I've been using DMSI 3.1 since release. So, some changes include drinking way less. So, to be stocking up a personal bar instead of drinking it the same night. Been working on cleaning my room.
I was fully heartily trying to find a hooker to fuck, because I'm tried of waiting for DMSI to start working. But, No matter how hard I've tired nothing was work. As if, DMSI was blocking me. I even had a dream about this, I went to meat a girl for an incall. And, for the dumbest reason she decided not to after we agreed . We were just about to go to her room.
So, whatever DMSI is clearing out it doesn't want me to buy it. Even my subconscious is keeping me away. Which, I don't mind because I told myself long time ago I won't never pay for it. And, I have never done it in the past. I want the glory of doing it the hard way no matter how hard.
DMSI is working. You're drinking less, you're cleaning your room and you're refusing to settle for hookers. Just because you're not done healing and clearing doesn't mean it's not working.
Yes, I know I'm not done healing. I was pointing out the improvements since DMSI 3.1. I know it's workings but I love the support. I've also had some realistic sex dreams, which I've never had in the past. They were full colour, even when I woke up I felt satisfied.
I'm finding myself not settling for anything. Yesterday was first day of no fap/porn. I slept better last night because of it. I don't know why but not going to complain.
They called me to start work again this season, starting in a couple weeks. Now that I have a deadline, I'm going hard. I went to return some empties today, and didn't buy anything. First day down, looking foward to tomorrow. I'm going to hit the gym tomorrow to start getting back into old routine.
So, last couple days I have been drinking. But, since the start of 3.1 instead of drinking a 26oz bottle. I'm down to the 200mil(6.7oz) aka the tiny ones. I love this side effect of DMSI. I've also got my dad into trying the quit alcohol subliminal he's been a heavy drinker for as long as I can remember.
I've been noticing a lot more attractive women every where I go. I also feel way more confident lately, especially when it comes to my voice and all things to do with commutation. I plan my fair share of online video games and been getting a lot of complaints on my voice.
I haven't use porn to unwind before bed. I now use DMSI, I just put it on and imagine the waves are washing away all the negativity and replacing it with all DMSI needs to achieve my goals. I feel a lot more positive in the last couple days.
I'm been feeling more indifferent each day towards alcohol. Example every day I have more and more thoughts of why am I drinking or why do I need to drink. Why, can't I just be sober, and looking foward to the day I can have a stocked bar by being a causal drinker.
I've been feeling the same about porn and fapping. I was a bit horny the other day and my instinct was to fap to porn real quick. After about 30 seconds, I asked myself wtf are you doing just wait DMSI has got your back. It may also be helping I started doing penis stretching exercises, feels my need to touch myself. But, in a health way with out releasing my sexual energy.
So, the whole seeing more attractive girl around is still going on. It's like in the last week it's girls that just make you say dammm, instead of she's alright. I'm starting to feel less awkward near them because a few of them have been give me IOIs. It seems like DMSI is working me up to something and I love the path it's leading me down.
I was looking in the mirror today and relieved all my acne is gone. I believe it's been since start of 3.1 i've had no acne. I feel I would call self liking, I don't have have that internal dialogue of criticism as much.
So, tried the porn thing again today. I just couldn't get into it, was 30-1min of lets go than just faded off and lost interest/erection. I can remember not even a year ago spending my days off spending hours upon hours watching porn. Even my erotic audio don't work for me, i was thinking to myself while listening; I want to hear her moan in person because I'm the one who is causing it. It's getting me to the point where I'm going to have to go out and do something about if porn doesn't work anymore.
I had a few drinking today, but noticed since DMSI I don't consider myself an alcoholic anymore. Solely based on the fact before DMSI if lets say I ran out of my own alcohol I would either beg, steal, or cheat my way to get more.
So, even though I haven't had to much luck with the ladies yet. I love all the changes, and can't wait for the what's around the next corner.
So, it's been a long time since last post. The reason, there was much to report. After talking to Benjamin today, I realized there may be others going threw some of the same things I was. And, I could have been helping them though my experiences.
So, let's do a catch up since its been a good 4 months. Let's start with the alcohol front, it kicked back up again. So much so that I questioned to go back to AM6, but I believe that my subconscious trying to avoid the deep issues DMSI is working on. Now, I'm actively working on cutting back slowly which is going great.
The second front, I'd like to talk about is the alpha male side. In the past, I talked about being in an alpha tribe on a game called ark and feeling like the alpha. Well at this day I'm currently owner and leader of said tribe. Where up to 35 active members from 5 active members, and they all treat me with respect. I know it's only a video game but I getting great experience with problem solving, delegation, managing of others, negtiations, and many other real business owners go though.
The third is being more alpha in real world. I'm a lot more comfortable speaking my mind. Being alpha without trying, being confident, flirty without an end game. The more I write the more I'm realizing that DMSI is actually working. And, how much journaling helps you. To see some of the things you may not notice without reflecting on your day.
Last would be, I'm not in a carefree mood as much. A couple example are, I'm going back to school to upgrade my education in preparation for collage. I'm working activing on quiting/cuting back on alcohol. I started reading again, and I'm back into my health. Lastly I'm on vacation, instead of staying in drinking like years before, I'm going out into the world even if it's a little uncomfortable.
So, in conclusion I hope my journal we'll help though who think because your not getting girls yet. There still are changes happening under the surface you may not see. Don't give up, the changes are there if you look hard enough.
