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+--- Thread: Greenduck's LTU5 journal (/Thread-Greenduck-s-LTU5-journal)
RE: Greenduck's LTU5 journal - Z-Man - 10-16-2019
(03-26-2019, 01:45 AM)Greenduck Wrote: Yup I did it too! Just bought LTU5 and it's downloading as we speak. I feel a bit of a pit in my stomach because of how much money I just spent, but I am hoping that it will be a good investment in myself.
Right now I am working about one time a week, due to that I am still recovering from a burn-out around 2 years ago. It's slowly becoming better, and I am hoping to be able to work half-time in about 3 months and full-time in 6 months. I am staying at my parents. I still have some depression and have a bit of problem focusing throughout the day. I have some problems to relax. I have a bit problem with self-esteem and socializing and relaxing in social situations. I have some problems with self confidence. I feel fearful from time to time and have problems setting boundaries with others.
I am not really back to who I was before I was hit with my depression and got messed up with a bad drug experience which caused PTSD-like symtoms for me, but I am hoping that LTU will help and assist me to get back up on the horse. I want to get back to work, feeling in control of what I am doing and trusting in myself. I want to socialize with other more and have a better connection with them. I want to feel better about myself. I want to have a stable income and financial plan for myself. I want to be better at enjoying life. I want to be more relaxed.
So that's about it! I have been running E2 for 9 months and you can find my journal here https://subliminal-talk.com/showthread.php?tid=8527
I do a meditation 2 times daily, to become more grounded, which is this one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTqktSAmG30
I do trauma releasing exercises 1-2 times daily, which is a exercise to release stress from the body.
I do cold-showers in the morning.
I feel the same way, buy it on 10/14 as a birthday present to myself. I hope it does a complete healing for me. I need from head to toes healing... Did E2 18 months, E3 almost 6 months. Did it work for you??
RE: Greenduck's LTU5 journal - Greenduck - 10-16-2019
(10-16-2019, 10:13 AM)Z-Man Wrote:(03-26-2019, 01:45 AM)Greenduck Wrote: Yup I did it too! Just bought LTU5 and it's downloading as we speak. I feel a bit of a pit in my stomach because of how much money I just spent, but I am hoping that it will be a good investment in myself.
Right now I am working about one time a week, due to that I am still recovering from a burn-out around 2 years ago. It's slowly becoming better, and I am hoping to be able to work half-time in about 3 months and full-time in 6 months. I am staying at my parents. I still have some depression and have a bit of problem focusing throughout the day. I have some problems to relax. I have a bit problem with self-esteem and socializing and relaxing in social situations. I have some problems with self confidence. I feel fearful from time to time and have problems setting boundaries with others.
I am not really back to who I was before I was hit with my depression and got messed up with a bad drug experience which caused PTSD-like symtoms for me, but I am hoping that LTU will help and assist me to get back up on the horse. I want to get back to work, feeling in control of what I am doing and trusting in myself. I want to socialize with other more and have a better connection with them. I want to feel better about myself. I want to have a stable income and financial plan for myself. I want to be better at enjoying life. I want to be more relaxed.
So that's about it! I have been running E2 for 9 months and you can find my journal here https://subliminal-talk.com/showthread.php?tid=8527
I do a meditation 2 times daily, to become more grounded, which is this one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTqktSAmG30
I do trauma releasing exercises 1-2 times daily, which is a exercise to release stress from the body.
I do cold-showers in the morning.
I feel the same way, buy it on 10/14 as a birthday present to myself. I hope it does a complete healing for me. I need from head to toes healing... Did E2 18 months, E3 almost 6 months. Did it work for you??
E2 couldn't take care of my issues but E3 is doing it I think. Hard to say right now. Better for you to read my posts and create your own idea.
RE: Greenduck's LTU5 journal - Greenduck - 10-17-2019
Sometimes it really sucks to have an old dad. He feel out of touch with stuff happening in the world and can’t relate to things I’m telling him. And he is just behaving “old”. It makes me irritated, angry and sad.
RE: Greenduck's LTU5 journal - Kol - 10-17-2019
Yeah this hits home and brings almost tears to my eyes. Im hearing you. My uncle I barely recognized last time and my dad is getting older. Its a mixed bag. For me its clear how its internally affecting me, so uhm..yeah.
RE: Greenduck's LTU5 journal - Greenduck - 10-17-2019
(10-17-2019, 09:15 AM)Kol Wrote: Yeah this hits home and brings almost tears to my eyes. Im hearing you. My uncle I barely recognized last time and my dad is getting older. Its a mixed bag. For me its clear how its internally affecting me, so uhm..yeah.
Yeah it sucks. I guess it’s such a big part of you communicating with those people and getting their opinions and awareness on stuff that make it so hard on you when it happens. I try to heal myself so I can appreciate the time that’s left and make the beat of it. I still believe that the person you look for is inside and can come out during right circumstances.
RE: Greenduck's LTU5 journal - Kol - 10-17-2019
Same here. Im just realizing it and it hits me like a damn truck. I now see that I still had layers. I definitely have some stuff to work through. Im like still on this other side of the fence.
