Regarding the fears i mentioned above, it is an unknown fear which is popping up. this is not "fear of unknown" but it is rather a fear which I cannot identify. I have identified this fear as the reason for me not doing some stuff.
Day 115
I feel quite in ease. I am now handling situations much better. Previously I would handle emotional / situational pressure by closing myself and withdrawing. Now I am able to live the scene and handle it instead of shutting off.
I am still listening to the silent sub. I feel something in my throat (bottom on neck) a lot like something in there. When I am not listening to the sub it is not there. It is not a lump inside, it is just something in in my neck maybe around it maybe inside it. Its uncomfortable.
I feel that small things do not bother me as in previous situations . They do but I can realize the botheration and remove it. Another thing I noticed is that my thinking / analytical skills have improved. Especially in social situations I can think analyze and give my response better than before. Overall its like some fog has been removed and I can see better think better and analyze better. There are things in my interaction with people that are now possible for me to notice. e.g I learned NLP or I would say attended a workshop on NLP but never got round to practice it properly. Yesterday I was listening to someone and I very easily notice the eye movement. I did not need to concentrate / stare to see the behavior.
Overall there is an increase in impatience to move on to other subs. I also feel that this impatience to move on could be resistance to the sub. I think the sub is beginning to target some very deep issues. I think in the first wave the problems at the outer level were addressed and after about 4 months the deep issues are now in focus. I have met mother of someone who was abusive to me in my childhood. I just shrugged off her like I dont care. I was not rude to her but she did not bothered me as I had expected. It was like I remembered the whole incident which played in my mind once again and I was very conscious of it but the pain was not there. I felt numb no feelings. I have felt this numbness in a variety of social situations now.
I have also found that I have resistance to wealth / success. I have problems in my job and I started my online business but it did not succeed. Now I realize that whenever I start work on my business and get the first small success I just back off. There are somethings in me which make me stop as soon as there is a chance of positive outcome or as soon as I see a good result. I need to think on that and remove it.
Day 117
I changed my mobile phone on which I was playing the sub. I shifted from Samsung Duos to Samsung S4.
The feeling in my neck is mostly gone. I was suspicious about the phone since the Duos was an old phone. I was carrying it due to its small size. But now its confirmed that there was an issue with the phone either speaker or with some other internal part.
Day 123
The feeling in the neck did not appear which means there might be something wrong with the previous phone speaker. Which also means that the period during which I was using the faulty phone may not somehow count in my usage. There was a negative effect which is confirmed but do I need to increase the usage / time for the sub I do not know.
Overall I am behaving quite smooth now. I still feel the sub is targeting old / deep issues. Mother of a boy who had abused me in childhood appeared unexpectedly. She does not know what happened. I met her for a brief time. I could not speak properly and could just nod and say yes and only manage brief answers. I just walked out of there after about a minute.
I feel I am avoiding facing things. One is the main childhood issue and other are just routine matters.
I have been thinking about a lot of things in my life about my work home and personal stuff. I find that my perspective has changed a lot. I see things in a different manner. Maybe because I feel the sub has made me accept a lot of external things / matters. I have kind of grown up in some way. Mature might not be the correct word, maybe wise.
I have become a lot less sensitive to driving tension. I can control myself and let go of other peoples bad driving habits. Its not 100% but quite major.
With my family I am still very sensitive. I am still having difficulty ignoring stuff my wife does which bothers me. It is not nothing major, just routine small things around the house. Although I have become more open and able to express myself better, I feel that the problem of expressing myself is still there. I want to say something to someone but I feel I cannot speak, like I do not have a tongue. There seems to be no possibility to speak. This happens with only certain topics / special things. This normally does not affect the routine talk. Sometime it does.
Today I was listening to old songs which I had been listening to in my teenage years. I wonder if this is related to sub.
Day 133
I have changed the way I was listening to the sub. Previously I was listening to the ultrasound version with phone in my pocket. My wife & daughter are visiting some relatives. I switched to ultrasonic version during sleep nighttime. I feel that this is the most effective way for me. Earlier I had tried the ultrasonic version with earphones during sleep but kept waking up. Btw I was using an app which limits the maximum volume so as not to damage ears. I start the sub at around 8 pm and carry it with me and around 11pm onwards I am alone till morning with no external noise like traffic or people and listen till 12 pm. I am trying to listen 16 hours each day. I manage to get around 9 hours undisturbed listening with no external noise, while the rest of 7 hours is mixed with me going in my car, talking to people, shopping,etc.
I feel the effect is the maximum these days. It sometimes feels like my brain is stretching. I also feel that people (mainly my family parents work colleagues) are treating me better. I mentioned it in my previous post that I have started to feel more mature / wise in some way.
My expression of feeling / general talk has gotten better but not where I want it to be. My main personality problems are linked with childhood abuse, the fear, shame, guilt, low self esteem, fear of confrontation, fear of speaking, low confidence etc. I have felt huge difference after listening to the sub. However, since this sub is not primarily meant address all these problems I do not expect complete clearing, but the difference is huge.
