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+--- Thread: Am 6.0 first run (/Thread-Am-6-0-first-run)
RE: Am 6.0 first run - Kol - 05-15-2016
Notiocing how many people live in fear, there has been an situation at the gym and now they wont open. I understand on some level but I wouldn't bow at all for that stuff, becuse its an downward spiral. I notice I remain unfazed in such situation, unemotional, solid.
Spome group of women waited before the closed door of the gym and I went an slight bit in discussion with myself onluy to realize it doesnt matter. Still having the flu to an extent.
I notice how people operate on the the old programming, how much feminism has infected and just ruined people. Tradiontional empowerment roles of the masculine as being independent is currently realized. There is nothing to fear. Take control, be the leader. Having waves of positivity and happiness yet feel I am on an whole different level, like no longer dependent on it. I also have this go get outlook now, when I see something I move beyond that mentally. Perhaps wisdom programming kicking in more and deeper? I need the introspection and time to do so, as that is very effective. It truly accelerates it all.
Have to watch I don't slip up my waking shedule.
Im feeling more centred and in control. For some reason I'm only assuming leadership and ceo status now. Its mindblowing profound. Im feeling slightly euphporic yet nothing, indifference and tranquility. Its solidifying and crystalizing in my mind currently and my whole fucking body and being. Looking with other eyes on other people. I have some deep seated fear still and issues popping up around but I feel very stable and solid.
I notice I'm falling in trance when chatting with this girl yet my interest comes and goes, like, I know I deserve better or whatever resulting in me being cold and ruminating. When retreating an bit I feel even more attractive and sexy, like being some sort of magnet. frame holding is something to be doing, I just feel stupid by falling into this stuff, like my mind goes full on retarded or some shit. makes me somewhat resentfull. Something to release.
Work/jobs are appealing right now, watching people working outside is inspiring for some reason but at the same time I remember how unsatisfying it is in the long run. The initial high of an new situation leading to some sort of boredom and mundane sense.
Also an "need" to respond"exist on some level. Its in the end an giving away of power. Choice instead of being compelled. Same as choosing words instead of being stuck in an pattern of pressure, choosing which words to use, its the opposite of fear perhaps.
In terms of money attitude something profound has shifted, something powerfull has been installed. If people give me money I'm not happy, like, my priority lies by being able to generate it by myself, it feels dependent. AM focus strongly on self empowerment, self reliance, seeking new ways, wisdom, actualisation. being more aggressive is also something that is coming in handy. When on an high I can come in to strong, but I can also be to timid still.
I might journal again in this way. I have let it slip somewhat the last few days and I notice that by journalling, things become more clear and help with breakthroughs. Some fire is definitely lit up inside. burning.
MY ideas are getting more concrete and solid, my drive gets back. Im starting reading 48 laws of power but notice an direct resistance inside. The title does stirr uip some dominant feelings, almost militant and can see how this might turn someone who internalizes it into more reckless and ruthless.
Its also interesting and right that I come across social dominance articles today.
RE: Am 6.0 first run - Kol - 05-16-2016
Lots of emotions and feelings coming up making me want to cry and curl up. An mix between sadness, apathy and slight depression. stage 3 definitely makes me come in contact with some deep issues and feelings.
RE: Am 6.0 first run - Kol - 05-16-2016
Feeling pretty pissed off and discovered some fear around eye contact, facing it instead of reframing it to avoid I'm still at times as some sort of automatic habit inhibiting slightly. I dont care that I have the killer look at times, that people get all uncomfortable, if this pushes me in the ranks of the insane, so fucking be it. There is an whole lake of anger under the surface. I have better options aswell. I just hate how I at times seem to revert to beta bitch boy ways and it makes me want to burn all bridges.
Also, the girl I'm seeing qualifies herself big time to the point she is terrified to lose me, asking if stuff is alright and if it is her fault and shit. I just dislike submissive girls I think. Idk. There has to be some action in bed. Im really at some crossroads currently and it causes me to feel all kind of things. Other people want to talk to me, come to me aswell. I can only imagine this to increase further. Like yesterday I talked with some guy and he just stopped and took the time to talk a bit.
