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+--- Thread: Dubls Mans Up - AM6 i (1-5), ii (5-10) (/Thread-Dubls-Mans-Up-AM6-i-1-5-ii-5-10)
AM6.II - Stage 5, Day 25 - Dubls - 12-04-2015
My resting confidence has gone up, and life is better because of it. I'm more assertive too; even cocky at times, and people are accepting of it. This has been a slow upwards trend since my first run of AM6; with many peaks and valleys. I want to make those peaks my norm and I don't expect this run or even a third run of AM6 to take me to that level. The focus just isn't there, and that's where I expect ASC to shine.
On a semi-related note, I've observed that when my confidence is high, so is my libido. I'm not entirely surprised by the effect that mood has on sex drive, but it's crazy when you realize by comparison how physiologically suppressive your internal dialogue can be.
I've never done cocaine, but I imagine that the peaks of confidence I've written about were akin to the high—or at least how it's been described to me. I have (regrettably) done shrooms a few times, and they are similar to my episodes of astronomically high confidence in that when you're 'on' it's a completely different and immersive reality, and when you're 'off' it's difficult to remember what it felt like to be on.
And that's all to do with confidence. What kind of glorious reality does one live in when you mix in fear destruction? I plan on running ASC and OF, but I'm still unsure about the order. There are many variables to take into consideration, and maybe I'll write about that in another post.
Back to AM6. I'm approaching the last week of Stage 5 and the SM3 tie must be taking effect, because I am noticing all kinds of attention from women. Of course, it helps that I look better than ever.
Still not willing to act on the attention though, and it's less frustrating because I'm actively working on my barriers, but I haven't had sex in almost 5 years. I am begrudgingly celibate.
That's where ASC and OF come in. Oh and let's not forget about OPE.
AM6.II - Stage 5, Day 35 - Dubls - 12-14-2015
Today is my third and last make up day.
I am noticing so much attention from women. It's clear that they perceive me to be more physically attractive than I think I am, which supports my observation that my mindset has not caught up with my new body.
The other day I was at the gym and this sexy blonde couldn't keep her eyes off of me. A few days later I was walking through the mall catching girls looking at me. At a clothing store I watched the pupils of the girl helping me dilate as we spoke. I'm so used to closing myself off to sexual prospects because of my history with low self-esteem that noticing these opportunities is new and a bit overwhelming.
Growing up, I learned to feel so bad about my self-image that I came to believe I didn't deserve contact with women nor did I belong anywhere but the bottom of the hierarchy amongst men. You can imagine the emotional pain that resulted from social/sexual deprivation as I matured. At times I coped by telling myself ridiculous things such as "Women are not sexual creatures."
I could be a real killer, but I'm still not willing to act on or create opportunities; and it's extremely frustrating. This is literally my greatest mental hangup, and it consists of fear, shame, and a deficit of confidence.
RE: Essy Mans The ***k Up [AM6] - I (p.1-5), II (p.5--) - CatMan - 12-14-2015
(12-14-2015, 10:11 PM)essy Wrote: I could be a real killer, but I'm still not willing to act on or create opportunities; and it's extremely frustrating. This is literally my greatest mental hangup, and it consists of fear, shame, and a deficit of confidence.
That's a HUGE problem I had during AM6, and way way way worse during SM3. And STILL do, to be honest. I just don't believe it's possible for me, despite all my massive, epic accomplishments in my life other than with girls. Girls/sex are clearly viewed separately by my mind from everything else, and maybe by yours too. They both seem so out of reach oddly, no matter what.
Half of me would be seeing some things with girls that may or may not be real, but I'd have this internal conflict where I wouldn't believe it and that I'm nowhere near able to attract girls that hot etc. so I must be mistakening their behaviour or intentions. It's a very strange feeling. I mirror your experiences. I've called it a "duality", that's been my experience constantly. With SM3 in particular, I just couldn't believe the program could work like the sales page claims it can, as that sales page is SO far out of my reality it seemed ridiculous to even go for it but I forced myself to. And I had a massive disconnect the whole time on it, and almost constant exhaustion. I was waiting for something amazing to happen to PROVE to me SM3's script it can be reality for me, but it never happened. I guess it was like the chicken and the egg. All the other programs have worked well for me, but SM3 did not.
