Subliminal Talk

Day 45 (A1) - Bipolar? - I started thinking about the fatigue and mild depression I have experienced over the last several days. I went through a similar depressed stage during days 14-19ish as I have currently experienced 42-45. I find it striking how the 2 episodes are 28 days apart exactly. Over the past several years while doing subs, whenever I went through a depressed period I always assumed that it was resistance but now I am no longer leaning that direction. During the manic periods I am simply better and more effective at everything. Work, women, athletics, socially, everything. Luckily this makes up the bulk of my life. The depressed period is not dibilitating for me I'm just fatigued and change from an extrovert to an introvert. But I all of the sudden also become somewhat socially awkward. Basically I don't read body language and non verbal ques as well. I'm so effective during the manic phase that quite frankly I would rather deal with three to five days of depression each month as opposed to being evened out by medication. Now that I think about it I've had these episodes from High School forward. I am just beginning to explore this part of me and have only scratched​ the surface here. I plan to use this journal to not only track dmsi and my sub usage but also status of this possible disorder. The only reason I'm figuring this out now it's because for the first time in my life I've been keeping a consistent Journal which enabled me to track these ups and downs.

Has DMSI had any effect on it?

(05-27-2017, 02:33 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Has DMSI had any effect on it?

This is something I have been thinking about Shannon. It's difficult to quantize because I have no record of the past in the form of a journal or otherwise and although I remember the depressed periods in the past I have very little if any emational attachment to them. I itwould say if anything the depressed periods are more mild and shorter in duration since using dmsi. In the past I used alcohol, caffeine, nicotine, and edging to weather the depressed periods. I only recently consciously became aware I was using these things as coping mechanisms. Alcohol (weekend binge drinking) I dropped during am6 and sm3. Edging decreased in SM3. I completely dropped caffeine during MHS from a pot/day. So 45+ days caffeine free. DMSI has had the biggest effect on masturbation/edging. I am 25+ days masturbation/edging free. I used to chew about 12 mg of nicotine gum/day. I completely dropped nicotine for 12 days but started using 2-6 mg again the last few days since the last depressed period popped up. I have no idea if the depressed periods were longer in duration or more intense but I'm guessing they were. I must be getting better because the above are all things I did to boost dopamine during depressed periods and they are down drastically.

Day 46 (A2) - Fully out of the depressed stage at this point. Pumped about that. GF was in a much better mood today than the last few. My depressed state must have brought her down. She was much more bitchy than she has been since before I began DMSI. As soon as I snapped out of the depression her bitchiness disappeared. She is running around the house again in panties.... Things are looking up!

Thought experiment - I have a male cousin who is very beta. Good guy, fun to be around but is in a marriage in which he has two great kids but absolutely can't stand his wife. Actually no one can stand his wife. He hates her and they haven't been intimate for years but he stays with her because he wants to be with his kids every day. He knows if he left she would try to keep the kids from him just to be a c*** even though she acts as if the kids and husband are nothing but a burden on a daily basis.

I've tried to get him to use alpha male in the past but he wasn't even close to being open to using a sub let alone paying for one. He recently made the comment to me he wishes his wife would find another man and just walk away from him and the kids. Here's where the light bulb went off in my head.

Disclaimer: I have no plans of implementing this idea and there's no way he would go along with it if I did. I'm simply thinking out loud so to speak.

Could his wife in theory use DMSI, have guys falling all over her and be tempted into moving on to greener pastures?

We don't have much if any consistent reports of female DMSI use. Common sense would seem to indicate results would come much more readily since men approach women exponentially more often.

I have a much better idea. Put that bitch on E2, it will make her a much better and happier human being, less prone on doing idiotic shit just to be a c*nt, like divorce raping the guy and taking away the kids anyway. And put the guy on DMSI

(05-29-2017, 04:25 PM)ImFreeman Wrote: [ -> ]I have a much better idea. Put that bitch on E2, it will make her a much better and happier human being, less prone on doing idiotic shit just to be a c*nt, like divorce raping the guy and taking away the kids anyway. And put the guy on DMSI

Makes perfect sense to me. Good call.

