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+--- Thread: Overcome Fear, Guilt, and Shame (/Thread-Overcome-Fear-Guilt-and-Shame)
RE: Overcome Fear, Guilt, and Shame - Spiral - 04-06-2013
When I discovered and experienced the very thing you speak of I felt awakened (like omg things are getting interesting). Once it became my new way of thinking I was that much closer to freedom. It took some time for integration but I got there and you will too.
RE: Overcome Fear, Guilt, and Shame - mat422 - 04-07-2013
(04-06-2013, 06:03 PM)Spiral Wrote:
When I discovered and experienced the very thing you speak of I felt awakened (like omg things are getting interesting). Once it became my new way of thinking I was that much closer to freedom. It took some time for integration but I got there and you will too.
Thanks Spiral. It's small shifts like this that fill me with energy to keep going. It really is like freedom, it's amazing when you realize things don't have to be a certain way if you don't want them to.
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In other news I realized I've been playing the ultrasonic subliminal too loud. After listening to the masked subliminal I realized that the anxiety I felt from the ultrasonic wasn't resistance or an emotional response to the suggestions, but just a result of it being too loud. You'd think I would have learned from my mistakes by now, but I guess not. Anyway, I readjusted the volume and everything is all better now. Either I really don't know what a "comfortable listening volume" is for the stream track or I'm just sensitive to the ultrasonics. No use worrying about the details though.
And what really made me realize that I should adjust the volume of the ultrasonic was an experience I had with compact fluorescent light bulbs. From an article I read about these things.
Quote:He tested two low energy bulbs; U-shaped and coiled. The U-shaped bulb emitted at a fundamental frequency of 27 kHz and a coiled type at 37 kHz. Both had strong acoustic signals at the second harmonics (54 kHz and 74 kHz, respectively) and appreciable signals at the third harmonics (81 kHz and 11.1 kHz), he wrote.
It took me a while to realize that every time I was in my room with these light bulbs on I was overcome with feelings of anxiety and to some degree a little nausea. I realized that it was a similar effect to the ultrasonic when I listened to it. It was at that point I realized it wasn't the subliminals suggestions causing those feelings, but rather the volume of it.
Anyway I ditched those light bulbs about a week ago and I've noticed I have way more energy and I'm not plagued by the same chronic fatigue I once was. My depression has improved significantly, I couldn't believe just how much those light bulbs affected my health. I had my suspicions in the past, but I always waved it off as me being paranoid. Oh yeah, also fewer migraine headaches. Ridiculous how there is no warning about these things.
My theory is that it produced a lot of stress, so more cortisol, then eventually adrenal fatigue. So maybe now that I've lowered the subliminal I'll notice some improvement too. Having the subliminal too loud must have had some impact in my sleep leading to feelings of more fatigue.
RE: Overcome Fear, Guilt, and Shame - tinygargoyle - 04-07-2013
I've noticed that the stream track one often sounds louder (to me) than the beach one. I tend to alternate the tracks daily to get the proper volume for the ultrasonic track.
And low energy light bulbs are evil. ALL non LED ones give some noise out. Some flicker as well.
RE: Overcome Fear, Guilt, and Shame - Sean - 04-08-2013
I hate hate hate CFL's. The vast majority of them do not emit the full spectrum, but instead emit light at specific wavelengths to satisfy an RGB balance. This is not the same and creates a poorly lit environment. Further, if you happen to break one, they are terribly toxic, because most (if not all) contain mercury.
I had not heard about the acoustic signature before, and I thank you for that information. I use halogen bulbs instead of CFL's, mostly, but this seals the deal for me: I will avoid CFL's in my home.
Finally, remember that there are two sides to human qualities: positive and negative. I am also sensitive, so I've been called a pussy for being sensitive, but that same sensitivity gives me access to a huge world of sensing the emotions of others.
RE: Overcome Fear, Guilt, and Shame - mat422 - 04-08-2013
(04-08-2013, 07:18 AM)Sean Wrote: I hate hate hate CFL's. The vast majority of them do not emit the full spectrum, but instead emit light at specific wavelengths to satisfy an RGB balance. This is not the same and creates a poorly lit environment. Further, if you happen to break one, they are terribly toxic, because most (if not all) contain mercury.
I had not heard about the acoustic signature before, and I thank you for that information. I use halogen bulbs instead of CFL's, mostly, but this seals the deal for me: I will avoid CFL's in my home.
