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+--- Thread: EP UMS JOURNAL (/Thread-EP-UMS-JOURNAL)
RE: EP UMS JOURNAL - EvolvingPhoenix - 11-25-2019
Thanks Shannon! Yeah, I'm definitely making progress lately! That was a MAJOR hurdle I cleared.
Carpetbombing, day (really, night atm) 3:
I have finally reached the point that ANY form of reconciliation with my ex-friend is no longer something I feel I must have. Doesn't mean I can't do it or that I might not choose to anyway if I can get it to happen some way or the other, but the fact is that I am finally at a point where I am happy to just move on and don't feel attached to that outcome. Even if I go this WHOLE LIFETIME without any contact between myself and my ex-friend, I can honestly still see myself living a happy, satisfying life that doesn't NEED her in it, even if I would prefer to have her in it. I would say I really am FINALLY over this woman. It took me TWO WHOLE YEARS since the friendship breakup, and 2 years of struggle when I was friends with her, but I FINALLY, after these years of struggle, FINALLY let go. It feels good! I mean, don't get me wrong, I STILL have plenty of development to do, and by NO MEANS am I even REMOTELY done with my personal development (or why would I even need to keep living, right?) but I feel like I have recently FINALLY let go of a serious blockage standing between me and my forward and upward development.
I have been advised by my energy healer that I use to start moving forward by making and acknowledging ANY changes I make, and giving myself credit for them, so long as they are REAL, PERMANENT changes. I let him know about this recent internal shift I made, and that I consider it to be a significant one. So I feel like I have a REAL positive, permanent change that is major and positively life changing that I made within myself. I consider that a HUGE move forward! Now, I feel meditation is becoming increasingly obvious in it's significance, while at the same time, I am considering an idea I've had for a LONG while of making a series of stories based on certain ideas, settings, characters, etc. that I have been formulating in my head over the years (since high school) and have yet to make real creative works out of. I still have planning I feel the need to do. Perhaps I should just roll with it and start story-telling, even if some super-salient questions relating to the overall lore are unanswered? Or perhaps I should resolve those first and base my story off of those key things? Not sure exactly what the best way to proceed is...
Still, I consider this and meditation to be important things to incorporate into my daily life, in order to become my true self. So even if it's up to my subconscious mind to figure out exactly how I am to make all the money I intend to make (and it's a VERY high amount, because I'm shooting for the stars here) I feel like this plays an important role in progressing towards that goal, if for no other reason than that it is a crucial part of self acceptance, personal identity and self-expression. At the very least, meditation and working on this story seem like key steps towards letting go of further internal blockages that may get in the way of my success.
So that's where I am at right now. I am making sure to give myself credit and appreciate the significant steps I have taken to move forward in my development. At the same time, I am now looking to meditation and storytelling as the new current major focuses in my life.
That being said, I recognize that over time, I have been slacking more and more when it comes to the hardest college class I have ever taken: Psychological Statistics. Last two exams, I received an F and a D respectively. I have an exam tomorrow I do not feel ready for, and my grade in the class is slowly dropping. The truth is I am having a hard time focusing or even motivating myself in regards to this class. I feel like my entire plan of getting my bachelor's degree and becoming an English teacher abroad was like... my well formulated plan B that I spent years developing, and now I'm beginning to realize I have ALWAYS had what it took to have a plan A that I could achieve instead (which I never REALLY even bothered to properly formulate out of a lack of faith in myself) and now I'm looking at this plan B and seeing it as mostly a detour from what I REALLY care to do, which is focus on my creative pursuits. Still, since this is the track I am on, and because I am expected to keep going this route, I continue the whole university thing with little passion and decreasing interest. Not sure how to go about this situation.
Still, the biggest change has been FINALLY made and compared to THAT, I am in a MUCH better place now than I was! I have faith that things are working out.
Thanks for the encouragement Shannon. And thank you to everyone else who has been supporting, advising, guiding and encouraging me throughout all of this! And seriously, thanks for the brilliant work you do Shannon! It's really making a positive impact in my life and I am super grateful to have discovered all these great things that empower my life, your subs definitely being among them! These subs are REALLY life changing if one is patient and willing to do the work. Thank you so much for all your dedicated hard work in making these subs over all these years! You've had a seriously positive impact on my life ALREADY and things are just getting started!
RE: EP UMS JOURNAL - Paul1131 - 11-25-2019
Awesome. I’m glad to hear that you made a breakthrough.
RE: EP UMS JOURNAL - EvolvingPhoenix - 11-26-2019
Thanks Paul
I'm a lot happier too jow that I've made rhis shift. Plenty more to do, but an important change has occured for sure.
RE: EP UMS JOURNAL - EvolvingPhoenix - 11-26-2019
Carpetbombing, day 4: Visit with tutor was productive, found there is no exam today and I have plenty of time left to study for it, had a pleasant visit talking to my psychiatrist, listened to Babymetal, got some triple steakburgers, my dad found a nugget of weed on the table and gave it to me, I smoked it, listened to this song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j0hGvtDybLE
Life is good
RE: EP UMS JOURNAL - EvolvingPhoenix - 11-27-2019
Carpetbombing day 5:
Feeling good today. Setting the intention right now to come up with ideas for the story I'm creating.
RE: EP UMS JOURNAL - EvolvingPhoenix - 11-27-2019
I have to face the fact: I am lazy. Laziness, procrastination amd lack of motivation are all now my main obstacle in my life.
RE: EP UMS JOURNAL - EvolvingPhoenix - 11-28-2019
Carpetbombing day 6. Feeling well rested.
RE: EP UMS JOURNAL - EvolvingPhoenix - 11-29-2019
Last day of carpetbombing. Still procrastinating.
RE: EP UMS JOURNAL - Shannon - 11-29-2019
Well of course you are. It's the only thing left before scary old execution, I'd wager.
RE: EP UMS JOURNAL - EvolvingPhoenix - 11-29-2019
(11-29-2019, 04:03 PM)Shannon Wrote: Well of course you are. It's the only thing left before scary old execution, I'd wager.
Well, that's promising to hear! Let's me know it's close.
RE: EP UMS JOURNAL - EvolvingPhoenix - 11-30-2019
Bloom. Day 1. Nothing to note so far.
RE: EP UMS JOURNAL - EvolvingPhoenix - 12-01-2019
Bloom day 2. Sorry, no new developments.
RE: EP UMS JOURNAL - EvolvingPhoenix - 12-02-2019
Day 3 of bloom. I am increasingly noticing/becoming more aware of my tendency to focus my atrention on ruminative/repetetive thoughts/fantasies and to go into my head and focus on concepts a lot as well, rather than engaging life.
My guess is that as I continue to process the programming of the UMSv1 subliminal, these issues become more and more... I guess I can say significant? I'm not quite sure what the best way is to articulate it, but basically, it seems like UMSv1's E3 module is causing me to focus my energy towards the eandevor of clearing these blockages standing between me and my intended experience/reality. The more my awareness of these counterproductive habits increases, so too, I'm guessing, does my probability of making this shift. Conscious intention and action taken towards this end shall be the best way to make efficient use of it.
TL;DR The E3 programming in UMSv1 seems to be influencing me to alter my usual procrastination and mental escape habits that disengage me from life and block me from achieving intended goals.
RE: EP UMS JOURNAL - Shannon - 12-02-2019
You don't want to procrastinate and hide from life if you wouldn't be doing something that scared you otherwise.