Continued from elsewhere in the forum...
(01-18-2018, 04:30 PM)ShanghaiKiwi Wrote: [ -> ]Hey guys, bit of a long post
So I've really suffered from social anxiety and awkwardness for the last year or so. Just for context: my life has been pretty messed up until the end of 2016: I was in a religious cult for 12 years that wouldn't let me talk to women, I was in an abusive marriage for 6 of those years (married a complete stranger because not allowed to talk to women), and '15-16 I was living in a city in China with no foreigners to talk with and so had no friends and nobody to talk with except my abusive ex wife who treated me like dirt. Two years with 0 friends or social life can really screw up your social skills, combine that with marital abuse and being a brainwashed cult weirdo and you have the perfect storm.
So since I got back to NZ (leaving my ex wife and the cult) I'd always feel like I didn't fit in. I'd stutter and stammer, sometimes mixing up my words in my sentences so what comes out of my mouth doesn't make any sense. Being nervous has just been my default setting in social situations, especially talking to pretty women. I've been taking a lot of dance lessons to help myself overcome it (exposure to women), and I've made a lot of progress over 2017 with all the cult deprogramming etc but I still feel awkward quite often in social settings.
Three weeks ago (pre-Xmas) I put on ASC 5G, Absolute Self Confidence. I instantly forgot about it, as you do.
Since then I've been noticing I have more female friends. Not just women who know my name but friends, women who are happy to see me and notice when I'm not there. Women who walk across from the other side of the room to give me a big hug when I arrive or leave. Who demand a dance before I leave the dancefloor - "you weren't planning on going home without dancing with me were you Brad?"
Then the other day I went to a Bachata dance class because it was free - it was really just a beginners class but even though I've been doing Bachata for a few months now I went anyway. I wasn't nervous *at all* and I attributed it to being a better dancer (almost all of them were there for the first time). I got chatting to an attractive new girl afterwards, and casually asked her if she wanted to get a drink. She hadn't had dinner yet and I hadn't either, so we went and had a cheap $5 meal together to chat. That was a breakthrough for me, I haven't had a date in about 6 months.
The whole time I felt relaxed and not in the slightest bit nervous. Of course it was mostly because she was so lovely and friendly - not judgmental or snobby, I may have been nervous otherwise, I don't know. I found it interesting that I could talk to this gorgeous woman who has both a beautiful face and personality, and not instantly fall in love with her just because she's female. Like, she's awesome and I think she'd make a great girlfriend, but I prefer to keep my options open and get to know her a little better first. That struck me as unlike my usual self, who would normally get too attached and too needy too quickly. #Progress.
Then last night I went to a social Bachata dance at a bar and felt the same confidence I had the previous night. I was having fun and didn't give a shi*t about what anyone thought of me or what happened. So I took advantage of it by going up to this stunning 10/10 woman who all my mates drool over and asked her for a dance - she has never said yes to me, not even once. Of course she declined again. Because I was feeling so good I didn't feel any rejection or anything, I was fine - but I was annoyed. So I asked her "so in all the time I've known you you've never said once, what is it exactly? Do I have B.O.? Bad breath? Enlighten me".
She said 'I'm just really picky about who I dance with". I know that it has nothing to do with skill because I've seen her dance with guys below my level, so its something about me as a person that she doesn't like, which was insulting. My mate was standing there and he said "Brad, just learn to dance really, really well and then one day..." I cut him off and said (right there in front of her) "...one day she'll want to dance with me and I'll say no! Great idea I love it". He corrected me and said "no, one day she'll say yes and you will know that you've finally succeeded". I told them both "no that wouldn't be satisfying at all. I'm going with my way. I'm going to get really f*cking good and you'll want to dance with me and I'll reject you". I smiled, laughed, winked at her and left.
This was a big victory for me. I didn't say it with a negative angry tone but with a cheeky tone, a smile and a twinkle in my eye.
Firstly, my concept has changed: I used to strive for women's appreciation (like my mate was suggesting I do) and I was devastated by rejection because I based my own sense of self worth upon their evaluation of me. Now I couldn't give a sh*t what she thinks, whether she likes me or not - because my evaluation of her is 100x more important than her evaluation of me, and I've decided that she's a snob who isn't worth my time. Secondly, I was confident, happy and bold enough to behave according to that concept.
I think there are other factors at play as to why I was feeling so good last night, such as getting enough sleep, my startup business is beginning to make money, my dance skills are improving (I'm getting a lot of compliments from women on my dance skills recently) and the recent increase in friendliness from women all round. But the number #1 factor I attribute this to is undoubtedly the ASC sub. In the past I've had good nights because of being well-slept etc but this is different. I don't think I've ever been so carefree with women, or even in general. I feel like I belong as much as the next guy, and its a great feeling. My self confidence is higher than it has ever been.
