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+--- Thread: Life Tune-Up - Effects Diary (/Thread-Life-Tune-Up-Effects-Diary)
RE: Life Tune-Up - Effects Diary - Tigerlilly - 06-30-2010
It just so happens that last night I read a few posts in Chatterbox that mentioned the manuscript. I will have go back in there to find your posts related to the manuscript.
As for the subliminals, I actually do think that they are working, slowly. I think the dreams I can recall, some are mentioned in the journal, suggest the inner struggle. Based on past experience, letting go has always been difficult for me. The process of letting go each time lasted longer than the relationship. So, for the recently ended 9 month relationship, past experience would suggest that it would be 1 to 1.5 years before I fully moved on.
In this instance, I am dealing with the additional problem of knowing that the timing of a relationship between CC and me is not ideal. Having been friends a few years before we dated, I was fully aware of the problems in his decade long marriage and suspected a divorce would be inevitable unless some significant changes were made.
It was only a few months after publically announcing the divorce that he began to pursue me. I knew the risks, but was busy enough with grad school that I believed I would be able to manage my emotional involvement. I was wrong. While CC continued to tell me he was emotionally checked out of his marriage for years and ready to be in a relationship, his actions told another story. Eventually, this emotional rollercoaster wore me down though other fairly large stressors with respect to grad school played a role as well.
Unfortunately, over the winter I had become a woman I did not recognize. I suspect that CC saw the same and in relation to the demise of his marriage, became most uncertain about continuing a relationship with me. I am not solely taking the blame for the demise of this relationship. CC has his own huge bag of issues including a victim mentality surrounding being left, “by all of his significant others” of which I may now be included.
I decided that it would be best, for both of us (but especially for me) if we took the summer to each do what we needed. For me that meant getting a handle on grad school, feeling more confident about my creativity and the new skills I am learning, and most importantly, re-connecting with the bubbly, gregarious, happy-go-lucky rock star artist who had all but disappeared.
Other reasons driving my decision to stop the relationship this summer have to do with my belief that CC needs to spend some time dealing with his issues, re-connecting with his hopes and dreams, and healing. For most men that includes engaging in non-committed, non-monogamous, intimate relationships with various women. (Something he has already managed to do when we began having problems, but I digress) As I have never been able to manage an intimate relationship outside of a committed, monogamous relationship, attempting to do so now would only make my situation worse.
My decision to give CC his “freedom” to pursue whatever and whomever he wanted is not 100% noble. The emotional and physical intimacy and connection we shared was quite special. (At one point he confessed to not having shared this kind of connection with anyone, not even his ex-wife or ex-fiancé. I have experienced something similar to what CC and I shared only once before and with less intensity than with CC, at the very young age of 22 and have spent the last 20yrs. wondering if I would ever find it again.)
In any event, I want him to explore and “play the field” (though I imagine he may have played the field before he was married.) I’m not being noble or a martyr in this regard. In doing so it is my hope that he realizes (remembers?) the connection we shared is not easily found or replaced. Perhaps he will choose to pursue a relationship with me when the timing is better for each of us, but he could just as easily decide to try to find it again with someone else or run away from it entirely. It’s a roll of the dice, but as the saying goes ‘If you love something, set it free- if it comes back to you, it was meant to be".
RE: Life Tune-Up - Effects Diary - Shannon - 07-01-2010
Sounds like a karmic situation and relationship to me. But what do I know.
I should have gone to bed 6 hours ago.I look forward to reading your chart.
Life Tune-Up - Effects Diary - Tigerlilly - 07-07-2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Day Listening – 1 hours
Night #17 – 9 hours; “USS”; Speakers
30 min. LTU; 30 min. Let Go; 30 min. Procrastination. Programs cycle in that order.
Dreams of hills and valleys, and trying to travel long distances from the peaks and valleys without the aid of paths. Distances felt great and difficult to reach. Alternating between trying to determine, with input from other individuals, if the trek would be worth it. There was water to be navigated around without the use of boats.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Day Listening – 4 hours
Night #18 – 7 hours; “USS”; Speakers
30 min. LTU; 30 min. Let Go; 30 min. Procrastination. Programs cycle in that order.