Fear of losing control. My words flow sometimes and I speak automatically to the point it can make me feel slightly anxious and unsettled. Fears are so Obvious and its an sudden realize of repeating patterns mostly, also, when being in an state of reading people the anxiety is just not there.
Also, an second run might nail this sub.
RE: Am 6.0 first run - Kol - 05-16-2016
(05-16-2016, 04:03 AM)yeah! Wrote: Stage 3 was hard for me too, but it's worth it.
I have experienced almost no resistance at all in contrast to stage 2. This stage does stir up things merciless and just obvious aswell for me.
RE: Am 6.0 first run - Kol - 05-16-2016
(05-16-2016, 09:41 AM)Sky_Wolf Wrote: This is a very well written journal man.
Thank you.
RE: Am 6.0 first run - Kol - 05-17-2016
I feel myself moving away from the girl and raising in value and status. Im totally fine with that. Did read on some pua stuff in terms of displaying DHV but feel pretty awesome/secure/confident like nothing phasing me. Also strighetning my priorities. Might kill the inner beta further but key is replacement with alpha traits/mindset and qualities.
Less needy in many areas, reveiwing current situation and gratitude is something I'm going to stick at in the morning before the gym. My visoon gets more clear and will have running something at the end of this AM run. I'm going to dedicate more time to it and I feel already the excitement
RE: Am 6.0 first run - Kol - 05-17-2016
Smiling less lately, its more of an natural resting face kind of thing. When I smile people don't give much of a shit, when I'm not, people suddenly pick it up, comment and shiot, my mood seems to change one moment to the next. Like, I will not change for anyone or anybody. As if I am processing rigth at this very moment. Makes me think when I got comments all the times that I had some sort of dark look in my eyes in my teens. People commented on that all the time, that I should smile more or some shit. ironically this caused people to approach and respond. Smiling overtly i fucking beta.
Stage 3 gives me lots of memories and flashbacks to when I was younger. I'm feeling stronger then ever yet notice I still avoid at times.
Am also having terndencies tol be left fully alone for some time, everything can fuck off right now. Definitely some anger going on and internal changes happening.
New woman at the gym, older then me I guee, curvy, blond, cute face, but pretty hot. Had some nice eye contact moments with her. Its as if my eye contact gets more solid and indiscinatory, butr more hitting and attraction is there. Also some other girl gave the deer in the headlights look at the gym, I locked and realized later. Its as if I let people gravitate to me lately, drawn to me. Like everywhere I go there is some sort of attraction, no matter what. Easy to make the leap that people are naturally attracted to me and I'm hot as fuck bordering on cocky arrogant ( It's true tho... )
I sleep longer on this stage, have tons of dreams and slip mostly back in the dream when waking up in between. Dreamed something about shadows.
Choices are mine, its not any more depending on the sub, buit ratehr I decide myself, perhaps integrating the sub at this point and hammering the programming deeper in my core.
I dont want to go back to the old program most people run on. I'm worth tons more.
Still have fears, the journey is not over yet, and these fears seem to be separated from being alpha, Like, yes I am alpha, but still have fears. Very profound realization.
I have an strong sense of resistance and it makes me feel euphoric like an chainreaction is set in motion right now. ( day19 ) aswell as thinking about what qualities I seek in woman, what turns me off.
currently reading the 48 laws of power again, with the desription of the laws and applying it, it makes more sense than just the laws written down as I felt it wasnt alpha, especially the dependence on the external. Lots of new ideas going thrpough my mind, I keep improving every moment.
RE: Am 6.0 first run - Kol - 05-19-2016
* Spending to much time on forums. having lots surfacing again GSF, including old patterns. Realizing conflict is an given in this world and better get used to it so I can go beyond it.
*The sub smakes me realize the alpha 2.0 and there is an strong contrast between alpha 2.0 and 1.0. '
* Nothing is for free in this world, thinking money, IDGAF. Its gold.
* starting to resent some traits in myself as how I view people and how I respond to them, coming lots in contact with my more emotional side. Its painfull to go through this but will eventuall come out on the other side.
