I also on the spur of the moment today decided to revisit an old workplace where I experienced a lot of stress and likely trauma from. I had a lot of dreams starting on E2 in respect to my experiences at this place. I felt nervous following the old road I used to travel and then I got there and checked it out a bit from the car before heading home. I basically said fuck you, cya later to all the cunts that fucked me over there and then I laughed. Kind of felt good. Didn't plan to do this and didn't really expect it, but it kind of just happened.
(01-28-2019, 10:28 PM)TheWeapon Wrote: [ -> ] (01-28-2019, 06:19 AM)Greenduck Wrote: [ -> ] (01-27-2019, 08:08 PM)TheWeapon Wrote: [ -> ] (01-27-2019, 04:10 AM)Greenduck Wrote: [ -> ] (01-26-2019, 06:09 PM)TheWeapon Wrote: [ -> ]Day 96
I had some type of breakthrough since last post but I can't explain it well or at all. I can see a pattern going and right now I am in a bit of a lull. I had my first dream last night for a while that affected me, but before that it was all static since the last "breakthrough". I don't even bother trying to understand it but I know overall that good things are happening. I do feel in a bit of haze/daze at times, especially when I am resisting, but I am noticing the cycles more now. The lulls where nothing much happens slowly ramps up with more vivid dreaming, then there is usually a bit of resistance where I want to return to old behaviors or thoughts to make myself feel better, but I keep pushing, listening even more before I have some enlightening dream that normally makes little sense, but I know it changes something deep in my mind, like releasing a fear or changing a belief. It goes something like that anyway, who knows though, it's hard to consciously process something that happens deeper.
Why you are ignoring those people is probably because E2 is guiding you to become emotionally healthy, and right now that is what it takes. You maybe need time without emotionally toxic people to recover from whatever it is you need to recover from. Then you can come back stronger with a better sense of your boundaries and having an easier time to distance yourself from those negative people.
I've had thoughts to try a new subliminal, but not for the purpose to run away from E2. I think for now I will stay with it because I wonder how many layers does this onion have. I peel back one layer, feel alight, then start working through the next layer. But overall a lot of my anxiety are gone or at least less now in respect to how I am perceived by others. Before E1, I was completely fixated worrying about what other people thought of me, but now after E1 and now E2, I am so much different and it seems to continue getting better all the time.
I can relate to the "peeling off the onion" you are talking about. Nice to hear about your progress! I also run E2 and will upgrade to E3 when it comes out to get the FRM and other nice technologies Shannon have developed since it was released.
I did not use to frequent the forum on a regular basis but lately I have been following Shannon's journal almost daily because of the new stuff happening. I don't understand the upgrades as good as the forum regulars but the FRM from what I remember sounds good. If it's able to bypass fear/resistance and allowing us to execute more easily that would be awesome.
I don't notice huge resistance doing E2, but perhaps the lull periods I describe happen because I am not ready to progress due to the go at your own pace nature of the subliminal. All just speculation, but overall I feel better within myself than I have in a long time and I also have a lot of new healthy habits that I began adopting during E1. The whole rigid all or nothing, success/failure, black and white mindset is a thing of the past, and I am able to flow a lot more through life now in both my actions and thoughts. I had a lot of dreams where I was in situations where I "failed" and rather than contract in shame, I was able to accept that it is no big deal.
Even though I am getting on in age, almost 39 now. I think I still have a lot of potential to achieve some things in life. I am not sure which direction to take with the subliminals, but I know I will keep using them from this site. They are too good to ignore, but I will need to think what direction I want to take in life. Stick with E2, upgrade to E3 or try something new like USLM4. LTU would be cool but I don't have that type of cash to spend on a subliminal. Maybe if I was single and didn't have kids I would, but I'd feel a bit selfish spending that much on myself.
Nice to hear your story, thanks for sharing. I recognize the "all or nothing" thinking and know how good it feels to live a life where you can be just content (i am getting there at least) and not being so held up on what happens around you.
Regarding your attitude towards spending money on yourself - I don't know your financial situation, but I heard a quote that said something in the sense of "the best gift you can give to your kids is your own happiness" that got me thinking about you doing stuff that is good to yourself, doesn't need to mean that they are selfish, but that you get more of the stuff inside that you can share with others.
