Subliminal Talk

Sounds more like processing and release to me.

Hi enjoying your posts, just want to get some more information about face numbing.
I have similar situation as after we have sex my girl gets face numbing feeling right
after orgasm. I wonder if any others on forum have seen this reaction.

Day 16

Α few notable things. Melancholy and nostalgia are still strong.

My girl, C. , slept over on Tuesday night and got exposed to DMSI 2.4 for 5 loops and the following day she could not stop eating. She was very hungry and kept saying so over and over again from the morning until we went to bed again late at night.

I have tried going for her back door a few times, but she always seemed very reluctant as she was afraid it would pain her. Yesterday she was open to it and we did it. And this happened one day after she got exposed to DMSI. Coincidence? She had gotten exposed to 2.2 and 2.3 some time ago for a few nights if I remember correctly but she didn't seem affected.

Last night we went to an Irish bar where I frequent and there was a group of 6 blondes that I figured were Dutch. One of them was checking me out most unhinderedly even though I was with C. C. picked that up and got close to me and started hugging me but the Dutch girl wouldn't give up. She would spin her head 90 degrees just to look at me for half a second and then would face forward again. Sometimes she would take her time and lock eyes for a few seconds with me. When they left and were walking outside the bar she kept looking inside at me. The most interesting thing about this is that she was easily the hottest of all the Dutch girls, and the hottest in the whole bar at that time and I found her very attractive. She got sniped really well.

(09-21-2016, 02:14 AM)Freud Wrote: [ -> ]Day 16
I have tried going for her back door a few times, but she always seemed very reluctant as she was afraid it would pain her. Yesterday she was open to it and we did it. And this happened one day after she got exposed to DMSI. Coincidence? She had gotten exposed to 2.2 and 2.3 some time ago for a few nights if I remember correctly but she didn't seem affected.

(09-21-2016, 05:43 AM)chaosvrgn Wrote: [ -> ]

(09-21-2016, 02:14 AM)Freud Wrote: [ -> ]Day 16
I have tried going for her back door a few times, but she always seemed very reluctant as she was afraid it would pain her. Yesterday she was open to it and we did it. And this happened one day after she got exposed to DMSI. Coincidence? She had gotten exposed to 2.2 and 2.3 some time ago for a few nights if I remember correctly but she didn't seem affected.

That would make a nice t-shirt.

Day 17

C. got exposed to 5 more loops and is feeling hungry all day long again. I forgot to mention she got exposed to DMSI unknowingly, both times.

Yesterday while we were having sex I got autopiloted into some mild role-playing. While she was on top of me I smoothly transitioned into the role of a bad student, and she took on the role of the punishing teacher(as she actually is a teacher). I was pleasantly surprised by the addition of such a fun technique.

I am definitely not getting more Tinder matches than usual. I am getting less, I'd say.

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Day 22

My feelings are a shitstorm today. I woke up feeling well but when I found out my internship will probably coincide with my scheduled trip to Germany it all went to shit. It ruined some plans I had made for the next months. It all went downhill from there. I started worrying about some minor health annoyances and then about not having enough friends in this city and being a bit of a loner the last months. I am spending another year here so this must be fixed.

My melancholy and nostalgia are still strong.

I wonder if these feelings are somehow related to DMSI.

On Saturday I consumed a large dosage of marijuana, and I felt like it revealed an underlying sadness and depression of mine. I don't know if it was true or if it just made me feel this way. Today, for the first time in months, I got a strong urge to go back to EPRHA 2.0 or run AM6. I hope this confirms my feelings today are just a part of resistance.

Day 23

I dreamed I was having sex with two girls taking turns. It was a very vivid and enjoyable dream.

Other than that, after yesterday's emotional shitstorm, I feel emotionally stable today, even though I can sense something stirring deep inside.

If I turn my focus inwards everything seems/feels blurry. I get that a lot on subs. It feels like when you erase pencil writings and remains a smudge on paper, only for something new to be written. I get optical, acoustical, sentimental and mnemonic blurs. I suppose everything is in a transitional phase, that's why they are so unclear.

