Silent track update. 40 minute silent track before MLS begins:
Ultrasonic works great. I sleep fine and stay asleep. Vivid dreams.
The hybrid track: Not so much. I wake up as soon as it starts even on a very low volume on my phone.
Day 2 of getting back into my loops.
I had a lucid, sleep paralysis-like dream when I napped during my lunch break. My apartment is very close to work, hehe. MLS playing in headphones while napping.
I was sitting in an office. Seemed like somebodys executive office. Nice desk, nice comfy arm chair in the corner. Arm chair super comfy. I got up from the chair as a man walked in. I was apologetic and said something like "I'll let you return to your duties" or something of the sort to acknowledge it was his office and he was important, although I didnt have any remorse for being in the office without him. Walking out of his office I found myself in a very small gym. I leaned on an upright machine to get my bearings when I noticed I wasnt wearing any pants! Ha, classic. I was wearing bright red boxer briefs. At that moment it physically felt like I was being dragged down. If you've ever experienced parts of a lucid dream it can physically feel like you're being sucked down or back as if a ghost were tugging on you. I was being dragged down and I 'woke up' (or so I thought) and was now in my apartment on my couch, exactly how I was in real life. I heard a noise in my bathroom so I looked up, and I became aware that some otherworldly force was charging at me and was now (invisible) in front of me. I yelled "GET AWAY FROM ME! GO AWAY!!!!", experiencing a very intense feeling of being dragged down into the couch like I was flying backward, at which point I woke up.
I've had dreams like this before in the past. According to my (x) girlfriend I would yell in my sleep but without opening my mouth. Yet I could see what was going on it real life during that occasion. weird stuff. I'm not new to lucid / vivid dreaming but its been quite some time since a dream like this has happened.
Things are starting to click again. I'm having all these thoughts that start out seeming natural, then I realize "holy shit thats brilliant" or "omg I didnt realize that" which throws off the rest of the train of thought. I wouldnt label this conscious resistance but rather my excitement about my thinking and realizations are overshadowing the ability to continue the smart train of thought. If that makes any sense. For instance I just realized how to get a ton of instagram likes and followers. I picked up my phone, started doing it without realizing, then thought "oh shit, LOL cool!" and then wrote down the strategy.
I'm becoming more aware of situations that held me back in the past. My concussion and not being able to function or think properly, my mom threatening me to do my homework as a kid and filming me doing it saying she was going to show my teacher (third grade) if I didnt finish it, My teacher yelling at me and saying I couldn't draw anymore during indoor recess (drawings which I was very proud of) while other kids were allowed to (because I made a drawing club and didn't allow my less skilled classmates to be in it), Moving states in middle school (8th grade) and falling behind on my math so that I could socialize with whoever I was able to before I moved away, failing math classes so many times over the course of high school and college, My parents always yelling at me and comparing me to my younger brother... "You're never organized. You never study. You're always out goofing around. We trust your brother because he gets good grades. Your brother is always so organized." I become aware of the cause of my distaste toward learning, process the thought, become mad, then quickly release the thought and allow it to leave me. I was in diapers practically when I heard my grandma call my mom by her real name so I wanted to be smart and yelled out my moms real name to demonstrate my knowledge only to have her yell at me and tell me never to call her that. Wow... deep stuff. Being told "not to think" and to "sleep when you get the urge to think or do anything" when I was going through my concussion. Jeez, dude. My dad telling me on a handful of occasions that I never follow through with anything has made me not want to do things at all. He even said that to a client of mine back when I did freelance website design. I was so pissed at him. It made me feel hopeless and worthless and not want to innovate or push myself anymore. God damn I have a lot of shit buried. I'm usually recognized as the good looking brother and my brother being the smart one. I've had a handful of x's in the past who would disable me and not let me do things, and consequently they would take charge and think for me which was emasculating and I became used to it. My x's telling me i'm just not good at X or I should't try to do X. I tried to get diagnosed with ADD or ADHD in high school because starting sophomore year I wasn't able to think or stay focused worth shit. I woke up eeeextraaa early to take an ADD test at a psychiatrists (or whoever's) office only to have him tell me in front of my parents "Your son doesn't have ADD, he's just really slow. THANKS ASSHOLE! As a kid, after seeing Mary Poppins, I wanted to try to float in the sky like her so in front of my uncles I jumped off the swingset in my backyard with a large umbrella hoping to float... only to have every one of my uncles express disgust , shake their heads, moan and groan about how I was being a stupid sissy... as a kid I was in tears after that and couldn't look at any of them for a very long time. That and the next example, are honestly probably why I have issues with guys in general. As a kid at my grandpa's house I got yelled at for going near the stove when all I wanted to do was be scientific and investigate what was being cooked on the stove. Sounds stupid but hat one hit hard as I only see those grandparents every few years. I grew up knowing that my parents didn't love eachother but was brainwashed to think otherwise and that everything was normal. I was taught by my parents to just go with the flow, not to speak up, not to correct people, not to challenge people. What a load of shit. That's probably why I always want to get out now and experience life - because I was always told as a kid I couldn't do things. Hell, I wasn't even allowed to cross the street by myself until I was 10 or 12.
