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+--- Thread: UH: The Reset of Myself (/Thread-UH-The-Reset-of-Myself)
RE: UH: The Reset of Myself - MrGnome - 03-17-2022
(03-17-2022, 07:17 AM)CatMan Wrote:(03-17-2022, 05:51 AM)MrGnome Wrote:(03-17-2022, 05:42 AM)CatMan Wrote:(03-16-2022, 11:41 PM)Benjamin Wrote: Doing well. It's good to do it a little at a time like that, as opposed to doing it really quickly. Some people want to lose like 10kg in a couple of weeks, but doing it to the extreme isn't good for your body, and doing it gradually also gives your mind more time to adjust to looking different. It took me a while to adjust to how I looked when I lost weight, for ages I was like "Is that really me" when I seen photos.
I can co-sign this.
When I lost my 90 pounds...it took a long time for my mind to get used to it.
Now looking back at pictures before the weight loss, it's jarring to me and hard to believe that was me. It's kinda like it's "someone else" now...it's that far removed, it's weird to experience. Even people close to me remark on that in a similar fashion, it's like two totally different people. It's taken so many years off my appearance to, which is surprising as well.
Other people have a massive jolt when seeing me if they haven't seen me in years too, which is funny to see!
How long did it took for your mind to got used to it?
It was kinda funny last time around thinking i wouldn't get passed through a short amount of space only to try it anyway and go: "oh yeah i completely forgot,I lost fat" in 2019 back when i was 130kg
Truth be told...at times I still have trouble getting used to it, a few years later. Likely since the change has been so extreme. Going through clothes has been crazy too, something people forget about. Fitting into stuff from high school is amusing at times though, haha.
Yeah, I can believe that I went through alot of clothes aswell and because my weight loss adventures is mostly random, Hence why i always ask my mother to not throw old clothes away, in case i might need them again but oh well..
Even more of a reason to make it pernament this time, while also having to learn to become more patient..
Would have been fun to try it out with my own high school clothes but they are gone now.
RE: UH: The Reset of Myself - MrGnome - 03-23-2022
Month: 1 Cycle: 1 day off: 4 ASRB: 2
Welp this week has been shit.. I only lost the muscle gain from last week -_-
Also I got no results from UH.. (for this week)
Excersising became less fun (even though i still did them)
I feel really agressive at this moment..
I am pretty sure it's resistence and I really dont know what to do against it..
Mayby more digging up? Like how I always said goodbye to my school friends when it was over?
Or how my Mom is always scared I'm getting lost or getting a seizure..
Heck I cant even spend some time thinking before she yells at me for an answer -_-
Glad it also happend at a No D&D week aswell so no fun distractions either..
Just one more to go..
Sorry for the rant.. I'm just at the point i wanna cry..
I dont want to revert back, I dont want all of this to be just a waste of time and money..
I dont want to be lonely either: I guess this is why I'm so obessed with D&D because it the one time of the week I see my Friends but two of them are on Vacation and they truley deserve it.
Atleast I will learn when my new job begins soon so thats atleast a good thing i needed.
RE: UH: The Reset of Myself - MrGnome - 03-23-2022
"Go through all of your negative beliefs about yourself. Like, "I suck." Then trace those beliefs, one at a time, back to where they came from. If where they come from is not you, but someone else, then they are invalid beliefs for you to have because they are only someone else's OPINION and opinions are not facts. They are one person's point of view. Nobody's opinion of you should be the basis for why you believe something about yourself, ever. You should base what you believe about yourself on facts where possible, and on your OWN opinion otherwise. And don't base them on opinions you hold that are based on someone else's opinion of you, because that's not really your opinion. That's you being lazy and letting someone else think for you."
"When I think about it It's clear that it all came from my parents.
Most of the believes i got came from my mother because i spend most of my time with her.
As in i got the same insecurities as she has.
My father was pretty much a jackass.
He talked down on us alot.
He pretty much neglectud us as well and we only got attention when we did something wrong and got yelled at for it.
Or if he was in good mood for a change, mainly this happend on vacation's.
My mom got the most of it though, Thank God he never beated any of ous. but he still demended us to be perfect.
The only reason why he liked my brother was because he did the same job as our father (different company though)
""It sounds to me like the underlying issue is fear in your case. Having your father tell you to eat everything you have would instill a fear of lack of food if you don't eat everything, and telling you to hurry would make it worse by implying that you'll starve if you don't eat it all NOW."