Now apparently, Shannon says you don't need to BELIEVE in the sub for it to work, so maybe it's a coincidence. But, for me, I felt like two different men during the run. One that daydreamed of being a hot alpha male sex magnet with girls I know or famous girls etc. and believing in the script's intention and being positive and open to it, and the other hugely doubting it and not believing it can work and constantly being disappointed in it when it over and over and over failed to do anything tangible during outings with girls. Maybe also contributing to this are terrible past experiences with girls and having ZERO sexual experience and not even a kiss in my life...ruining my confidence in myself and my abilities to ever attract attractive girls and have sex with them. SM3's goals felt so far out of my realm of reality it's hard to even describe accurately. Like trying to teach a fish how to operate a nuclear power plant...
Maybe another run of SM3, can breakthrough, but to be honest after how blank and negative the run was, I don't even know if the program CAN work for me regardless of how often it's run. I literally don't know. I do know that perhaps next up will be OF5G for awhile, then an AM6 redo. I'm still waiting to see how my two current subs deal with girl issues, and they seem to be doing an amazing job. So I may not need OF5G after all and can skip right to AM6 again. After that, we'll see if I feel up to SM3 hell again lol
. Maybe SM4 will be needed in 6G...I don't know.Just know, you aren't alone pal. Transforming this fast in such a short time can create this kind of duality I think. 6G will likely make it happen faster and easier and more reliable and permanent, but for now, just trust in the system and keep moving forward as best as you can each day getting all the hours in you can.
We got your back, bro!
RE: Essy Mans The ***k Up [AM6] - I (p.1-5), II (p.5--) - Vincent_Vega - 12-15-2015
(12-14-2015, 10:11 PM)essy Wrote: I am noticing so much attention from women. It's clear that they perceive me to be more physically attractive than I think I am, which supports my observation that my mindset has not caught up with my new body.
Sure that it is just your body and not your whole new mindset/aura?
RE: Essy Mans The ***k Up [AM6] - I (p.1-5), II (p.5--) - Dubls - 12-15-2015
(12-14-2015, 11:19 PM)CatMan Wrote: That's a HUGE problem I had during AM6, and way way way worse during SM3. And STILL do, to be honest. I just don't believe it's possible for me, despite all my massive, epic accomplishments in my life other than with girls. Girls/sex are clearly viewed separately by my mind from everything else, and maybe by yours too. They both seem so out of reach oddly, no matter what.
Half of me would be seeing some things with girls that may or may not be real, but I'd have this internal conflict where I wouldn't believe it and that I'm nowhere near able to attract girls that hot etc. so I must be mistakening their behaviour or intentions. It's a very strange feeling. I mirror your experiences. I've called it a "duality", that's been my experience constantly. With SM3 in particular, I just couldn't believe the program could work like the sales page claims it can, as that sales page is SO far out of my reality it seemed ridiculous to even go for it but I forced myself to. And I had a massive disconnect the whole time on it, and almost constant exhaustion. I was waiting for something amazing to happen to PROVE to me SM3's script it can be reality for me, but it never happened. I guess it was like the chicken and the egg. All the other programs have worked well for me, but SM3 did not.
Now apparently, Shannon says you don't need to BELIEVE in the sub for it to work, so maybe it's a coincidence. But, for me, I felt like two different men during the run. One that daydreamed of being a hot alpha male sex magnet with girls I know or famous girls etc. and believing in the script's intention and being positive and open to it, and the other hugely doubting it and not believing it can work and constantly being disappointed in it when it over and over and over failed to do anything tangible during outings with girls. Maybe also contributing to this are terrible past experiences with girls and having ZERO sexual experience and not even a kiss in my life...ruining my confidence in myself and my abilities to ever attract attractive girls and have sex with them. SM3's goals felt so far out of my realm of reality it's hard to even describe accurately. Like trying to teach a fish how to operate a nuclear power plant...
Maybe another run of SM3, can breakthrough, but to be honest after how blank and negative the run was, I don't even know if the program CAN work for me regardless of how often it's run. I literally don't know. I do know that perhaps next up will be OF5G for awhile, then an AM6 redo. I'm still waiting to see how my two current subs deal with girl issues, and they seem to be doing an amazing job. So I may not need OF5G after all and can skip right to AM6 again. After that, we'll see if I feel up to SM3 hell again lol
Just know, you aren't alone pal. Transforming this fast in such a short time can create this kind of duality I think. 6G will likely make it happen faster and easier and more reliable and permanent, but for now, just trust in the system and keep moving forward as best as you can each day getting all the hours in you can.
