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+--- Thread: Overcoming Fear v4: The Special Case Files (/Thread-Overcoming-Fear-v4-The-Special-Case-Files)
RE: Overcoming Fear v4: The Special Case Files - StridingStrider - 10-17-2022
Cycle #18 Off #1
Haven't felt the need to journal so much. I had a pretty good day today. Spoke to workgirl without much fear, although I did start to smile which I do when I start feeling anxious, but my body language was much better. I'm still dealing with some fear in the classroom but I did manage to stand up and move around more, although I'm still avoiding certain students after what happened last time. On the whole though, I felt much better.
The only really notable dream I had was were I was disciplining a student for some reason. He wouldn't listen to me until I got down at his level, so to speak. I think it had to do with a fear of being judged again. The dream took place in the cafeteria where I was being watched by others.
I hope this is progress. Wondering whether to drop down to two days off, but we shall see. I'll try to follow my intuition on this.
RE: Overcoming Fear v4: The Special Case Files - StridingStrider - 10-23-2022
Cycle #20 On #1
Reduced the cycle down to 2 days off per my intuition.
Not much to report apart from an increase in dreaming. I also haven't watched porn for quite a while, but masturbation has increased.
RE: Overcoming Fear v4: The Special Case Files - StridingStrider - 10-27-2022
Cycle #21 On #1
Think I'm encountering resistance since reducing the off days down to two. I've been contemplating switching subs due to a feeling of stagnation again. This would be a mistake as fear is the core problem I face and have faced for a long time, and nothing I could run such as AM6 or DMSI would help to resolve that.
In addition, I've also been feeling positive about reducing the days off further then two, but I'll wait until next cycle to decide on that. Whatever I'm experiencing doesn't like what's happening.
My dreaming has also been enjoyable, and has been focusing around workgirl a lot. I think she also has been affected, as she appeared more nervous before the current week's break. I think she had a dream about me, which OF brought about. I wonder what happened. On my end, I think I had a short lived sexual dream involving her.
RE: Overcoming Fear v4: The Special Case Files - StridingStrider - 10-30-2022
Cycle #22 On #1
I'm noticing with my dreams that when I'm running the subliminal, the dream outcome is positive, or I do something despite the fear I'm feeling. On certain off days, the dream outcome will be negative, where I avoid doing what I fear.
RE: Overcoming Fear v4: The Special Case Files - StridingStrider - 10-31-2022
Cycle #22 On #2
Another decent day. Spoke with workgirl without much fear again, but still feel constrained in the classroom with students I don't feel I'm on good terms with. It scares me for some reason, when I have to work with people who don't like me. I'm not sure why.
Another good development was that when I was on the train I closed my eyes and relaxed. I think that's a good indicator of being less fearful, the ability to relax.
The only thing I'd say that could scupper these results is that I've had a week off from work, so maybe I'm just less stressed in general. On the other hand, it could also be due to reducing the ASRB to 2:1. I'm not sure if that might be too much exposure, but we'll see. If so, I'll return to 2:2, otherwise let's see what happens.
RE: Overcoming Fear v4: The Special Case Files - StridingStrider - 10-31-2022
Continued
Also to add. Since my non-dalliance with workgirl, my heart still seems to emanate energy. It's similar to the love I was feeling, but it's something else. Perhaps I've just become more sensitive to it, whereas I wasn't before?
Interesting, nevertheless.
RE: Overcoming Fear v4: The Special Case Files - StridingStrider - 11-01-2022
Cycle #22 Off #1
So recently I've noticed that I'm able to shift out of fear somewhat, by just consciously choosing not to feel like that. In one case I literally felt the negative emotions being pushed down so to speak. Weird. I've always heard that you should do the opposite, that you should really feel them and air them out so to speak.
Glad I got through today. Looking forward to running OF tonight.
RE: Overcoming Fear v4: The Special Case Files - StridingStrider - 11-05-2022
Cycle #23 On #1
Looks like reducing to 2:1 was a good choice. I've been less fearful recently, and more relaxed and lively.
RE: Overcoming Fear v4: The Special Case Files - StridingStrider - 11-06-2022
Cycle #23 On #2
Whew! Intense dream last night. I dreamt that some sort of animal/s were breaking through my bedroom wall to come attack me. It felt very real, and happened as I was waking up. Gave out a yelp as it was happening, haha. It was almost sleep paralysis tier, but thankfully I could move.
Pretty cool regardless. I think the animal is the subliminal being interpreted by my subconscious as a threat. I love these experiences. It at least lets me know something is happening under the surface.
RE: Overcoming Fear v4: The Special Case Files - StridingStrider - 11-11-2022
Cycle #25 On #2
Really benefiting from 2:1. Did a couple things lately that I wouldn't have before, which has helped me socially. My brain feels noticeably different; very slight headache occasionally and a feeling of being "full". I'm more confident on my off day, but my on days are good too for the most part.
I haven't needed to use it ITM either. Think I found the right setting for me.
RE: Overcoming Fear v4: The Special Case Files - StridingStrider - 11-13-2022
Cycle #26 On #1
Another ghost/poltergeist type dream again last night. I was attempting to get rid of it using smoke, which I don't think was successful. I think again this is symbolic of the subliminal trying to make inroads into my subconscious.
Then I shift into a more sexual dream where I discover my penis has all types of warts/pimples, lol. Which I think is related to something that occurred today which I won't go into.
Interesting.
RE: Overcoming Fear v4: The Special Case Files - StridingStrider - 11-15-2022
Cycle #26 Off #1
Whew. Crap day. Fear was high to the point where I was having a panic attack. Why I won't get into, but, it was pretty minor and this wouldn't have happened before. I guess OF must be touching upon something deep. I'm not sure if that's a signal to take an extra day off or two, but I'm going to continue with the loops tonight for the next cycle. If this continues then I'll increase my days off back to two. It's a bit of a conundrum whether to try to override the resistance or back off a bit. Guess we'll find out.
RE: Overcoming Fear v4: The Special Case Files - StridingStrider - 11-16-2022
Cycle #27 On #1
So, it appears it was the right decision to run the loops last night. Today was much better. Much less fearful, although still some there, under the surface. On to tonight!
RE: Overcoming Fear v4: The Special Case Files - StridingStrider - 11-17-2022
Cycle #27 Off #1
Nice dream last night. In it I was going around trying to seduce girls using pheromones. I succeeded in the end and had a good time lol. Not sure why I had that dream, it felt like being on DMSI again, but my dreams were never that successful.