Last night a girl asked me how I was and I told her I was amazing. She asked why and it got me thinking, and I realised it was the absence of my social anxiety. I didn't tell her that but it got me thinking. I had forgotten about the ASC sub but when I was wondering why I've been so self confident so far this year (its not even 3 weeks into January '18) the ASC sub seemed the obvious explanation, because I put it on just before Xmas.
...
Okay so this year has been awesome. I'm making so many more friends with both men and women. Yesterday a woman who had previously been too snobby to dance or even talk with me (a different one than mentioned previously) invited me and some others (as a group) to her place for a cup of tea after post- bachata practice lunch. Not that one woman's opinion of me gives me validation, but its nice to be included as one of the gang - something I'm not used to.
Its been super hot here recently so I always wear a singlet when I go out now, which reveals a tatt I have on my left shoulder. Another small thing, but I would never have had the boldness to do it previously. People often come and ask me about it and its significance and I'm not in the slightest bit self conscious about it.
There are some women that I'm getting really good friends with, they seek me out for a dance several times each night I go out. Some of them, when I dance with them, instantly go in really close for the cuddle. Pretty sure they'd agree to a drink if I asked one of them out. So I'll do that, wish me luck.
Are you referring to SE 5.5G or ASC 5G?
(01-28-2018, 01:54 PM)THolt Wrote: [ -> ]Are you referring to SE 5.5G or ASC 5G?
Oh! I didn't know there was a self esteem one. I'm using ASC, the free one.
Another update: more standing up to snobby hoes who think they're pretty and better than the rest of us.
Also I looked in the mirror today and *really* liked what I saw. It was a great feeling, poking my chest out and pulling my shoulders back, looking at my reflection and thinking, "you're a badass motherf***r". Not in an arrogant way, just confident.
I don't think I'm reading into this or imagining results. This is different, this is solid. This is probably the quickest sub results I've ever seen (except for maybe Learn Chinese, which had an immediate effect on my Chinese study), I've only been on ASC for a month and I'm noticing differences in myself already. I'm thinking I might have to leave it on all year.
I've bought a whole bunch of subs but it seems that right now the one I need the most is the free one. Who would have thought?
Thought it was a SE-5.5 G journal.. . But good stuff
So how do I edit the title then?
First post full edit and then title.
(01-31-2018, 11:36 AM)Kol Wrote: [ -> ]First post full edit and then title.
Thanks! Got it, adjusted title to the correct sub.
* * * *
Yeah so tonight I was at dance practise and we were doing an excercise learning how to lead and follow, the girl I was dancing with flirted with me and said with a wink, "you can make me do anything you want!" (its funny because as a lead, I dictate her dance moves - but she wasn't talking about dancing here).
I didn't expect it and didn't really know how to handle it so I just laughed and joked "within limits of course!" and she said something about me not leading her off cliffs, which kind of nullified the sexuality of the comment, I think. Perhaps she retracted her outrageously flirty comment because I didn't respond as sexually as she had hoped?
On the one hand I'm super happy because of the flirting, on the other hand I'm disappointed with myself for not escalating it. I should have said something about stopping by at the hardware store after class to pick up some rope and cable ties. Its a 50 shades reference.
So I'm making definite progress - I'm actually getting women flirting with me lol, thats a good sign. But I definitely haven't arrived yet, I have a long way to go. For one I wasn't bold enough to match her flirting, also I clearly still give too much of a shit because here I am writing about it on the internet more than two hours later lol.
Things have been noticeably different with women recently. They're always happy to see me (except a few snobs, but fuck them) and they often want my attention. Its new and I love it. I'm not used to it. It doesn't hurt that my dancing skills are improving but its more my confidence and the way I hold myself. I stopped caring about getting a gf or going on dates, and now I'm making friends with all these beautiful women. You might think thats normal, but I'm a guy who hardly had any conversations with women at all for 12 years while I was in a religious cult (besides being married, but that sucked, there was definitely no flirting) and I suffered from *really* awkward social anxiety. Just late last year I was stuttering whenever talking to pretty women and they didn't really seem to notice me, it so much different now after only a month of the sub. I'm super happy about it and wish I did it years ago.
*Edit: Just realised the girl who flirted with me tonight was the same one I ate dinner with in the first post of this thread
(02-02-2018, 01:28 AM)ShanghaiKiwi Wrote: [ -> ] (01-31-2018, 11:36 AM)Kol Wrote: [ -> ]First post full edit and then title.
Thanks! Got it, adjusted title to the correct sub.
* * * *
Yeah so tonight I was at dance practise and we were doing an excercise learning how to lead and follow, the girl I was dancing with flirted with me and said with a wink, "you can make me do anything you want!" (its funny because as a lead, I dictate her dance moves - but she wasn't talking about dancing here).