Went to a yoga class toad then shopping for all the flowers, soil and mulch I will need to do fix up the patio. The building has a front patio which is not very appealing at the moment. I am trying to create a space that will look and feel good so that I spend time outside working inside of being trapped indoors all the time.
Tuesday, June 29 , 2010
Day Listening – 0 hours
Night #19 – 7 hours; “USS”; Speakers
30 min. LTU; 30 min. Let Go; 30 min. Procrastination. Programs cycle in that order.
The day was not productive with respect to school projects. I did re-seed the small patches of lawn in front of my building and plant the perennials around the tree in addition to beginning the flower boxes. The lawn, which was two feet high with weeds, is now bare soil and seeds. If the birds don’t eat all the seeds, I should have grass very soon!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Day Listening – 7 hours
Night # 20 – 0 hours; “USS”; Speakers
30 min. LTU; 30 min. Let Go; 30 min. Procrastination. Programs cycle in that order.
Finished planting the flower boxes and cleaning up the patio. It looks good and is finally a space that I find pleasant and will likely use more.
I did not sleep tonight. Research on various things an work that is not at all a priority kept me up all night. Reverting back to my bad habits of staying up all night, and this time for no good reason.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Day Listening – 3 hours
Night #21 – 13 hours; “USS”; Speakers
30 min. LTU; 30 min. Let Go; 30 min. Procrastination. Programs cycle in that order.
Dreams: None that I can recall. Perhaps a result of no sleep last night?
A bit more work on the patio. Great tool for procrastinating on my current school project. How come I am still procrastinating? Had plan to go to another yoga class today, but man am I sore from all the digging, planting, and tilling of the formally weed only lawn.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Day Listening – __ hours
Night # 22 – 6 hours; “USS”; Speakers
30 min. LTU; 30 min. Let Go; 30 min. Procrastination. Programs cycle in that order.
Dreams: Someone giving a commencement speech asked me for advice regarding writing and and speaking; Gave the person advice but told them they should really listen to CC when he speaks; very moving, and articulate. CC was not in dream, only referred to.
Broken heels while running jumping out a window to get to my car (don’t know why I was jumping out the window); review of work to former classmate; mention that I was moving back to Boston but another landscape architect said that work was difficult to obtain and the economy was really bad.
Wandering around the hull of a huge ship with several classmates; eventually wandering into the second floor of an abandoned building. Got the feeling that we were not supposed to be there and if we were found there we would have been in significant trouble.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Day Listening – 5 hours
Night #21 – 5 hours; “USS”; Speakers
30 min. LTU; 30 min. Let Go; 30 min. Procrastination. Programs cycle in that order.
Dreams: None (or maybe just none I can recall?)
I've been a bit lame regarding my daily journal of effects and feelings. I haven't felt motivated to do much of anything the last 10 days. I've changed my listening schedule, removing Life Tune-Up and replacing it with Absolute Self Confidence (ASC). Still listening to three subs at night, but now ASC, Procrastination, and Let Go. I'm hoping to see bigger results with ASC than with LTU based on what other users have stated. I need something to help with the problem I seem to be having with motivation and resistance to change. I wonder if I should begin doing my own affirmations in the morning, like I once used to do. When I used to meditate, I did so right when I got up, then would exercise (if I had time) which seemed to have the best results for me with respect to creating positive energy for myself each day. I feel like I am lacking in the positive energy dept. but not feeling motivated to do anything about it, which is totally ridiculous, and not typical for me. My friends call me the "energizer bunny", but if they saw me now, I'm sure they would think I resemble a tortoise more. I can't figure out if I am just burned out from all the stress of the last 10 months, or if something greater, which I am failing to recognize, is standing in the way of my desire to pull it all together (aside from the relationship woes of course.)
Tomorrow (or later this morning to be exact) I will start my day early, get some exercise, and try to get something accomplished.
RE: Life Tune-Up - Effects Diary - Ryan - 07-08-2010
When you do the subs you have to take a few steps back before you can move forward. Just stick with it Tiger! Your subconscious isn't going to easily let you replace those old beliefs but in time it will eventually surrender. You're doing a few other programs, with the Woman Magnet program I am doing I get fatigued really easily, it's a lot of work for my mind, I usually sleep longer at night and am tired throughout the day. Maybe that is what you're experiencing when you say you feel like a tortoise? Not to mention, Life Tune-Up is a longer script and you're adding 2 others, it's going to take much longer to experience the effects.
