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+--- Thread: RainbowAbyssAlpha (/Thread-RainbowAbyssAlpha)
RE: RainbowAbyssAlpha - RainbowAbyss - 12-31-2010
two weeks left in stage 3
I stand by myself and believe in myself more than I ever have
and I am in general much more confident and willing to 'do me'.
I am also going CRAZY at times, things that upset make me want to put a fist through a wall.
my best friend of 15 years screwed me over so hardcore tonight that I just want to destroy stuff right now-I have felt like this for the last 6 hours-its like a knife in my chest and aggressiveness that will not relent. Every couple years I have breakdowns like this but instead of going into self pity I'm just over the deep end in rage. Needless to say I don't think I am going to see this guy again. Its funny because this stage makes me feel tempered and then just so crazy, I'm having a hard time believing this stage is even working at times. I feel almost like my old self sometimes, and then just when I think its not working BAM it because so obvious how different I have become. At this point I feel like alpha is taking all my traits and putting them on steroids. I went from giving less crap if I ever was with a girl again to over night only caring about sex, its so weird.To be honest after an intentional two month intentional celibacy+maybe alpha set my testosterone seems to have taken over, I am back in the gym 5 days a week and all I want to do is have sex. Also it takes a lot for me to like a girl, but if I like her now, I will pursue to the ends of the earth, its not a needy thing, its just like I am imperturbable and relentless. I can't seem to help it, its kind of annoying, in fact I seem UNABLE to walk away, all this is so weird cause I thought alpha did the opposite. My social is way up, I realize I have been really afraid of getting hurt by people I am close to, or start to become close to, and that is all that seems to be happening lately, this is the first time in years this emotional pain is so incapacitating. Anyway I've been up for two days and probably just need some sleep.
RE: RainbowAbyssAlpha - Ryan - 12-31-2010
Insomnia can make you go crazy, man! Get some damn sleep
RE: RainbowAbyssAlpha - RainbowAbyss - 12-31-2010
thanx man
but I'm not gonna write all this off as lack of sleep
some of its been going on for a while
anyway I'm sure its just resistance
and it is true what the say...
it'll all be better in the morning...
happy new year everyone btw!!
RE: RainbowAbyssAlpha - Ryan - 12-31-2010
Happy New Year, man. And I'm sure it's not helping. Any minor upset to your mind can cause a wide range of issues. Not to mention your subconscious mind does most of it's reprogramming while you are sleeping. I'm sure a good 'reset' will make you feel better
RE: RainbowAbyssAlpha - woceyes - 12-31-2010
(12-31-2010, 07:01 AM)RainbowAbyss Wrote: two weeks left in stage 3
I stand by myself and believe in myself more than I ever have
and I am in general much more confident and willing to 'do me'.
I am also going CRAZY at times, things that upset make me want to put a fist through a wall.
my best friend of 15 years screwed me over so hardcore tonight that I just want to destroy stuff right now-I have felt like this for the last 6 hours-its like a knife in my chest and aggressiveness that will not relent. Every couple years I have breakdowns like this but instead of going into self pity I'm just over the deep end in rage. Needless to say I don't think I am going to see this guy again. Its funny because this stage makes me feel tempered and then just so crazy, I'm having a hard time believing this stage is even working at times. I feel almost like my old self sometimes, and then just when I think its not working BAM it because so obvious how different I have become. At this point I feel like alpha is taking all my traits and putting them on steroids. I went from giving less crap if I ever was with a girl again to over night only caring about sex, its so weird.To be honest after an intentional two month intentional celibacy+maybe alpha set my testosterone seems to have taken over, I am back in the gym 5 days a week and all I want to do is have sex. Also it takes a lot for me to like a girl, but if I like her now, I will pursue to the ends of the earth, its not a needy thing, its just like I am imperturbable and relentless. I can't seem to help it, its kind of annoying, in fact I seem UNABLE to walk away, all this is so weird cause I thought alpha did the opposite. My social is way up, I realize I have been really afraid of getting hurt by people I am close to, or start to become close to, and that is all that seems to be happening lately, this is the first time in years this emotional pain is so incapacitating. Anyway I've been up for two days and probably just need some sleep.
i know what you mean dude ive been experiencing this as well with stage three and all i can say is at least its working. i feel so much more in control of my self then before. Being afraid of getting hurt by getting close to someone is one inhibition i have had that has crippled me for to long. Thats probably why i have a hard time showing my emotions...
But everything will be ok and like Ryan said get some sleep
RE: RainbowAbyssAlpha - RainbowAbyss - 01-05-2011
Well I worked it out with my friend
I just let him know where I stood and he said
that he totally wasn't aware of what was going on
and apologized and said how much I mean to him as a friend.
