(07-06-2019, 04:22 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote:

(07-06-2019, 09:46 AM)Greenduck Wrote: I have a feeling like I never knew who I was. Like life have just felt like a movie, not like the real thing through my life. Like I wasted the opportunity to develop myself. Like so much of my life have been wasted. I know other members also have written about it, so it's probably the sub at work. Maybe the letting go of the past, things that are healing from my past that's now coming to surface. I stick with the feeling and let it play out, knowing that it doesn't really matter what I have missed, only what is in front of me and what I can do with my life.

I want to connect with people. Make people laugh. Have good times. Be loved. Love. Be attracted to others, become attractive myself. Experience the excitement of taking on challenges in life, challenging myself. Be present. Cry, be vulnerable, take risks - and LIVE. I feel it's coming. It's something down under that's happening and I feel that I am close to tears. I want to be me, and I want to be proud and happy about being me, and knowing what that means.

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I let SO MUCH of my life pass me by, but what I got is what's in front of me, not what's behind me. So I'm practicing the SAME DAMN RIFF to Thunderkiss '65 over and over again each day until I hav it down pat, then I get the rest of the song, then Black Sunshine, then a few more White Zombie songs, then I get to Metallica. That's the plan: Slowly, but surely. One thing I've learned from this website is whatever you choose is what you get. I choose to become a musician, come hell or high water, even if I'm already pushing 30 and I'm just starting, and all I can do right now is one riff, and I can't even do that well yet. I'll get there, slowly but surely.

(07-07-2019, 01:28 AM)Greenduck Wrote:

(07-06-2019, 04:22 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote:

(07-06-2019, 09:46 AM)Greenduck Wrote: I have a feeling like I never knew who I was. Like life have just felt like a movie, not like the real thing through my life. Like I wasted the opportunity to develop myself. Like so much of my life have been wasted. I know other members also have written about it, so it's probably the sub at work. Maybe the letting go of the past, things that are healing from my past that's now coming to surface. I stick with the feeling and let it play out, knowing that it doesn't really matter what I have missed, only what is in front of me and what I can do with my life.

I want to connect with people. Make people laugh. Have good times. Be loved. Love. Be attracted to others, become attractive myself. Experience the excitement of taking on challenges in life, challenging myself. Be present. Cry, be vulnerable, take risks - and LIVE. I feel it's coming. It's something down under that's happening and I feel that I am close to tears. I want to be me, and I want to be proud and happy about being me, and knowing what that means.

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I let SO MUCH of my life pass me by, but what I got is what's in front of me, not what's behind me. So I'm practicing the SAME DAMN RIFF to Thunderkiss '65 over and over again each day until I hav it down pat, then I get the rest of the song, then Black Sunshine, then a few more White Zombie songs, then I get to Metallica. That's the plan: Slowly, but surely. One thing I've learned from this website is whatever you choose is what you get. I choose to become a musician, come hell or high water, even if I'm already pushing 30 and I'm just starting, and all I can do right now is one riff, and I can't even do that well yet. I'll get there, slowly but surely.

I think this is really just a healing process-though-thing. We don't need to go around feeling that we have wasted our lives to be able to enjoy them. But interesting that we both share the same experience. Follow your dreams man!

I just had a though before stepping into the shower, that popped up into my head in english "you can accept yourself and still strive to become better" - that stuff is really profound. I haven't even realized that I was going with that kind of belief, but when I look at it it makes sense, I don't really felt that it was OK to accept myself as I was, because then I would never "become anything". This is clearly an inherited belief from my mother that have caused me a great deal of struggle in my ability to enjoy life, so I am excited to see how it plays out.

(07-07-2019, 12:14 PM)Shannon Wrote:

(07-07-2019, 01:28 AM)Greenduck Wrote:

(07-06-2019, 04:22 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote:

(07-06-2019, 09:46 AM)Greenduck Wrote: I have a feeling like I never knew who I was. Like life have just felt like a movie, not like the real thing through my life. Like I wasted the opportunity to develop myself. Like so much of my life have been wasted. I know other members also have written about it, so it's probably the sub at work. Maybe the letting go of the past, things that are healing from my past that's now coming to surface. I stick with the feeling and let it play out, knowing that it doesn't really matter what I have missed, only what is in front of me and what I can do with my life.

