Subliminal Talk

I finally had the opportunity to make my first purchase after running ASC and EPRHA 5G. With the progress I have made with E1, and the rubbish it exposed, I was not even tempted to go for AOSI .

I started listening on Wednesday, and here is an excerpt of what I wrote in my private journal. I will do my best to update this journal weekly, or when I see obvious improvements.

Day One

Finally, I made my first purchase. I planned to do this on June 1, but could not because of some disappointments regarding money. I was on EPRHA 5G for the past 1½ to 2 months. The last two days of E1 was a bit weird. I had almost the same feeling I had when I started using subs - foggy brain, and very slow reaction time. I kept making mistakes when writing like completely omitting words in sentences. I even forgot my credit card's pin number! With such an experience, I decided I should not get straight into V2, despite being aware switching will be a smooth transition. I planned to make a 24+ hours break before starting with E2.

I went to bed early that night at about 10 pm. My sleep quality was not so good and I was awake by 3:30 am. I tried to get back to sleep (translation: I had a wank to induce sleep), but I was still awake at 5 am. I got up and decided to listen to V2 for an hour. I opened the file, and for the first time this year, VLC player asked to be updated. Cool, eh? I listened to a complete loop while reading some journals. After that I went back to bed and had some peaceful, well rested catnaps. I had semi-vivid dreams which I can't fully remember. In one of the dreams, Shannon was able to modify the subs while his clients listened to them, and they were able to give live feedback. I was listening to a trickling stream track which had some distortions, and from the feedback I gave him via the same headphones I was using to listen, he was able to fix it. I got up immediately after he fixed the distortion. Wizardry! . 

Day Three

Third day of listening E2. I received devastating news last evening about something I had been working on for more than a year. I went to bed with US playing. I had some weird dreams, but I did not want to wake up. I preferred to stay in a dream world than wake up and face the pain of the bad news. I finally woke up much later than I use to, and had brunch, which rarely happens. I felt hungry in the evening, but the anxiety I was experiencing made me go to bed without eating. 

I am very irritable as I type this. I feel motivated to get a punching bag and release this energy within me. I am not sure if it is the effect of the sub or it's me dealing with the sad issue at hand. Maybe it is a combination of both. Thank goodness I purchased E2 before this happened!

Day Five

Experiencing frequent moments of irritability. A lot of ups and downs. The down moments are short but are more intense than anytime in my life. Still dealing with the devastating news I got. To be fair, I think I am dealing with it more maturely than I normally would. 

I feel like I have this very strong energy I have to release. I have never been this motivated to join a gym or get a punching bag. No funds to get myself any of those at the moment. It is summer, and I will have to make use of the favourable weather for outdoor exercise. I have always been self conscious/scared of going for a run in public. I am lucky to have a body that does not put on weight easily even though I hardly exercise. I have friend who spend lots of money to have my junk-food-eating-couch-potato body. I now have this deep sense of responsibility not to take this for granted anymore. I now want to get out there and develop a habit of constant exercise. 

I get pissed at the times I procrastinated in the past. I see the opportunities I missed by living a life of procrastination. On the flip side though, I try to look for the silver linings in missed opportunities. I have always done my best to be optimistic in life, but the phrase "Every dark cloud has a silver lining" is taking a whole new meaning for me - and I have been on E2 for just five days, averaging about 8 hours a day.

Well-written Journal entries. I agree with the dream world sometimes, it is a place better than this real World reality

(06-12-2016, 07:43 PM)DisneylandUSA Wrote: [ -> ]Well-written Journal entries. I agree with the dream world sometimes, it is a place better than this real World reality

Thank you. Yeah, the dream world seem like such a better place. However, I don't want it to be that way though I want to learn lucid dreaming. From what I have read, it is possible to practice in a lucid dream and then have enhanced results in the real world.

I forgot to add that I have noticed an improvement in my learning abilities, at least in one area. I purchased this online Stock Options Trading course, and I had difficulties understanding the basic concepts. Yesterday, which was like four months since I last watched it, I understood the concepts fully. I realised I was trying too hard in the past which worked against me instead. This is interesting as I originally planned to run MLS 5G after three months of E2. With the inconsistent results found in the MLS journals, I think I will run E2 for six months, and hopefully the new MLS will be available by then for me to make a switch.

