(03-25-2021, 07:02 AM)djl4 Wrote: Day 3

Woke up in a lot of resistance, did some breath work and reached a place where I felt relatively free from fear, and so I went outside to enjoy a coffee.

Like many of us, I've been mostly inside this year, so I'm trying to make a new effort to go outside at least once a day just to enjoy the spring weather. I had a nice time. I drank coffee, people watched, and worked on some music in my head.

I definitely felt significantly less fear in a totally general sense. A zen like freedom, enjoying my own company. The only thing in my way is a kind of strong expectation that women should be checking me out, or that I should be approaching, talking to them. This is really making me suffer at the moment. Some girls sat down next to me, and were looking over at me but I just didn't want to engage. It didn't seem to be a matter of fear for me in that moment. Another woman walked by that I was actually really interested in, but she didn't really give me any signals so I decided not to engage. So in the second instance it was perhaps fear of making a fool of myself. But I think since it's only Day 3 (lol) I need to be gentle around the topic of women and dating and perhaps just let the program do it's thing. My brain may be a bit confused from me switching from Woman Magnet Affirmations to the Fear Sub.

I don't like feeling so needy for attention from women, and I want to be able to live my life to the full and enjoy my own company. I still have a lot of fear that "I'm never going to figure out the secret to women" and that I need to DO something or I'll never get it. At some point this may be true, massive action may be required to achieve certain changes, but I think that mindset is actually getting in my way at this point in time.

In the absence of fear (or much less), I am noticing my other emotions more, most notably that I am lonely and a bit depressed. I don't think I could even feel it before because my panic was so strong. So I feel this burning need to rectify my situation, which is good, but patience is key.

I have to regulate my expectations, be honest with myself, and be patient. These are things that are difficult for me, but I have learned from therapy to some extent. The nature of the mind seems to be to lack appreciation for the major changes already happening, and moving on to suffering about what I don't have.

I have been thinking about how I can best allow the program to do it's work, and this is what I came up with. (My 5 commandments?).

1. Continue Reichian Breathwork
2. Go outside and explore, or socialize each day
3. Keep pushing for progress in both the little things (cleaning my house, organizing, working out, etc.) and the big things (my music, my job, my well being, etc.)
4. Avoid conflicting mind programming
5. Play the program as per instructions.

(03-28-2021, 09:02 AM)THolt Wrote:

(03-25-2021, 07:02 AM)djl4 Wrote: Day 3

Woke up in a lot of resistance, did some breath work and reached a place where I felt relatively free from fear, and so I went outside to enjoy a coffee.

Like many of us, I've been mostly inside this year, so I'm trying to make a new effort to go outside at least once a day just to enjoy the spring weather. I had a nice time. I drank coffee, people watched, and worked on some music in my head.

I definitely felt significantly less fear in a totally general sense. A zen like freedom, enjoying my own company. The only thing in my way is a kind of strong expectation that women should be checking me out, or that I should be approaching, talking to them. This is really making me suffer at the moment. Some girls sat down next to me, and were looking over at me but I just didn't want to engage. It didn't seem to be a matter of fear for me in that moment. Another woman walked by that I was actually really interested in, but she didn't really give me any signals so I decided not to engage. So in the second instance it was perhaps fear of making a fool of myself. But I think since it's only Day 3 (lol) I need to be gentle around the topic of women and dating and perhaps just let the program do it's thing. My brain may be a bit confused from me switching from Woman Magnet Affirmations to the Fear Sub.

I don't like feeling so needy for attention from women, and I want to be able to live my life to the full and enjoy my own company. I still have a lot of fear that "I'm never going to figure out the secret to women" and that I need to DO something or I'll never get it. At some point this may be true, massive action may be required to achieve certain changes, but I think that mindset is actually getting in my way at this point in time.

In the absence of fear (or much less), I am noticing my other emotions more, most notably that I am lonely and a bit depressed. I don't think I could even feel it before because my panic was so strong. So I feel this burning need to rectify my situation, which is good, but patience is key.

I have to regulate my expectations, be honest with myself, and be patient. These are things that are difficult for me, but I have learned from therapy to some extent. The nature of the mind seems to be to lack appreciation for the major changes already happening, and moving on to suffering about what I don't have.

I have been thinking about how I can best allow the program to do it's work, and this is what I came up with. (My 5 commandments?).

1. Continue Reichian Breathwork
2. Go outside and explore, or socialize each day
3. Keep pushing for progress in both the little things (cleaning my house, organizing, working out, etc.) and the big things (my music, my job, my well being, etc.)
4. Avoid conflicting mind programming
5. Play the program as per instructions.

How is your social anxiety? 

I am running E4 and have two two months  left on my run. After that I will switch to OF V2. I have issue with social anxiety and fear in general. I feel like fear has held me back from a lot of opportunities earlier in my life.

(03-30-2021, 04:07 AM)djl4 Wrote: I am Loving this sub

I was a little unsure what it was doing the last few days until I "forgot" to play it last night --- My dreams became chaotic, fearful, etc

Where every other night the dreams have had a theme of fear, but also courage and overcoming.

So I woke up this morning in a bad state (there was other stuff going on yesterday eve as well, anger, and I used porn, etc.) --- Turned on the Sub and an hour later I'm back to that Zen state.

It doesn't solve all of my problems, but it puts me in a state where I can solve them. And how it changes my feeling about my job is amazing. This is cool.

Also walked by a woman who was a 9/10 for me yesterday and she gave me an "I would fuck you look" --- I probably would've said something but I was on my phone and missed the moment. I was pretty horny/upset after that which is why I ended up looking at porn. But it's OK. It's a sign in the right direction and I have to pick it up and continue what I've been doing, including ditching the porn. I have to get comfortable with accepting the female attention I want and deserve and not letting it trigger so many emotions.