I didn't expect it and didn't really know how to handle it so I just laughed and joked "within limits of course!" and she said something about me not leading her off cliffs, which kind of nullified the sexuality of the comment, I think. Perhaps she retracted her outrageously flirty comment because I didn't respond as sexually as she had hoped?
On the one hand I'm super happy because of the flirting, on the other hand I'm disappointed with myself for not escalating it. I should have said something about stopping by at the hardware store after class to pick up some rope and cable ties. Its a 50 shades reference.
So I'm making definite progress - I'm actually getting women flirting with me lol, thats a good sign. But I definitely haven't arrived yet, I have a long way to go. For one I wasn't bold enough to match her flirting, also I clearly still give too much of a shit because here I am writing about it on the internet more than two hours later lol.
Things have been noticeably different with women recently. They're always happy to see me (except a few snobs, but **** them) and they often want my attention. Its new and I love it. I'm not used to it. It doesn't hurt that my dancing skills are improving but its more my confidence and the way I hold myself. I stopped caring about getting a gf or going on dates, and now I'm making friends with all these beautiful women. You might think thats normal, but I'm a guy who hardly had any conversations with women at all for 12 years while I was in a religious cult (besides being married, but that sucked, there was definitely no flirting) and I suffered from *really* awkward social anxiety. Just late last year I was stuttering whenever talking to pretty women and they didn't really seem to notice me, it so much different now after only a month of the sub. I'm super happy about it and wish I did it years ago.
*Edit: Just realised the girl who flirted with me tonight was the same one I ate dinner with in the first post of this thread
Hi there! I like your journal, it made me think of running ASC some time in the future. Sounds like you are getting some good effects confidence wise, but still keeping it at a balanced level and not going overboard and becoming a jerk - this is that make me interested in the product
About the flirting thing, you are probably right that she re-directed her comment after your response. Flirting is a game as you probably are aware of, and you need to give her some nudge to play with, when you are responding, but now you "closed" the game when you responded directly. It's like roleplay, it need to be kept on a playful level. But don't do anything you don't feel like saying - i.e. don't force anything. A good response would be (in a playful manner) - "well let's get to my place and dance some salsa with liten candles all night then?" - you get what I am saying right? Hehe. Don't feel bad for writing about it, and not for not "acing it". Practice make it perfect, you just need to discover your own playful and teasing side
Anyhow, it's amazing to read about your progress and how long you come!
Absolute Self Confidence 5G (ASC) has been a life saver for me, I'm *so* glad I'm doing it. Its funny because I've bought so many subs over the years, many I haven't even used - I've got quite a collection - and now I'm using the free one. But its definitely what I need right now!
I started ASC just before christmas 2017 and now its early May 2018. After four months of ASC I'm a completely different person. I have lots of female friends now, they're always enthusiastically giving me long solid hugs to greet me when they see me. Women ask me to dance almost as much as I ask them, I hardly ever get rejected when I ask someone for a dance (though I have improved my dancing too) and I almost never get snobbed. Women flirt with me, smile at me a lot, hold long eye contact and often give me compliments: about my dancing, about the shirt I'm wearing, about my good mood and general vibe - lots of random things. One lady the other night (both taller and older than me) was noticeably nervous when talking to me, in a good way.
I've been told a few times that I'm different than I was last year - this awkward guy so unsure of himself - hardly the same person. I don't stutter anymore, I have hardly any approach anxiety when chatting up random women on the street. I never feel social anxiety or panic about fitting in - I'm perfectly comfortable with myself and just have fun. In social settings related to my dancing (bachata and kizomba) I feel like I belong and am one of the 'inner circle'. In social settings where I don't know anybody I'm quick to introduce myself to people and am comfortably chatting away with strangers in no time.
I can chat normally with stunning perfect 10s like its no big deal who previously I would never have been able to talk to because they're just so intimidatingly hot. I might not necessarily be able to flirt, but I can hold a conversation like she's my sister.
Its been really, really good. Of course a lot of my newfound confidence could be attributed to the fact that my dancing skills have improved and I've gotten to know women a lot better, but I don't think thats it, not primarily. There's another guy at bachata class who is good at dancing and he's been around for years so everyone knows him, but he's still super awkward. He stutters when he talks to everybody - male or female, ugly or attractive. He's super unsure of himself. He told me he's a virgin and he's in his forties. His dance skills have improved a lot but that hasn't helped his confidence off the dance floor.
Also its not the fact that I've gotten to know the women over time, because women I met a week ago are just as warm towards me as the ones who I've known since last year. Maybe more so, because they don't know what I used to be like.
While I'm looking forward to using other subs, I plan to hold out with this one as long as possible. I'll see if I can go a whole year on this sub without switching. I did DMSI last year with very little results and I think that was because my confidence was so shit. I'm sure if I do a whole year of ASC and then do DMSI I will get vastly different results. I also plan to use some other subs like the testosterone maximiser and attract your perfect fwb, but they'll just have to wait their turn.