ALRIGHT, SO if you read all that I'm pretty messed up lmao. I haven't thought about any of those things for quite some time, and certainly never all of them in the same instance like this. Good frikkin grief. Thanks MLS, you're a good guy lol.
Thanks for sharing all of that. I can relate to a lot of it, actually. It actually provides me another perspective, as I'm a dad, and it's good to have a reminder that what you say to your kids really sticks. One of my biggest fears is doing or saying things that might damage them long term, or inadvertently cause them to self-sabotage, have emotional issues, etc.
(08-17-2017, 03:25 PM)RTBoss Wrote: [ -> ]Thanks for sharing all of that. I can relate to a lot of it, actually. It actually provides me another perspective, as I'm a dad, and it's good to have a reminder that what you say to your kids really sticks. One of my biggest fears is doing or saying things that damage them long term, or inadvertently cause them to self-sabotage, have emotional issues, etc.
I really couldn't give my dad a very good grade on being a father, and especially for being a role model (always closed off, angry, resentful, won't speak, etc), but I've come to realize that he did what he could. Its only in these last few years and months that I think I've faced and (partially) overcome some of the causes behind that behavior as its manifesting in me, and I think he might only be starting the process a bit now. The point is, I guess the best you can do is try to heal & clear as much of yourself as you can, cause that kinda sets the baseline of how good you can be. (Imo of course, just trying to be encouraging/empowering.)
(08-18-2017, 01:46 AM)LionKing Wrote: [ -> ]I really couldn't give my dad a very good grade on being a father, and especially for being a role model (always closed off, angry, resentful, won't speak, etc), but I've come to realize that he did what he could. Its only in these last few years and months that I think I've faced and (partially) overcome some of the causes behind that behavior as its manifesting in me, and I think he might only be starting the process a bit now. The point is, I guess the best you can do is try to heal & clear as much of yourself as you can, cause that kinda sets the baseline of how good you can be. (Imo of course, just trying to be encouraging/empowering.)
It makes sense. We are who we are for a reason. While we consciously may not be aware of the cause behind out moods, actions, values, etc: the subconscious is reeling with past memories that make up your core self and the subconscious often refers back to these core pieces without notifying the conscious mind
Correct me if i'm wrong Shannon but that seems logical to me on a high level.
I've accepted that no parent if perfect because humans are not perfect. We have to learn lessons somehow and it is absolutely impossible not to feel sadness, depression, remorse, shame, guilt, etc at some points of our life. We would not be humans otherwise. Shannon just happens to provide cheat codes for life to help us with those buried memories that affect us. Love it.
Journal:
faaaaack I broke NoFap after 11 days. I'm glazed over so bad today. Soo many girls sending nudes yesterday... its like they all picked one day lol. Today is weird... even being glossed over i'm way more organized and am taking absolutely brilliant notes. Its like I'm on auto pilot because I cant consciously think worth shit. I listened to 3.5 loops yesterday during the day. My damn app crashed and I didn't realize it. Today I have a lunch date and then my fwb is coming over after work so I may have to play MLS while I sleep today.