This is also a part of it he sometimes jokingly said: if you didn't ate enough food then it's your own fault
I know he said this jokingly but i cant help but wonder if this qoute around the hollidays is a part of it too.
The moment he paid attention to me were when i cursed while playing video games. Heck when i was upset because of a broke up he told me to just get over it..
And when i was the only Child left in the house, he tried to get closer to me?
My mom Said it was a scheme to put me on a job i might not have wanted.
Then again my mom is very over protective of me. She always got scared i never came back home when i was out visiting my friends (who live across the country so travel times are mosly like 2 hours)
She also wanted me to be perfect to avoid conflict with strangers.
Because of this I wanted to be Perfect for society: have a good job, be attractive, live on your own, have a have wife and kids before you get to old.
Dont get me wrong i so want those things but i dont like the pressure i feel about it.
and because i dont have/are those things, I got the believe that i failed and sucked as a person
Both my parents also pressured me about weight loss, I know being Fat is bad and it sucks but being pressured sucks even more
Thank God 130kg is already enough for my mother.
I really didn't want to bring my parents into this as it feels like I'm blaming them for all of this but still..
I need to get rid of my parents programming how ironic it might be.
I'm also glad my mother atleast loves me even if it goes to over protection at times.
My Father died in 2016 while doing grocery shopping with my mother, He died from Torn veins at age 57.."
I just want to replace my post from General Discussion to here where it belongs but while I'm at it i might aswell try to dig some more..
But yeah.. I lost friends along the way because i never knew what to talk with them about and feeling like im just a bore even more so since i never did anything.
One friend moved away at age 14/15.. I only saw him again once he was back in my town but i needed to go home to do something. I told him I would be back but i forgot his adress..
Another thing i already told was: that last december i noticed my feeling and my logic not being in line and wondering why.. (i was at the beginning of Appetite suppresent)
RE: UH: The Reset of Myself - MrGnome - 03-23-2022
"There's a lot to unpack here, but I suggest you do this exercise.
Go through all of your negative beliefs about yourself. Like, "I suck." Then trace those beliefs, one at a time, back to where they came from. If where they come from is not you, but someone else, then they are invalid beliefs for you to have because they are only someone else's OPINION and opinions are not facts. They are one person's point of view. Nobody's opinion of you should be the basis for why you believe something about yourself, ever. You should base what you believe about yourself on facts where possible, and on your OWN opinion otherwise. And don't base them on opinions you hold that are based on someone else's opinion of you, because that's not really your opinion. That's you being lazy and letting someone else think for you.
And if they DO come from you, trace what made you come to that conclusion, and then ask yourself, "Is the negative assessment of that a correct result?" In most cases, you will have to answer that it is not, if you're being honest.
For example, if you believe that "I suck" because you don't match what society believes you should be like, then that is an invalid belief because it's based on the generalized opinion of a bunch of people who may or may not even know you, and even if they do, what they believe about you is unlikely to actually matter.
If you trace it back to a self assessment that "I suck" because I did/did not do X/can't do X, then your assessment is based on a faulty logic stream, because it is a non-sequitur. It does not logically follow. If I cannot easily socialize, then "I suck" does not logically follow. If I am overweight, then "I suck" does not logically follow. If I am not good at doing certain things, then "I suck" does not logically follow.
Instead, if you assessed that "I suck" because "I am overweight", then we know that is faulty logic, and knowing that we can re-assess and re-assign that assessment. What do we know as a logical result about our self if we are overweight? Well, the only logical conclusion you can conclude is that "Because I am overweight, I am overweight." That's it. A = A, 1 = 1. It is a simple fact that an overweight person is overweight, and judgement is unnecessary and useless. It is what it is, and it should be accepted as such.
The question then becomes, "Am I happy being overweight?" If you answer that with "Yes", then you need to determine why you are overweight, and deal with that issue so you can change "what is". Some of the wisest words I ever heard were, "All suffering comes from resisting what is." If you are overweight, that is "what is". It is a neutral fact. To resist it creates suffering. But if you accept it, you may still be suffering because it is not what you at the conscious level want for yourself; so instead of being judgemental about it, simply accept "what is" as the neutral fact that "it is what it is", and seek a means to understand why it is "what is", which will show you how to change it to something else that you do want instead.