So, today did something a little out of character/ out of comfort zone. I lead a trip down to Chinatown, it was a lot more fun than to be expected. I felt no social anxiety, I just felt like it was my town. As if all the all eyes where on me.
Today is day 2 of no PMO, which includes erotic audios even non erotic. I felt that even though it audios are not porn. It gives to much comfort in the current situation as far as relationship status goes. I would like my experience to be real inside of virtual.
So, I found in last couple days even thought something it comfortable to keep living the same way. I intend to keep stepping out of my comfort zone. I've been still working my way to quiting alcohol. I well be adding the day with alcohol count as soon as I can.
So, yesterday for anyone who remembers this time last year. I got really drunk, and made a fool of myself at my friends sisters house. Well, I finally got reinvited to an event of theres. Well at the event, I natural took the alpha role. Leading the convocation, cracking jokes, and all without feeling anxiety to cause me to drinking to much. If I was a YouTube channel, I can confirm they resubed.
As far as the PMO, I've gone 4 days at a time without release. Before I would need release daily. Which has been helping me in the women department. The drinking has been still been cutting back, exercise has been helping alot with this.
Some next step stuff, I went in for my testing to get into this academy upgrade problem was a couple days ago. I learned from it, I can type without looking at a good pace. And, my spelling is a lot better than I thought. The program is founded by the government, it's in a college environment while taking highschool courses. I really looking foward to the college experience, even during the testing I saw many potential fun experience to come.
Excellent progress I am currently enjoying the healing. Its my second time using DMSI version A. I made a few changes this time round, listening to more loops and tweaking the volume.I do admit I have days when I feel down but also I have days when I feel so grounded its unbelievable.
So, I started college this week on Tuesday. It's a program to academic upgrade to grade 12 but in a college environment to get used to it. I have math and computers this semester which are my strongest subjects.
Things are going, as a matter a fact today we were doing some in-class hand outs. And, the girl sitting next to me saw I was quite good at it. The second handout, she started to ask me for help instead of the teacher like the rest of the students were. I believe this could be DMSI, because I arrived a little early to class. She choose to sit next to me even though there was still penalty of seats in the room. I still believe in the whole thing if there open sits people well choose to have atleast one seat I between them and a stranger.
Edit (I believe this to be DMSI because during orientation last week there was like 3 girls, who I saw that I wanted. And all three are in my class. The chances without DMSI would be low due to the fact I only have one class a day; because the other classes were full. At the time we got are time tables I thought to myself I hope there in my class.)
On the PMO front, I got 7days under my belt. I'm even been not as interested in ASMR, binaural, and hypnosis aswell. I really looking forward to seeing how this is going effect my results for the better.
I've noticed in the last couple days, that I'm not in as a good of shape as I thought. So, since I do have quite a bit of free time having only half days. I hit up my boy with my schedule, I used to workout with. He also wants to back into guess he been slacking since also. It's always easier to get motivated if someone else is doing it with you.
I just went 1day with drinking, you may be wondering only 1 day. I'm making a commitment to myself and DMSI I well go at least 30 days. I know if I can a month the rest well be easy afterwards. Something I did to help myself was give myself a treat. I had a flavoured carbonated water, which I told myself I can have at the end of the day. Well after having it at the end of the day I felt more satisfied than I have had drinking alcohol has. I believe this is due to thinking of it as a treat, mixed with the knowledge I'm making a healthier choice.
It seems I'm the type that needs some kind of routine in order to be at my best. I'm getting back into reading again. I started looking for a job for the weekend. I'm back into healthy life style, whole foods, and no junk food.
I've been feeling really good lately, I believe DSMI has finally worked though most or all of whatever healing I been going though. I find myself smiling more often, singing, dancing, like I used to while stuck in traffic. I know that sounds a little weird but I been used to be always that on dude in traffic who didn't let it bother me like the rest. I always saw as time to enough my music by dancing and singing along. You make your own happiness, it shouldn't be dependent on external factors. And, I need to remind myself that sometimes because I want as much personal power as I can get. Any haters in my head, I've been turning into cheerleaders. I tried this in the past but the haters would just come back stronger.
So, on Friday I went out to get some sparkling water at my favourite grocery store. On the way there while turning left on to the side street. As I turned left after checking a had plenty of room to make it through. Right before making it clear I saw that a car coming at me like a bullet. I tried to get out of the way, I did not succeed.I was T-boned in the back passenger side, I knew I got hit at the time. But, what really surprised me is when vehicle started to tip. To land on its side, my first thought where am I hurt and holy shit. I had pictures of movie crashes going through my head. And, for me it was nothing like that. I unbuckled my seatbelt, I proceed to get up. I just stood there with my head out the passenger side window in shock. A lot of people rushed over to ask if I was ok. After relizing I was ok, I hoped out. To notice I made it out alive with only one scratch. I went to the hospital anyway to make sure, and I'm all good. No one else was hurt either.
After this experience though, I feel like a different person because the whole time ems, fire, pretty much everyone was saying I could have died and how lucky I was. So, for me that was the day my bad habits died. I'm 6 days sober not a single drop, 6 days no PMO, 6 days of exercise. And, school I picked up an extra course. I told myself I don't want to die without acomplishing my goals. Now it's going to cost me money to fix the damage from that day, but worth it for the end result. "Live everyday as if it's your last", really resonates with me now.