Another thing I noticed is that when I switched to night time, I feel very peaceful compared to when I was listening during the day.
I have started to realize more and more about my inner self. I have issues with success, money and intimacy which are coming to open up to me in way I never realized before.
A good side effect is girls and women both are behaving better with me. It might be related to the herbal / organic diet I started 2 months back. My skin is much better. I look better. Maybe my personality is getting better. Women have started to give me proper decent social behaviour kindof. Like I was at a dinner with relatives and a relative (married woman) greeted me nicely and said nice goodbye. I have noticed same nice behaviour from other women.
I was initially planning to finish EPRHA and move on by the start of April. Given the good results I am seeing and my family is also away which makes it more easier for more to have maximum listening time, I should now finish at least 180 days the maximum time recommended for the sub. This is achievement on my part to have come this long. I do not have a history of staying on one thing. I get irritated easily and tend to hop from one thing to another. Patience and consistency is way better now.
With reference to my above post, social interaction is also better on my part. I am giving better responses to people talking more, being more friendly. Although I still feel that people take advantage of me.
Day 143
With my family away, I am still listening to the ultrasonic version at night. I shifted to earphones 2 times during the week to see any effect. I had heavy resistance. First time I could not sleep and kept waking up.
Second time I stopped the subliminal or maybe I turned in my sleep and it got turned off. I turned it back on and started again. I had a weird dream. I was standing in a toilet (near a urinal) with another guy and talking and I suddenly turned into a snake and I was down on the wet floor.
I have been quite peaceful inside. There was an incident when someone I do not like came to our house and I was just pissed off. I I was upset over their behavior and could not tolerate it. I became peaceful as soon as they left like nothing happened.
My road rage is gone completely. I do not get angry over people behaving badly on the road anymore. That's a major change.
Another thing I noticed is that in office when I am about to do something /point out some error / flaw (part of my job is inspection / audit related) which might get some people angry I used to get quite scared. Now I am quite relaxed and can relate to it as it is part of my job I need not be afraid if I am following the procedure.
Regarding the sub sometimes I feel I have listened enough and I have healed completely and I should move one. Partly because I think I have got all the effect and partly because I want to listen to something else. It gets boring and somewhat demotivating. Then I think I have come this far and I should complete 6 months.
(04-15-2018, 10:40 PM)guyinlahore Wrote: [ -> ]Day 143
With my family away, I am still listening to the ultrasonic version at night. I shifted to earphones 2 times during the week to see any effect. I had heavy resistance. First time I could not sleep and kept waking up.
Second time I stopped the subliminal or maybe I turned in my sleep and it got turned off. I turned it back on and started again. I had a weird dream. I was standing in a toilet (near a urinal) with another guy and talking and I suddenly turned into a snake and I was down on the wet floor.
I have been quite peaceful inside. There was an incident when someone I do not like came to our house and I was just pissed off. I I was upset over their behavior and could not tolerate it. I became peaceful as soon as they left like nothing happened.
My road rage is gone completely. I do not get angry over people behaving badly on the road anymore. That's a major change.
Another thing I noticed is that in office when I am about to do something /point out some error / flaw (part of my job is inspection / audit related) which might get some people angry I used to get quite scared. Now I am quite relaxed and can relate to it as it is part of my job I need not be afraid if I am following the procedure.
Regarding the sub sometimes I feel I have listened enough and I have healed completely and I should move one. Partly because I think I have got all the effect and partly because I want to listen to something else. It gets boring and somewhat demotivating. Then I think I have come this far and I should complete 6 months.
there are som great changes in your behaviour there bro so keep it up!
just as a reminder, ultrasonic shouldnt be used with earphones ideally as they could mess your hearing up if you have the volume too loud. Since its silent its easy to not realise how high the volume is.
So just be careful. Calibrate the volume to around half the volume of your device or play a masked track, and whatever volume is comfortable for you with that, take it down by 1 and then play the ultrasonic.
either way keep it going!!
(04-15-2018, 10:40 PM)guyinlahore Wrote: [ -> ]Day 143
With my family away, I am still listening to the ultrasonic version at night. I shifted to earphones 2 times during the week to see any effect. I had heavy resistance. First time I could not sleep and kept waking up.
Second time I stopped the subliminal or maybe I turned in my sleep and it got turned off. I turned it back on and started again. I had a weird dream. I was standing in a toilet (near a urinal) with another guy and talking and I suddenly turned into a snake and I was down on the wet floor.
I have been quite peaceful inside. There was an incident when someone I do not like came to our house and I was just pissed off. I I was upset over their behavior and could not tolerate it. I became peaceful as soon as they left like nothing happened.
My road rage is gone completely. I do not get angry over people behaving badly on the road anymore. That's a major change.
Another thing I noticed is that in office when I am about to do something /point out some error / flaw (part of my job is inspection / audit related) which might get some people angry I used to get quite scared. Now I am quite relaxed and can relate to it as it is part of my job I need not be afraid if I am following the procedure.