I want to connect with people. Make people laugh. Have good times. Be loved. Love. Be attracted to others, become attractive myself. Experience the excitement of taking on challenges in life, challenging myself. Be present. Cry, be vulnerable, take risks - and LIVE. I feel it's coming. It's something down under that's happening and I feel that I am close to tears. I want to be me, and I want to be proud and happy about being me, and knowing what that means.

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I let SO MUCH of my life pass me by, but what I got is what's in front of me, not what's behind me. So I'm practicing the SAME DAMN RIFF to Thunderkiss '65 over and over again each day until I hav it down pat, then I get the rest of the song, then Black Sunshine, then a few more White Zombie songs, then I get to Metallica. That's the plan: Slowly, but surely. One thing I've learned from this website is whatever you choose is what you get. I choose to become a musician, come hell or high water, even if I'm already pushing 30 and I'm just starting, and all I can do right now is one riff, and I can't even do that well yet. I'll get there, slowly but surely.

I think this is really just a healing process-though-thing. We don't need to go around feeling that we have wasted our lives to be able to enjoy them. But interesting that we both share the same experience. Follow your dreams man!

I just had a though before stepping into the shower, that popped up into my head in english "you can accept yourself and still strive to become better" - that stuff is really profound. I haven't even realized that I was going with that kind of belief, but when I look at it it makes sense, I don't really felt that it was OK to accept myself as I was, because then I would never "become anything". This is clearly an inherited belief from my mother that have caused me a great deal of struggle in my ability to enjoy life, so I am excited to see how it plays out.

That is one of the most important realizations I have ever found.  I discovered it for the first time while I was researching how to get people to respond to the weight loss subliminal by achieving their goal weight.  One of the issues I found was that people either refused to accept themselves and punished themselves for being overweight - which led to them becoming more overweight - or they would try to "accept themselves as they are" and use that as an excuse to just do whatever they wanted, and never lose any weight.  It is so profound that it deserves to be repeated:

You can accept yourself and still strive to become better.

(07-07-2019, 12:14 PM)Shannon Wrote:

(07-07-2019, 01:28 AM)Greenduck Wrote:

(07-06-2019, 04:22 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote:

(07-06-2019, 09:46 AM)Greenduck Wrote: I have a feeling like I never knew who I was. Like life have just felt like a movie, not like the real thing through my life. Like I wasted the opportunity to develop myself. Like so much of my life have been wasted. I know other members also have written about it, so it's probably the sub at work. Maybe the letting go of the past, things that are healing from my past that's now coming to surface. I stick with the feeling and let it play out, knowing that it doesn't really matter what I have missed, only what is in front of me and what I can do with my life.

I want to connect with people. Make people laugh. Have good times. Be loved. Love. Be attracted to others, become attractive myself. Experience the excitement of taking on challenges in life, challenging myself. Be present. Cry, be vulnerable, take risks - and LIVE. I feel it's coming. It's something down under that's happening and I feel that I am close to tears. I want to be me, and I want to be proud and happy about being me, and knowing what that means.

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I let SO MUCH of my life pass me by, but what I got is what's in front of me, not what's behind me. So I'm practicing the SAME DAMN RIFF to Thunderkiss '65 over and over again each day until I hav it down pat, then I get the rest of the song, then Black Sunshine, then a few more White Zombie songs, then I get to Metallica. That's the plan: Slowly, but surely. One thing I've learned from this website is whatever you choose is what you get. I choose to become a musician, come hell or high water, even if I'm already pushing 30 and I'm just starting, and all I can do right now is one riff, and I can't even do that well yet. I'll get there, slowly but surely.

I think this is really just a healing process-though-thing. We don't need to go around feeling that we have wasted our lives to be able to enjoy them. But interesting that we both share the same experience. Follow your dreams man!

I just had a though before stepping into the shower, that popped up into my head in english "you can accept yourself and still strive to become better" - that stuff is really profound. I haven't even realized that I was going with that kind of belief, but when I look at it it makes sense, I don't really felt that it was OK to accept myself as I was, because then I would never "become anything". This is clearly an inherited belief from my mother that have caused me a great deal of struggle in my ability to enjoy life, so I am excited to see how it plays out.