* im not monogamic, I'm losing interest and have an growing focus on business. Im feeling teary for no apparent reason and will not settle, nor close off for other oppurtunities, keeping my options open and strongly resonate with black dragons outlook in every life area.
* reading people makes fear absent, still have some social anxiety kind of symptoms.
* feeling pussy when not able to hold eye contact, like, an man should be able to hold eye contact.
* my voice reflects dominance in subtle ways, like an quality.
* I'm having high expectations towards myself, I can't stand pussying out even if it involuntairy.
* feeling pretty angry when thinking about monogamy and being limited, some fire has been ignited inside and my whole body feels fuelled
RE: Am 6.0 first run - Kol - 05-19-2016
Drunk with anger and overwhelm, till the point I'm getting nausous. Something deep has to be hit by AM, and had glimpses and little breakthroughs last few days. Oh and the girl I'm chatting with doesnt even register right now. whatever. The nice messages of hers become boring right now to me. She asks what I'm up to and why my day is shit, makes me think I can't tell her that i'm running alpha male 6.0 5G and shitload is coming up. Always been an weak point to share feelings kind off, except when its sexual and I am on an roll.
Came back to Sigma and reading on sigma, also reading the 48 laws of power. The things that in my mind are lacking are an fire to be kindled and stuff where I can improve. Lots of stress piling up, heartrate increasing and all seems so futile.
I'm incredibly pissed off and sad. I like it for some reason. I dont know. I want to breakdown. Totally going from some sort of crazy likingness swinging over to the other side of the spectrum. An war going on. duality of man maybe, like 2 wolfs fighting over eachother and with eachother. Its fucking intens. Each mental image triggers me in another state. Arrogant, sad, feeling like an fucking god, to only feel down the next minute.
Came across an nice quaote on entrepreneurship and to imagine it when there wouldn't be such a thing as an government. That entrepreneurship is pure expression. Lays in line with sigma as well as black dragon.
Stage 3 is really kicking hard and it is kicking my ass. the first couple of weeks I didnt feel much, only empowerment and now all is going up in flames. Somewhat neat but feel like dying.
Realize I improve always one way or another, even if it is internal.
validation seeking is gone, i'm centred. Read some journals on AM6 and growing facial hair is something that comes up which I have in my run aswell. Not caring about it, just an observation. feeling very weird and epowered yet angry.
having some bullshit thoughts about being unphased witrh insults, at times I laugh about it, other times I get angry but know it will give drama. heh, something to work out because I get an "fear vibe" from it as I write this down. Holding tongue sucks big time and is working against me. Watched some guys respond and it shows an massive beta-degradation situation and status.
Identifying with sigma and entrepreneurship, its in line with myself. I can't see work myself for an boss, atleast working together at most, but my whole behaviour will radiate dominance. Oh well, BD's model is way more suiting aswell.
Thinking about delayed gratification and how its separated from long term happiness and tied in with mission. Its another way of operating and networking, things to think about still. My mindset revolves around objectivity ( as far as that goes ) in terms of goal getting, its almost fluid in terms of possibilities and an state shift of operating. I can go out, low money and chasing this, yet can also invest longer term so it will lead to long term happiness and freedom. In business doing and working on the market can nourish this liking, as it is outside the comfortzone. Operating tyhis way challenges and also causes growth. No limitations for the sake of comfort. Also feeling really strong this Alpha presence in my body right now. I can operate on an certain mindset but presence seems to be separated from this, alpha traits.
Never share the same bank account. I'm pretty much all for individuality. I'm solid in this, in governing my own, non-neediness but full responsibility and ownership, even now it is obvious. Reviewing some hierachy stuff through my head and having thoughts popping up in terms of an system, like the reporter eventually reports to someone higher in the hierachy and so on. Also, I'm naturally aspiring for the top, its as if my presence is automatically put on the highest rank, elevated.
Action instead of writing and theory.
RE: Am 6.0 first run - Kol - 05-20-2016
Dominance kicks in deeper, people give respect and notice me from afar.
Begin to realize alpha 2.0 and sigma, alpha 1.0 doesnt appeal anymore. Its so much more.