Last night I passed out on the couch. I was dreaming - The dream was interupted and changed
from its usual pattern to introduce someone who began talking about a scratching and hissing noise. "Arsenic, don't you hear that? What is that weird sound?" I could hear the sound in my dream. I woke up hearing the same sound. It was a mouse in my bathroom.
I think MLS is making my subconscious always aware of what is going on around me even when I sleep. The thought came to me the other night as well and now having that dream conformed it to me. Its like theres a piece of me thats always aware, always listening - like dolphins sleep with one eye open.
My YouTube vlog is doing awesome! I got a camcorder today and made more videos! I'm feeling more of the motivation from MLS that I've been hearing about and I'm glad its picking up. I think things are gearing up towards super learning now that I got a lot of clearing out of my system the other day.
For the past 1.5+ weeks my molars / wisdom teeth have been killing me! Someone else mentioned their wisdom teeth were coming in more which I found strange but I wanted to confirm that its also happening to me. I absolutely do not believe teeth have anything to do with learning or wisdom so its an interesting phenomenon, this teeth coming in thing... weird. I feel like I'm teething. Yeah my teeth have been in but I feel like they are...uhm...more situated, perhaps?
(08-21-2017, 07:52 PM)Arsenic Wrote: [ -> ]My YouTube vlog is doing awesome! I got a camcorder today and made more videos! I'm feeling more of the motivation from MLS that I've been hearing about and I'm glad its picking up. I think things are gearing up towards super learning now that I got a lot of clearing out of my system the other day.
For the past 1.5+ weeks my molars / wisdom teeth have been killing me! Someone else mentioned their wisdom teeth were coming in more which I found strange but I wanted to confirm that its also happening to me. I absolutely do not believe teeth have anything to do with learning or wisdom so its an interesting phenomenon, this teeth coming in thing... weird. I feel like I'm teething. Yeah my teeth have been in but I feel like they are...uhm...more situated, perhaps?
You guys are not the only one. Mine is coming out too. Or at least seems like it. I thought it was random but since you guys mentioned it now I think MLS is involve
Molars teeth do hurt as hell. Still not coming out tho.
Shit.
That super learning thing..... It's happening. I could say a lot but... anything past my one statement would be superfluous. More to come.
(08-21-2017, 08:05 PM)samba99 Wrote: [ -> ] (08-21-2017, 07:52 PM)Arsenic Wrote: [ -> ]My YouTube vlog is doing awesome! I got a camcorder today and made more videos! I'm feeling more of the motivation from MLS that I've been hearing about and I'm glad its picking up. I think things are gearing up towards super learning now that I got a lot of clearing out of my system the other day.
For the past 1.5+ weeks my molars / wisdom teeth have been killing me! Someone else mentioned their wisdom teeth were coming in more which I found strange but I wanted to confirm that its also happening to me. I absolutely do not believe teeth have anything to do with learning or wisdom so its an interesting phenomenon, this teeth coming in thing... weird. I feel like I'm teething. Yeah my teeth have been in but I feel like they are...uhm...more situated, perhaps?
You guys are not the only one. Mine is coming out too. Or at least seems like it. I thought it was random but since you guys mentioned it now I think MLS is involve
Molars teeth do hurt as hell. Still not coming out tho.
Yeah it was me who first reported that about molar teeth. My molars were fine. Its just that it started to hurt.. . Who knows what mystery our body holds. As long as MLS-5.5G works I won't mind even if my Ass hurts.
(08-22-2017, 08:48 PM)Zane Wrote: [ -> ]Yeah it was me who first reported that about molar teeth. My molars were fine. Its just that it started to hurt.. . Who knows what mystery our body holds. As long as MLS-5.5G works I won't mind even if my Ass hurts.
Downloads MLS to become limitless. Learns how to have ass pain.
(08-23-2017, 08:10 AM)Arsenic Wrote: [ -> ] (08-22-2017, 08:48 PM)Zane Wrote: [ -> ]Yeah it was me who first reported that about molar teeth. My molars were fine. Its just that it started to hurt.. . Who knows what mystery our body holds. As long as MLS-5.5G works I won't mind even if my Ass hurts.
Downloads MLS to become limitless. Learns how to have ass pain.