RE: Life Tune-Up - Effects Diary - ronatello - 07-08-2010
I agree with Ryan. If you have a lot of deeply ingrained negative beliefs, they will take some time to surface and get released. As Shannon alluded to in another thread, the Titanic didn't turn on a dime. Just come to terms that this will not be an overnight process.
RE: Life Tune-Up - Effects Diary - Tigerlilly - 07-08-2010
Okay. Given what I now know about my birth chart and resistance being a much bigger factor than I had previously thought, this self improvement process could take me a LONG time.
Was it a bad idea to switch from Life Tune-Up to Absolute Self-Confidence? Ordinarily, I would not be so impatient to see results, but I'm sorta on a time line - LOL - and really wanted to clean up my act before classes begin again at the end of August.
RE: Life Tune-Up - Effects Diary - Ryan - 07-08-2010
Well, Life Tune-Up says it could take about 2-4 months for it to effectively work but you also have 2 additional subliminals which are adding additional time. The other two you are doing, take about 2-4 weeks on average? I've heard ASC can take a few days for most people but he states 2-4 weeks as well. Obviously, what you're doing now (ASC + Procrasination + Let Go) is going to affect you much sooner, and it looks like you may already be experiencing some of the effects from the Procrasination and Let Go subliminals? So maybe stick with that if it's going to help you when school starts and then add in Life Tune-up later on? It all depends on what you want to accomplish before classes start though. You still have about a month and a half? So that's plenty of time I would think, especially if you get a lot of exposure
RE: Life Tune-Up - Effects Diary - Shannon - 07-08-2010
(07-08-2010, 10:12 AM)Tigerlilly Wrote: Okay. Given what I now know about my birth chart and resistance being a much bigger factor than I had previously thought, this self improvement process could take me a LONG time.
Was it a bad idea to switch from Life Tune-Up to Absolute Self-Confidence? Ordinarily, I would not be so impatient to see results, but I'm sorta on a time line - LOL - and really wanted to clean up my act before classes begin again at the end of August.
Given what I saw in your birth chart, I would say your best bet is to do the following.
1. Drop everything but one program, and use that exclusively.
2. Start doing affirmations that specifically state that you want to achieve the results of that subliminal, and you choose to accept it and allow it to work. Consciously accepting it will help.
You, my lady, are a STRONG woman - but even the greatest mountain wears to dust in time.
I am actually working on a project that will be good for people of your level of willpower and potential resistance.
By the way, lack of motivation while using the procrastination program is interesting, don't you think? Maybe a little bit of RESISTANCE there?
Spend some time consciously accepting the subliminal and giving yourself permission to let it work.
RE: Life Tune-Up - Effects Diary - Tigerlilly - 07-08-2010
This begs the big question of which program to use at this juncture. My self confidence was shattered by this last year of school, clearly procrastination and motivation continue to plague me and I continue to shoot myself in the foot AND the guy I fell in love with is a *%&$*$& spineless, flighty, unreliable ass, whom I clearly need to let go but I still happen to be in love with him.
I AM FRUSTRATED! Which generally only leads to me doing something really stupid like hitting a hornet's nest with a stick just to change something.
I'm not looking for a quick fix - I'm willing to do the work, but why on earth does this have to be so damn difficult. Grrrr. When do I get to see the benefits of the hard work? And what's the upside to being so *&^%$%* intrinsically stubborn and resistant, cause honestly, I'm not seeing the glass as half full glass.
RE: Life Tune-Up - Effects Diary - Tigerlilly - 07-08-2010
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Day Listening – 0 hours
Night #24 – 7 hours; “USS”; Speakers
30 min. LTU; 30 min. Let Go; 30 min. Procrastination. Programs cycle in that order.
Dreams: None (or maybe just none I can recall?)
Spent some time with a friend and her daughter this afternoon. It was nice to spend time with them both, grab some good food, and just window shop.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Day Listening – 3 hours
Night #25 – 12 hours; “USS”; Speakers
30 min. ASC; 30 min. Let Go; 30 min. Procrastination. Programs cycle in that order.
