Subliminal Talk

It probably won't sit well with everybody, but I have ditched AM ten, twelve days ago. I couldn't bear the mind-numbing mental slowness that I got from running it. I can imagine it to be some kind of resistance reaction, but whatever the cause, I am happy to read that I am not the only one experiencing this on AM (and DMSI).

The past one and a half weeks I kept on being a mental vegetable, time running past on the bullet-train speed it has been over the last few months. But at least I was creative as hell, as if a dam broke inside me. So, AM probably did something good for me and certainly will do more so in the future ... if I can find a way to avoid the mental sluggishness.

Since it has been a long time since my last encounter with BASE and since it accelerated and improved my ability to utilize my mind and brain I decided to flood my subconsciousness with the BASE refresher for a while starting today.

I started with just one loop and paused after that. Now within that first loop something cleared my mental fog away - KAWOOSH! And somehow time slowed down ... one hour is now considerably longer than before. Those effects are still with me now, several loops later.

I noticed a sudden drive to open up a new journal. And here I am. No idea what it is going to be about and how frequently I'll update it, but I will rumble along with my gut feelings and jot down bits and pieces of thoughts every now and then.

From previous encounters with the BASE juggernaut I know somewhat what to expect, but I look especially forward to the ability to plan long-term, having mental clarity, eloquence, improved memory recall and maybe even the high drive to get things done that comes and goes with this sub.

I think I have a messed up definition of drive. Been trying for months and months to activate and cultivate my natural drive to get my shit together, move forward and create a fulfilling vision to pursue.

Well f*ck me, I think I am mistaking an inner urge to do something for being drive. I am not sure those two are the same. If they aren't the same, then I have no clue what it actually is.

Another thing. I believe life to be utterly meaningless. It is interesting and astonishingly complex and beautiful and full of wonder and awe. But I think individual life is without meaning. Some people leave a legacy behind, some invention, some thought construct, whatever. Other people, in fact most people just live and vanish without a trace. There is no difference between those people, at least from their point of view. If I die a wealthy man or look back on an accomplished carreer or die after a mediocre life full of average or a homeless beggar makes no difference. The difference is only the one the living place on it. Doesn't matter to the dead.

I could elaborate for pages and pages, but this is the gist of it. This believe is obviously flawed from many points of view. Why do I live vegan if life doesn't matter? Why am I polite, understanding and friendly when it is just something meaningless? Why do I want to advance and enhance myself if everything is just some puddle of nothing? Fear of poor health? Fear of social ridicule and fear of getting hurt if I upset people? Fear of social descent and crash?

Suppose I am riddled with fear. Why is there no trace of me adressing those fears? After years of using subs with OGSF, H&C and whatnot?

A construct of intertwined and self-reinforcing 'toxic' believe systems?

Or is it something completely different? Something so very simple that it defies every approach to change it? Like ... it is just comfortable and convenient. Well, one could always argue that this is still based in fear. But suppose it is not. Suppose such believes exist without fear. Being rooted separately in laziness. Why invest energy in change if the outcome doesn't matter any way?

Time to get some sleep.

All the mumbo jumbo above helped me to think this through. The point I was trying to make is this: Why bother living (to the fullest/a good life) if I die anyway?

That seems to be the core. Now how do I get rid of this mindset? How do I get lust for life?

In terms of subliminals, what is the best choice for me to overcome this?

Aha! The probable cause is very poor self-esteem. Obviously.

Thanks for all the commited answers. Great community.