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+--- Thread: EHPRA Journal (/Thread-EHPRA-Journal)
RE: OF journey - Dubls - 12-03-2015
The sub is playing whether or not you're zoning out. You don't have to think about it to hear it.
RE: OF journey - ArcticFox - 12-04-2015
(12-03-2015, 07:58 PM)essy Wrote: The sub is playing whether or not you're zoning out. You don't have to think about it to hear it.
Exactly!
The human body is good at masking consistent sounds that are not worthy of attention.
When I listen to the masked subs after a while I don't even notice them playing. But this is perfect for subliminals as they are avoiding your conscious but your subconscious will still hear them.
RE: OF journey - mat422 - 12-04-2015
Thanks for the input. I think this is probably just my anxiety acting up. I always worry about doing this stuff "right". That's part of my problem, just always worrying about stuff too much. Something I've always struggled with and I start obsessing over stuff too much.
RE: OF journey - mat422 - 12-05-2015
I'm looking back at the past and I'm seeing how my attitude is kind of changing towards everything. I used to have crippling depression and social anxiety. I used to hang around forums looking for support or people that made it out and let me to tell you that's depressing as hell. 90% of the time everyone is still struggling and it sucks. But even back then something inside of me said that this wasn't how things had to be. So I've just been on a never ending quest to conquer all of this stuff.
Nowadays I still feel those things, but they don't have the pull they used to. I don't know how to describe it, but it's like outgrowing them almost. Which if you talked about in some of those mental health forums people would say you never get rid of social anxiety or depression. It's such a pervasive belief and I think the only reason it's stuck around is because conventional treatment methods suck.
My greatest fear is that this is it. This is my life. An endless uphill struggle with no resolution until the day I die. I've never once, not in my entire life, had a moment where I thought to myself that everything is great and working out like it should. And I don't know if that's a common thing among people and they just hide it really well. Everyday feels like I'm doing something wrong, which causes me to over analyze my life and all my actions and make me fearful of making a mistake.
But I am moving forward, that's for certain. It just has to be one step at a time because I still feel like there's a ton of stuff that needs work in my life.
RE: OF journey - Dubls - 12-05-2015
(12-05-2015, 08:16 AM)mat422 Wrote: I'm looking back at the past and I'm seeing how my attitude is kind of changing towards everything. I used to have crippling depression and social anxiety. I used to hang around forums looking for support or people that made it out and let me to tell you that's depressing as hell. 90% of the time everyone is still struggling and it sucks. But even back then something inside of me said that this wasn't how things had to be. So I've just been on a never ending quest to conquer all of this stuff.
Nowadays I still feel those things, but they don't have the pull they used to. I don't know how to describe it, but it's like outgrowing them almost. Which if you talked about in some of those mental health forums people would say you never get rid of social anxiety or depression. It's such a pervasive belief and I think the only reason it's stuck around is because conventional treatment methods suck.
My greatest fear is that this is it. This is my life. An endless uphill struggle with no resolution until the day I die. I've never once, not in my entire life, had a moment where I thought to myself that everything is great and working out like it should. And I don't know if that's a common thing among people and they just hide it really well. Everyday feels like I'm doing something wrong, which causes me to over analyze my life and all my actions and make me fearful of making a mistake.
But I am moving forward, that's for certain. It just has to be one step at a time because I still feel like there's a ton of stuff that needs work in my life.
Man I know EXACTLY how you feel and let me tell you it gets better, but only if you're active about change. I was in your shoes up until a year ago. Check out the entries from my first run of AM6 (p. 1-5). Self pity is a poisonous mindset, and then there's the anger at the way things are and the fact that you have to do anything at all just to be normal. But you're not normal. You're lucky. That which has made you identify as broken has also forced you to be deeply insightful. You have been pushed into an opportunity to consciously rebuild yourself. Do you know how special that is? Most people don't even scratch that surface because nothing significant enough happens to give them reason to. Yet very few people are dealt a winning hand. This is your chance to stack the deck.