Dreams: Recall difficult today. Vague recollections that dreams referenced CC. No feeling of CC’s presence in my dreams only that others were present and they referenced CC. As for recall in general, at least I can attest to having had dreams unlike the previous few days.
I decided to change my listening programs, removing Life Tune-Up and replacing it with Absolute Self Confidence. I am beginning to think that I need a stronger subliminal than LTU. Having read many posts regarding ASC, I am opting to give that a whirl.
Went to an early am yoga class. Was in a foul mood the majority of time taking the class. Didn’t feel like even cracking a smile until nearly done. I had hoped the class would give me more energy to accomplish something substantial but I really just putzed around most of the day, working on odds and ends. I find myself still procrastinating on my current project (due next Friday). I’ve done nothing substantial regarding this project which is going to bite me in the butt come next week.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Day Listening – 4 hours
Night #26 – 12 hours; “USS”; Speakers
30 min. ASC; 30 min. Let Go; 30 min. Procrastination. Programs cycle in that order.
Dreams: Recall is again difficult today. Vague recollections that CC was present in my dreams, but nothing specific to recall. Just a feeling of presence.
I had intended to get some work done, but still find myself putzing around the house doing things that are not a priority. I scheduled a yoga class and massage for this evening. Missed the yoga class, but did make it on time to the massage which was really great and I left feeling much more relaxed and totally exhausted. I still have knots at the base of my neck, but hopefully this will tame them over the next couple of days and they will no longer cause such pain.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Day Listening – 7 hours
Night #27 – hours; “USS”; Speakers
30 min. ASC; 30 min. Let Go; 30 min. Procrastination. Programs cycle in that order.
Dreams: Recall was easier today. I had a dream that I was being robbed, and then when I woke, I could see that there was someone tied up in my room, whether the individual (whom I did not recognize) was the robber or being held captive by the robber, I could not determine. The dream was disturbing, leaving me the feeling that there was someone in my house. After getting up to get some water, and checking the doors and windows to be sure they were locked, (shocker!) when I laid back down again, I could still see the person tied up. Clearly I was having some kind of lucid dream. It took another few minutes or so before I could force the image from my view [mind].
Also had a dream that I went to the roof of a building with several friends. This roof had an extensive and intricate patio with many posts and beams holding up a pergola covered in a very dense vine like canopy. It was difficult to see around the beams and posts and it was quite dark. We (maybe just me) dropped glass bottles of the roof, deliberately letting them shatter on the cement below seeming unconcerned if they hit anyone or caused injury or any kind. Climbing back into the building was difficult, there was no easy access in. Don’t know why I had to “climb” back in or why there wasn’t a door or perhaps couldn’t find the door?. It was set up much like a hotel inside, brightly lit with many doors. We were sneaking around, but I don’t know why.
Meanings:
Robbery To dream that you have been robbed, indicates that you are experiencing an identity crisis or are suffering from some sort of loss in your life. Alternatively, the dream means that has stolen your success or has taken credit for something you did. Perhaps you feel that you have been treated unfairly.
To dream that your house is broken into, suggests that you are feeling violated. It may refer to a particular relationship or current situation in your life. Alternatively, it indicates that some unconscious material is attempting to make itself known. There are some aspects of yourself that you have denied.
Captive To dream that you are held captive, suggests that you are feeling trapped in some aspect or circumstances of your waking life. You may feel trapped in your career, relationship or life in general. Alternatively, captivity dreams indicate something you are refusing to acknowledge or something that you are in denial about.
Roof To see a roof in your dream, symbolizes a barrier between two states of consciousness. You are protecting or sheltering your consciousness, mentality, and beliefs. The dream provides an overview of how you see yourself and who you think you are.
To dream that you are on top of a roof, symbolizes boundless success. If you fall off the roof, then it suggests that you do not have a firm grip and solid foundation on your advanced position. If you are re-roofing in your dream, then it suggests that you need to raise your goals and set your sights higher.
Glass To see glass in your dream, symbolizes passivity or protection. You may be putting up an invisible barrier to protect yourself in a situation or relationship. If the glass is dirty, cloudy or discolored, then it suggests that you are not seeing something clearly. You need more clarity in a situation. To dream that you are drinking from a glass, is an omen of good luck.