We got your back, bro!
Thank you for sharing. You seem like an introspective guy and only you can know what's holding you back. But knowing is only half the battle. It becomes a matter of actively undoing that which has been built and reinforced for years, and none of us want to believe that it takes a proportionate amount of time to change—fortunately I don't think that's the case. Over 2 consecutive runs of AM6 (i.e 1 year), I have watched behaviour that festered over two decades dissipate and transform. And due to the Naturalizer, I don't even fully appreciate how significant the changes have been except for the odd time when I recognize or recall old behaviour and think to myself, "Oh ya, I was like that. Brutal."
I gave OF zero consideration until the hype started about it being released in 5G. I read some OF 1.1 journals and it got me thinking. So I made a private list of all of my fears and rated them on a scale of 1-5. I grouped related fears together and used indentation to distinguish between parent and child fears. I also took everything relating to PE and put it into a separate document that I expanded upon. When it comes to women and sexual performance, some of my fears stem from embarrassment/inadequacy about my body. In the past I referred to this as shame, but every definition of shame that I've seen refers to it as a feeling that is related to behaviour. So what do you call a feeling that is related to the negative perception of one's physical appearance?
I thought the recently announced OGFS 5G would be more relevant to my cause, but now I'm not so sure.
RE: Essy Mans The ***k Up [AM6] - I (p.1-5), II (p.5--) - CatMan - 12-15-2015
(12-15-2015, 10:55 AM)essy Wrote: I thought the recently announced OGFS 5G would be more relevant to my cause, but now I'm not so sure.
Well, I'll say this...
OF 5G is by nature extremely specialised. Whereas, OGSF 5G deals with all 3 issues.
So, my best advice is this:
Unless you're absolutely sure FEAR itself is your issue, ie. in my case Shannon pretty much told me point blank it's fear for me about my SM3 issues, it makes more sense to use OGSF 5G. That way, you are tackling more issues at once, which is good if you don't feel fear itself is so dominating. Then of course, after a 192 day run of OGSF 5G, you may want to do OF 5G to finish off anything left that would be greatly weakened by that point. That option is always there, or just move on to AM6/magnet. WM2 has OF in each stage, and SM3 has OGSF in each stage, so after your OGSF 5G run you'd still be dealing with those issues as well while going back to multis. But, specialising for a good while with OGSF 5G/OF 5G is a good move I feel for most people. It'd really help remove a lot of garbage holding back the big 3 multis from doing their job.
Up to you, but again, I'd advise that if you aren't SURE fear is the problem, then go OGSF 5G as it has more utility of the two.
RE: Essy Mans The ***k Up [AM6] - I (p.1-5), II (p.5--) - Dubls - 12-16-2015
(12-15-2015, 03:41 AM)Vincent_Vega Wrote:(12-14-2015, 10:11 PM)essy Wrote: I am noticing so much attention from women. It's clear that they perceive me to be more physically attractive than I think I am, which supports my observation that my mindset has not caught up with my new body.
Sure that it is just your body and not your whole new mindset/aura?
It's all of the above.
RE: Essy Mans The ***k Up [AM6] - I (p.1-5), II (p.5--) - mat422 - 12-17-2015
Hey man, I read through your journal and just want to say it's some really inspiring stuff. From an outside perspective it looks like you've made a lot of big changes. Keep up the good work!
AM6.II - Stage 6, Day 7 - Dubls - 12-21-2015
@mat422 Thanks. You too!
I'm working on a big post but in the meantime I wanted to log a few things.
I've been having vivid dreams every single night on Stage 6 thus far. Haven't written them down but I do recall conflict in each one, and I wasn't necessarily on the winning end.
Stage 6 has humbled me. I was feeling quite powerful at the end of Stage 5 and I'm feeling vulnerable again during this first week of Stage 6. Confidence and assertiveness have gone down, along with my own perceived attractiveness and the 'alphaness' of my interactions with women. I've also felt some anticipatory anxiety about going to work and, when I'm there, dealing with male customers that have dominant/abrasive personalities.