RE: OF journey - mat422 - 12-10-2015
(12-05-2015, 09:36 AM)essy Wrote:(12-05-2015, 08:16 AM)mat422 Wrote: I'm looking back at the past and I'm seeing how my attitude is kind of changing towards everything. I used to have crippling depression and social anxiety. I used to hang around forums looking for support or people that made it out and let me to tell you that's depressing as hell. 90% of the time everyone is still struggling and it sucks. But even back then something inside of me said that this wasn't how things had to be. So I've just been on a never ending quest to conquer all of this stuff.
Nowadays I still feel those things, but they don't have the pull they used to. I don't know how to describe it, but it's like outgrowing them almost. Which if you talked about in some of those mental health forums people would say you never get rid of social anxiety or depression. It's such a pervasive belief and I think the only reason it's stuck around is because conventional treatment methods suck.
My greatest fear is that this is it. This is my life. An endless uphill struggle with no resolution until the day I die. I've never once, not in my entire life, had a moment where I thought to myself that everything is great and working out like it should. And I don't know if that's a common thing among people and they just hide it really well. Everyday feels like I'm doing something wrong, which causes me to over analyze my life and all my actions and make me fearful of making a mistake.
But I am moving forward, that's for certain. It just has to be one step at a time because I still feel like there's a ton of stuff that needs work in my life.
Man I know EXACTLY how you feel and let me tell you it gets better, but only if you're active about change. I was in your shoes up until a year ago. Check out the entries from my first run of AM6 (p. 1-5). Self pity is a poisonous mindset, and then there's the anger at the way things are and the fact that you have to do anything at all just to be normal. But you're not normal. You're lucky. That which has made you identify as broken has also forced you to be deeply insightful. You have been pushed into an opportunity to consciously rebuild yourself. Do you know how special that is? Most people don't even scratch that surface because nothing significant enough happens to gives them reason to. Yet very people are dealt a winning hand. This is your chance to stack the deck.
Thanks. I'll take a look at the journals when I get a chance. I guess I never really considered it that way, but you're definitely right. Ignorance is bliss, but I'd rather live in a self actualized way even if that means going through a journey others don't take.
Been a bit since I last posted. I'm keeping this one short because I don't have much to say. But I've been rereading about mindfulness and being the watcher of your thoughts and emotions. It's helped me significantly. As the days go by and I passively watch my negative thoughts and feelings, it becomes easier to let them pass without latching on to them. I think the problem I had in the past with this sublminal is having it bring up emotions to be healed, but I dwelled on them and gave them more power over me.
So now I'll have waves of intense emotions hit me, followed by a calm, followed by more intense emotions. Despite all my time listening to subliminals, I feel like I've just barely scratched the surface. Part of that is because I've never had the strength to dig deeper or I wasn't ready. But I feel like I'm getting to some important stuff now because my urge to pull away is very strong. But I won't give into it like I have in the past.
RE: OF journey - mat422 - 12-10-2015
So I have a strong obsession with doing things "right". Out of all the things I struggle with, this one is the worst. It invades nearly every area of my life. It didn't occur to me until now that this obsession could be messing with my progress with this subliminal. Here's my reasoning. Since I want to make sure I know how to overcome emotional issues and problems, I constantly check to make sure they aren't there anymore. The problem is sometimes this results in me sort of bringing back the old emotion or generating a new one that's similar. Since the mind is capable of amazing things, it's very easy to create anxiety or depression again and convince myself I still have issues. From there it's an awful cycle of get better->am I really better?(doubt)->double checking and regenerating problems.
So far practicing mindfulness is helping me avoid the pull to engage in these compulsions. But it took me a while to figure out how much of a thought loop I tend to get myself stuck in.
RE: OF journey - mat422 - 12-12-2015
Yeah so a ton of rumination has been going on in my life lately. And I've been falling right into it. When you've lived with negative thoughts and perspective for so long it's damn near impossible to catch it sometimes because you think of it as "normal".
When I think about it part of my difficulty with making change is because of my perception of things getting potentially worse. I've realized a lot of my worries like getting stuck in a bad job or slipping back into depression are all just worries. They aren't guaranteed, but sometimes I act as if I know they will happen to me. That's the fear I guess. The what ifs. I feel as if once I sort of break that barrier of fear and end up in favorable circumstances my life will improve. I just worry if the opposite happens I'll slip down further because it will confirm my fears.
