+- Subliminal Talk (https://subliminal-talk.com)
+-- Forum: Men's Journals (18+ NSFW) (https://subliminal-talk.com/Forum-Men-s-Journals-18-NSFW)
+--- Forum: Men's Journals (https://subliminal-talk.com/Forum-Men-s-Journals)
+--- Thread: Alpha male... exhausting :/ (/Thread-Alpha-male-exhausting)
Alpha male... exhausting :/ - somebodynew - 07-07-2013
Hi guys, i will write just couple of senteces about me
I am 25 Years old highly sucesful person, good looking ( workout since age of 16 ) but now comes bad part
I got sick ( diabetes when i was 15 years and i have been trying to prove myself since that to everyone ) been in bad company of people who used me and it continue till 21 . By becoming sucesful everyone started testing me even more and my friends werent friends so i was tehcnicly used and my brain couldnt handle anymore from one side unheatlhy social circle , and other side diabetes. My mother got sick then and i went in chaos, friends having their lifes not carring about me, girlfriend cheating on me etc . I exploded and started having mental problems, panic attacks etc. I have no idea how my career continuet to grow but i guess i had so much strenght in me.
4 Years later i am diffrent person, went trough chaos - my diabetes is still highly regulated, i workout, panic gone ... date girls - and now comes BUT
Even though i have my boundaries and i dont act, i am ALPHA male... i never could handle so much attacking by people. People when you confront them try to f*ck you up behind your back etc. People mostly dont care about anyone expect themselves, and try to put them selves in front of you without reason ( its in our nature ).
Imagine a good looking guy, with humor, sucesful entering room - of course everyones gonna try and test him - i never could handle this ( i mean i can, but consequences are bad later for them and for me )
So i started using Alpha male cd while i work, and while i sleep Sex Aura. Cause i know i have so much burried in me. 2 weeks were horrible for me, everything i had burried in me started poping out in my head, it was that much that i got sick after 5 days of using cd. Had flu and nightmares,
Dream 1
day2
I was fighting with so manny opponents that were like black shadows, and even though they were stronger i would never give up, i would get up and break them, but they ould come back. I have no idea how but my brain started working and i said to myself... "Relax" i relaxed they went all over me, but nothing happend just light started glowing from inside me and they started runnning.
Day4
dream 2 I was in room and it was like a prison, but i could look outside people having fun. I was just spinning inside that room and everything was in glass. I could see everything but could not touch or go outside - nature, people, universe. It was that horrifieng that i opened my eyes with hands.
Day 5 everything was going trough my head, during my life i had - everything i did. How i tried to help people, friends - tried to lead them right way and they would all after some time try to do something bad to me. i let my brain just work and see whats going - i was so angry that on workout i broke punching bag how much i punched . When i came home i was smiling, but then something unsuspected happend - i went to toilet and it was like a switch tears started dropping from my eyes. ( I never cry, i think maybe 3-4 times in my life always get up just and try to fix something )
I let it go.
Day6
Dream ... i was with people and they were all pointing fingers at me, and making me ride a little bicycle ( you know like one from circuss ) but i stood proud - although i had one thought in my head "Why ? I didnt do anything to them?" at the end i made one of them drive bicycle but didnt feel any better
This day was chaos for me, literally chaos. Some girls started calling me and i didnt even try picking up phone. I was angry, depressed - went for a walk.
Next week i got sick, and i started noticing girls looking at me with tthat "Deep look" ... they would come and talk with me without reason. Which i enjoyed quite a lot, but on other side people started noticing that and started to test me, i didnt react but like i had arsenal in my head - and i was shooting it out. They were lost.
Kicked out 2 "friends" out of my life and said this has to stop - they are you know "social whores" who want to hang out with you and use what you have. Of course there is a lot of people like this , and if you want to live in this world you have to learn how to cope with them, but this ones started acting like i am an idiot, and trying to much to manipulate me. i even called and appologized to one friend for something i did long time ago - and he was shocked and said i didnt do anything wrong.
I became more decisive ( i dont reammeber being like this for long time ( 4 years ), when i want something i move with dedication toward that - my body movements are strong and masculine.
Shit tests from girls i dont even see anymore. Actually i see them but like they are moving really slow.
And last
Dream day 14
I jumped from building with parachute, and it opened badly - broke my legs in dream
but felt free.At moment i am writting this - i feel angry rising inside me - will inform you more
RE: Alpha male... exhausting :/ - somebodynew - 07-07-2013
and yeah one more dream
Having sex with a girl ,she was very sensual ( lady like ) it wasnt just sex, but love .... pure passion which i guess miss a lot.
Improvements
- Mind angry most of time but then becomes clear
- Warmer when talking with people
- Dont try to talk with people who in anyway try to be rude
- Dont help anyone, my time is precious
- Always had good posture, but now walking more easily masculine with purpose.