Day 24

The last few days it seems like the universe is out to get me. Everything is going wrong or getting on my nerves. Combine a few minor health ailments (3-4 different at once), a business hold up, 99% of friends living in other cities or have cut ties, girlfriend being away, having to make changes to my program for the next 1-1,5 years and you have a furious and miserable me. I had to go out today and walk it off. Something tells me that all these might be just ways to rationalize my current emotions, or maybe not.

I am thinking that by not having many friends and not going out a lot in this city I might turn C. off and lose her. It is worrying me. It dawned to me that my value as a man is not directly correlated to the amount of friends I currently have in this city. Friends come and go all the time. There is no denying I want more friends and I would have more if fun and be happier if I hang out with more people. I hope DMSI pushes me to socialize with men.

I find it hard to channel my emotional turmoil to anything productive.

I am getting an urge to run AM6, which was my plan to begin with, but then DMSI came along. But I am smarter than to fall for that.

I hope everything goes back to normal the following days.

Day 25

With yesterday's emotional turmoil I couldn't do anything productive so I went for a walk and spent my energy making a funny video. I got totally immersed and forgot I was worried.

When I went to bed I kept tossing and turning for a good 2 hours until I actually fell asleep. I had a lot of energy even though I felt a little sleepy and I could feel it stored in my stomach and my chest. I have been in such situations before but I could never pinpoint the energy in my body but yesterday I was much more open to my sensations.

I finally fell asleep and I dreamed of my first girlfriend. We dated for 3 months, almost 4 years ago, when I had just moved into this big city. I felt alone and lost here but then I found her. Being inexperienced I fell really hard for her. When she left me I felt desperate and depressed. I remember for ~10 days I could not eat anything other than a apple per day and could barely sleep properly. The break-up triggered one of the worst periods of my life. For several months, maybe a year and a half later I would still break down and cry because of the pain and nostalgia. Time went by and I met more girls, made new friends, had crazy fun, acquired experiences, pushed my self to improve in every way. I don't feel the pain anymore but sometimes I get melancholic and nostalgic hits from moments spent with her, probably because she introduced me to this city where I still live. She wasn't anything extraordinary, she was a cute, smart, funny, short girl with floral dresses. There are millions of these and even better, right? I know because I am dating one right now. It wasn't her that marked me but the feelings of pain, depression, loneliness and desperation that were intense and went on for so long after the break-up. It was the cruelty and the rawness of life, the pains that could be felt, the desperation that had to be overcame, and the feeling of being totally lost in life that left their footprint on me. And me being a young inexperienced, romantic, naive boy alone in a huge city did not make it any easier. In my mind, she has been correlated to these feelings somehow, that's why I have flashes of her. She is just a symbol. I think sometimes that everything I have done since then to improve myself has been an effort to stay safe and away from these horrible emotions and circumstances, and in a way, her being able to hurt me. On Saturday, when I consumed a big dosage of marijuana that's exactly what was presented to me. I feel I am fear-driven. Like all I do is run away from pain, fear, loneliness, desperation, rejection.

Back to the dream now, even though I barely remember anything. I dreamed she was at my place and there was a sexual undertone. It felt like the dream had lasted for entire night. I didn't feel anxious around her at all. When I woke up I was surprised that even though I had such a dream I did not feel terribly. I felt cool and I still feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Maybe that's what the healing modules have been working on the past few days. I almost cried while typing the above. This was long overdue.

That's it. The bottom of my soul in text.

Day 27

After writing about how I have to improve my friends situation the other day, I had a few reach out to me the following days. One I haven't seen for 1-5 year but we used to be really close, he called me just to hang out sometime. Another one shot me a message to grab some coffee this weekend. I also reached out too another close friend I haven't seen for a few months just to make a joke and even though I thought he had moved back to this hometown and I wrote him off, it turns out he still lives here, so we are getting coffee the following days.

I definitely believe having a few good friends makes a man a whole lot sexier.
If DMSI manifested these friends a few days after I got really concerned about it then I should mention that I am concerned about making 5 millions euros and I also believe it would make me sexier.

I went out alone last night to an Irish bar to enjoy an Australian artist and I sat there for a good 3-3.5 hours. There were two very attractive women there that were definitely my type but I went unnoticed.