(03-27-2019, 09:00 PM)Paul1131 Wrote: When my wife got home, she told me that she had had a meeting with her new boss.  She said that she might be in danger of losing the job she just got because they don’t think she’s picking it up fast enough.  She also said that the boss had slowly walked her through what she is supposed to do, and she’d gotten it, so this may be nothing.  
Before, I’d have had at least a little time feeling seriously stressed out and envisioning a major disaster where we lose everything.  Not this time though.  My first thought when I heard this was that if it happens I will find a way through, and I’m quite confident that I would.
That lead me to think about how much stronger I am now than I was a year and a half ago when our financial troubles started and I started getting us out of it.  Things have tried to go all the way south on us so many times during that period that I’ve lost count.  The thing I realized is that I always found a way to salvage the situation.  That is both before and especially after I started USLM.  I was extremely frustrated that I seem to be stuck in survival mode and responding to crisis after crisis.  Now I realize that that’s really driven me to level up as a person, and in a way I’m greatful for that.  If this happens it happens (dear universe, I would greatly prefer that things went smoothly) and I’ll succeed through it.  I am a badass solution finder.  
I also know that soon the treading water and struggling to avoid sinking phase will be over, and I can use that strength (and the USLM luck) to move life forward in big ways.  
Did I mention that I noticed that my attitude is a tad more positive?  ?

(03-27-2019, 03:52 PM)Paul1131 Wrote: Still on ASRB break.  Today was a bit strange.

-I noticed that I was kind of arguing with myself.  I have some old issues related to stuff that happened in my childhood.  My childhood was shall we say, less than idelic, so there are more than a couple of issues from it.  I was kind of  takking to myself, (I know this is going to sound nuts, it’s not, but this is the only way I can think to describe it.). One me said “it’s really time that you let all that go””.”.  The other me said something like “We can’t let that go, we’ve been defining ourselves by it all of our lives.”  I got a strong feeling of attachment to the old traumas, and a fear of letting them go.  Kind of like I’d be letting go of all the good things that were kind of attached to them.  No, I’m not actually hearing voices, and there really is only one me.  I’m sure that this argument has been running in my subconscious for a while now, I was just able to “hear” it today.  Neither of the voices seemed to be “the real me” just (I guess) parts of me.  

-At the store today, I actually naturally made eye contact with random people and smiled at them.  My posture was great, I’m walking like I own the place, and I actively felt GOOD in a crowded public place.  This is borderline miraculous.

(03-29-2019, 12:54 PM)Paul1131 Wrote: Thanks!  This thing is exceeding my expectations at every turn.  I hope UMS does as well for you.

(04-05-2019, 10:48 PM)Paul1131 Wrote: I’ve officially been on LTU for a month.  Im now starting ASRB break #5.As far as new stuff, I’m getting the near euphoric bursts of positivity and optimism that I was having on USLM1.  They’re happening both while I’m running the program, and at random times while I’m not, on run days and break days.  These are usually coupled with a very vivid visualization of having one of my major goals accomplished or some good thing in the future after it’s accomplished.  There is no negative voice saying that this may not be accomplished accompanying it.  Sometimes though, I just feel really good suddenly and for no reason.
Quick recap of the effects so far.
-Three lifelong serious nervous habits (twitches, tics, tooth grinding) gone.

-Major decrease in the frequency and intensity of almost dissociative anger episodes (usually revenge fantasies or something like that that really pull me out of the present moment and involve a serious anger reaction). I don’t think I’ve had one for a few days, and the last few I’ve had didn’t cause jaw clenching, muscle tightening, or anything, they were just vivid thoughts.  This is major progress, these used to be a multiple times daily occurrence.

-Parinoia and twitchyness in crowded places is gone.  This used to be a real problem.  I COULD stand trips to a store or whatever, but it was unpleasant and exhausting.   Lately I’ve actually been feeling good there.

-My relationship with my wife has improved.  She still takes her bad moods out on me occasionally, but it doesn’t get under my skin nearly as much. I recognize that it’s her somewhat disfunctional way of dealing with stress, frustration, fear and physical pain.  It’s a problem with her not me, and it’s up to her to solve it.  Also she’s been doing it less.  Though she does seem a little confused that she can’t get a rise out of me anymore.  

-Massive boost in self confidence.  At least as far as knowing I can handle any challenge that life throws my way goes.  I’m in a rough situation now, but I’m coming to the end of it, and once things are back on track, I can level life up in a lot of different ways.

-I have stopped drinking soda.  I didn’t really plan on it, I just switched to sparkling water.  

-Aches and pains that I felt on waking up are gone.

-Increased energy on waking up.

-Increased productivity toward my goals.

-Fear of failing in my job search because of past failures gone.

-The default setting on my face went from slight hostile scowl to slight smile.

-I am calmer all the time and in all things.  

-My wife has noticed and commented that I am different in a good way.  

I am quite impressed.