(12-13-2014, 03:02 PM)Mateunio Wrote: Stage 1 Day 1

Sometimes the hardest part of the adventure is beginning of it. I don't know how it will be here, but so far it's been quite hard. I feel exhausted mentally, unable to do anything useful and almost paralyzed with resistance. It was surprising for me because I didn't experience resistance with LTU for a couple of weeks and I thought transition from LTU to AM will be more or less easy. It isn't :/ AM seems strange. Maybe not unpleasant, but it's like a noise that makes it hard to concentrate. After 3 months LTU became familiar with me, soothing and almost pleasant. It almost makes me want to go back to LTU, but I don't think it would be good decision. I'll stick to this for at least a week, if sub will still fatigue me then I'll think of something.

(01-08-2015, 03:46 AM)Mateunio Wrote: Stage 1 Day 26

I didn't write for some time now and reason is simple - I didn't have much to talk about. To be honest I'd not write this right now if not for the fact that I promised myself to update journal at least once per week. After all I use it to share my thoughts, but primary goal is to monitor my progress as time goes by. And how am I supposed to do that without any entries?

Stage nears it's end and it makes me almost sad. It seems that I finally got used to it, listening doesn't cause much resistance anymore and I finally got to work. I fear switching to next stage will make me strain again, getting used to again. Any experiences with that, guys?

I've had another dog dream tonight. This time it was my parents' little dog jumping over the fence and attacking 5 times bigger St Bernard. I was able to calm both of them, but once I'd stop caress them they would start fighting again. Why does maintaining peace require such effort?

Overall I feel better now. Very confused, but okay. I'm not sure where does this confusion come from, I think it's safe to say it's due to changing my believes. I'll have to interpret myself anew, almost from scratch. In other news it seems like my social skills improved a little and I feel much more confident, BS-proof and unapologetic. I got myself to train semi-regularly and even though it's mostly one series of push-ups and sit-ups per day it's some progress. I think I will join gym or something similar in February when exams will be over and I'll have lots of time. I'm anxious about this idea, but I know it's inevitable.

(01-11-2015, 03:59 AM)rubman Wrote: Keep on it, and dont let resistance take you. IF you feel weird dont worry, its doing his work.

At first it is hard to maintain yourself, with time you will develop discipline. This sub saved my life with respect to anxiety attacks that is why I have developed a "need" for it. So I have the security I wont give up or resistance wil ruin it.

(01-11-2015, 02:23 AM)Mateunio Wrote: Stage 1 Day 30

I've had two strange dreams today. I'm sure I've had more, but those two I remember well.

First one was that I was in some kind of hotel (reminded me kind of of place I was in this summer) and I wanted to go to the party there. On my way there I realized I didn't used any pheromones (I've bought some recently, but I didn't had chance to test them). When back in my room it was in disarray (it looked like it was the last day of the trip) and I couldn't find it, but roommate helped me out. Then I used it and went to party, where every single girl there was touching my butt or court me somehow. Group of 3 girls even seized me and said I'm a candidate for a fiance for forth girl and I was very curious to see her, but I didn't have chance to see her cause I woke up.

Wow, I must have high expectations toward pheros!

Second dream was more bizarre and I think I had similar one years back. I was Prime Minister of Poland and there was meeting of me and Presidents of USA (sorry Obama, you were replaced by some white jerk), Russia, France (which I was calling "De Gaulle") and UK. Obviously, there were also girls. I was apparently into one of them, but when it came to this she left to have threesome with USA and Russia. Sad I went to UK and made some agreement with him, but I have no idea what. Dream ended with me playing volleyball in one team with De Gaulle and he told me that Germany only wants to screw me over and that he cannot wait to see me at the meeting next year.

And no, I don't watch TV news anymore.

Anyone here knows something about dream reading and can interpret those? That might be actually fun, especially second one.

Sonata Arctica - Don't Say A Word Wrote:... The wounds are too deep,
I need to keep the scars
To prove there was a time
When I loved something more than life

Unlike the last time here,
I now have the means and a will sincere
Your knight is nowhere near
Unfortunate for you, this makes me your God...