Yeah, perfectionism and fear of making a mistake have held me back in life. Even though I have been making great progress with the subliminal I still feel like I have a lot to hold me back from being the real me. Perhaps this is all fear based.
Sometimes on E2 I feel like I am in a haze. I worry that being so carefree and aloof might damage new relationships with people. Sometimes I just completely ignore certain types of people, like I can't even deal with their negative energy. I'm sure some people think I'm an asshole but I am trying to move forward in life.
When E3 comes out I will follow your progress and anyone else who uses it before deciding whether to buy it for myself. It's all I can afford to spend on a subliminal, I don't think to buy LTU for that price would sit well with me. I have no doubt that it must be worth the price, otherwise, nobody would buy it, so I don't mean any disrespect to the products.
But yeah like I say, those fears that hold me back still, maybe E3 would do a better job than E2. Wouldn't mind trying something different to one day, something that builds me up instead of the H&C related stuff.
That was more of a ramble than a direct response to your post lol so don't feel pressured to respond. Just some out loud thinking.
To me it sounds like you are more invested in how other perceive you than what would be a healthy amount. If people find you to be an asshole because you are not giving them enough attention, that is a neediness problem in
them. It's not your responsibility. As the old saying goes, that people that can't accept that you are caring for yourself, are not worthy spending time trying to accommodate their needs (as they clearly don't respect yours). I know what I'm talking about, having a mother who is always focused on her needs and unable to see other people emotional needs, so I have had to change the way I interact with her - i.e. ignoring her trying to make me focus on her needs. A coworker and a mother isn't the same thing, but I still believe that the principle is applicable for your case. Relationships is a give and take, and people who just want to get and can't give, aren't worth having a relationship with.
I found a good clip regarding how to take care of your own needs and learn to listen to those signals. Maybe you also would find it valuable:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LsBRrVqAAs8
Why you are distancing yourself from the toxic people is probably because E2 is guiding you toward becoming emotionally healthy, and that is maybe what it take right now. You need to recover from whatever you are recovering from, and negative people are not contributing to that recovery. When you have recovered, you can come back with a stronger set of boundaries and having an easier time to distance yourself from the negative people. When you don't have a good sense of your emotionally healthy basecamp, it will be harder to gravitate back to that, and negative people will influence you more than if you know how you "should feel" and easily can set boundaries when someone inflict upon that.I have had positive effects from working on my root chakra to get less affected by other people and have an easier time to be centered in myself. I use this meditation:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTqktSAmG30
Regarding the perfectionism I think this isn't a bad thing. But you maybe lack the ability to just "trust that you will figure it out" which I think stem from a lack of confidence. So maybe ASC could be worth looking into after E2/E3. I am planning to use it to get back to being more confident, a capability which I have lost during my depression, even though it's slowly coming back.
Looking forward to following your journey.
(01-28-2019, 11:43 PM)Greenduck Wrote: [ -> ] (01-28-2019, 10:28 PM)TheWeapon Wrote: [ -> ] (01-28-2019, 06:19 AM)Greenduck Wrote: [ -> ] (01-27-2019, 08:08 PM)TheWeapon Wrote: [ -> ] (01-27-2019, 04:10 AM)Greenduck Wrote: [ -> ]I can relate to the "peeling off the onion" you are talking about. Nice to hear about your progress! I also run E2 and will upgrade to E3 when it comes out to get the FRM and other nice technologies Shannon have developed since it was released.
I did not use to frequent the forum on a regular basis but lately I have been following Shannon's journal almost daily because of the new stuff happening. I don't understand the upgrades as good as the forum regulars but the FRM from what I remember sounds good. If it's able to bypass fear/resistance and allowing us to execute more easily that would be awesome.
I don't notice huge resistance doing E2, but perhaps the lull periods I describe happen because I am not ready to progress due to the go at your own pace nature of the subliminal. All just speculation, but overall I feel better within myself than I have in a long time and I also have a lot of new healthy habits that I began adopting during E1. The whole rigid all or nothing, success/failure, black and white mindset is a thing of the past, and I am able to flow a lot more through life now in both my actions and thoughts. I had a lot of dreams where I was in situations where I "failed" and rather than contract in shame, I was able to accept that it is no big deal.