(06-12-2016, 03:34 PM)i-Awake Wrote: [ -> ] Day Five

Experiencing frequent moments of irritability. A lot of ups and downs. The down moments are short but are more intense than anytime in my life. Still dealing with the devastating news I got. To be fair, I think I am dealing with it more maturely than I normally would. 

Omg this is literally what I am feeling today regarding the irritability. I just wrote about it in my journal. Good to see I am not the only one

Day 11

As I suspected, I have not been noticing much results. This is not to suggest E2 is not working for me. Far from it - the naturaliser is very intense with me. I seem to forget how I was like, sort of suffering from (good) amnesia. lol. It's only when I do something differently that I go "Uh? Where did that come from?!"

About two days ago I noticed I had a longer neck when I looked into the mirror. This happened more than a couple of times before I realised it was because of a change in my posture. I now walk with my chin up like never before in my life. This has become normal for me, and I struggle to consciously walk with my head down. Good times! I think this will further help me in being congruent when I start using AOSI/magnets.

I had a dream yesterday in which I met a friend I had not seen in ages. He asked me what I was doing with my life and I started of by telling lies as I was ashamed I had not achieved much for myself after all these years. However, I caught myself and said "fvck it" and was honest with him. I did not care what he thought about me anymore. I was real with him about the challenges I was going through. I woke up feeling encouraged as I noticed a burden - the need to prove myself to everyone - is being lifted.

Day 12

I am having this strange realisation of one of my fears, a fear I never could have imagined I had, the fear of becoming financially wealthy. This comes as a big surprise because I have always wanted to be rich. Who doesn't?

On my very first post on this forum, I shared that I worried about becoming a jerk if I do subs like Alpha Male as it may cause a shift in my perspective, thereby causing me to let go of my personal core values like being charitable, for example. I still want to be charitable. In fact, the desire is even stronger now as I gradually let go of the fear of becoming super wealthy.

The problem is so subtle that it is very, very easy to miss. It lies in this question "Why do I want to become wealthy?". I have always had a justifiable reason - to help the poor, donate to charity etc. The key word here is Justify. The moment you try to justify something is an indication that there is an underlying guilt tied to that thing! Nobody justifies having sex with the husband/wife - they only do so if they cheat. Same with buying a very expensive piece of jewellery versus buying another which is much cheaper. We try to justify the former and not the later. Why? Because somewhere inside us, we believe it's bad to spend that much money on jewellery. I know this is subjective, but you get my point.

I still want to help the poor, to donate to charity, and help make the world a better place with my own tiny contributions, not to justify becoming rich, but because it will make me happier.

So, why do I want to become financially wealthy? BECAUSE IT'S NOBLE!

Day 13/14

Just when I thought I had overcome one of my greatest challenges, I came face to face with another. What a shame! I feel so depressed at the moment, yet I am so f**kin optimistic about my tomorrow. It's very hard to explain this as these are two extreme opposite feelings. I am not living in denial - just full of confidence this too is another stepping stone to a major breakthrough.

It is becoming easier for me to let go of mistakes I make - sometimes within minutes. Instead of beating myself up, I now ask "What can I learn from this?" and then I move on. It is not easy all the time to do this, but it is much easier than it has ever been for me.

Also, I realise that my generosity is gradually increasing. I've always loved being generous, but I have to admit it has not always been easy. Almost every time I gave away something, there was this voice telling me that I would be poorer. I had to consciously make an effort to overcome that negativity. The frequency of such negative thoughts has decreased considerably.

Shannon, or anyone who can help please, is there a possibility of my subconscious to directly reject input from the conscious? I ask because a few moments ago, I came upon this video while doing some studies on sales basics. For some weird reason, I could not watch the entire video even after three attempts. It's just disturbing in a way I cannot explain. I was listening to E2 simultaneously and I wonder if it's because of that?

Day 27

I have random memories of my childhood. Some of them go far back to more than 20 years ago - things I can't remember ever remembering. Hmm.
I am not sure what triggers them as they just pop up randomly. I even remember scents (smells?)! First comes the remembrance of a scent of a particular object or place, then the memories surrounding that scent come flooding in. I look back at those memories and I am thankful of how far I have come in life.

I dropped my listening hours from 15+ to about 8-10 hours per day. Interestingly, I became more tired and slept more with improved sleep quality.