I can almost see this barrier in my mind and recognize how absurd it is. I can see how I have nothing to be afraid of and so much more to gain. But it still holds so much power over me. But I've learned treating it as an enemy or something untouchable outside of myself doesn't help. I have to recognize that ultimately I'm doing this to myself and be aware of it.
RE: OF journey - mat422 - 12-14-2015
Something clicked today and it's made me really aware of just how badly I separate from myself at times. I've come to realize I don't have a healthy relationship with my emotions. Even when I was younger I'd escape painful emotions by just going to sleep instead of facing them. Now I'm noticing the same trend in adulthood, but instead of sleep it's video games, making music, or TV. Sometimes it's even just meditating the wrong way. Instead of allowing the emotions I drift off into this hazy sort of peaceful place and convince myself it will be good for me. But it's just my attempt at distancing myself from my emotions.
I basically have to relearn how to let emotions be and get on with life while experiencing them instead of trying to avoid them.
Analogy time, because for some reason that's how my brain works. You know Tetris? When you start piling blocks too high and it's game over? If you've ever played without paying any attention to what you're doing it's really easy to end the game. Same with negative thoughts. If they go unchecked they pile up and my "game over" is pretty much getting so overwhelmed that I check out. It's important for me to be aware of every aspect of my life and where those negative thoughts creep in and address them instead of pushing them down. When they are pushed down too much they become subconscious, and at that point it becomes a habit. And habits aren't as easy to be aware of because they seem too familiar.
RE: OF journey - mat422 - 12-17-2015
Damn. That's all I gotta say. Things have been crazy rough these past few weeks. The ups and downs are hard to deal with. When I move past one issue and get this lighter feeling, I feel good and think it's all up from there. But it's like the further I dig, eventually I hit another issue and it starts all over again. The problem is I feel it coming on and I actively resist it. Because I've tasted the good feelings, I don't want to go back into all that negative stuff. But that's where the freedom lies, going through and processing all that stuff I try and avoid.
I keep waking up in the morning and having trouble getting out of bed. Everything has just become 10x more difficult for me. I'm working through some really heavy stuff and it's messing with my ability to be productive at all. Which adds to my anxiety. It's like being trapped in an awful cycle I can't break out of.
I've also been trying WAY WAY too hard to control my emotions, which never works. People have just been irritating me lately and I make the mistake of trying not to feel that. Like I was getting tailgated by this guy behind me the other day and in my head I called him an asshole, but then I immediately told myself I shouldn't think like that and I don't know his situation, etc. Which is all well and good if I didn't try to completely stuff down my angry emotion. I guess I'm still not comfortable with the actual feeling of anger and I need to learn to accept that more instead of trying to push it away under the assumption it makes me a bad person.
RE: OF journey - Natious - 12-17-2015
(12-17-2015, 12:34 PM)mat422 Wrote: Damn. That's all I gotta say. Things have been crazy rough these past few weeks. The ups and downs are hard to deal with. When I move past one issue and get this lighter feeling, I feel good and think it's all up from there. But it's like the further I dig, eventually I hit another issue and it starts all over again. The problem is I feel it coming on and I actively resist it. Because I've tasted the good feelings, I don't want to go back into all that negative stuff. But that's where the freedom lies, going through and processing all that stuff I try and avoid.
I keep waking up in the morning and having trouble getting out of bed. Everything has just become 10x more difficult for me. I'm working through some really heavy stuff and it's messing with my ability to be productive at all. Which adds to my anxiety. It's like being trapped in an awful cycle I can't break out of.
I've also been trying WAY WAY too hard to control my emotions, which never works. People have just been irritating me lately and I make the mistake of trying not to feel that. Like I was getting tailgated by this guy behind me the other day and in my head I called him an asshole, but then I immediately told myself I shouldn't think like that and I don't know his situation, etc. Which is all well and good if I didn't try to completely stuff down my angry emotion. I guess I'm still not comfortable with the actual feeling of anger and I need to learn to accept that more instead of trying to push it away under the assumption it makes me a bad person.