Regarding the sub sometimes I feel I have listened enough and I have healed completely and I should move one. Partly because I think I have got all the effect and partly because I want to listen to something else. It gets boring and somewhat demotivating. Then I think I have come this far and I should complete 6 months.
there are som great changes in your behaviour there bro so keep it up!
just as a reminder, ultrasonic shouldnt be used with earphones ideally as they could mess your hearing up if you have the volume too loud. Since its silent its easy to not realise how high the volume is.
So just be careful. Calibrate the volume to around half the volume of your device or play a masked track, and whatever volume is comfortable for you with that, take it down by 1 and then play the ultrasonic.
either way keep it going!!
I have now finished 6 months of EPRHA.
Lately some things have started surfacing which confused me. I am not sure if it is due to the sub or some other reason. This never came up earlier. during the sub use It is related to my childhood abuse. I had sudden mood swings mainly with depression and then it went away in 1-2 days like nothing happened. Another thing which happened in childhood was simultaneously with the abuse, random men started taking interest in me. Now I have again started noticing random men trying to talk to me for no reason. There is a security guard who sits in my way and I have noticed he has been behaving strangely. I felt very uncomfortable. I have no interest in men. I could not find a possible reason for this unwanted attention. The sub is either stirring some things or it may be totally unrelated.
I was thinking whether to continue with the sub or just finish. In the end I decided I had listened enough and now its time to move.Overall it has been a good experience.
- Road rage is almost finished. I do not react to other people's behaviour. Although I still sometime act but only on my mental decision if I decide to react and not on impulse.
- I am very calm and peaceful.
- I understand people / social behaviour much better now.
- I can think / analyze past traumas / abuse more objectively now without getting emotionally overwhelmed.
- I am able to analyze my behaviour, problems, limitations, beliefs much clearly now.
- I am able to respond to daily situations with great clarity. its like something around has been removed.
- I feel more mature mentally and emotionally.
I have been able to analyze the problems and blocks in my life. I was expecting that the sub would clear everything but I think it is not the case. I have many fears like fear of success which arose due to an incident in my early childhood. There is absolutely no effect on that. After listening to the sub, I can feel the limitations and fears more and more. I am very much aware of them and can feel them a lot now.
I think the issues for further treatment are depression, stress, anxiety, self esteem, fears and success.
I am now thinking of Ultra Success & Luck Magnifier combo as the next step. Maybe after earning some money I can go for other subs. Right now I am having a rest period.
Amazing results. Congratulations.
Have you thought about running E2? It should be more effective than E1 as there is a couple of more years of research behind it.
If there have been physical abuse made to you in your past I can really recommend you to look into Trauma Releasing exercises. I'm using it (not for that reason, but for general stress relief and recovery from dissasociation), but I have read about people actually getting over their childhood traumas, even without having to re-experience them again. The book is a really good read and pretty cheap.
(06-03-2018, 02:25 PM)Greenduck Wrote: [ -> ]Amazing results. Congratulations.
Have you thought about running E2? It should be more effective than E1 as there is a couple of more years of research behind it.
If there have been physical abuse made to you in your past I can really recommend you to look into Trauma Releasing exercises. I'm using it (not for that reason, but for general stress relief and recovery from dissasociation), but I have read about people actually getting over their childhood traumas, even without having to re-experience them again. The book is a really good read and pretty cheap.
I thought about using E2, but due to some financial constraints kept on using E1. Having used E1 for 6 months, i want to try something else. Right I now after giving a break of 7 days I am listening to Stress Relief. After a month I might move to Ultra Succes & Luck Magnifier.
I have been into therapy and have done a lot for disassociation. But every time I read a news about sexual abuse in the media, it just comes up; not in the same way as in the past, but it is still there.
(06-04-2018, 10:57 PM)guyinlahore Wrote: [ -> ] (06-03-2018, 02:25 PM)Greenduck Wrote: [ -> ]Amazing results. Congratulations.
Have you thought about running E2? It should be more effective than E1 as there is a couple of more years of research behind it.
If there have been physical abuse made to you in your past I can really recommend you to look into Trauma Releasing exercises. I'm using it (not for that reason, but for general stress relief and recovery from dissasociation), but I have read about people actually getting over their childhood traumas, even without having to re-experience them again. The book is a really good read and pretty cheap.
I thought about using E2, but due to some financial constraints kept on using E1. Having used E1 for 6 months, i want to try something else. Right I now after giving a break of 7 days I am listening to Stress Relief. After a month I might move to Ultra Succes & Luck Magnifier.
I have been into therapy and have done a lot for disassociation. But every time I read a news about sexual abuse in the media, it just comes up; not in the same way as in the past, but it is still there.
Have you used mostly talk-therapy or have you tried somantic therapy? I can really recommend you looking into reading a book called "the body keeps the score". Eye-opening and can give you some direction on how to heal your past traumas.
My theory why you don't want to be with guys, is because your body don't want to. And even if you are interested and are sending signals that you are (thus the interest shown from others) your body may still carry the scars from abuse which need to be healed for it to be aligned with your interests.
Good luck with your healing. E2 is amazing.