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+--- Thread: Spiritman Journal (/Thread-Spiritman-Journal)
RE: Spiritman Journal - mat422 - 04-24-2011
(04-24-2011, 03:16 PM)spiritman Wrote: Well, I wanted to give an update. There is a girl at work that I have been flirting with for a while and chatting up. I was talking to some other employees who work with her. The conversation somehow changed to where it started to involve me and her. The employees told me that she asked them how old I was because she thought I was 19.
They told her no, I wasn't 19. I was close to 30, and I was told she said "No way." I found it interesting she was trying to find out information about me. It could mean nothing but I look at it as, if a woman is not interested in you, they won't talk about you. Your name won't come up in conversations, and she won't be trying to find out how old you are.
I am currently on stage 2 of AM 2011. I am looking forward to seeing what take place or how things go.
Trust me whenever you think it could mean nothing, it usually means something lol. Always trust your gut. Girls drop little clues that indicate if they are interested, but sometimes it's easy to look over them or think that it doesn't mean anything. You are right, that girl is interested in you.
RE: Spiritman Journal - Spiritman - 04-24-2011
(04-24-2011, 03:49 PM)mat422 Wrote:(04-24-2011, 03:16 PM)spiritman Wrote: Well, I wanted to give an update. There is a girl at work that I have been flirting with for a while and chatting up. I was talking to some other employees who work with her. The conversation somehow changed to where it started to involve me and her. The employees told me that she asked them how old I was because she thought I was 19.
They told her no, I wasn't 19. I was close to 30, and I was told she said "No way." I found it interesting she was trying to find out information about me. It could mean nothing but I look at it as, if a woman is not interested in you, they won't talk about you. Your name won't come up in conversations, and she won't be trying to find out how old you are.
I am currently on stage 2 of AM 2011. I am looking forward to seeing what take place or how things go.
Trust me whenever you think it could mean nothing, it usually means something lol. Always trust your gut. Girls drop little clues that indicate if they are interested, but sometimes it's easy to look over them or think that it doesn't mean anything. You are right, that girl is interested in you.
Matt that is what I thought. When I heard what these employees were saying, it stayed stuck in my head all day long. It just made me wonder more about how things are progressing, slowly, but they are progressing. Plus, it got me thinking that she might be thinking about me here and there more than I am aware of. Mostly, because now she is trying to find out more information about me. However, I won't spend too much time focusing on it, just let things happen the way they're supposed to and go from there.
RE: Spiritman Journal - mat422 - 04-24-2011
(04-24-2011, 04:57 PM)spiritman Wrote:(04-24-2011, 03:49 PM)mat422 Wrote:(04-24-2011, 03:16 PM)spiritman Wrote: Well, I wanted to give an update. There is a girl at work that I have been flirting with for a while and chatting up. I was talking to some other employees who work with her. The conversation somehow changed to where it started to involve me and her. The employees told me that she asked them how old I was because she thought I was 19.
They told her no, I wasn't 19. I was close to 30, and I was told she said "No way." I found it interesting she was trying to find out information about me. It could mean nothing but I look at it as, if a woman is not interested in you, they won't talk about you. Your name won't come up in conversations, and she won't be trying to find out how old you are.
I am currently on stage 2 of AM 2011. I am looking forward to seeing what take place or how things go.
Trust me whenever you think it could mean nothing, it usually means something lol. Always trust your gut. Girls drop little clues that indicate if they are interested, but sometimes it's easy to look over them or think that it doesn't mean anything. You are right, that girl is interested in you.
Matt that is what I thought. When I heard what these employees were saying, it stayed stuck in my head all day long. It just made me wonder more about how things are progressing, slowly, but they are progressing. Plus, it got me thinking that she might be thinking about me here and there more than I am aware of. Mostly, because now she is trying to find out more information about me. However, I won't spend too much time focusing on it, just let things happen the way they're supposed to and go from there.