That's enough for me to keep the door open for him, I have a soft spot for supplication and groveling lol, but I'm done investing quite as much as I
use to in our friendship, since he definitely seems to get jealous and use every opportunity
he can to 'amog'- in seemingly very light ways-not so much disguised aggression as needing to make himself feel better. There's nobody I'm closer to one and one but as soon as we get in a group setting he seems to have a dog eat dog attitude with a veil of kindness-its more boring than annoying and despite these drawbacks he still adds a lot of great value to my life so whatever.
But who cares-update on stage 3
I actually have about 10 days left and so far I
am having a really hard time figuring out what is going on. Here is my best analysis.
for one thing thing the fire and solidity that was in my chest in stage 2 is cooling off and opening up I feel more open and connected to the outside world. I do feel much more 'vulnerable' than I did in stage 2-like what people do or say can impact me, not effect my sense of self worth but have an effect on how I feel-I was a block of steel during stage 2
didn't really care about people or what they had to say. I also don't feel as strong a drive to live just for myself as I did in stage 2-I'm almost more caring about others while but still quite 'cold hearted' compared to how I used to be. Not really in a bad way just strong boundaries and refusing to feel bad over other people's crap. Nothing I do in this stage has me 'feel' more confident but I am doing things, asking for promotion and more work, going out way more and pursuing women, that I either wouldn't have done in the past or would have done so with much more worry, stuck in my head-ness, and anxiety. So I guess that ease is a form of confidence. Indifference is still growing with the wave's of neediness coming and going. A feel a little bit a victim some times at certain things but this is let go of very quickly. Stage three seems to really be about indifference and letting go of anxiety, it seems like a chill out, a letting go. I feel the same in every situation, not to excited, not scared, just comfortable, solid, and ready, not really motivated, not really unmotivated. Its weird since I am so use to living in extremes but I kind of like it.
Also my twin brother who I have lived with every day the last three months says he hasn't really noticed any change in me which is annoying to hear. But Alpha is subtle and he has been there as I slowly change so he might not notice it.
Almost forgot, I added carpe diem this last week and it really seems like such a great fit, Alpha can have me being pretty mental at times and carpe diem, without taking away the thinking capacity, really is helping me act on what I can act on and be cool with where I can't. Its also made socializing way more fun and I feel it is also pushing me to spontaneously move things forward with women I am interested in or talking to. Just last night I had a small get together in the studio and my house and a cute girl I liked asked where the bathroom was, in the past I would have just told her, but instead I said "I'll show you, follow me" and we ended up hooking up in the other room. Not sure if that was more carpe diem or Alpha but either way they both seem to work great together.
RE: RainbowAbyssAlpha - RainbowAbyss - 01-15-2011
I started stage 4 and I'll get to that but first I want to mention what I am realizing is that the stages, for me, get progressively less about
being withdrawn and aggressive. This is my theory, we get so used to withdraw, introspection and aggression as sighs of the sub working that once they fade, as the stages progress the subs no longer seem to be working but of course they are, or it could just be resistance. I want to outline how the stages have been for me with each stage consisting of three categories. Perks, cons, not necessarily negative but aspects I experienced that weren't exactly positive although I 'm sure they were for the best, and resistance symptoms or r.s., what I took to be my mind resisting. This is how it is for me at least and maybe for others
for example
stage 1-perks-zero bs. tolerance, much more able to follow my own lead, highly polarized-meaning felt I was becoming strongly individuating and in a energetic charge to move beyond my current environment, really cared less about what others thought, more badboy swagger, could get that in the zone feeling real easily, moved away from external validation
cons super withdrawn, zero interest in women or friends, very tired wanted to be by myself alot, super hot headed and angry, ready to fight all the time
r.s. depression, feeling invisible to people, wanting to quit everything
stage 2-perks-little more open and social, very confident, very focused on my self and my own life, introspective in a productive way. Able to chill out more. Socializing became way easier, approaching women became easier, started thinking more clearly and for myself, huge boost in sense of self worth and certainty
cons-times of being very withdrawn, slight fatigue, getting angry, really not wanting to do what I had to do
r.s. very little, certain days were really tough but in general this was a nice stage for me
Stage 3-perks-this is hard to say because they came so gradually and subtlety-but by the end I would say: , I seemed to become way more dominant, huge increase in interest from women but often I was very unapproachable seeming I would imagine, zero-to no anxiety where I would have felt it before, felt like I couldn't hide out in my room anymore, got much more productive, much less procrastinating, much better under pressure. way more indifference about everything. Seemed to give off a more commanding presence and more sexuality. Not so much the energy of confidence but felt way more comfortable and able to do new things and leave my comfort zone. felt a little lighter than the other stages while also making me more heavy handed, spoke slower, took longer to respond, really pronounced increase in body language again. Very straight and solid. Cared less about being alpha, while often feeling like the alpha in the room. Way easier walking away from things.
cons-got really bossy, sharp, my mind seemed to work faster and more efficiently and slower people pissed me off. At times felt almost trapped in my indifference. Really hated when I felt people weren't listening to me, just up and left.
r.s. felt like the sub was not working.
