has to leave, and we don't have Internet there yet, so it's useless to stay. I pack up and go home, and... now my laptop has a dead LCD screen. No beeps, no errors, but nothing showing on the screen.
I call Lenovo. "It'll be fixed on Monday. If the part is here." Ugh.
In the meantime, Andrew's letting me use his MacBook Pro laptop, and I've been forced to work on non-build stuff, which as it turns out, was desperately needed.
I could never have designed BAMM to do these things if it were not for the Optimus Engine. It's getting me where I am going just as it was designed to, and looking back on when I started in January, I am simply amazed at my progress. It's a bit odd, though, after what's gone before, to somehow feel like the jet has just taxied out to the runway and is throttling up engines to maximum thrust for takeoff... again... I thought we'd done that already. But this office has certainly acted as a way for us to get a heck of a lot more accomplished. Now I find that my initial assessment of 5-10x more productivity was dead on. I've accomplished more in the last 2 days than I have in the last month. I am loving this... and it doesn't even feel like work.
RE: Shannon's BAMM 2.0 Journal - Spiral - 07-13-2013
I must agree that OE is quite incredible. I feel like it's all connected and OE is just making things more apparent. I really can't put my pure excitement into words but you truly have created one of earth's greatest assets. The truth will not be long hidden... heh
RE: Shannon's BAMM 2.0 Journal - Shannon - 07-13-2013
Quote:The truth will not be long hidden... heh
I'm not sure what you mean by this?
RE: Shannon's BAMM 2.0 Journal - Spiral - 07-13-2013
That's exactly what I want people to think. What you have here, Shannon, will help them discover it. Disclaimer: I'm still discovering it haha
RE: Shannon's BAMM 2.0 Journal - Shannon - 07-21-2013
I look around me and I am in awe. Not only at what BAMM has done, and is doing still, but at what my efforts have created and what my dream has inspired others to as well. It is as if I am inside a dream, and yet my eyes are open and I am awake.
RE: Shannon's BAMM 2.0 Journal - mat422 - 07-23-2013
(07-21-2013, 08:53 AM)Shannon Wrote: I look around me and I am in awe. Not only at what BAMM has done, and is doing still, but at what my efforts have created and what my dream has inspired others to as well. It is as if I am inside a dream, and yet my eyes are open and I am awake.
I've only imagined this feeling in my head, but never experienced it. Hopefully one day I'll get there.
RE: Shannon's BAMM 2.0 Journal - Shannon - 07-23-2013
If I can do it, you can too, Mat.
RE: Shannon's BAMM 2.0 Journal - Shannon - 08-09-2013
Every so often, I get steam-rolled. It comes along and I get flattened, and there's nothing I can do but struggle to stay on course. It's been happening for the last four months more and more, and now it's fading away, but it's gonna be October before it's done. The theme of this period of time in my life has been frustration, delay and failure.
If course failure isn't failure if you refuse to stop trying, and I haven't, but all this has really taxed my drive and energy severely. I feel exhausted all the time now, and as if I have very little energy with which to work even on good days. This, of course, has drastically slowed me down.
BAMM is trying to drag me through to my goal, and this influence is trying to flatten me. I know it's just a matter of time before it fades away, but it sure as hell is trying my patience.
Stage 7 was very quiet. I didn't really notice much, primarily because the steamroller effect I was talking about was at it's peak, and was drowning out everything else. I still feel very "soul weary", but it's getting better, slowly but surely. I wish I could just wait it out and do nothing, but life does not allow for that.
Stage 8 started a few days ago.
I turn 40 this month, and I know that all this hardship is going to result in a huge shift in my life. This is the turning point in my life, the end of the first half and the beginning of the second half, at least of my natural lifespan without any adjustments from anti-aging science that may come along in the future.
The second half of my life is going to be more about having and enjoying the fruits of my labors, than struggling to achieve them. Not so unusual. Kind of amusing, though, that I am expecting next year to be able to get a sports car as a gift to myself for the successes I have had, and because I'm 40, someone is going to say, "Oh, that's just him going through a mid-life crisis."
I thought about that for a while now and it irks me. It seems to be just a convenient way of dissipating the success with a wave of the hand. It makes me wonder how much of this "mid life crisis" stuff is just people being jealous of the successes of others. I don't think there is a "mid life crisis", from what I have seen, but I know that I'm going to get a sports car anyway when the time comes. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it would be nice to have something that I enjoy driving, and that other people admire. Something more that reflects my style.
This is one of the two major things left in my life that are defining me according to what my deceased mother wanted, instead of what I want. I inherited this car, and the one before that was a gift to me for college graduation. Ironic, because I never graduated with that degree (dropped out when my instructor told the class, "I hope nobody thinks they're actually going to get a job with this degree," and started repaying the stupid - er, student loan), and the real reason it was given to me was that my grandfather was just too old to drive anymore. That one wasn't my style either, but it was more my style than the boring white commuter car o reliability my mother left me.