To dream that you are looking through glass, represents your openness and non-defensiveness. Alternatively, you may be putting up an invisible emotional barrier around yourself.
To see broken glass in your dream, signifies disappointments and negative changes in your life. Alternatively, it could be symbolic of an aspect of your life that is in pieces. A relationship or situation has come to an abrupt and untimely end. If you are walking on broken glass, then it suggests that you will be experiencing some heartache or pain. You are unsure with how to proceed with your life.
To dream that you are eating glass highlights your vulnerability, confusion and frailty. You may have difficulties in communicating your thoughts across and getting the right words out. Alternatively, it may symbolize your hurtful and cutting comments. Perhaps you have been hurt or disappointed by something that someone had said. Or you need to be careful in how you phrase and word things or run the risk of offending others.
Bottle To see a bottle in your dream, indicates that you are pushing your feelings back inside, rather than expressing them. The contents of the bottle represent the nature of the emotions. A bottle of champagne shows your need to socialize, while a bottle of poison signifies evil thoughts and a wine bottle symbolize sexuality.
To see an empty bottle, denotes that you have exhausted your inner resources. You may be feeling drained and empty inside.
Break To dream that you break something, indicates that changes are ahead for you. You need to "break" away from some situation and change the direction that your life is headed in. Alternatively, to break something suggests that you need to take things slower as in "take a break". Or the dream may be a pun on being broke. Are money matters weighing on your mind?
To dream that objects around you are breaking, suggests that you are under tremendous stress. The dream could be a metaphor that you are literally at your breaking point.
**********************************
It would seem that my dreams continue to revolve around changes in my life that I am resisting or perhaps are inevitable. I am not certain whether they point to the resistance of letting go of the most recent relationship, past relationships and/or hurts or the many things I am trying to change about myself regarding procrastination, confidence, school, etc.
I slept another 12 hours again. I was exhausted when I finally got out of bed. Perhaps the effects of the massage? I went for a walk with the dog right away and ran 1.5 mile in 87 degree weather. I was even more exhausted when I got home. It took about 3 hours after that for me to feel like I was awake and manage to actually get some work done.
At one point I did feel like I was on the verge of tears again, though unlike other times in the recent past I was not able to pin point a reason for this feeling. Ultimately the feeling passed, rather quickly thankfully.
RE: Life Tune-Up - Effects Diary - Ryan - 07-09-2010
Stick with it, Tiger, you'll be feeling better in no time!
RE: Life Tune-Up - Effects Diary - Tigerlilly - 07-11-2010
Thank you, Ronotello and Ryan, for your comments. I went back to find the post about the Titanic. I will keep plugging away. Resistance in its positive form does create a level of tenacity that keeps me going even when things are not going as I had anticipated, desired, or expected. Since tenacity in this regard is a good thing, promoting a better existence and level of achievement for me, I fully intend to continue. I think the days when I turn into the whiney little girl, unhappy with my progress, are the days self doubt has crept in and I am unable to stop the spinning.
Anyway, thank you both for the encouragement!
As always Shannon, many thanks for your input as well! I do hope you are recovering from the cold/flu that has been slowing you down.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Day Listening – 6 hours
Night #28 – 11 hours; “USS”; Speakers
30 min. ASC; 30 min. Let Go; 30 min. Procrastination. Programs cycle in that order.
Dreams: Recall was difficult today.
Got up super ealy, 5:30 am, and tired to make it to the 6:30 am pilates class. Was 10 min. late (I’m always late – for everything) so they wouldn’t let me in. I didn’t have sneakers with me, so I couldn’t go for a run and kill time until the next class so I went back home. Threw more grass seed on the lawn, finished off a bag of mulch around the newply planted perinnials and shrubs. Cleaned up the patio, Most of the time it was raining while I was doing this, but at 75 degrees, the rain felt good.
Once I finished that, did a few small chores in the apt. then and finally wnet for a 2 mile run. Pain in my knee slowed me down quite a bit and I would have liked to have run further, but even hitting the pavement with the ball of my foot didn’t help much.
Worked on some small projects, avoiding of course, the large project for school due next week. Since I have an appt. with the director of my program on Tue. To show him my progress, it looks like I’m going the be spending the next three days working madly. Typical.