Even though I am getting on in age, almost 39 now. I think I still have a lot of potential to achieve some things in life. I am not sure which direction to take with the subliminals, but I know I will keep using them from this site. They are too good to ignore, but I will need to think what direction I want to take in life. Stick with E2, upgrade to E3 or try something new like USLM4. LTU would be cool but I don't have that type of cash to spend on a subliminal. Maybe if I was single and didn't have kids I would, but I'd feel a bit selfish spending that much on myself.
Nice to hear your story, thanks for sharing. I recognize the "all or nothing" thinking and know how good it feels to live a life where you can be just content (i am getting there at least) and not being so held up on what happens around you.
Regarding your attitude towards spending money on yourself - I don't know your financial situation, but I heard a quote that said something in the sense of "the best gift you can give to your kids is your own happiness" that got me thinking about you doing stuff that is good to yourself, doesn't need to mean that they are selfish, but that you get more of the stuff inside that you can share with others.
Yeah, perfectionism and fear of making a mistake have held me back in life. Even though I have been making great progress with the subliminal I still feel like I have a lot to hold me back from being the real me. Perhaps this is all fear based.
Sometimes on E2 I feel like I am in a haze. I worry that being so carefree and aloof might damage new relationships with people. Sometimes I just completely ignore certain types of people, like I can't even deal with their negative energy. I'm sure some people think I'm an asshole but I am trying to move forward in life.
When E3 comes out I will follow your progress and anyone else who uses it before deciding whether to buy it for myself. It's all I can afford to spend on a subliminal, I don't think to buy LTU for that price would sit well with me. I have no doubt that it must be worth the price, otherwise, nobody would buy it, so I don't mean any disrespect to the products.
But yeah like I say, those fears that hold me back still, maybe E3 would do a better job than E2. Wouldn't mind trying something different to one day, something that builds me up instead of the H&C related stuff.
That was more of a ramble than a direct response to your post lol so don't feel pressured to respond. Just some out loud thinking.
To me it sounds like you are more invested in how other perceive you than what would be a healthy amount. If people find you to be an asshole because you are not giving them enough attention, that is a neediness problem in them. It's not your responsibility. As the old saying goes, that people that can't accept that you are caring for yourself, are not worthy spending time trying to accommodate their needs (as they clearly don't respect yours). I know what I'm talking about, having a mother who is always focused on her needs and unable to see other people emotional needs, so I have had to change the way I interact with her - i.e. ignoring her trying to make me focus on her needs. A coworker and a mother isn't the same thing, but I still believe that the principle is applicable for your case. Relationships is a give and take, and people who just want to get and can't give, aren't worth having a relationship with.
I found a good clip regarding how to take care of your own needs and learn to listen to those signals. Maybe you also would find it valuable: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LsBRrVqAAs8
Why you are distancing yourself from the toxic people is probably because E2 is guiding you toward becoming emotionally healthy, and that is maybe what it take right now. You need to recover from whatever you are recovering from, and negative people are not contributing to that recovery. When you have recovered, you can come back with a stronger set of boundaries and having an easier time to distance yourself from the negative people. When you don't have a good sense of your emotionally healthy basecamp, it will be harder to gravitate back to that, and negative people will influence you more than if you know how you "should feel" and easily can set boundaries when someone inflict upon that.I have had positive effects from working on my root chakra to get less affected by other people and have an easier time to be centered in myself. I use this meditation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTqktSAmG30
Regarding the perfectionism I think this isn't a bad thing. But you maybe lack the ability to just "trust that you will figure it out" which I think stem from a lack of confidence. So maybe ASC could be worth looking into after E2/E3. I am planning to use it to get back to being more confident, a capability which I have lost during my depression, even though it's slowly coming back.
Looking forward to following your journey.