Yup, that's the best thing to do is just relax and let things unfold from here. Just keep an eye on that girl and make a mental note of any other behavior she shows. She's gathering up info about you without asking you directly which shows she's pretty interested.
RE: Spiritman Journal - Shannon - 04-25-2011
You should make it obvious that you are also interested, but not in a way that suggests neediness. You want to do this so she doesn't think she's "trying to dance alone", so to speak. If she doesn't know you're interested, she may just walk away.
RE: Spiritman Journal - Spiritman - 04-25-2011
(04-25-2011, 01:25 PM)Shannon Wrote: You should make it obvious that you are also interested, but not in a way that suggests neediness. You want to do this so she doesn't think she's "trying to dance alone", so to speak. If she doesn't know you're interested, she may just walk away.
Shannon that is a good idea, how would I go about doing that to where I won't come across as being needy?
RE: Spiritman Journal - Shannon - 04-25-2011
(04-25-2011, 02:12 PM)spiritman Wrote:(04-25-2011, 01:25 PM)Shannon Wrote: You should make it obvious that you are also interested, but not in a way that suggests neediness. You want to do this so she doesn't think she's "trying to dance alone", so to speak. If she doesn't know you're interested, she may just walk away.
Shannon that is a good idea, how would I go about doing that to where I won't come across as being needy?
That's not something I can just give you a canned universal answer to. It depends on a lot of variables I am not aware of. Usually what I do is give one pretty obvious IOI and then let it ride for a while. Be unpredictable about it with the obvious, major stuff. This tells her you are definitely interested, but it's not a desperate or needy thing.
Something like "I am starting to really like you," in the right context, at the right time, and with the right delivery can do wonders. But then be chill about the whole thing, without going so chill that she thinks you're not interested. Be "casually interested" and allow it to build slowly. You get my drift.
RE: Spiritman Journal - Spiritman - 04-25-2011
(04-25-2011, 02:22 PM)Shannon Wrote:(04-25-2011, 02:12 PM)spiritman Wrote:(04-25-2011, 01:25 PM)Shannon Wrote: You should make it obvious that you are also interested, but not in a way that suggests neediness. You want to do this so she doesn't think she's "trying to dance alone", so to speak. If she doesn't know you're interested, she may just walk away.
Shannon that is a good idea, how would I go about doing that to where I won't come across as being needy?
That's not something I can just give you a canned universal answer to. It depends on a lot of variables I am not aware of. Usually what I do is give one pretty obvious IOI and then let it ride for a while. Be unpredictable about it with the obvious, major stuff. This tells her you are definitely interested, but it's not a desperate or needy thing.
Something like "I am starting to really like you," in the right context, at the right time, and with the right delivery can do wonders. But then be chill about the whole thing, without going so chill that she thinks you're not interested. Be "casually interested" and allow it to build slowly. You get my drift.
I understand what you're saying, this whole thing with giving an obvious IOI is a somewhat new territory for me. Her and I both work in the food service area of a hospital. At this point, I am clueless as to how to show her that I am interested without coming across needy.
She has long hair but she has to have it tied up and wears a hat because of working with food. I have seen her with her hair down. It is long and black. What if I made a comment about saying "I like your hair how long does it take for you to get the way you want it when you're going out somewhere?" She wears some make up to bring out her face features. She has a sister who works in the same food area as us. Both sisters are very attractive. A lot of guys hit on the other sister. However, a lot of guys tell me every time they see the girl, I am interested in, there goes your girlfriend. Oh one other thing, she wore a purple shirt that the hospital provides. So maybe I could comment to her, I noticed you were wearing a purple shirt the other day. Is purple your favorite color?
Thanks
Shannon
RE: Spiritman Journal - Spiral - 04-25-2011
Here's my two cents. You can always tease her like she's you little sister. I've never been the best at this.. hopefully I will soon be after going through some more subs. Someone else such as Ryan could chime in on this.