That is one of the most important realizations I have ever found.  I discovered it for the first time while I was researching how to get people to respond to the weight loss subliminal by achieving their goal weight.  One of the issues I found was that people either refused to accept themselves and punished themselves for being overweight - which led to them becoming more overweight - or they would try to "accept themselves as they are" and use that as an excuse to just do whatever they wanted, and never lose any weight.  It is so profound that it deserves to be repeated:

You can accept yourself and still strive to become better.

Quote:How Feeling Responsible for Other’s Emotions Sabotages You and How Not To
Do you ever struggle with feeling responsible for how someone else feels about you or some situation in their life?

If you have, you know the struggle of figuring out how to help them, if you even should help, and fear of guilt or feeling selfish if you don’t help, and the weight of taking on their emotions.

All of these responses come from your Root System.

The way to think about Root System is that you are the sum of what’s happened in your past and the influence you’ve allowed in.

We go super deep into this in 1-on-1 Next-Level Life events to help you understand how and why you respond and make the choices you make.

What I see a ton of with people who struggle with feeling responsible for other’s emotions is they come in struggling with depression, anxiety, guilt, or overwhelm, or all of these.

And time and time again, I discover they grew up with a parent who trained them to feel responsible for the parent’s emotions.

And the parent does that because of what’s in their Root System, most likely from their parents.

The training shows up in comments like “You make me feel like…” and others.

This isn’t truth; it’s control. And it comes from toxic parts of that person’s Root System.

As children, we get nearly all of our self-worth from our parents, which compounds their influence on us.

Until we’re taught about Root System, we (especially as children) don’t stop and think, “Why is my parent influencing me to feel responsible for them? Why are they guilting me? Oh yeah! It’s because they have a Root System! Ah ha! Well, I won’t allow them to impact me this way now.”

next-level life, create a plan for your life

That kind of thinking simply doesn’t exist, so we allow the influence in, and it shapes the way we think and respond to other people in our life years down the road.

This can lead to anxiety and depression that’s paralyzing. The truth is you are not responsible for other’s emotions.

Here are 5 steps to stop feeling responsible for other’s emotions.
1. Stop seeking self-worth from people

Part of feeling responsible for other’s emotions is seeking self-worth from people. If you weren’t getting any self-worth from them, you wouldn’t be negatively impacted by guilt, feeling selfish if you don’t help, or their attempt to control you.

Imagine being in a place emotionally where their attempt to control or guilt you had no effect?

Where your self-worth comes from is key to getting to that place. My vote is always to get your self-worth from God. He’s the only worth-well that’s constantly full.

2. Learn to recognize toxic behavior

When you’re able to see someone’s attempt to control or guilt you, you can work to not allow it impact you.

3. Put a healthy boundary in place

Healthy boundaries are boundaries another person can’t crash over. The goal of a healthy boundary is to protect you from toxicity.

This step is usually the hardest to put in place because you have to, as we say, “go against your Root System”, and overcome your training to fear conflict, feel guilty or selfish, or feel like you’re hurting the other person by putting a healthy boundary in place.

But it’s an essential step.

4. Stop trying to help them

This usually shows up in giving them advice and “fixes”. You may have noticed your well-intentioned advice isn’t taken, and the actions you take to help them are never enough.

And you’re left feeling confused, frustrated, and feeling horrible about yourself.

That’s because the person who struggles with control doesn’t truly want your advice or help, or for you to solve their problem.

Instead, part of your healthy boundary is to listen, ask questions, and not offer advice. If they want to change or solve it, let them own that and do the work.

5. Remember your emotional health matters, too

It’s easy in relationships, especially with people who influence you to feel responsible for their emotions, to prioritize their well-being above your own.

When you factor in everything you’ve read above, I hope you see that’s an endless self-sabotaging cycle, and you will end up worse off.

(07-11-2019, 09:32 PM)SaltyMeatballs Wrote: I strongly recommend you stick to LTU for atleast a year if not more. Your progress has been quite incredible so far and only more great things will follow. Play around with the number of loops, on/off days, type of format etc to get the maximum juice out of it. Needless to say however, do what you feel is best for yourself. Again, awesome progress dude, I enjoy reading your journals. Keep up the good work!!