+- Subliminal Talk (https://subliminal-talk.com)
+-- Forum: Men's Journals (18+ NSFW) (https://subliminal-talk.com/Forum-Men-s-Journals-18-NSFW)
+--- Forum: Men's Journals (https://subliminal-talk.com/Forum-Men-s-Journals)
+--- Thread: OF4 - Frosted (/Thread-OF4-Frosted)
RE: OF4 - Frosted - Frosted - 09-06-2022
Month 2 - Cycle 1 - Day 3
2 days ago (start of this cycle), I first increased the volume by 1 more so was at 10/16 volume and I added a loop. I wanted to do each one at a different time to be more scientific, but I got a very strong feeling that I should just do both and not waste time. Yesterday I increased the volume to 11/16 on an urge as well. I actually had the urge to go to 12/16 as I played it at 11/16 and in my dreams, but I’m gonna wait since I want to increase volume by 1 at a time.
After the first change, my results were better but I felt the fearful parts of myself struggling REALLY hard. After I increased the volume by 1 yesterday… well I just woke up so it hasn’t been long, but already I’m feeling better. I get the feeling my results will be increasing due to these changes.
Also I got the feeling to lower my break days by 1 but I want to do all these other changes first just in case so I don’t accidentally overload myself (but the urge came from my subconscious so maybe I should just do it anyway).
I’ve been dealing with some really heavy stuff, so I’m sure that’s why auto config started kicking in to increase the intensity. I’m talking core issues like punishment from authority that I took as a child to mean I was bad and there was something wrong with me. Or religious teachings that I am like a white cloth, and if I did something bad, that was a sin, and it’s like spilling a stain on that white cloth. It doesn’t come out!
Or trauma around my sexuality. There’s the trauma that comes from my peers mocking anyone who expresses an interest in anyone. As well as society instilling the fear of being gay in me. There’s girls (especially ones older than me) that mocked me. Authority figures taught me sex is bad. There’s me as a child acting like a depraved lunatic to get attention because I felt abandoned (reread this and want to clarify. Don’t mean actually went full psycho lol. Think class clown).
Another problem is that I developed the habit of counter-phobia. So I would run in the direction of my fears instead of away as a reactive way of trying to soothe myself. It’s annoying because it makes dealing with my fears like balancing on a tightrope. I don’t want to run away, I don’t want to run toward them.
Anyways after making all the changes to my listening patterns, so far, after waking up, I feel better. Let’s hope it stays that way the rest of the day at least.
P.S On a positive note: yesterday I was able to relax deeply in parts of myself that haven’t relaxed in ages. I was able to enjoy making music on a level I haven’t had probably since I was a child. It was only a taste of results to come but it got me excited for more results!
RE: OF4 - Frosted - Frosted - 09-07-2022
My subconscious seems to be trying to threaten me. It’s saying “See this thing you fear? No don’t get rid of it or else you’ll do/be that thing!”. Then when I ignore it, it escalates: “No, see really! Here is evidence (doesn’t have to logically make sense) and in fact I’m forcing this thing I’m afraid of to happen because I’m so scared to get rid of the fear preventing me from doing this in the first place!”. Kind of like “If you won’t do what I want then I’ll throw it in your face and give you the exact opposite of what you want!”
I’m not sure if my subconscious is playing chicken and has any intention of actually doing these things or not.
Side note: I’m finding it hard to stay away from porn. A resistance tactic seems to be compulsive masturbation. I’ve been so good about not watching porn for weeks too :/.
RE: OF4 - Frosted - User_000 - 09-07-2022
(09-07-2022, 11:16 AM)Frosted Wrote: My subconscious seems to be trying to threaten me. It’s saying “See this thing you fear? No don’t get rid of it or else you’ll do/be that thing!”. Then when I ignore it, it escalates: “No, see really! Here is evidence (doesn’t have to logically make sense) and in fact I’m forcing this thing I’m afraid of to happen because I’m so scared to get rid of the fear preventing me from doing this in the first place!”. Kind of like “If you won’t do what I want then I’ll throw it in your face and give you the exact opposite of what you want!”
I’m not sure if my subconscious is playing chicken and has any intention of actually doing these things or not.
Side note: I’m finding it hard to stay away from porn. A resistance tactic seems to be compulsive masturbation. I’ve been so good about not watching porn for weeks too :/.
Kind of when my subconscious want me to think I'm going to die, I'm just like, kill me now you idiot if you don't want it otherwise, one will have to kill the other.
RE: OF4 - Frosted - Frosted - 09-09-2022
Yesterday I seem to have gotten a qualitative change in results. Some deep fears are being worked on.
RE: OF4 - Frosted - Shannon - 09-09-2022
Fear causes what it is focused on. Have you noticed that? That seems to be the universe's way of getting you past fear. Whatever you fear most, you manifest into your life. The more you fear it, the more and faster it manifests, until you no longer fear it.