I'm nearing 6 and a half months on this sub and still get a very similar turbulence feeling. That includes the justifying of other people's behavior to calm down my emotions. Sometimes it just seems like OF is making me more and more insecure which makes no sense what so ever. There's probably more to it though.
I guess what I'm saying is that I know what the resistance can feel like on this sub and it doesn't seem to lessen the more you listen to it. If I was you I'd hop on OF 5g as soon as it comes out if you are planning to continue the road of fear destruction.
RE: OF journey - mat422 - 12-17-2015
(12-17-2015, 03:18 PM)Natious Wrote:(12-17-2015, 12:34 PM)mat422 Wrote: Damn. That's all I gotta say. Things have been crazy rough these past few weeks. The ups and downs are hard to deal with. When I move past one issue and get this lighter feeling, I feel good and think it's all up from there. But it's like the further I dig, eventually I hit another issue and it starts all over again. The problem is I feel it coming on and I actively resist it. Because I've tasted the good feelings, I don't want to go back into all that negative stuff. But that's where the freedom lies, going through and processing all that stuff I try and avoid.
I keep waking up in the morning and having trouble getting out of bed. Everything has just become 10x more difficult for me. I'm working through some really heavy stuff and it's messing with my ability to be productive at all. Which adds to my anxiety. It's like being trapped in an awful cycle I can't break out of.
I've also been trying WAY WAY too hard to control my emotions, which never works. People have just been irritating me lately and I make the mistake of trying not to feel that. Like I was getting tailgated by this guy behind me the other day and in my head I called him an asshole, but then I immediately told myself I shouldn't think like that and I don't know his situation, etc. Which is all well and good if I didn't try to completely stuff down my angry emotion. I guess I'm still not comfortable with the actual feeling of anger and I need to learn to accept that more instead of trying to push it away under the assumption it makes me a bad person.
I'm nearing 6 and a half months on this sub and still get a very similar turbulence feeling. That includes the justifying of other people's behavior to calm down my emotions. Sometimes it just seems like OF is making me more and more insecure which makes no sense what so ever. There's probably more to it though.
I guess what I'm saying is that I know what the resistance can feel like on this sub and it doesn't seem to lessen the more you listen to it. If I was you I'd hop on OF 5g as soon as it comes out if you are planning to continue the road of fear destruction.
Actually I'm on EHPRA right now. I dropped OF after realizing fear wasn't the whole picture and I had a lot of self worth issues as well. My thread title isn't too accurate anymore. I'm looking forward to EHPRA 2.0. I really resonate with Shannon's spiderweb theory of the mind and I'm probably going to try to tackle things at once instead of just focusing on fear.
In any case, it seems like fear is the toughest one to crack. In a way fear keeps me safe, so when a sub directly effects that it's pretty much triggering my fight or flight survival response. Makes sense that it would cause the most amount of resistance, I'm essentially giving up my perceived safety.
RE: OF journey - Natious - 12-18-2015
I'm between ehpra 2.0 and MLS myself. MLS would help me get a better focus on learning marketing but wouldn't be dealing with the deep stuff. EHPRA would be a generally good sub especially after my OF run but since I will need to learn a lot on marketing and improve my french, MLS could be more helpful here. Tough choice.
You can change your thread title by clicking on in and dragging the cursor off it (do that while in the Men's Journals).
RE: OF journey - mat422 - 12-18-2015
(12-18-2015, 03:28 AM)Natious Wrote: I'm between ehpra 2.0 and MLS myself. MLS would help me get a better focus on learning marketing but wouldn't be dealing with the deep stuff. EHPRA would be a generally good sub especially after my OF run but since I will need to learn a lot on marketing and improve my french, MLS could be more helpful here. Tough choice.
You can change your thread title by clicking on in and dragging the cursor off it (do that while in the Men's Journals).
Yeah that is a bit tough. In my experience even when you can obtain a good amount of knowledge, if you have self sabotaging tendencies it kind of ruins the value of it. So I guess it's a question if you'd be able to utilize all that stuff you learn or if you'd still be stuck because of the deeper issues holding you back.
Cool, thanks for the tip. I had no idea haha.