That's not to say I'm ungrateful, of course. I couldn't have afforded much of jack if I didn't have these cars. But for all my life, my style has been dictated by others. Now, I am finally beginning to be able to afford to dictate these things on my own.
Reliable commuter car is what mom wanted, and it's what she got: a 1992 Toyota Camry. It's needed work once in it's life, and that was because she left the windows open during a rainstorm. The electrical system shorted out, and simple fuse changes didn't fix it. Aside from that, oil changes, new tires and replacing the brake pads once, it's been flawless. I'm impressed.
But it's not a car that impresses me in any other way. Or really interests me. Or represents me or my style. It was intended to be the cheapest and most reliable car possible for a slow-laner. And I am not a slow-laner.
So next year, I'm going to get myself a sports car that fits me better. I'm going to have some fun. Live a little. Maybe learn how to drift, who knows. But what I do know is that a man is judged heavily based on both what he wears and what he drives, and people assume a lot about you based on these things. Sadly, few ever try to see beyond that if they don't see what they like. I'm not really looking at this because I'm worried, but it would be nice if people finally saw ME when they make those assumptions, instead of boring-but-reliable.
Patience. There's nothing else I can do: I know it's coming, but right now, I'm dealing with other stuff. At least I'm paying my bills, no matter how much they may be. Odd how your bills just keep getting bigger as you make more money. But sometime this year or next, I'll break the point where my bills equal my income, and I'll end up ahead. Significantly ahead.
And I'll be able to drive a car *I* wanted, and *I* paid for, and *I* chose... and live in a house *I* wanted, and *I* paid for, and *I* chose.
And my debts will be D-E-D dead.
Happiness is waking up knowing that there's no debt, and the road ahead is uncluttered. Perfect freedom, and good health. I'm definitely heading for happiness. Now, if I can just get out from under this damned steamroller...
RE: Shannon's BAMM 2.0 Journal - HMoody - 08-09-2013
Hope that the steamroller in your life dissipates quickly. I know what you mean about cars though. I remember when I was saving up money to get my first car and I didn't just want any old car. I could have easily gotten a reliable Honda or Toyota but I really really really wanted a sports car! The only problem was that it seemed out of reach at the time. I made a promise to myself that I'd wait as long as necessary and drive my dad's old car but I wasn't going to settle this time. I was going to get the car that I wanted. That was definitely and important decision for me and shaped how I approached life quite a bit. The importance of living life on your own terms and not settling was what it symbolized for me. I did end up buying my first car about two years later and it was a beautiful sports car inside and out. It still make me glow thinking about it even today. It's brought me a lot of happy memories and I must admit that simply owning that car made me feel and act differently. Almost like it gave me permission to shine if you will. It was a great feeling the day I purchased it myself and drove off the lot. Got lots of great compliments on it over the years. It's getting on it's last legs now and I'm seriously thinking of selling it off but there is something special about that first car that you buy yourself. Best of luck in getting your sports car! Do you know which model you want?
RE: Shannon's BAMM 2.0 Journal - Shannon - 08-09-2013
The steamroller will dissipate over the next several months. October, no sooner, no later. Watch for some interesting things happening in November and December. Timing is entirely out of my hands on this.
I've never been much into cars, I guess because I never had any really major exposure to males during the first 20 years of my life. It was mom, books and computers. So I'm taking the advice of my friends who know more than I do about cars, but I'm going to choose something that fits my style also.
It won't be the first car I ever bought, but it will be the first car I ever bought brand new - and had what I want, instead of what I could afford, or what was left to me or given to me. I doubt it will be the only vehicle I buy in the next 5 years, either.
RE: Shannon's BAMM 2.0 Journal - Shannon - 08-16-2013
Stage 8 now. I feel very focused on working, and wanting to work. Interestingly, I am more and more working and being productive, but I seem to be getting nowhere. There are so many different things I need to give my attention to that while the chains seem to be coming off, and the energy and drive appear to be returning, I am scrambling to be productive from the division of focus.
That said, things are getting done, and I am finally putting up some new stuff. I have missed this delicious obsession with achievement... it's tempting to run myself into the ground, but I know I can't just work until I drop.
RE: Shannon's BAMM 2.0 Journal - ncbeareatingman - 08-16-2013
Awesome Shannon. awesome. yeah I can feel,sense and see the chains coming off as well...the whole idea and desire for greater freedom is ever increasing and building. glad things are moving forward for you man. More power to ya's. Keith.
RE: Shannon's BAMM 2.0 Journal - AwesomeYoungDude - 08-16-2013
Shannon, since I may not have access to the net until later tomorrow, happy birthday one day early. I hope you have a wonderful day.
AYD