Now I'm not surprised that stuff is coming up in the first 2 weeks of a new stage, it just sucks to take a few steps back. If it's anything like last time however, I'll feel like a boss by the end of the stage and beyond.
RE: Essy Mans The ***k Up [AM6] - I (p.1-5), II (p.5--) - Dubls - 12-21-2015
New game plan: OGFS 5G 3-6 months > SM3
After almost two runs of AM6, I am much closer to the Alpha ideal than after the first run. I’ve improved in so many ways which I will detail in my review. Do I stand to benefit from a third run? Yes. It is said that one should run AM as many times as is necessary to rate all of its bullet points highly.
What this program has done is helped me to map myself and identify what needs special attention. I do not believe that more runs of AM6 will address my sticking points (fear, shame, confidence) with the same depth as running targeted, single-stage subs. The secondary benefit is that I need a break from 6 stage programs. I will run AM again; might even be AM7 when I get back to it.
As for running OGFS 5G next, I still have shame and a good deal of fear to work through. Considering that OGFS was one of the major differences between AM5 and AM6, I don't think I would have had the same success without being exposed to it in every stage. Now I look forward to running it exclusively.
It's amazing how fast the list grows when you take the time to identify the fears—and in my case, shame—that runs through every facet of your life. I'm excited about the 'global' changes, but right now I care most about overcoming fear and shame surrounding women and sex.
Remember, I discovered sub-shop and sub-talk through a google-binge to improve my 'game' and become a manwhore. SM looked like the answer, and AM was a means to that end. [It's so much more.] But I still have a burning desire to sow my wild oats. So many oats.
That said, I know myself well enough and fully accept that I need to run OGFS before SM3.
And what about ASC? I could run it after OGFS, but I'm not sure that I'll need to preface SM3 with it. I'm interested in how much my confidence will be impacted by overcoming fear and shame. It stands to reason that it will go up considering that it suffers because of fear and shame. Can anybody attest to this?
Question for Shannon: The script for OF 1.1 includes statements about replacing fear with bravery and confidence. Will OGFS 5G include such statements?
To be continued.
RE: Essy Mans The ***k Up [AM6] - I (p.1-5), II (p.5--) - hiddenalias - 12-21-2015
Cool bro,
I want to probably do AM 6 then BASE and then AYP, and in the end OGSF.
So my current plan is MLS-5g>AM 6>BASE> AYP>OGSF (I think OGSF is better than just OF alone)
AM6.II - Stage 6, Day 13 - Dubls - 12-27-2015
The contrast between highs and lows from the beginning of stage 6 appears to be levelling off, which lines up with being 2 weeks into the stage. The exhaustion from simply listening to stage 6 has also gone down considerably.
I haven't felt like a rock star during this stage yet, and I had a similar experience during the last month of my first run. For every a-ha moment in earlier stages there were proportionate lows, and maybe what feels alien during stage 6 is experiencing a steady alpha state without the peaks and valleys.
I was pretty 'on' yesterday. I notice my own alpha behaviour and much of it feels natural. I also let much less about the past get me down, which was a huge burden when I started with AM a year ago.
I did however identify something which I've never branded as shame until now: I've always hated having pictures from my childhood on display because they reveal just how fat and pathetic I was. I am most proud of who I am now, inside and out, and the shame I feel, especially in the presence of others, is revealing that I wasn't always this way. There is a dramatically sharp contrast between Essy then and Essy now. I have very little respect for who and I what I was. I feel compelled to hide the same shame that drove me to change.
AM6.II - Stage 6, Day 14 - Dubls - 12-27-2015
I neglected to mention that my libido has been low for some time. Is AM6 known to do this?
There are a number of reasons I can think of for low libido, and they may be overlapping:
- AM6: Removing the focus from women has physiological effects.
- Cutting: Eating slightly below maintenance calories and lifting heavy. Week 9 of 12.
- Confidence isn't high enough: I've noticed that libido is high when confidence is high.
- Low T. Less likely but I am going to be 30 in the summer.
RE: Essy Mans The ***k Up [AM6] - I (p.1-5), II (p.5--) - ffaux - 12-28-2015
(12-27-2015, 11:13 PM)essy Wrote: I neglected to mention that my libido has been low for some time. Is AM6 known to do this?
Define "low libido". AM6 will undo libido that's motivated by seeking external approval.