For example, you said that you are/were unhappy being over the weight you want to be, so you lost weight until you got down to 100 kg. Then you slowly gained it back. This is a common occurrence, and it always happens for the following reasons:
Your subconscious wants to feel secure, so it seeks to gain weight (or do some choice or action that results in gaining weight) until it feels secure. When it feels secure, the weight stabilizes, and you have a steady weight. If your conscious mind is unhappy with the consequences of being at that weight - maybe you can't socialize easily, or you don't feel attractive, or cannot attract the type of relationship or person you want to attract as a result - then it will seek to reduce the weight.
In some cases, the conscious desire will be enough to override the subconscious actions and you will lose the weight you want to lose. But then you have achieved the weight at which you wish to be at the conscious level, and you stop trying. At that point, the subconscious continues its slow and steady efforts to achieve the weight it wants, because it never sleeps and never stops executing the "instructions" it has accepted. And the effects are often slow and subtle enough that you don't consciously realize what you're doing, since the conscious attention span is finite and the conscious can only focus on one thing for so long before it gets distracted. And then, quite literally before you know it, you have either gained all the weight back, or you've gained it all back and then some. In the latter case, the extra weight comes from the subconscious responding with more insecurity than it previously had, and seeks a higher weight to make up for that increased insecurity.
The secret to losing weight and keeping it off is to change the subconscious conclusions, associations, responses and beliefs that result in the actions and choices that result in the gain of weight beyond what you actually want. As you can see, the subconscious is not exactly logical or rational, since it seems to think that gaining weight is somehow going to make you (it) safer somehow, which is absurd. In fact, it achieves the reverse effect in many cases, making you less physically healthy, less able to achieve what you want, and so on.
So to make the changes necessary, you must understand why you subconsciously associate extra weight (or the things [eating, or eating specific foods] that result in weight gain) with security, and why you seek that security in the first place. hen you can in various ways re-associate those things with things that do not require extra weight or result in weight gain.
Put simply, weight is in almost all cases the result of your beliefs and the resultant choices you make, and you must change your beliefs, choices, actions and lifestyle permanently to change your weight permanently. But none of this logically leads to the conclusion that "I suck".
Stop being judgemental, and start being considerate of your emotional self. Don't let it blindly drag you into being overweight or whatever else you don't want, but understand that being judgemental is only useful if it is a temporary constructive criticism that makes you aware that you need to make positive changes about yourself. For example, if you're an alcoholic, then "I suck because I'm letting my family down and throwing my health and responsibilities in the trash" might be useful if it helps you make the changes to stop being an alcoholic, but you could do the same thing without the "I suck" part."
Could the Resistance be because I cant stop being jugdemental? I do have a hard time of breaking my habbits.
Even more so when your familly does the same..
At the end of it all, It traces back to Fear and Lack of self love..
A part of why it's so hard to keep a job is because job givers always think I'm to slow at work because of Perfectionism.
A guy (an Adult somewhere in the 40/50) at School Thrashed talk my hobby to be fair i was 20 back then.
Thinking I wouldn't pay attention to my studies -_-
during school break...
But this are just opinions of others, So in the end they dont matter!
But i learned last December: I just cant turn of my feelings no matter how much i want to..
I always feared of being disliked and conflict but most of the time People actually like me..
So is the only way to stop resistance to accept my feelings even if they make no sense what so ever?
RE: UH: The Reset of Myself - RTBoss - 03-23-2022
Keep going. UH is a 9-month process for good reason. As you keep going, you'll likely get more insight, and release.
RE: UH: The Reset of Myself - MrGnome - 03-24-2022
(03-23-2022, 11:48 AM)RTBoss Wrote: Keep going. UH is a 9-month process for good reason. As you keep going, you'll likely get more insight, and release.
Month: 1 Cycle: 1 day off: 5 ASRB: 2
Yeah, UH is alot more challenging then my past subs.
I dont know if it's because of 5.8g or because I'm using ultrasonic format but it makes me easley forget I'm just 1,5 month in.
Wich is also why i keep time tracks here.
RE: UH: The Reset of Myself - MrGnome - 03-26-2022
Month: 1 Cycle: 2 day on: 2 ASRB: 3
I figured out why I'm so uncomfy when strangers try to talk with me..