My knee continued to bother me, in fact it got much worse, probably cause I kept trying to manipulate it myself. I decided to see a chiropractor. My landlord is a chiropractor, and his office is only like 6 block away. Instead of going to my regular chiro (who I have not seen in 3 years) I called my landlord’s office and amazingly was given an apt. ½ hour later. Turns out to have been a really good thing, he had a slow afternoon and spent quite a bit of time fixing me! He was able to work on my neck (and the crazy knots still there even after the massage) in addition to a few adjustments on my spine and shoulders. So glad I called on a whim. This guy is great! Total Eastern medicine office, acupuncture, body and energy work, herbs, etc. Clearly the place I was supposed to be yesterday.
Went to a little going away party for a classmate who has decided to switch programs. Met many people. Brought the dog, who was a huge hit and everyone loved her and of course she was incredibly well behaved. Found myself being fairly social even though I was not feeling like I was in the best mood. When I left I told myself to put on my game face and suck it up since I would probably not see this person again for a couple of years. At one point it sort felt like I was holding court. There were 4 or 5 guys just chatting it up with me. Some married, some not. All nice and friendly enough and several were architects. Turns out my pal has loads of friends who are architects or in related fields. Surprisingly, no one talked shop, which was good as far as I was concerned cause that can get boring. I stayed about 1.5 hours, left when there were still lots of people. Always good to leave on a high note than stay too long. It’s taken me ages to learn that rule.
Bed around 1:30 am – decided not to try to get up early to exercise since I slept so poorly the night before I figured it would be best if I just shut off the alarm and woke on my own.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Day Listening – 5 hours
Night #29 – 9 hours; “USS”; Speakers
30 min. ASC; 30 min. Let Go; 30 min. Procrastination. Programs cycle in that order.
Dreams: Vaguely remember the dreams to be about food, specifically hamburgers. I had remembered more details when earlier today, but now that I am actually getting around to typing journaling, I’ve lost a good portion of the details.
Practiced some affirmations this morning and listened to a subliminal from Brain Sync – Attracting Love – 3 time (30 min. recording) while walking the dog. I feel much better when practicing affirmations and meditating first thing in the morning rather than later in the day. It’s like it sets the tone for the day. It’s always been like this for me, but is probably even more important now that I am trying to get the best out of the subliminals I am using.
Managed to finish some projects today. Including swapping out winter/fall clothing for summer clothing. Now most of the boxes I’ve been tripping over for the last month are back where they belong in storage. Just one more thing I was procrastinating on and lacked motivation to do.
I seem to be throwing out a lot of stuff. Not that I would consider myself a packrat, but every time I opened a box I found items I just didn’t feel like keeping any more. Perhaps a result of the “Letting Go” subliminal? I still have way more clothing and shoes than the average women. (When I initially went to art school, it was for fashion design, but I was tossed out of that art school and program. I was very angry at the time, and tossed the letter they sent me tossing me out, but getting kicked out of that school was probably the best thing that ever happened to me – now I wish I had the letter – it’s like a badge of honor! I mean really, who gets kicked out of ART school?) Anyway, I am still a style diva in that regard but NOT a fashion victim. I don’t adhere to trends, (I make my own – LOL!)
Anyway, managed to get that swapping done and a couple of other small things. Then a last minute invitation to a house party kept me out until midnight. Glad to get out, even if only for a few hours. Sometimes I wonder if I just spend too much time alone.
No running today, in fact, no exercise at all. The knee was a little cranky early in the day, but by the end of the day was not bothering me at all. Doc said I should take it easy for a week, so no running, but I can use an elliptical or Stairmaster. So glad I went to the Chiropractor. Looking forward to my adjustment next week! I will be so great to get rid of all the knots in my neck, back and shoulders!
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Day Listening – 2 hours
Night #30 – 8 hours; “USS”; Speakers
30 min. ACS; 30 min. Let Go; 30 min. Procrastination. Programs cycle in that order.
Cannot remember a single dream. Restless night for sleeping, waking up at least ½ doz. times. Totally annoying! I had a couple of beers and a martini at the party and wonder if the cocktails are partly to blame for the restless night and lack of dreams.