What I would do though is if you aren't a fan of the whole flirting thing and the more direct game just keep it real. Ask her questions and maintain eye contact the whole time. Let her talk ... untill there is a pause that is longer than 3 seconds.. then I would take up the conversation and maybe relate to her or ask more questions. If you do this I would ask her out within the next few days. Like Shannon said.. keep things as casual and chill as possible.
Also keep things in the present time.. I wouldn't go back to the past and mention to her that you noticed her shirt. I've done that alot in the past and never got good responses. BUT you could try it with a nice smile on your face while gazing into her eyes. Just maintain eye contact whenever you talk to her or she's talking to you.
RE: Spiritman Journal - mat422 - 04-25-2011
Like Spiral said, keep it real. Don't try to be witty or come up with something really good to say. Don't think about it too much. The next time you see her just give a soft gaze into her eyes and say what comes naturally to your mind. For the most part it's not what you say but how you say it. If you say something as simple as "nice shoes" but communicate on a deeper level that you are interested she will get the message. Non-verbal communication is a very powerful thing.
The important thing like Shannon said is that she doesn't think she is "trying to dance alone". If you don't return interest she will likely take it as rejection. Women are very indirect as opposed to men, so you have to be mindful of her actions and be aware of when she is giving you an invitation to initiate.
RE: Spiritman Journal - woceyes - 04-25-2011
This is true like Mat, Shannon and Spiral all say. I had a woman tell me i was sending out mixed signals and she couldn't tell what i was aiming for. Granted this made her like me more but it also made her send more signals some obvious and others not as. eventually they will move on to. The way i see it if it happens great if nothing dose great. More practice for the next woman in line.
I mean i have my problems and im pretty sure the one woman i talked about in my alpha journal is sending out signals and implying for us to be alone. The only thing i can do is try what do i have to lose? same with you what do you have to lose?
Im not implying go to far either on the job flirting has to be to a degree or you step over the line into sexual harassment. yes, tease her like a little sister this way is less intimidating for you and her and makes you a fun person to be around. That's all that matters anyways is fun for you and her at that moment.
RE: Spiritman Journal - mat422 - 04-26-2011
(04-25-2011, 09:52 PM)woceyes Wrote: I mean i have my problems and im pretty sure the one woman i talked about in my alpha journal is sending out signals and implying for us to be alone. The only thing i can do is try what do i have to lose? same with you what do you have to lose?
That's my problem too. A girl can be giving me signals but I'll still doubt it and wait for something more obvious. I think I'm just going to start always assuming the best instead of doubting if she likes me or not. I think on some level it's that fear of rejection, but when a girl flirts with you it's already established in her head that she likes you, even if she doesn't realize it on a conscious level. So I guess if she already likes you, how could you possibly get rejected lol?
RE: Spiritman Journal - Shannon - 04-26-2011
Another thing you can do is this. Casually say, "Hey, I am going to [do XYZ], wanna come with?" This frames your "Let's go out" in such a way that her saying no is meaningless, because you were going regardless. Just food for thought.
RE: Spiritman Journal - mat422 - 04-26-2011
(04-26-2011, 08:49 AM)Shannon Wrote: Another thing you can do is this. Casually say, "Hey, I am going to [do XYZ], wanna come with?" This frames your "Let's go out" in such a way that her saying no is meaningless, because you were going regardless. Just food for thought.
I like that. Doing your own thing and letting her tag along. I'll have to try that sometime.
RE: Spiritman Journal - Shannon - 04-27-2011
(04-26-2011, 06:20 PM)mat422 Wrote:(04-26-2011, 08:49 AM)Shannon Wrote: Another thing you can do is this. Casually say, "Hey, I am going to [do XYZ], wanna come with?" This frames your "Let's go out" in such a way that her saying no is meaningless, because you were going regardless. Just food for thought.
I like that. Doing your own thing and letting her tag along. I'll have to try that sometime.
It's awesome. It works. Probably some of the best advice I ever got about dealing with women.