Day 48 (A4) - Planned to listen to 3.1 us flac the normal 2 loops last night but I accidentally had it set to repeat. Listened to it all night. So 8 loops I think. IDGAF is strong today. Slight headache. Thought it was good town early but approached a cute blonde in Scrubs. Made small talk. She was all giggles and flipping her hair. It didn't go anywhere, she said she was shopping for her kid and had a wedding ring. Fun to have a cute random smiling and laughing though.

Day 49 (A5) - I have decided to run A until I have another depression episode. This is the only way I know to determine whether the depression episodes are spontaneous as in a bipolar disorder or sub related. In the past the last two episodes one was spurred on by the hybrid the other was spurred on by switching to B side. This is actually just conjecture on my part. I'm trying to figure out if the depression episodes which would occur regardless of running the sub or not.

Day 50 (A6) - One thing I've noticed since going back to A is a completely different set of girls give me ioi's on A vs B. The married 9/10 from Day 11 has been smiling at me and starting conversation all day. She is noticably more made up today than normal. You can tell she spent more time on her hair than normal as well. I can't help but think she did it for me the way she is flirting. Before 3.1 she was always cold acting. She started ioi's during my first run of A but went cold again during B. She acts like a completely different person when I'm running A.

Day 52 (MIR2 1) - Developed a sore throat and body aches today so started MIR2. I will be running the flac us phone 24/7 for at least a couple days after I have no symptoms.

Day 53 (MIR2 2) - Within 2 hours of starting MIR2 yesterday afternoon my sore throat went away. I feel fine today but am continuing to run it. I want to make sure the virus is completely gone.

I didn't have any ED on DMSI 3.1 but my God I feel like I'm on Cialis since switching to MIR2. I masturbated this morning which I haven't been doing on DMSI. Even though I don't have any ED I have a fairly long refractory period normally. Also I am normally a grower not a shower so to speak. I have 8 inches of cock erect but only 2-3 flaccid. The difference is crazy. But this morning 20 minutes after masturbating I was hanging thick and veiny probably 6 inches while shaving naked. GF walks in and made a face as if she liked what she was seeing so we ended up having sex right then. Very hot sex. Reason I mention this is I'm usually not ready to go again after masturbating for about an hour and my flaccid hang is not usually like it was this morning.

One thing I forgot to mention is a very cute 18 year old girl who works at my country club has been flirting hard with me. I'm friends with her parents so things could get a bit awkward because I'm sure her parents would be pissed. But she's hot enough I really wouldn't care. When I pull in the parking lot she immediately pulls up in a golf cart to pick me up if she is working. I've noticed she doesn't do this for anyone else nor do any of the other workers normally. The last time our legs and hips were touching as she was driving me and she made no effort to pull away. The first two times I didn't tip her just to see if she was doing it for the tip but she kept picking me up with big smiles and giggling the whole time so the last time I decided to go ahead and tip her since she obviously wasn't doing it for that reason. Hopefully I can get back on DMSI soon and get some one on one time with her.

Day 56 (A3) - Played in a golf event with my boss/owner yesterday at our country club. It was a good time. We played well. One shot from winning. He wanted to drink at the bar after. I drank one or two too many because I was a little hungover today. I haven't been hungover in forever. Unfortunately the 18 year old from day 53 wasn't working. It was probably a good thing because I'm sure my boss would have cock blocked me any way he could have. The bartender had a cute face but mediocre at best body went out of her way to flirt with me. I really wasn't turned on by her body so didn't really flirt back.

Not much to note today. Super busy with work. Didn't run into any hotties so that sucked.

Day 63 (A10) - Not a lot to say DMSI wise. I have been keeping up with my loops just not my journal. Been busy with work and other side projects and just haven't been around many hot/cute girls unfortunately.

One noteworthy comment was made by the same girl who made the comment about wanting to paint me nude. I change for work at work every day. She had something she needed to tell me while I was changing. She said she would have came upstairs where I change to tell me what she needed to but figured I closed the door otherwise she would have came up for a show.