People body lock with their eyes now, I'm falling in trance at times through making eye contact, like reading every detail and fully having my attention
some guy at the gym did laugh very overt which showed some full on betaness, like some string puppet kind of smiling and laughing. People get nervous and respect me now. Im getting cold more and more serious, more solid and it shows in my demeanor.
Women give eye contact more, some downright eye fuck me even if I'm at the end of the line.
Im restless, euphoric, other moments depressed.
I notice I have some guilt and my deserving of higher quality women kicks in deeper.
The sub is hitting deeper in my core and its getting really serious and flourishing. I simply can't be bothered and am foccused on my own developmen, life areas and will not play by the rules and games of people, yet at the same time I'm seeking the challenge and games can be fun in an way. Dominance is pretty strong currently and taking no shit. Also, keep having thoughts about stage 4 now. Itsd like an theme when reaching the end of an stage.
having some mental slowness going on but am determined to drill the programming in my being. My caring lecvel is getting lesser and lesser, and alpha doesn't even matter as much anymore. Also my eye contact is back at being able to hold.
Im feeling different and an shift has taken place.
RE: Am 6.0 first run - Kol - 05-20-2016
faciong and strong block, this girl becomes all clingy, insecure and what not and gives an strong messed up vibe. I went more silent on her and then everything went loopy and batshit crazy.
To much insecurity in an girl is an massive turn off, especially when it turns all into some clinging paranoid accusing kind of thing.
* people clearly start to approach me and it feels perfectly fine, no anxiety when conversating and what not, just being and people sense that, subtle and not so subtle, eye fucking and standing close for example.
* getting more looks at the gym
* abundance is back, kicking in
* going slower and getting aware of my mpovements, like walking fast and then slpowing my pace
* validation seeking and impressing is strongly reduced, I'm not doing it for anyone but myself
Getting pretty cocky and arrogant. Notice my mind organizes now which is an trigger for further rfealizations
Notice how my drive is very high but this stage makes me sleep more aswell. This drive results in an strong work ethic and embracing work as an whole and further causes realisations to kick in, like options, creating.
RE: Am 6.0 first run - Kol - 05-21-2016
Went out for a bit, going to another store and had an nice chat with an cute girl, went fluid and no neediness at all, eye contact made, she was fairly open. never been there before but I seem to draw more cute girls into my reality and people go a bit further in helping aswell. people actually approach me, the tables are turned.
reading upon control freaks right now but am at an point my time is precious and reading becomes more selective. weeding out what doesnt fit. Also, the isolation part of the 48 laws of power chimes through my mind, its slowly becoming more clear to me. isolation will only give some false sense of security and encourages avoidance. Embrace dying and go through that.
Note to self: breaking up is painfull, and unavoidable. Just pull the trigger. jelousy, controlling can't be won from. Just move away.
RE: Am 6.0 first run - Nox - 05-21-2016
(05-21-2016, 06:03 AM)Sky_Wolf Wrote: Im looking forward to the people approaching me aspect, it happened once during s2 but it may have just been coincidence.
EHPRA 2.0 is crazy for people approaching. I'll go out somewhere and it's just a given with my girl and I that if I run into two people I know we have to leave, because it won't stop. Random people also just come out of nowhere to meet me. It's weird.
RE: Am 6.0 first run - Kol - 05-21-2016
My experience with women is that they Always seek to control your frame or want to break frame and turn you into an beta provider, even if they deny it, its almost hardwired and women nature. Im pretty angry. One way I am unfazed, yet the other side is the intolerance to drama. To deny game is almost foolish at this point. I do somewhat naturally link with women, like, it is something natural to me.
Reading the art of seduction. Robert Greene is growing on me. The whole woman stuff makes me almost want to turn back to the pua world. AM6 seems to amplify results aswell in reading stuff, as if it absorbs and limits are fremoved so it can be brought out. The whole drama with females and their bs makes me almost turn abusive in an way, total disregard for feelings and turning me cold.
Anger is pretty much present and I know I'm the one in control in the end even if she tests and tries to control frame. Its up to myself to set those boundaries and tgo cut off that shit. She has no influence at all in the end. the locus of control internal.