Finally, remember that there are two sides to human qualities: positive and negative. I am also sensitive, so I've been called a pussy for being sensitive, but that same sensitivity gives me access to a huge world of sensing the emotions of others.
Those acoustic signatures are way up there for humans, but it's crazy because I can hear it. It's not traditional hearing though, it's like it's inside my head, it's weird. Anyway I don't know why the government keeps pushing for these CFL bulbs, after all the research I've done it looks like they are pushing lies. There's some financial profit from these things for sure in favor of human health.
Yeah Sean you're right. I've always been upset that I'm more sensitive than others, but my ability to understand people is a very strong trait. I think there just needs to be more balance. I think my overly sensitive nature as a kid prevented me from learning to be more assertive when I had to be.
RE: Overcome Fear, Guilt, and Shame - mat422 - 04-08-2013
Oh yeah, strange dream last night. It was me in this giant church or building. But I was basically surrounded by entities that would latch onto me and fill me with fear. Everyone else could see them, but they only attacked me. I have to say out of all the dreams I've had this one seems to carry a lot of meaning.
Basically it just symbolizes the whole struggle I feel with fear and how people around me can see it, but they don't experience it as much as me. Well at least the people I know, I know I'm nothing special and tons of people suffer from similar stuff. But in my immediate environment like friends and family, I feel like I'm different.
RE: Overcome Fear, Guilt, and Shame - mat422 - 04-10-2013
Thinking about this job interview coming up, it's been bothering me. I think I'll just shoot myself in the foot if I'm not anything but honest. So that's what I'm gonna do.
It's just a package handler position, nothing major so if I don't get it, it's not the end of the world. I don't have much to offer them except the fact that I'm a reliable worker and I work hard.
I'm getting to a point in my life where I'm done faking everything. It's not worth the stress to continue to put on a false image. It's harder trying to figure out what to say so I don't come across as weak or undesirable. I don't really care anymore.
I can't grow as a person if I keep being ashamed of dealing with these hardships. So I just have to move on with life and focus on getting better. I recognize that some people out in the world will judge me for dealing with this stuff. At first I was afraid, even intensely self conscious that they would see these flaws in me and judge me. Now I'm just angry because I'm doing the best I can and if someone doesn't think that's good enough they can take a walk. I've got my issues to sort out and I'm doing that. There are some people that don't even try, at least I am.
RE: Overcome Fear, Guilt, and Shame - Sean - 04-11-2013
(04-10-2013, 07:30 PM)mat422 Wrote: I don't have much to offer them except the fact that I'm a reliable worker and I work hard.
Mat,
Do not devalue yourself: a good reliable worker is a rarity these days.
RE: Overcome Fear, Guilt, and Shame - mat422 - 04-11-2013
(04-11-2013, 07:37 AM)Sean Wrote:(04-10-2013, 07:30 PM)mat422 Wrote: I don't have much to offer them except the fact that I'm a reliable worker and I work hard.
Mat,
Do not devalue yourself: a good reliable worker is a rarity these days.
This just reminds me how I tend to believe that that most people think the same way as me. But I guess when I do think about it there are people out there that don't have the same level of work ethic as me.
___________________________________________________________
I think that last post I had was just me venting. There's been a lot of changes and discoveries, frustrations, and confusion. But I think I discovered something important today. I think my biggest fear is what I can become. I fear being successful, confident, happy, and feeling good. And I think it's because the more I start to grow in that direction the more hate I'm gonna get thrown my way.
I've been facing my fears, but what I failed to realize is that I held onto that low self esteem. No matter how many fears I overcame I didn't even think that I was afraid of success. But I can see now how it's been my biggest block.
So I've been using EFT on eliminating those blocks in me from becoming a happy successful person. In a way I guess it was a defense mechanism. I knew deep down if I became more confident it would open me up to more negativity, so I feared that. Instead I held onto this low status position because I felt it was safer.
It's funny though. I'm not surrounded by any of these people that want to keep me down. I just feel like there are these voices in my head telling me this stuff. I don't know if it's what I've learned over the years or I'm just doing it to myself out of internal sense of hate. If I focus on becoming confident it's like my internal dialogue says to me that I'm a faker, everyone is gonna see right through me, I'm being inauthentic, to stop lying to myself, etc. I don't understand why that happens.
