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+--- Thread: EP E3 Journal (/Thread-EP-E3-Journal)
RE: EP E3 Journal - EvolvingPhoenix - 07-25-2019
So I was out walking today and it was GORGEOUS out. And there's nature all around me. My neighborhood's gorgeous, in a gentrifying college part of town, in a metal city, in a swampland that has grown on me, and has a lot of beautiful nature, in America of all countries. I am lucky to be where I am, doing what I'm doing right now. And I realized I could be doing more stuff like this (Just enjoying my time) instead of brooding. I can resolve my issues partially by just living my life.
RE: EP E3 Journal - EvolvingPhoenix - 07-26-2019
Day 56:
Been having some issues figuring out a second class to take at USF. At this point, I'm open to the idea of taking just one class. Of course, if we do that, no FAFSA aid. I need at least 2 classes to get the state to pay for it.
But otherwise, I've come to a sort of sense of order figured out to my daily life:
Wake up at around 9 or 10 or so, Eat breakfast, do chores, walk the dog, Go to class, do homework, eat lunch and update my E3 journal before 5PM. Then once 5PM rolls around, do vocal exercises, then sing some songs, then do fingering exercises on the guitar, play riffs and/or songs on the guitar, eat dinner, and either go to the gym or do some drawing. Try to get to sleep by around 11PM. Make time to play with the cats throughout the day, and occaisionally make time for family and friends. Maybe even set up a Tinder account sometime down the line so I can get laid every now and then. Or just go MGTOW for a while, whichever works best for me. I gotta talk to dad about getting an attorney to help me get disability pay, so I can start making money to afford subliminals and creative materials (for example, I can't even afford to buy picks for my guitar. Fortunately, I have a few, but still...) However, I can donate Plasma 5 times at $50 per visit so long as I'm a "new donor" in the system. Once I'm done with the 5 donations, I stop for 6 months so that I'm no longer in their system, and do it over again. This can help me get the money every 6 months for any subliminal that costs$250 or less, and I intend to use each subliminal 6 months at a time. I also gotta get my psychiatrist to prescribe Ritalin for me, to help me focus throughout all of this. Once I reach day 180 of E3, I switch over to UMS and start finding ways to generate income, because as it stands, getting LTU5 is not doable without the necessary money. Or, if I decide money's not as important as my creative pursuits, I might buy MLS instead to speed up my guitar progress, but then my healing would be put on hold and I wouldn't have the money most likely for LTU5. Now if I can find a way to go on disability, they'll give me back pay, and it should be enough to afford LTU5 and even some music equipment, with money coming in every week. Not much, but enough for a guy who lives with his parents.
I've got a dream (Oni Brigade) I've got a plan B to fall back on (college, teaching English, becoming a hypnotherapist) I've got my daily life generally sorted out, I've got the steps mostly figured out, I've got realistic goals, timeframes to achieve them by, flexibility and room for adaptation, etc. etc.
Things are starting to look up, as far as getting my life together is concerned. Now I've just got to get off my lazy ass and get into the habit of DOING the things I have planned out.
One of the biggest issues in my way is probably the stuff being worked on by E3, but I've got E3 to help with that, so I should be good.
RE: EP E3 Journal - Shannon - 07-26-2019
I would suggest avoiding Ritalin if at all possible, as it may conflict with state necessary for UMS or LRU. Let them do their thing for a while and then see if you need Ritalin.
RE: EP E3 Journal - EvolvingPhoenix - 07-26-2019
(07-26-2019, 03:05 PM)Shannon Wrote: I would suggest avoiding Ritalin if at all possible, as it may conflict with state necessary for UMS or LRU. Let them do their thing for a while and then see if you need Ritalin.
What's LRU? Sorry, I have a hard time keeping up with all the acronyms on this site.
RE: EP E3 Journal - Shannon - 07-26-2019
It's a typo.
It should be LTU. Life tune up.
RE: EP E3 Journal - EvolvingPhoenix - 07-26-2019
Gotcha. Thanks.
RE: EP E3 Journal - EvolvingPhoenix - 07-26-2019
It just occurred to me to think of how the naturalizer is helping to make the effects of this sub less obvious. I'm sure this sub is doing A LOT more than I am aware of. Which is good, because I need it to do a lot.
RE: EP E3 Journal - EvolvingPhoenix - 07-27-2019
Day 57:
Feeling bitter.
RE: EP E3 Journal - EvolvingPhoenix - 07-27-2019
I'm at that point again where I don't wanna get out if bed and I just don't feel very good, emotionally. I'm running a loop of E3 to help me get to a better and more functional state of mind. Until then, bitterness and anger are my state of mind.
RE: EP E3 Journal - EvolvingPhoenix - 07-27-2019
Experiencing a crippling feeling of sadness now. Running another loop.
EDIT: I'm overcome right now with a lot of raw emotion. I don't feel very functional right now. My family's expecting me to be functional and get stuff done and I'm just sitting here in bed, not functioning right.
RE: EP E3 Journal - Shannon - 07-27-2019
I suggest you try to up your base number of loops per day by 1 per week until you don't need extras. So instead of 3 loops a day, start doing 4, and then whatever extras you need as needed. And if you need extras, then in another week, make your base 5, plus any extras needed, and so forth. Eventually you should hit a point where the emotional pain relief module will overpower your subconscious's efforts to express the pain of the healing and clearing process to your conscious mind, and the process should become much easier.
You don't have to do this, it is only a suggestion, but it seems like a reasonable approach to me in your particular case.
RE: EP E3 Journal - EvolvingPhoenix - 07-27-2019
(07-27-2019, 09:00 AM)Shannon Wrote: I suggest you try to up your base number of loops per day by 1 per week until you don't need extras. So instead of 3 loops a day, start doing 4, and then whatever extras you need as needed. And if you need extras, then in another week, make your base 5, plus any extras needed, and so forth. Eventually you should hit a point where the emotional pain relief module will overpower your subconscious's efforts to express the pain of the healing and clearing process to your conscious mind, and the process should become much easier.
You don't have to do this, it is only a suggestion, but it seems like a reasonable approach to me in your particular case.
Thank you Shannon. I will do as you suggest. I appreciate the advice.
RE: EP E3 Journal - EvolvingPhoenix - 07-27-2019
Something's going on inside me. I'm so angry and hurt right now that even if I had a hot girl trying to fuck me I wouldn't be in the mood for it. Boy I can't wait for this shit to be over. I'm taking Shannon's advice and running an extra loop while I sleep tonight, although running extra loops before running my 3 loops is not uncommon for me. I'm running a loop right now. God I feel like hell. I hope things change real soon.
RE: EP E3 Journal - Shannon - 07-28-2019
When you are going through Hell, keep going. - Winston Churchill
This is the process. It isn't fun or easy, but it is progress. You are healing. The result will be worth the effort.