(04-02-2011, 12:40 PM)RainbowAbyss Wrote: Done with stage 5 Alpha 011
there were some amazing moments and changes
that seemed to happen along the way
but by the end I felt perpetually dissatisfied, relatively
negative, lazier than I have ever been in my life and absolutely indifferent
to everything-it was like a smooth cage animal syndrome all over again.
That being said, I was more forward than I have ever been in my life, a lot
of eye seduction going on, great ease and comfort when interacting with all women, I was emotionally imperturbable unless something got me aggressive-and then I handled it like a bat out of hell, felt like I had huge presence, and seemed to get alot of respect when socializing as well as new ease with socializing. I feel this stage turned me into an extrovert, sitting at home alone could be done but more and more I felt like I was outgrowing my life and 'needed' to push my comfort zone-which was a concept that stopped existing, as I was so relaxed and indifferent that it was hard to get my pulse up unless I was going for a new pr in the weight room lol.
Many time I thought the stage was doing nothing but depressing me at points and leaving me mentally exhausted but as always looking back on how I use to be-the changes are ridiculous, still some insecurities but much improved nonetheless.
Actually, I feel more old self than ever-but in a much improved, more mature way. Nothing I use to care about I still care about-like at all-its kind of freaky.
Onwards to stage 6...hoping to round off with that wildflower 'everything is freakin amazing nonstop-energizer bunny of alphaness and women swarm me' but that might take through sex magnet and another round of Alpha 011

(04-02-2011, 07:45 PM)RainbowAbyss Wrote: Stage 5 felt like a good thing long term-and ok thing short term.
Did I feel good by the end of it, no-not at all, I was completely uninspired, didn't care about anything and could barely bring myself to go to my job. So that is a bad thing in my opinion.
What was good about it? IDK?, same with stage 4. There were definitely moments-sometimes weeks at a time where I was on fire with everything in my life but its hard to say if that was the sub, at the time I thought it was.
On fire-meaning I was doing awesome at work-socializing was a blast and easy, things were coming way way, I was going on dates and pushing myself in all areas of my life. A couple women showed up in my life, like literally met them on my front door step.
Its so hard to say what these stages do because they seem like a part of me by the time I notice anything different.
I've listed the positive benefits of stage 5 in a few posts before this and those still hold true.
Essentially it came down to this, if I was living a repeating pattern stage 5 made me feel like crap, in new environments or socializing, or doing new things, (when I could bring myself to), stage 5 made me feel much better and things went better.
Life felt extremely hard during stage 4 and a less hard during stage 5.
By the end of stage 5 I did not feel at all like I hoped I would but at the same time I don't care anymore. I honestly just don't know what these stages are doing sometimes. I'm doing my best to pick up whats difference with my self and experience of life. Certain things are obvious, like my body language and level of social anxiety, female attention etc. but its like everything is not quite baked, even the fact that I really could care less about approval or what others think, and I'm way more confident and comfortable being myself in all situations, but there still some insecurity there, still some hesitation, still some self doubt etc.
Its like a geschalt, if I look at it one way its like I have changed a ton, from another angle I have changed very little. The biggest thing I cared about was how I felt inside which by the end of stage 5 sucked. I think once I move into my own place things were really start clicking more and even despite that I would not take back having done 5 months of this set for anything, something about doing it just feels necessary for me.

(04-02-2011, 07:45 PM)RainbowAbyss Wrote: Stage 5 felt like a good thing long term-and ok thing short term.
Did I feel good by the end of it, no-not at all, I was completely uninspired, didn't care about anything and could barely bring myself to go to my job. So that is a bad thing in my opinion.
What was good about it? IDK?, same with stage 4. There were definitely moments-sometimes weeks at a time where I was on fire with everything in my life but its hard to say if that was the sub, at the time I thought it was.
On fire-meaning I was doing awesome at work-socializing was a blast and easy, things were coming way way, I was going on dates and pushing myself in all areas of my life. A couple women showed up in my life, like literally met them on my front door step.
Its so hard to say what these stages do because they seem like a part of me by the time I notice anything different.
I've listed the positive benefits of stage 5 in a few posts before this and those still hold true.
Essentially it came down to this, if I was living a repeating pattern stage 5 made me feel like crap, in new environments or socializing, or doing new things, (when I could bring myself to), stage 5 made me feel much better and things went better.
Life felt extremely hard during stage 4 and a less hard during stage 5.
By the end of stage 5 I did not feel at all like I hoped I would but at the same time I don't care anymore. I honestly just don't know what these stages are doing sometimes. I'm doing my best to pick up whats difference with my self and experience of life. Certain things are obvious, like my body language and level of social anxiety, female attention etc. but its like everything is not quite baked, even the fact that I really could care less about approval or what others think, and I'm way more confident and comfortable being myself in all situations, but there still some insecurity there, still some hesitation, still some self doubt etc.
Its like a geschalt, if I look at it one way its like I have changed a ton, from another angle I have changed very little. The biggest thing I cared about was how I felt inside which by the end of stage 5 sucked. I think once I move into my own place things were really start clicking more and even despite that I would not take back having done 5 months of this set for anything, something about doing it just feels necessary for me.