- Relaxed, taking care of me not other people
- Being more focused, or at least trying
- Was always inteligent but would overthing, now i just pop out something
- Girl test, which test ?
- Why did i ever need someone stupid in my life? As highly inteligent person i deserve better
- have feeling of my jaw changing and becoming more edgy
- Eyes having that strong focus when i look
- Starting to talk about problems that i have with people in way
Bad
- Depressed
- Angry as hell inside
- sometimes brain starts spinning so fast
- Kicking people out of life, like mental clean up
- Tired so much
- Being alone a lot
- Fixing a lot of "little" stuff
- Things from past, poping out a lot and make me uncomfrotable
-
RE: Alpha male... exhausting :/ - Shannon - 07-07-2013
Believe it or not, you're doing wonderfully. To have that much responsiveness to AM that fast, yes, you're going to have a bit of a rough time at first. I don't say that AM is boot camp for nothing. All of us go through it to some degree. Generally the faster and more intensely it hits you, the more you needed AM.
Usually, depression is sublimated frustration and anger that needs to be expressed to go away. Anger is a natural response to being disrespected, and in finding your way to a state in which you are the AM style of alpha male, there is often a "jerk stage" in which you get sick of the shit and start making some very much needed changes. That's a good thing, because the negativity is being used as fuel for much needed change and growth, and will dissipate once you get things adjusted.
You shouldn't be using Aura of Sexiness with AM if this is your first time through, though. Just focus on AM. It'll make your journey much easier.
Congrats on what, by your initial reactions, I am sure will turn out to be a stunningly successful use of AM for you.
RE: Alpha male... exhausting :/ - somebodynew - 07-07-2013
Hey Shannon,
I went trough a lot of anger while i was talking with my psychiatrist ... i became disrespectful to people, who were disrepsectful to me ... it was one crazy ride. But i never got to that point where i can say "i dont give a damn"
I am expecting from this to come to that point where i dont take crap from anyone... Externally ( i already dont ) but internally from time to time i do... so thats what has to be done.
RE: Alpha male... exhausting :/ - Shannon - 07-07-2013
That's the goal.
RE: Alpha male... exhausting :/ - somebodynew - 07-13-2013
Update
Day 20-21
okay one week since my first introduction and post
I tend to listen Alpha male during day around 6-7h and aura of sexiness around 5 hours in night ....
I am feeling better since my last pots - have ups and downs
No dreams just one ... Was fighitng with metal soldier giant robot, but couldnt defeat it ... i punched and punched and punched ... i reamember waking up and my hands were still moving ...
Beside that every time when i am at home and listening to this ( it plays on my computer ) - close my eyes on bed and immediatly i start seeing some stuff ( i.e i see me walking on street but around me i see aura which is like 10x bigger than me and is walking like giant shadow around me very manly - strange yeah i know
so since then what has happend ...
I am more alone dont reammber being this alone for long time, spending time with myself and enjoying - more focused for sure, dont tend to be on some "Auto-pilot" mode but rather i am more present.
When i walk on street girls tend to look at me or approach me and ask me something, guys are saying "hi" even though i dont know them or i saw them couple of times but they never said hello. I am more genuine ( always been talkative) - also i ask myself more "What would i like to do?"
Also my job is drasticly changing - i will be very open about this - always had to much quality in my work - but never understood - now i am starting to be understood. And when people see what i am doing they would approach and say "Wow"
Planning to change the position and move to another country soon, preparing my CV. Finally decided its time.
I am more calm, and sometimes feel energy vibing outside of me.
I have to be very blunt/open now and ask a question.
I have been reading peoples journals and most of them are talking "OH girls stated notcigin me, i am talking ..." BUT VERY rarely i saw guys saying - "I approached a girl and we kissed, or we had sex" why so?
In my head i am starting to look for a girl now ( yeah real girl - dont want adventourse anymore) wanna chill and hold her for hand you know how it goes.
My lonelines is affecting me - i can say i am enjoying it a lot - before i was always out, doing sports, clubbing ,partying, seeking for adventoure. Now i feel more full and feel like i need something else
Lets see what this does, hope it will become even better
RE: Alpha male... exhausting :/ - Shannon - 07-13-2013
If you are going to use AOS with AM, you should always give AM a MINIMUM of 8 hours of use per day, and leave the rest for AOS. AM takes priority.
Quote:I have been reading peoples journals and most of them are talking "OH girls stated notcigin me, i am talking ..." BUT VERY rarely i saw guys saying - "I approached a girl and we kissed, or we had sex" why so?
AM is designed to focus you inwardly to get the important stuff done, and take you away from distractions like... females and sex. If you focus on women and getting women and sex, you cannot be improving yourself. If you focus on improving yourself, you won't have time to focus on women. When you focus on women, you don't get as far because you're not where you should be with self improvement; when you ignore women and focus on self improvement, they start coming after YOU.