I want to get more exposure to stage 4, I'll post about my first day on it soon.
RE: RainbowAbyssAlpha - Spiral - 01-15-2011
This is a great post! very similar to my experiences. almost to a T
RE: RainbowAbyssAlpha - Jay - 01-15-2011
Great post, I think it's better to have summaries than to go through posts and posts to get a clear image of what you could be experiencing generally with each stage. And yeah, I'm lazy.
RE: RainbowAbyssAlpha - RainbowAbyss - 01-16-2011
Thanks guys, glad u liked it
Only couple hours stage 4 then hit the town
had that new stage euphoria, felt way more relaxed and smooth
way more sexual, felt very open chested and social compared to previously,
approached woman very easily, just felt way more like my old self in a really new and improved way, was very funny and stuff that pissed me off or I was aloof to on stage 3
I shruged off or laughed at. This is a new alpha, an alpha that feels natura, much more carefree, and much more flexible. It was really hard to get angry but when some drunk idot
told me and my friends not to talk to his cousin I ripped him a new one in a really funny dominant way
so I can still laydown the law! Really like the feel of this stage Ill be on it till the new alpha comes out, I don't think tonight was just a good night it felt totally different...stage 4!! For a week lol
RE: RainbowAbyssAlpha - Shannon - 01-20-2011
Just remember, it's a 6 stage/6 month set/process for a reason. The Titanic and all that.
Enjoy Stage 4. I think you're going to see some rather eye-opening differences with 2011.
RE: RainbowAbyssAlpha - RainbowAbyss - 01-20-2011
Shannon ur the man!
stag 4 was awesome for 5 days! there
Was some resistance but I could care less at this point
I felt sexy as hell and my entire life went from hibernation to active mode in 5 days
like all the power of the previous stages started going more into the external world.
I was sad to start stage 3 again but after one night of stage 3 011
I am a very happy men, zero resitance and the effects were OBVIOUS!
I felt like the man, much less aloofness, motivation was there, felt just domiant-way more and way smoother than 010, my mind was clear, no incessant thinking or caged animal, there was that hot aggressiveness again but I felt way more in control and able to handle it, I was approached by a beatifull, sexy college student who's a philosphy major, like me, and who lovesthe same books as me, we met on the train and had an awesome connection and made ways to stay in touch, all stuff I never did on 010 stage 3, talking to women and handling them seems way easier, Shannon u must have put some stuff in about that. Im pumped about this new alpha and will stay posted
010 seems like malt liquor to 011 2000$ -vintage wine
harsh, and maybe I speak to soon after only 10 hours exposure, but the difference is staggering so far
RE: RainbowAbyssAlpha - Shannon - 01-20-2011
(01-20-2011, 05:12 PM)RainbowAbyss Wrote: Shannon ur the man!
stag 4 was awesome for 5 days! there
Was some resistance but I could care less at this point
I felt sexy as hell and my entire life went from hibernation to active mode in 5 days
like all the power of the previous stages started going more into the external world.
I was sad to start stage 3 again but after one night of stage 3 011
I am a very happy men, zero resitance and the effects were OBVIOUS!
I felt like the man, much less aloofness, motivation was there, felt just domiant-way more and way smoother than 010, my mind was clear, no incessant thinking or caged animal, there was that hot aggressiveness again but I felt way more in control and able to handle it, I was approached by a beatifull, sexy college student who's a philosphy major, like me, and who lovesthe same books as me, we met on the train and had an awesome connection and made ways to stay in touch, all stuff I never did on 010 stage 3, talking to women and handling them seems way easier, Shannon u must have put some stuff in about that. Im pumped about this new alpha and will stay posted
010 seems like malt liquor to 011 2000$ -vintage wine
harsh, and maybe I speak to soon after only 10 hours exposure, but the difference is staggering so far
I'm sitting here laughing my ass off, because I was waiting for someone to say exactly that sort of thing.
4G strikes again.
RE: RainbowAbyssAlpha - Spiral - 01-20-2011
Ok I saw this post... and thought about it some more and seems like 2011 is a steal right now.. up until tomorrow anyways. I will more than likely buy it!