RE: Greenduck's LTU5 journal - Greenduck - 10-17-2019
(10-17-2019, 09:24 AM)Kol Wrote: Same here. Im just realizing it and it hits me like a damn truck. I now see that I still had layers. I definitely have some stuff to work through. Im like still on this other side of the fence.
Yeah man. I believe that the bond we have with our parents, for good or bad, is one of the closest things we carry with us. Whether we want to accept it or not. Important to remember all the good times and carry them with you.
RE: Greenduck's LTU5 journal - Greenduck - 10-19-2019
I found an interesting talk with Jordan Peterson about ego death, described by Jung and as I am now coming out of it, I know that this is what I have been facing the last 3 years. Where everything I knew was shattered and my ego collapsed into the Self. It finally starts to make sense what I've been through, even though I don't know yet how to make use of it.
RE: Greenduck's LTU5 journal - Greenduck - 10-19-2019
Haha..next clip I'm watching goes right into what the use for going through this type of thing can bring with it (just in the end of the clip)
RE: Greenduck's LTU5 journal - Greenduck - 10-24-2019
Holy shit, I had one of the darkest episodes I've had for a long time today. I just felt detached from reality but still emotionally stirred up, at the verge of having a breakdown. Had really big anxiety at work at my performance and just interacting with my colleague. Took a long walk from walk and it got a bit better, came home and had dinner with my parents and it just got worse, felt like I was somewhere else but still emotionally suffering. Went to bed listened to some music and just breathed through it. It took a couple of hours, but I got out on the other side, but in the gist of the episode things just felt eternal and I felt the darkness pulling me in. But I didn't shy away from it, just tried to accept it and breathe through it, and well, I got through it.
RE: Greenduck's LTU5 journal - Yous - 10-25-2019
(10-24-2019, 12:36 PM)Greenduck Wrote: Holy shit, I had one of the darkest episodes I've had for a long time today. I just felt detached from reality but still emotionally stirred up, at the verge of having a breakdown. Had really big anxiety at work at my performance and just interacting with my colleague. Took a long walk from walk and it got a bit better, came home and had dinner with my parents and it just got worse, felt like I was somewhere else but still emotionally suffering. Went to bed listened to some music and just breathed through it. It took a couple of hours, but I got out on the other side, but in the gist of the episode things just felt eternal and I felt the darkness pulling me in. But I didn't shy away from it, just tried to accept it and breathe through it, and well, I got through it.
And thanks to that you have become stronger
RE: Greenduck's LTU5 journal - Greenduck - 10-26-2019
(10-25-2019, 04:39 AM)Yous Wrote:(10-24-2019, 12:36 PM)Greenduck Wrote: Holy shit, I had one of the darkest episodes I've had for a long time today. I just felt detached from reality but still emotionally stirred up, at the verge of having a breakdown. Had really big anxiety at work at my performance and just interacting with my colleague. Took a long walk from walk and it got a bit better, came home and had dinner with my parents and it just got worse, felt like I was somewhere else but still emotionally suffering. Went to bed listened to some music and just breathed through it. It took a couple of hours, but I got out on the other side, but in the gist of the episode things just felt eternal and I felt the darkness pulling me in. But I didn't shy away from it, just tried to accept it and breathe through it, and well, I got through it.
And thanks to that you have become stronger
Thanks for the encouragement.
Yesterday my boss noticed that I’m feeling better and have more drive. I have shared with him my problems with anxiety and problems in getting things done, so that was nice that he noticed that.
I went out with some friends and rebounded with some old friends which felt really nice.
I saw some glimpses of attraction of girls but it’s like it’s still out of my reach. I think that g/s/f is coming in the way of it.
My mom started complaining about her illnesses and whatnot this morning while I was a bit hung over reading the paper. And then she complained that “it’s just like talking to a wall” and I replied with I don’t know what i should say, that everyone has their problems and that was that, she angrily walked away. Maybe a bit blunt but I can’t take it with people who try to put their problems as my problems, and demand empathy. Empathy is given, not taken.
RE: Greenduck's LTU5 journal - Have at ye - 10-26-2019
Yup. You're her son - you're not supposed to be her "emotional support" (by which I mean "negativity sponge"
); it should really be the other way around. I really hate when people corner their kids into being thus, using the fact that they're dependent on them for survival to force the issue.
RE: Greenduck's LTU5 journal - findingme - 10-26-2019
(10-26-2019, 03:55 AM)Greenduck Wrote: I saw some glimpses of attraction of girls but it’s like it’s still out of my reach. I think that g/s/f is coming in the way of it.
I remember getting glimpses from women myself on LTU--and me too--my mind was not focused on picking up random women. I thought it was just me, but I found that LTU focused on doing what was best for me. Putting on fronts was me not being me.
I'll add something which did hit me strongly my first month or so on LTU. While doing a delivery to a upscale retirement neighborhood, a woman in her 60's came out requesting something I could not give, and my face showed my feelings of concern for her. She had the sweetest (meaning non-manipulative) look on her face, and I found it attractive.
What hit me in that moment was I truly wished to be known intimately by a woman. I wished to be known as I am, and for us be real and honest with each other, warts and all.
While on LTU, I never had the primal urges I've had on DMSI. My heart was way more active, and that's how I want to be.