03-14-2018, 04:48 PM
Okay so have been listening to the ASC sub for 5-6 hrs a day at night. I originally planned to post my results after the one month mark. But I am suffering heavily from so much heartache, I need some advice on it.
Everyday at night, I keep getting nightmarish dreams of all the things I am so deathly afraid of doing. Right now it's approach anxiety. I am one of those very high functioning dudes who kept himself to his own devices for the majority of his childhood (due to accelerated development). I was only able to socialise myself at college, because people began understanding me at that level. Iade a very few close friends and I have never been interested in sexual encounters until very recently. A couple of months back, I have tried very hard to socialise more and integrate myself more but it's so hard And nerve-wracking. But I know at the same time that there is a world of fun I can experience of I get through this.
I have read almost every sub Reddit on personal development such as redpill, seduction and yellow pill, terms such as beta, alpha,omega and sigma and so on. (Lol, I have swallowed so many pills it kind of gets hard) But it's so hard to put these in practice. Apparently there is a set way to doing all of these things and one must never be himself. What the hell? I run everyday into a group of beautiful women and my mind keeps racing with these thoughts such as build frame, be direct, be intentional, if you get rejected, then X etc etc. I get into a state of paralysis and this is true for most of social situations from which I want a certain outcome. I am trying to adopt certain cognitive models for behaving in certain situations which doesn't seem to be working for me.
The nightmares...I keep having a flashing image of a skunk/badger facing off against a pack of big cats, which really confuses me. Plus I wake up after, the following morning with real sweaty palms and head. So sleep is really disturbing but I do sleep.
Right now, in the real world, I am struggling to ask chicks out. And then I read Shannon having written somewhere that high value men never chase chicks but attract them. This screws me up further. I mean, there must have been a time where even you had to chase women to get them to notice you even when you had amazing confidence, right?
Am I resisting something which is something very much in my conscious control? How did you allow the confidence to manifest?
The only thing that I can think of that I can do is to minimize interactions which conjures up conscious resistance and just put myself in activites where I can fully immerse myself (pretty easy for me since I can get pretty absorbed in intellectually challenging tasks until I complete it) so I can avoid expectations and gradually allow my conscious mind to scoop up whatever my subconscious mind is recieveing. I think this could be the best way to avoid any self sabotage....so no more chasing skirt but maybe once in a week to test resistance.
Also should I just drop all the crap I have read about different behavioural models of masculinity and just go about the way I have been doing things and let the sub do the work..i.e no conscious effort but being aware of my goals consciously.
Everyday at night, I keep getting nightmarish dreams of all the things I am so deathly afraid of doing. Right now it's approach anxiety. I am one of those very high functioning dudes who kept himself to his own devices for the majority of his childhood (due to accelerated development). I was only able to socialise myself at college, because people began understanding me at that level. Iade a very few close friends and I have never been interested in sexual encounters until very recently. A couple of months back, I have tried very hard to socialise more and integrate myself more but it's so hard And nerve-wracking. But I know at the same time that there is a world of fun I can experience of I get through this.
I have read almost every sub Reddit on personal development such as redpill, seduction and yellow pill, terms such as beta, alpha,omega and sigma and so on. (Lol, I have swallowed so many pills it kind of gets hard) But it's so hard to put these in practice. Apparently there is a set way to doing all of these things and one must never be himself. What the hell? I run everyday into a group of beautiful women and my mind keeps racing with these thoughts such as build frame, be direct, be intentional, if you get rejected, then X etc etc. I get into a state of paralysis and this is true for most of social situations from which I want a certain outcome. I am trying to adopt certain cognitive models for behaving in certain situations which doesn't seem to be working for me.
The nightmares...I keep having a flashing image of a skunk/badger facing off against a pack of big cats, which really confuses me. Plus I wake up after, the following morning with real sweaty palms and head. So sleep is really disturbing but I do sleep.
Right now, in the real world, I am struggling to ask chicks out. And then I read Shannon having written somewhere that high value men never chase chicks but attract them. This screws me up further. I mean, there must have been a time where even you had to chase women to get them to notice you even when you had amazing confidence, right?
Am I resisting something which is something very much in my conscious control? How did you allow the confidence to manifest?
The only thing that I can think of that I can do is to minimize interactions which conjures up conscious resistance and just put myself in activites where I can fully immerse myself (pretty easy for me since I can get pretty absorbed in intellectually challenging tasks until I complete it) so I can avoid expectations and gradually allow my conscious mind to scoop up whatever my subconscious mind is recieveing. I think this could be the best way to avoid any self sabotage....so no more chasing skirt but maybe once in a week to test resistance.
Also should I just drop all the crap I have read about different behavioural models of masculinity and just go about the way I have been doing things and let the sub do the work..i.e no conscious effort but being aware of my goals consciously.