RE: Overcome Fear, Guilt, and Shame - mat422 - 04-14-2013
I think I'm having some trouble with things I don't really understand. Ever since I was a teenager things have been off in my life. I think I was a pretty happy kid, but after I hit puberty things got messy. Maybe it was the responsibilities thrown on me or the stress. Maybe I couldn't cope as well. I'm not gonna toss my hands up and go oh well chemical imbalance, not my fault so I shouldn't try. But my mom's side of the family doesn't have the best track record when it comes to mental health. And I'm a lot like my mom.
So where am I going with this? I think maybe I have to start exploring my physical body more. I'm gonna go to a good doctor and see if they can figure out if somethings wrong. Who knows maybe I can't absorb a vitamin and that's what makes things out of wack. I think if my physical health isn't up to par it's only going to make my ability to deal with my mental health even harder if not impossible.
It just feels like someone sucked the color out of my life. It's just this feeling of being numb to the things around me. And I do try to make the best of things, but when it doesn't work I feel guilty like I'm not trying hard enough. I don't know if it's really me not being positive, it's more like an absence of pleasure that makes it hard to live. You really have to have been there to get it, otherwise I think people have a tendency to think I'm just being negative or not trying to be happy enough.
But having said all that, I think accepting where I am and not being so hard on myself is better than saying how I should feel. I'll keep pushing myself to improve, but I won't fill myself with unnecessary guilt when things don't work out as planned.
RE: Overcome Fear, Guilt, and Shame - IronSmooth - 04-14-2013
(04-14-2013, 07:26 AM)mat422 Wrote: I think I'm having some trouble with things I don't really understand. Ever since I was a teenager things have been off in my life. I think I was a pretty happy kid, but after I hit puberty things got messy. Maybe it was the responsibilities thrown on me or the stress. Maybe I couldn't cope as well. I'm not gonna toss my hands up and go oh well chemical imbalance, not my fault so I shouldn't try. But my mom's side of the family doesn't have the best track record when it comes to mental health. And I'm a lot like my mom.
So where am I going with this? I think maybe I have to start exploring my physical body more. I'm gonna go to a good doctor and see if they can figure out if somethings wrong. Who knows maybe I can't absorb a vitamin and that's what makes things out of wack. I think if my physical health isn't up to par it's only going to make my ability to deal with my mental health even harder if not impossible.
It just feels like someone sucked the color out of my life. It's just this feeling of being numb to the things around me. And I do try to make the best of things, but when it doesn't work I feel guilty like I'm not trying hard enough. I don't know if it's really me not being positive, it's more like an absence of pleasure that makes it hard to live. You really have to have been there to get it, otherwise I think people have a tendency to think I'm just being negative or not trying to be happy enough.
But having said all that, I think accepting where I am and not being so hard on myself is better than saying how I should feel. I'll keep pushing myself to improve, but I won't fill myself with unnecessary guilt when things don't work out as planned.
Dont want to write anything lately been feeling tired i think i have to take it a little easier with the sub lol.
The thing that pops into my mind is hormone levels. Testosterone and estrogen, you might be feeling that way because you have low test and/or high estrogen.
Did you ever get your testosterone level checked? Either way you are probably not getting enough zinc.
It will raise your test back to normal levels and i think every male needs that. More test = more manliness lol cant have too much of that.
Not to mention that it regulates a few HUNDRED bodily functions and will give you a bigger drive and more energy. Inexpensive too.
Hormone levels will mess with you. If your estrogen is higher than your test then you can have all kinds of wierd shit happen to you. Low test can even cause depression, loss of libido, lack of energy.
I take 30 mgs Zinc Piccolnate (the best absorbing) every day and feel alot better than before i use to not take it.
I think its a good thing to supplement with
RE: Overcome Fear, Guilt, and Shame - mat422 - 04-14-2013
(04-14-2013, 12:11 PM)IronSmooth Wrote:(04-14-2013, 07:26 AM)mat422 Wrote: I think I'm having some trouble with things I don't really understand. Ever since I was a teenager things have been off in my life. I think I was a pretty happy kid, but after I hit puberty things got messy. Maybe it was the responsibilities thrown on me or the stress. Maybe I couldn't cope as well. I'm not gonna toss my hands up and go oh well chemical imbalance, not my fault so I shouldn't try. But my mom's side of the family doesn't have the best track record when it comes to mental health. And I'm a lot like my mom.
So where am I going with this? I think maybe I have to start exploring my physical body more. I'm gonna go to a good doctor and see if they can figure out if somethings wrong. Who knows maybe I can't absorb a vitamin and that's what makes things out of wack. I think if my physical health isn't up to par it's only going to make my ability to deal with my mental health even harder if not impossible.
