(08-16-2022, 11:36 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: So.... it's been a bit. And a lot of stuff has happened that I didn't want to write about (either due to the rules of the site prohibiting certain subjects, feeling like there was too much to report, or both) but I've been making progress, bit by bit, slowly but surely. But tonight, I think I had a breakthrough as to why I'm having such a hard time letting my resentment over the cruel way I was friend dumped: I don't truly believe I deserve better. I know I do, but I don't truly believe it.

That's some tough shit to have to face, because going easier on myself is easier said than done. I am... hard on myself in a lot of ways. Maybe because I've internalized so much criticism as a child. And an adolescent. And as a young adult. And now as a grown man in his thirties. Still getting criticism from people close to me instead of love or understanding, still internalizing it, still angry about it and still having a chip on my shoulder. Because I don't really view myself better than that. I feel like if I can clear that and let go of that, I can get A LOT out of my way and manifest a lot of stuff I want in life.

It ties back to one of the things that had happened recently: My friend who is into very niche subjects in regards to energy did an energy reading and chakra diagnostic when I said I had a hard time being disciplined about my music or something like that in a convo. She said that a lot of my blockages related to some deeply rooted traumas surrounding my mother, that I know who I am deep down but don't feel worthy. She said it's corny but that what I needed was love.
She said I could access an energetic white healing current that is inherently Yin oriented energetically and carries an "unconditional love" aspect to it, similar to the green ray energy of the Anahata. She calls it Amvara.

I have found some degree of success in my endeavors to access such energy and use it to heal the parts of me wounded from childhood wounds. Still, it seems such things only go so far. I do not have the same gifts as her nor have I disciplined myself to achieving anywhere near the same abilities as her when it comes to working with such energy.
So even with all that, and this sub, I still have stuff to work on and I guess tonight just pointed to a major blockage which my friend was telling me about: a feeling of unworthiness.

It's definitely a lot to process because I'm not sure how to handle it. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy techniques might help, but I feel such help is limited because it only goes so deep. I am skeptical of how much it really does to affect the unconscious mind. And my exfriend swears by CBT and yet isn't nearly as healed nor as evolved or mature or compassionate as she thinks she is and presents herself as being. So I doubt it'll be enough, though still worth adding.

Beyond that, there's meditation, which I still struggle with. The Gateway of Light meditation technique is still the best one I know of for me. So that's typically what I do. Maybe the strengthening of my "Unified field" as another friend I have calls it (through this meditative technique) the prerequisite energy needed for reaching deeper levels of awareness can be built up and so more answers and solutions can be found.

There is another I was told about which can help push energy up the chakras. I forget exactly what it is but might be able to find the convo I had in private messages on Messenger.

Then, there's certain movements I have learned about which can help unblock the flow of energy through the body. Perhaps I should looks and see which of these is most conducive to my situation.

That's mostly where I'm at for now.

(08-17-2022, 12:15 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: I'll check it out. Thanks man

(08-19-2022, 11:31 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: I'm 32. I lived the first like, 30-31 years of my life in Tampa, Florida but recently moved to Ogden, Utah. Why? Just curious?

(08-20-2022, 11:06 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: I have a theory I've been mulling over in the past hour or so, born of ideas kind of forming over the course of  years with increasing momentum. It's just a theory, but it might be worth considering quite heavily. The theory is this:

The real reason why we find things such as nofap and celibacy to be so difficult isn't just because we are uncomfortable and because we get horny. It goes deeper than that. The feelings of desire are increasingly intense under such situations and the contrast between desiring someone/something on one hand and the belief that we cannot have what it is that we desire is painful. Therefor we try to release this desire as quick as possible in order to return to a placid state, where our feelings are less intense, uncomfortable and painful. The root issue to this might simply be the decision to believe, on a deep unconscious level that we cannot have what we want, for this reason or that reason. But it's just a belief. And beliefs are decisions first and beliefs consequently.

Therefor, the decision to change begins with the decision to change the belief. It's important to do more than just ell ourselves we can have what we desire, but to choose to truly believe ourselves. This means letting go of old schemas and self imposed limitations which may have at one point served a useful purpose but now only serve to create unnecessary and undesirable resistance to the fulfillment of desire.

What if, upon changing this fundamental faulty belief which is, at it's core, untrue, we find that such intense desire (and the intensity of feeling that comes with it) is now enjoyable to experience, or at least something better than unpleasant (or worse yet painful)?

This may explain my red chakra blockage and the resulting sacral chakra blockage that comes with it, as well as a good bit of yellow.

There are a lot of beliefs we hold onto because even if they fundamentally run in opposition to the attainment of what we desire, provide us with a sense of stability, due to the fact that such thoughts/beliefs, through reinforcement, are consistent and therefor predictable and stable. This is a feeling of false security, ironically creating conflicting feelings of insecurity and fear. Maybe useful as an adaptive mechanism for times of great stress that seems (at younger ages) threatening to our survival (a root chakra  concern, primarily) but now as adults, who are, in fact, quite "safe" as you might think of it, are unlikely feasibly to put us at jeopardy.

To realize the notion that maybe we have a hard time letting go of maladaptive beliefs for this reason gives me a sense that maybe I can let them go. A good way to do that would be through meditation, as well as physical movements designed to energetically facilitate the practice of cultivating inner silence.

Cultivating silence can greatly diminish one's sense of attachment to these thoughts/beliefs.

I should probably put more time and effort into this, for it decreases resistance to achieving inspirational nd flow state. It might SEEM unproductive to the outside eye, but it is productive in that it helps to remove the biggest hurdles of resistance to that which would be productive.

Worth a shot, right?

Oh, and as for what to do when feeling really horny cuz of nofap. Well... I think maybe it's just to learn to sit with the intense feeling and let go of any thoughts or notions of being unable to  attain what is desired as best as possible. Also, I have (in hypnogogic states) looked pretty deep into my desires and previously aforementioned desire to feel loved, wanted, desired, appreciated, valued and validated, stemming from childhood wounds, seems to be at the core of it. So perhaps the best method to deal with the intense desire is to instead of viewing it as uncomfortable, view it as a sign of well being and a sign of healthy desire for that which I CAN have (that core need for love and validation at the root of it) to be more than just achievable, but achievable in the moment. That is critical. View it through that lense, sit with the energy, and focus that energy upon the fostering of feeling how I intend to feel by attaining that desire (loved, validated, desirable,  worthy) Just jump to that feeling and sit in THAT feeling, which is the end result that is desired throught he sexual contact. Then view that sexual energy as a necessary creative force needed in order to facilitate the FEELING of that core need being fulfilled and use it to FELL more intensely. Then it becomes enjoyable to have that intensity, for it is an intensity in feeling of having what is desired, rather than lacking it.

That's ALSO worth a shot, I reckon.

(12-28-2022, 01:55 PM)GreekGod22 Wrote: Hi, are you still running UH?