(11-07-2019, 04:37 PM)findingme Wrote: I found out 30 minutes ago my scratch-off had already been cashed out.  I've never played these, so I wasn't aware I could validate my ticket locally.  I called the FL lottery this afternoon and found out at a local gas station.  I was planning on going to West Palm tomorrow, so I'm glad I called them.  No $500,000 winner here.

I've been in touch with a miner friend this afternoon, and I told him about this.  He asked me "what's going on over there?" since I was quiet.  I told him I was listening to music videos and trying to allow feelings to surface.  I'm a little disappointed and embarrassed I didn't know about this, but what is sitting in me is totally unrelated.  But very connected in my life.  A melancholy connection.

This morning a trusted coworker I've known 2 years now went down a road which stuck in my gut.  This guys done 4 prison terms, and an older worker who I worked with earlier in the week said "there's only one reason someone goes back to prison 4 times; I think he was into some homosexual stuff", and he was being serious.  I'd never made that connection.  It stuck in my head.

This morning the former inmate made some "funny" aggressive comments to me in a room with 10 or so men, asking if I'd ever done any homosexual activities, giving the hint he wanted me to be his "bitch".  I laughed it off, hoping to disempower the tension I felt, but I was embarrassed, even ashamed.  I didn't react or defend myself, at all.  Felt similar to me and my brother.

This is connected to my own brother when I was younger.  He attempted to rape me when I was around 12, I've blocked it out--and this act was linked in my head to my brother leaving home so rapidly, like it was my fault he left.  I've not resolved that yet, but this E3 has done more than any other healing sub for traumatic wounds so far.  It pushes the connecting buttons.

(11-08-2019, 01:54 AM)Paul1131 Wrote: This might be more serious than you think.  For guys who’ve done serious time, those comments are NEVER just a joke.  At best it’s a dominance move, at worst he means it literally, but calling another guy a naughty little girl is deadly serious for him.

(11-08-2019, 06:30 AM)Have at ye Wrote: Sorry you had to go through that. That tool sounds like a proper degenerate. After multiple incarcerations, these idiots tend to learn quickly how to spot guys who may have any sort of fear or anxiety regarding such stuff so as to try to exploit it later, as well as guys who are easily manipulated. Try not to panic, just watch yourself around the guy, and if you can, steer clear of him.

Now, I believe that the best way to deal with such situations, and not have to go through them in the future, is removing the embedded fear/trauma (easier said than done, I know, but that's why we're using these subs ); pricks like this don't pick on people who they can't scare into submission.

Until then, even though you may be scared and the natural reaction may be to cower defensively, should he try to pull shit like that, or any other sort, again, make him know through your body language etc. that should push come to shove, regardless of any fears you may have (I mean, it's only natural to experience some fear in the presence of a primitive aggressor), if he tries anything, you're going to do your damnedest to tear his balls off with your bare hands. These types of guys usually do not pick on people who are ready to defend themselves.

(11-08-2019, 04:22 PM)findingme Wrote:

(11-08-2019, 06:30 AM)Have at ye Wrote: Sorry you had to go through that. That tool sounds like a proper degenerate. After multiple incarcerations, these idiots tend to learn quickly how to spot guys who may have any sort of fear or anxiety regarding such stuff so as to try to exploit it later, as well as guys who are easily manipulated. Try not to panic, just watch yourself around the guy, and if you can, steer clear of him.

Now, I believe that the best way to deal with such situations, and not have to go through them in the future, is removing the embedded fear/trauma (easier said than done, I know, but that's why we're using these subs ); pricks like this don't pick on people who they can't scare into submission.

Until then, even though you may be scared and the natural reaction may be to cower defensively, should he try to pull shit like that, or any other sort, again, make him know through your body language etc. that should push come to shove, regardless of any fears you may have (I mean, it's only natural to experience some fear in the presence of a primitive aggressor), if he tries anything, you're going to do your damnedest to tear his balls off with your bare hands. These types of guys usually do not pick on people who are ready to defend themselves.

Yeah, I worked in a prison for 3 months but left since I'd admitted my fear of getting hurt to my lieutenant (I had a young toddler at home), and she told me inmates sense one's fear.  It makes them vulnerable.  And this coworker was playing on me like that.  It makes me angry knowing he was pulling my strings.  

No, it just pisses me off.  He was a meanie bully for a day, and I won't be around him if he wants to pull that shit again.

Edit: dumb forum "translators" again.  I wrote p r i c k bully without the spaces, and it replaced it with "meanie".  Just doesn't mean what I wrote.