LMAO!!
Day 26 (Counting a handful of days that I missed)
I can't recall if I've touched on this before but I've been getting really annoyed with people not expressing themselves properly. A handful of my friends will ask me a question thats not really a question, so I ask them to clarify, and they respond believing they are adding clarification but actually are making the question even more vague...you get the idea. DAMN PEOPLE, SPEAK! If you ask me a question, know what the hell you actually want to know. I get it too - not all questions are real questions for the sake of having a conversation, but I am not talking about those. I am also seeing holes in people's logic. My communications major friend was arguing with me about social dynamics regarding a situation where she should have blocked a guy. I called her out on her crap and she got all pissy.
It went something like this.
A guy keeps harassing her... ranting senselessly about his boy drama in the most literal sense of the word harassment you can imagine, forcing his emotions and crap onto her, having a one sided conversation. He does this often. She called him out and has called him out a handful of times before, telling him to stop. I told her that by not blocking him, after telling him to stop a number of times, shes inviting him to do the same thing again because having him added on snapchat is a door to communicate with her which he can and will step through again. She got mad saying that I shouldn't be saying its her fault. But really, if you break it down, it is her fault because by her not acting, she is leaving the door open for the same thing to happen again. In effect, by choosing not to prevent a foreseeable action that she wants to stop, she is to blame. She also didn't like when I called her out for changing the subject. She responded to me as if I were talking about something else entirely and proceeded to one way conversation me into a hole, to which I was not going to accept, so I called her out saying I don't want to have a conversation if I don't have any input at all. Go do that with a wall. Hey that rhymed.
I digress.
I assume this (my current situation) is the stage before the forgiveness of other peoples stupidity starts to emerge as a trend. Right now I just dont have any tolerance. This is, of course, recognizing that I have my own faults, but I am outwardly expressing my aggression toward other people stupidity.
Pasting some sub-goals of the program here for my convenience.
Quote:12. Develop and use the ability to visually experience something and then automatically subconsciously analyze, deconstruct, figure out exactly how it was done, practice and optimize it subconsciously until you can do what you witnessed, or better.
17. Kill procrastination for achieving the goals of this program
24. Adjust physical brain mapping (dendritic connections) for achieving maximum learning speed and recall potential.
28. Make learning what you need to learn the primary focus in your life.
33. Make conscious short and long term memory recall automatic and effortless
41. Respond to setbacks in learning with more determination to succeed and more motivation to keep going and try harder.
42. Take all feedback and constructive criticism impersonally, and use it to achieve all of the goals of this program.
50. Develop, improve and maintain laser-like focus and concentration while consciously trying to learn.
52. Develop and improve hand-eye coordination as appropriate for achieving all of the goals of this program as they apply to what you are learning.
54. Cause your brain hemispheres to achieve the ideal balance for achieving the goals of this program.
55. Attempt to heal and repair any and all brain injury.
56. Develop and improve your verbal intelligence, mathematical ability, spatial reasoning skills, visual and perceptual skills, classification skills, logical reasoning skills and pattern recognition skills.
58. Anything Is Possible programming.
61. Balance the use of logic and intuitive thinking for maximum holistic awareness and learning speed and potential.
63. Develop the ability to articulate what you have learned such that presenting, reporting and debating become effortless.
65. Create the reality of the thing in your mind, build it in your mind, optimize it in your mind, and then express the fully developed and optimized mental and/or physical result into reality
70. Pass processing and calculation/design needs to the appropriate part and level of the subconscious, and then have that part pass the answer back to the conscious mind when it has completed and optimized the task.
90. Refuse to accept anything but success in achieving all of the goals of this program
94. Luck magnifier aimed at achieving the goals of this program.
96. Keep yourself learning 24/7 subconsciously, with automatic conscious access to the newly learned information and skills.
101. Optimize blood flow to the brain by adjusting the intra-cranial vascular system.
102. Detoxify and de-calcify the pineal gland as necessary to achieve the goals of this program.
103. Detoxify the brain and body.
110. Shield yourself from any and all negative energy and influences, and anything else that may or does negatively impact your ability to achieve all of the goals of this program.