My mood was average today. Not good, not bad. I had not even planned to go out, but a last minute invite to my friends place where several other peeps I know and haven’t seen in a while would be got me out of the house. I had a good time chatting it up with new and old friends. I only stayed a few hours, preferring to leave before things got sloppy (as it was looking like it had the potential). Better to leave on a high note as they say.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Day Listening – 3 hours
Night #31 – 8 hours; “USS”; Speakers
30 min. ASC; 30 min. Let Go; 30 min. Procrastination. Programs cycle in that order.
Dreams: I woke up a couple of times last night, and when I first woke this morning, I was thinking about my dreams, now that I’ve finally gotten around to writing, most of the details have disappeared. I do remember the CC was in a number of them again. In another, I was living with my mom. For reasons that are not clear, not only were we living together again, but we need to either switch bedrooms or share a bedroom. Changing the curtains and position of the beds are predominant details. I was incredibly annoyed by this change as I was not going to be near a window any longer and didn’t like the curtains. I was upset with my mom for making all these changes, but I didn’t convey my feelings to her.
I suspect that this dream refers to feelings I am holding back in other aspects of my life, i.e. the former romantic relationship, issues regarding my feelings of the grad program I have not conveyed to my director or university in general, and possibly for older feeling that I did not convey when younger. (We moved frequently – I attended 10 schools from 1 – 12 grade, switching schools in the middle of the school year on 3 different occasions. I suspect that might be way I detest moving more than the average individual. Since living in Chicago, nearly 15 years, I have moved only 4 times.
Today I was in a good mood all day. I’ve wanted a gas grill for ages and have been looking on Craig’s list for a couple of weeks for a grill in good condition and inexpensive. Today I found one. Drove out to the burbs and picked it up, put it back together, and even got propane. I’m all set for grilling! This makes me very happy! I can now grill veggies and of course, some burgers.
Sometimes I feel like I’m channeling Sybil. It seems like every day my mood is different. I know my mood is totally effected by the amount of sleep I get, less sleep, more crabby, but sometimes it seems like my moods are far too erratic. I need to have more good days than bad days, and I’m not sure that is happening yet.
I spent some time verbalizing affirmations as suggested by Shannon. If I can be more consistent about this I am certain it will be helpful. The days I spend time verbalizing the affirmations my mood does seem better. I think I may record my voice, repeating the scripts stated in the various subliminals to repeat them back to myself each morning before I begin my day.
I will try this method for 1 week before selecting only one program to use to see if this lifts my mood more consistently and I become less resistant. The fact that I still do not feel motivated to tackle my school projects and continue to avoid them with unimportant activities (like hunting for a gas grill) after nearly a month of listening to the subliminals suggests that my resistance is much greater than I could have ever imagined. I guess I thought just listening to the subliminals would cure me of this issues but it would seem that if I am not proactive about this issue I will continue to encounter resistance. I have even been resistant to practicing the affirmations and scripts verbally. It is almost like I don’t want to help myself, then whine when nothing changes for me.
RE: Life Tune-Up - Effects Diary - Tigerlilly - 07-19-2010
When last I wrote, I was going to enter day 32 listening to the subs. I keep listening at night while sleeping, but my sleep schedule got all mucked up by another all nighter of work. Sadly, not only did i not accomplish what was needed, I still haven't. The last 4 days have been very difficult! The last two days, well, they can be best described to be filled with a simmering fury. I feel like I know the source of the feelings, revolving around acknowlegement or more precisely, the lack thereof, but it doesn't make a ton of sense. Perhaps hormones are playing are bigger role right now or perhaps it has more to do with the line from the "Mourning Bride": "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned / Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned." Either way, it's not fun and it doesn't fell like anything I'm doing is helping.
Unfortunatly, my impulsive behavior got the best of me over the last 4 days and I hit the hornets nest with a big stick. I couldn't seem to stop myself. Now it's just a matter of time before that come back to bites me. I should probably begin stocking up on band aids . . . .
RE: Life Tune-Up - Effects Diary - Shannon - 07-20-2010
Just to let you know, TL, I have not had a chance to reply to your last two e-mails yet. You like to write, and I enjoy reading what you write, but responding requires more time and energy than I may have available at a given point in time. I am finding that lately there is not enough of me to go around. But I'll read and reply as soon as possible. Just have a lot of stuff to do that makes it difficult to keep up lately.