While you're doing AM, it is therefore recommended that you not use programs designed to focus you on sex, or attracting females. For the time you use AM, it's best to focus in self improvement instead.
RE: Alpha male... exhausting :/ - RainbowAbyss - 07-13-2013
In my experience I am least distracted when I know I can have sex or relationship whenever I desire but very comfortably have more important things to focus on. A regular healthy sex life is, in my opinion, less of a distraction, then trying to get one. I would even go so far as to so, it generally enhances masculinity, performance, health, focus, optimism, contribution, and even purpose, when the "woman" department is taken care off. If it came to not caring and focusing inwardly or chasing after woman, of course I'd say the prior is superior to the later, but if the opportunity arises choosing not to have sex with a woman one likes because one is focusing inwardly seems as meaningless to self improvement as having sex with her, (unless one is working on over rigid boundaries and/or a sex-aholic). Making long term commitments to woman can be time consuming but if you guys are anything like me when it comes to sex, your losing 2 minutes tops
RE: Alpha male... exhausting :/ - somebodynew - 07-15-2013
^ agree
GUYS i just entered my house from party! I LITERALLY RUN here to write this.
So what happend , my previouse life expiriences with woman/relationships were really bad - just picked the worst girls i met out there. ( not going to write my expriences - belive me when i say they are bad
)When i was young i wasnt jelouse ... but after this relationships and them acting like... bi*ches i starter becoming ... and they would play with me. So around 21 i stopped... and that feeling just left me - slept with hb9 and hb9.5... and 4 years of no jelosy in me.
SO WHAT HAPPEND TODAY!
I was chatting with a girl ... hb8 ... and she liked me ... i saw that - i had really nice and funny conversation with a girl.. warm ...
But then some guy came and she was so bad into him ( obviously she knows him from before ) - in last 4 years if this happend i would just move away, or turn this in my favour .. NO JELOusy just CLEAR MIND - but what happend this time
My senses started tingling - from my legs to my arms to my head i felt urge to get this girl - and i was pumping out of my body JELOUSY ... i shooked my head and was "Wtf? What is going on ? Man this girl is not yours, you are not with her to even be jelouse a bit.... "
And my brain literally started flashing images of my ex girlfriends in front of my face, first 5 minutes i tried to control myself but then i said let it be ... So i am looking at girl and this guy being close, and at one moment by brain just tells my eyes to CRY.... - I WAS LIKE WTF IS GOING ON ?
So i leave ( it was already end so it was good ) and enter my car ... and my eyes start dropping tears .. i am having flashes of all girls being bi*ches to me ... after 10 minutes of drive i start laughing ... but really laughing
Was one crazy expirience... i am now normal like nothing happend but was turbulent can say.
RE: Alpha male... exhausting :/ - leonm - 07-15-2013
hmm .. maybe as a defense mechanism you became apathetic to jealousy.
Now today you realized, this suppression isn't needed... U own ur emotions not ur emotions owns u... Right...
RE: Alpha male... exhausting :/ - IronSmooth - 07-16-2013
Hey Somebodynew welcome
Looking forward to your posts!
RE: Alpha male... exhausting :/ - Andrew - 07-16-2013
This is not a family/work safe journal. Moving it to Men's 18+
RE: Alpha male... exhausting :/ - somebodynew - 07-17-2013
Update... Day 24 Aura of sexiness + Alpha Male
So today and yesterday was quite turbulant day.
Got in fight with my family ( we always do get in fights - but who doesnt ) - this time was rough. Now its okay.
Also i started cleaning a bit more behind me - not that i am messy but somehow i am now putting everything tidy.
Also i feel maybe a bit calmer and started doing meditation again after workout.
Last 2 days i slept at parents place and something so funny happend
I played Aura of sexiness and put the speakers so everyone can hear them during night. Used ultrasonic version.So my father today gets a call from company ( he hasnt been working there for 10 years ) and some people are calling him to meet with them cause they wanna thank him for everything he did for company. They say they have been looking for his number last whole year and by accident they got it today. CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT
I am not jocking but aura of sexiness did this - called old people into life. Its so funny and he will never know that i made him listen to AOS As for me - girls are noticing me but didnt have time for them i am chatting from time to time with one - but stuck there we will see
And i stopped mastrubating and watching porn completly, i will mastrubate for sure but not like most of people do.... maybe once in week BUT NO PORN - always knew how bad it is but now feel so
thats its
RE: Alpha male... exhausting :/ - TheGraduate - 07-17-2013
It's great that your Dad got a call, but it doesn't really make sense that AOS would do that. It's more likely a coincidence that you happened to be running AOS at the same time.