I have always been worried about how other people perceive me and I am sure I overanalyzed things to a crazy level in the past. It's getting better but I still compare a little and feel like I am less of a man compared to some and have tried to overcompensate by being strong, dominant or "alpha". But what I noticed doing these subliminal is that it's all bullshit and I'd be happier just being me, a person who is nice and looks after people. Somethings still hold me back at times, like fear and low self-esteem, but I guess I am learning how to be me.
There seems to be a lot of people around these days who just want to take and not give. I don't know if it's the internet and all the crazy social media these days but a lot of people are fuckheads. Or maybe I am more aware of it all now, not living in a dream-like state following the learned behavioral patterns of my parents.
Thanks for the links too, I will check them out tonight. I don't do any meditation or anything like that but I will give it a go. I agree with what you say about setting boundaries with respect to certain types of people and I guess as emotional maturity increases this happens naturally. I have noticed an improvement in taking less shit from people, but sometimes I still prefer to avoid than to confront in some situations. And feeling this way can depend on a lot of things like if my diet has not been great, or I am exercising too hard, or if I haven't slept enough, I start to prefer to avoid and retreat. But I will check those videos out, probably tonight and I'll let you know what I think.
I've switched the subliminal over to ultrasonic mode the last 2 nights and it seems to trigger some deeper dream states. I wake up, dreaming about all sorts of stuff, but by the morning I forget them. Good to know things are still happening though, it's been a little quiet on the E2 front.
Well tonight will be 100 days of E2.
Done 100 days of E1, and now 100 days of E2. I like E2 a lot more, I think I had a lot more growth, although it was a lot more smooth and slow paced.
I think I wrote that I have not had much resistance on E2 but weird things still happen. I have had a few weird anxiety attacks during the night the past few nights and my instinct is to get away from the subliminal. I think something big is being worked on, the ultrasonic mode seems to work well for me. The masked version works too, they both work, but for some reason the ultrasonic feels a little deeper and cleaner, if that makes sense.
I was checking out the LTU subliminal description. It greatly tempts me, wish it was $600 in my currency, I'd probably buy it, but unfortunately it works out at around $880 and being close to $1000 brings on a little buyers anxiety. I'll stay patient for now and continue with E2 and wait for the single stage subliminal programs to be released, then decide which direction to take. I am thinking E3, but I like the sound of physical healing component of LTU because I have beat myself up pretty good with sports and strength training the past 20 years lol. I wouldn't mind being motivated to find more ways to make money because we plan to buy a new house, but it will take time (like 5-10 years). So anything to speed up that process would be a great thing. But as I said, I'll be patient for now and continue working with E2, as I feel on the verge of a breakthrough.
Not much else to say, just thought it was cool that I have done 100 days of E1 and 100 days of E2. The E2 100 days felt a lot quicker, but I hit some pretty rough patches during E1. E2 has been smoother and with better results.
Day 110
A rough week, having had some resistance. Got hit hard, felt depressed and anxious, even relapsing with porn and a few other bad habits that brought me down. Kind of turned a corner a day or two ago, and felt ready to move on from that negative state.
Then last night, I had some dreams. One, in particular, rocked me. I was driving in a car, trying to escape something behind me. I was going fast down a long and straight road. In the distance, I could see something on the road. As I got closer I was trying to work out what this thing was. When I got close enough, it rose from the ground and snapped its head around staring straight into my eyes/soul. It was a huge, anaconda sized completely black snake. I jammed my foot on the brake before waking up with a gasp. I breathed heavy for a while before falling back to sleep. It might not sound like much but for whatever reason, that dream hit me hard.
Today I have been really out of it, in another world. I was not paying much attention while driving, almost making a few mistakes. Communication has been difficult like even words aren't coming out right. I tried to unlock the front door with the wrong key and it took me a while to figure out why it wasn't working. I have walked into the wrong rooms at home and forgetting what I was doing. Real spaced out but it does not seem like a bad thing, it feels like my brain is working on something important.
Anyway, thought it was worth a mention. Been having a rough patch but feel like things are going to improve.
Good job getting back on track after your setbacks.
My analysis of your dream is that you are running away from your fears (being chased) but the anaconda is your fears showing up straight before you forcing yourself to face them.
I know what you talking about scary dreams. I have been rocked to my only soul after some dreams, really shaking out your core being. But that is a good thing.