Yesterday I meditated and felt insane pain again.
Today I'm easily angered.
Considering buying MLS for my gf. I wanna see how she likes it.
Well I've switched to MLS for past few days. I've had enough AM6. MLS is treating me well so far. Very productive at work. Post it notes and organizing and timed work/rest intervals. The reason I know it's not placebo is because I would normally give up after a day or two. This has been four consistent days.
But it could very well be abstinence from sex and porn.. two weeks counting besides for one time I had sex this week.
Recovering with injuries and a rash on foot.
weakest day at jiu jitsu yesterday. also broke no fap. hopping back on that train. the withdrawals become too much.. honestly.
consistently focusing more at work.
beat everyone at jiu jitsu today, pulling off moves ive never before... i went from ties to multiple wins, almost over night. nearly landed a triangle too. more fluid at work and conversing... blah blah blah. will see in a month, now is too early to tell.
back on the nofap train and going to spend a few hours just sorting out chores in my life. fun fun
Okay, so I was going to complain about how hard life is... but honestly.. i am seeing solutions now.. i will get more sleep and handle all my business.
Okay, so maybe I should address everything one step at a time:
1)woke up early for once
2)gonna get to work early
3)day 3nofap..
Still no morning ritual... gotta do that
MMA later today
Not really noticing MLS effects at bjj today...
Anyways, feeling more stability. Perhaps this will be the program to bring my discipline up to next level, along with efficiency. I hope.
So much to tackle
wow.... I spent two hours on rolling/sparring and did really well. Not a single time have I been tapped. I have tapped two however. This intense session was a day after running 4miles, and full body workout. I ate a few healthy meals, lots of fruits, veggies and chicken both days (not forgetting water).
STILL on nofap (day 5). Urges are strong at times, but I find something else to do.
Procrastinating a bit on two things that are important to me. I am hoping I can tackle first thing in morning when I wake up.
About to go for another workout/run. I am very motivated to lose this weight.
Movies are boring, TV is boring...
Im a little upset that I havent taken my career so seriously as of late, nor my relationship. I am trying, but nowhere near enough intensity/strategy behind it.
Last night's run did clear my head a bit, allowing myself to accept alot about my situation, giving me a new perspective. Definitely worthwhile.
Also I noticed that many people CLAIM they want to train hard after class... YET, when I call them, they are always TOO tired or not in mood, blah blah blah.
Anyways, really want to wake up early tomorrow, again.
MLS day 14... nofap day 6... dieting day 4...
Okay, withdrawals and resistance probably, but feeling like a tart cart. Brain is too slow and not clever enough. It really bugs me.
Maybe its because I busted my ass off this weekend and today at work and after...
I have been way too passive in life. I feel like all I do is talk about feelings and pretend im gonna become somebody, but when do I actually do it? It's always tomorrow... FUCK
MLS day 17, no willy wankin day 9, dieting day 7...
No Bjj this week. Too busy. Almost got a new apartment after searching.
Very productive at work besides for today... was burnt from previous days of hustling.
Pieces of the puzzle are putting themselves together.
Insanely difficult time with not slapping the worm. I want to, but I know its better for me if I dont. I tease myself with, oh just a little.. I wont watch anything or nut, butt still... I feel the pull and the urge. I just gotta run it off or workout or work. Plenty of work to do...
Some moments of bliss though...
MLS Day 21, NoFaa day 3 (oh well), dieting day 11...
I actually want to achieve my goal physique, the one I've dreamed about at 17.
I want to achieve my dream money goals.
So much to get done this week, it feels impossible, but I am going to challenge myself. It's very exciting.
Man, I've been going through a lot. I trimmed weight, just like I said I would. I did a mini detox. In process of doing another one. I got significantly better at jiu jitsu. I'm moving out of my place finally.
That's 3/4 big goals I made about half a year ago.
Waiting on when I finally move in to new place to get my mind some rest and take it slow. Feeling burnout creeping in.