It's because most of the time i have 0 knowledge of the topics they are talking about and I get a fear of being seen as stupid or dumb
Because there are alot of topics I dont know anything about..
I guess i have to learn how to hold a conversation with strangers..
RE: UH: The Reset of Myself - Giacomonos - 03-26-2022
(03-26-2022, 02:58 AM)MrGnome Wrote: Month: 1 Cycle: 2 day on: 2 ASRB: 3
I figured out why I'm so uncomfy when strangers try to talk with me..
It's because most of the time i have 0 knowledge of the topics they are talking about and I get a fear of being seen as stupid or dumb
Because there are alot of topics I dont know anything about..
I guess i have to learn how to hold a conversation with strangers..
Hi MrGnome, I feel you as I too had experiences like this! One of the books that helped me a lot, if you are interested, is "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. Don't be fooled by the catchy name, it's packed with practical wisdom from various sources.
Hope it helps ?
RE: UH: The Reset of Myself - MrGnome - 03-26-2022
(03-26-2022, 03:16 AM)Giacomonos Wrote:(03-26-2022, 02:58 AM)MrGnome Wrote: Month: 1 Cycle: 2 day on: 2 ASRB: 3
I figured out why I'm so uncomfy when strangers try to talk with me..
It's because most of the time i have 0 knowledge of the topics they are talking about and I get a fear of being seen as stupid or dumb
Because there are alot of topics I dont know anything about..
I guess i have to learn how to hold a conversation with strangers..
Hi MrGnome, I feel you as I too had experiences like this! One of the books that helped me a lot, if you are interested, is "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. Don't be fooled by the catchy name, it's packed with practical wisdom from various sources.
Hope it helps ?
Hmm.. I'm not really a book person but i guess i can give it a shot.
And i can always buy the audiobook on may 17th if i need it.
Thanks!
RE: UH: The Reset of Myself - MrGnome - 04-01-2022
Month: 1 Cycle: 2 day on: 8 ASRB: 3
Ugh I'm so tiiiired.. I hope this is a good thing though
I also noticed my enjoyment for excersising is dead again but now i happylie do something else i have been postponing.
Also I finally start with the trial months on 4/12 on the job i have been talking about
Just hope my tiredness wont cause massive problems..
Also it seems like the sub likes to play on my fear of becoming deaf..
As the tinnitus effect seems to get higher when i use it.
Then again using a headphone while being behind a pc doens't help either.
RE: UH: The Reset of Myself - MrGnome - 04-01-2022
Month: 1 Cycle: 2 day on: 9 ASRB: 3
Okay, now I'm less tired then yesterday but still tired.
I Think it might be related to the fact my muscle still hurt, so it might be the healing.
Also the whole tinnitus think is less again.. weird..
My Mom also admitted yesterday that she projected her fears into me.
Ofcourse with good intentions.
RE: UH: The Reset of Myself - MrGnome - 04-11-2022
Month: 2 Cycle: 5 day on: 4 ASRB: 4
I just came back from my first day at trial job, Everyone was very nice, I could even leave the jobs 15 mins earlier then the contract said because of my long travel time
But the thing is: I didn't felt the need to self filter myself like i would do in past jobs, let alone my first day.
I also came home less tired then i normally would : ) (I'm still tired though but less)
The fact that I'm back in the job field my education was about may help, But I'm still UH did a wonderfull Job! Even more so since I'm only 2 months in
Thanks Shannon!
RE: UH: The Reset of Myself - MrGnome - 04-12-2022
Month: 2 Cycle: 5 day on: 5 ASRB: 4
I messed up day 2 of work, I still got scared to do some task in fear of messing up, Only to mess up with an different task...
I also noticed my fear kicking in today to the point of getting home sick..
I also know (although i always knew it) that I'm a comfort eater.
Also my fears are lying again to me, saying I can no longer do my hobbies because i got a job now....
My feelings of Loneliness are starting to show up...
(Also I'm starting to get curious, How does it feel like having your old subconcious die off?)
RE: UH: The Reset of Myself - MrGnome - 04-12-2022
Month: 2 Cycle: 5 day on: 6 ASRB: 4
Short update, I cried when trying to sleep last night,
and one of my friends said it had something to do with my subconsious processing something
It could be the fact i got a new job, Or someone related to UH I dont know..