RE: OF4 - Frosted - Frosted - 09-10-2022
@Shannon Yes, actually. In fact that’s been one of the major themes coming up these past few weeks. I’ve been clearing some really deep fears that were only valid because I had them, ironically.
My last post was short cause I want to post but I’ve just been feeling good and when I think of dredging up the details and analyzing myself I get turned off from it. The results have been kinda crazy, but low-key at the same time. Like, it feels completely ordinary and I’m not quite sure at times if it’s results or I’ve always been like this before. Still got a ways to go, but having some of the best results from subliminals ever and it feels incredible. Loving the LTU6 residuals coming up as I release deep fears.
RE: OF4 - Frosted - Frosted - 09-11-2022
My current listening patterns are 5 loops, 13/16 volume, and 2 days on 3 days off. It’s funny because it’s really similar to the normal usage patterns for OF4. I wasn’t sure yet if my urge to switch to 2 days on 2 days off was a real urge or not so I’m not switching to that until I get more clarity.
RE: OF4 - Frosted - Frosted - 09-14-2022
Like a week or so ago I was in this weird limbo with fear and it felt like I made no progress and my brain was tense. These past few days have been momentous in my journey. I think it has to do in large part to me changing my listening patterns.
I am now doing:
2 days on 2 days off, 13/16 Iphone, 5 loops. I’ve got an urge to listen at 14 or 15/16 but I’m going to wait till next cycle cause I want to make sure they’re really auto-config.
One of the big realizations I had was about my sexuality. (Side not: I’m finding I’m not as tempted to escape with porn anymore and after that first relapse it’s been easy to not watch anymore) I don’t think I’ve ever been sexually exploited as a child, but I had trauma from my mother and society who constantly warned me, sometimes in disgusting detail, what some old pervert might do to me. I think this, along with the fact my mom and society taught me “sex is wrong” , is what has made me so afraid of sex. I didn’t even know the first one was affecting me until I had a disturbing dream I don’t want to describe here.
But the point is that this was affecting me almost as if I had been sexually traumatized by someone. No wonder I resisted SM so hard and not AM. I didn’t want to be a “scary pervert” who is “a weirdo who exploits people” for “selfish pleasure”.
And I’m kind of mad that now that I want to journal I can’t remember any of the other major breakthroughs I’ve had recently ):<. But rest assured that there’s some major breakthroughs happening and evidence of future breakthroughs in the making. I actually can’t wait because OF is likely going to change my life forever, and more than any subliminal that I’ve used before in my 7 years here.
RE: OF4 - Frosted - Shannon - 09-14-2022
It is very gratifying to see that I am making progress with OFv4. It's obviously not perfect, and I suppose perfection is probably beyond human attainment regardless, but it makes my endless slog through frustration with difficult topics like this one worth the effort. Thank you for sharing.
RE: OF4 - Frosted - Frosted - 09-15-2022
My childlike excitement is coming back! I’m having genuine fun playing video games again! Apparently fear has locked away the part of me that has fun and looks forward to something. I also notice myself overcoming the negativity I couldn’t on LTU6. Man OF4 is working fast all things considered, but I wish it was going faster because I can see what it’s doing and I want it now!
RE: OF4 - Frosted - Frosted - 09-21-2022
For this next cycle I’m gonna try 6/16 volume on my iPhone just to make sure I’m at where I should be. If it doesn’t work out I’ll be doing 14/16 from then on.
Also the other day I did a loop of OF4 on one of the break days because I couldn’t fall asleep due to fear. The progress continues but I don’t feel like journaling it in detail at the moment.
RE: OF4 - Frosted - Frosted - 09-23-2022
I’ve done both days listening at 6/16. So far I’m not sure I notice much of a difference. Guess I’ll wait for the break days and see if any difference makes itself shown before the next cycle. So far I’m leaning toward doing 14/16 and comparing the difference.
RE: OF4 - Frosted - Frosted - 10-08-2022
I subscribed to and started using ASR a few days ago. First day I tried 25 minutes and it wasn’t nearly enough so the second day I tried 45 minutes, but after a 5 minute break it didn’t feel like enough again so I listened for 15 more minutes to make it 1 hour. After blooming it felt like too much. On both counts, parts of me felt stress relieved and some fearful parts resisted, becoming more stressed. I’m going to adjust to 35 minutes as I feel like the sweet spot is between 35-45 minutes. All listening has been at recommended 9/16.
Yesterday not all of my OF loops played so I have to take a day break and restart the cycle :/. So far it may be too early to tell, but I think I notice a trend toward OF and ASR pairing together nicely. Could be wishful thinking, we will see.
RE: OF4 - Frosted - Frosted - 10-11-2022
As far as I can tell so far, OF4 and ASR seem to go together like milk and cookies. I’m loving it because OF4 alone made me tense but with ASR I’m getting back a certain quality of life where it feels like I’m “thawing” from fear (if fear were like ice). I really hope the synergy continues and is not just surface level.