It just feels like someone sucked the color out of my life. It's just this feeling of being numb to the things around me. And I do try to make the best of things, but when it doesn't work I feel guilty like I'm not trying hard enough. I don't know if it's really me not being positive, it's more like an absence of pleasure that makes it hard to live. You really have to have been there to get it, otherwise I think people have a tendency to think I'm just being negative or not trying to be happy enough.
But having said all that, I think accepting where I am and not being so hard on myself is better than saying how I should feel. I'll keep pushing myself to improve, but I won't fill myself with unnecessary guilt when things don't work out as planned.
Dont want to write anything lately been feeling tired i think i have to take it a little easier with the sub lol.
The thing that pops into my mind is hormone levels. Testosterone and estrogen, you might be feeling that way because you have low test and/or high estrogen.
Did you ever get your testosterone level checked? Either way you are probably not getting enough zinc.
It will raise your test back to normal levels and i think every male needs that. More test = more manliness lol cant have too much of that.
Not to mention that it regulates a few HUNDRED bodily functions and will give you a bigger drive and more energy. Inexpensive too.
Hormone levels will mess with you. If your estrogen is higher than your test then you can have all kinds of wierd shit happen to you. Low test can even cause depression, loss of libido, lack of energy.
I take 30 mgs Zinc Piccolnate (the best absorbing) every day and feel alot better than before i use to not take it.
I think its a good thing to supplement with
I did get tested a year or two ago. My results were normal. But I'm going to another doctor to get a second opinion. I forgot the actual number. But I don't think they tested estrogen. Hopefully this new doctor will be willing to really look into things.
Thanks for the suggestion about zinc. I'll hold off on that until I get the tests and everything. I just want to be sure.
RE: Overcome Fear, Guilt, and Shame - IronSmooth - 04-15-2013
(04-14-2013, 07:26 AM)mat422 Wrote: I did get tested a year or two ago. My results were normal. But I'm going to another doctor to get a second opinion. I forgot the actual number. But I don't think they tested estrogen. Hopefully this new doctor will be willing to really look into things.
Thanks for the suggestion about zinc. I'll hold off on that until I get the tests and everything. I just want to be sure.
My bad
Well you have to ask specifically. It will cost more though.
Remember, the more testosterone you produce, the more is converted to estrogen. So more importantly its better to know you estrogen level if you had to choose one.
I had high estrogen when i was a teen because my test was so high, and it converted some of it to estrogen. Its easy and cheap to block estrogen if you need it. If sometime in the future you need a safe way to block it or lower it, come back to this post and check out DIM short for Diindolylmethane. The name seems scary and unnatural but its what broccoli has lol but in high amounts. So its basically broccoli extract. It takes the bad estrogen and turns it into testosterone, or removes it through bowel. Its much better than prescription pills and cheaper too. Its strong enough to kill you estrogen completely, enough to kill your drive.
No estrogen = no wood. Too much estrogen = no wood. The perfect estrogen level is where you have wood in the morning when you wake up, doesnt have to be always but you get the picture. For me, the perfect amount is one pill every 2 days of DIM. Very simple
Im not doctor though so
RE: Overcome Fear, Guilt, and Shame - mat422 - 04-17-2013
So I finally have a job after months of unemployment. I'm in the beginning stages of dealing with all the stress from the new stuff I have to learn. In a way I'm happy I finally have a job and a source of money. But I'm also just overwhelmed and stressed out. It takes 40 days to make seniority and I'm just worried they'll lay me off if I'm not good enough. There's nothing incredibly challenging about it, but my whole mental state tends to make simple tasks problematic or cause me to screw up.
I definitely can't qualify for disability, so I have no excuses which means all my mistakes are completely my fault. That's just frustrating for me. I'm not the most severely depressed person or have the worst anxiety, but it does impair my ability to work to some degree.
I don't know what's gonna happen and I'm blowing everything out of proportion like I always do. But every single step to get here has been incredibly difficult and I'd hate to lose all that progress because I'm dealing with something that's not always in my control.
Alright I'm getting ahead of myself here. I'm just gonna do my best and if it doesn't work out ok. I keep stressing over this stuff because I'm so focused on my failure. I don't know if I do that to prepare me for the worst or what. I can do this, no more doubting myself that doesn't help.