Subliminal Talk

you guys are doing woman magnet after Alpha next year instead of the new sex magnet?

I was considering it but now I don't think I am. I want to stick to ALPHA + SM for the next few years. I like the effects of both and I want them to strengthen. I would rather be an upfront, honest, direct and get what I want type of guy than a playful, I'm entertaining so you love me, type.

Ryan

After I saw what Shannon is improving on for SM version2.. I don't think i will be running WM either.

Well I've started hitting a stage of resistance I presume. I was out with some old friends and got to visit with one of their long term girlfriends for the first time in years. She also brought a gay friend along but I was having fun with everyone. At first I felt that there could be some social anxiety popup but it wasn't there. I just felt inferior to my friends because they all went to college to get degrees in science and physics and in a way I feel stupid around them. However today I was more relaxed and just felt comfortable with whatever things I did, whatever questions I asked, and whatever answers I gave. All in all it was a good time and I hope everyone was as comfortable as I was.

We later went to a local pub and we just played some darts for awhile. I actually ran into a couple of my buddies sisters who I've known from the past and in some way creeped out LOL but they did not seem that way anymore. In fact, with one of the girls I had sent her a picture which I thought was funny (6 or 7 years ago) but was actually somewhat disturbing to a 14 or 15 year old girl. She brought up that joke or whatever, and actually felt compelled to defend me and say that her brother (my friend) had told her that he told me to send her this picture (which he did) and I was somewhat impressed. I then totally forgot about her because I was messing with her friend whom I remember meeting and she looked like she was on drugs. From then on I felt like I should find out how she's doing in life. For one, her friend (my friends sister) had a boyfriend. She was obviously showing some signs of interest (and I had a huge crush on her several years ago) but I did not capitalize on the situation with straight up direct game. My excuse is 3 of their friends came back over to the table which I was at (all of them were girls) but I didn't think of anything of it. I did not introduce myself. Instead, I continued talking to my friend's sister's friend to find out what she was doing since all my buddies I came with her mingling around doing their own thing. She started getting defensive doing the girl thing and trying to manipulate me because she must have thought I was trying to sleep with her. I would, for the record. But I was just being lame and wasting time really because I just wasn't going to put all the cards on the table for my friend's sister when he's right behind me and all of her friends are around listening. Either way my friend's sister was checking me out when I left the table.. and later on in the night she came by closer to where we were at with some of her friends.. but other dudes were trying to hit on her.

Nothing happened with that. but it's nice to know She's interested.. maybe she's always been interested. She's a weird but adorable girl... who's a red head with huge tits. (I have been suggesting a program like this to Shannon several times over the past year.)

On a side note.. I was just randomly staring at women.. or gazing, whatever. But really with no intentions.. so maybe that's why none of them approached me. Or I am too hot and sexy for them. Obviously I've never been one to go straight up to a girl and talk to her.. I'm not like the mayor or a super pimp with ultra hypnotic moves. I'm just me. I am about 3 weeks into stage 5. I think I should expect girls to start approaching me by now... but hasn't really happened. We'll see.

And I guess if i really want things to happen.. I could sleep with anyone if I told them I want to sleep with them. I was really hitting it off with this one girl.. who is also a red head.. but was a little too chunky for me. I let it go because I didn't have enough beers to be comfortable with her sucking my ... dong. For a lack of a better term. Is that the right way to say it?

Redhead with big boobs? Yeah, she's mine. Back off.

Sos ya wanna sub for manifesting large breasted redheads, ey? We'll have to see about that when the queues not so full. It's do-able.

I just got home not too long ago from vacation. And, I have another story about flying in the airplanes next to women.

I must say the last 10 times I've flown I've sat by women lol.

On to the topic. A pretty and adorable girl came and sat in the seat next to me. She was saying sorry to me a few times for having to get back up a couple of times to get things out of her bag and whatnot which I found... funny but no laughs or manly grunts from me.

She sits next to me and she's very closed off.. and initially I'm like well I don't feel like starting a conversation right now and even if I did I should have done it more casually as soon as she came along. I didn't because lately the last few days I've been very neutral and indifferent. With that said, Right after the first announcement I told my self ok you idiot say something. So we started talking about things that don't matter. I was cracking little jokes here and there and lightly busting on her. Which is what I would usually do to someone new. I will add that I was a little suggestive in some of the things I said. Now If I was feeling really good today I probably would have been more suggestive. But given that she was a more conservative type of girl (I only say this based on her body language) I wasn't.

I will also add she wasn't so interesting because she wasn't saying a whole lot or asking me questions so I would probe her with my eyes to give me longer answers occasionally and build up the connection and the chat was nice. Anyways... the last half of the flight her body language opens up more. I asked her "If today was your last day what would you do?" and I should just have gone into this with something like 20 questions and really spark up the conversation right before we land. But, I didn't. Either way.. I pushed through some anxiety today.. which I need to do more of. I was so close to telling her "I want to makeout with you right now." But as soon as I had that thought.. I held back depriving her of my masculine gift. I should be ashamed of myself. Because I bet she wanted it... in fact I know she wanted it.. but she's just a quiet shy girl. The belief of "all women want me right here right now" should be engraved into my freaking brain!

..I'm questioning things right now but I'm also indifferent. I need to always stay motivated for change and new things.. and get rid of the negative talk. I'm looking forward to starting stage 6 soon and then afterwards I will run disconnect from negativity for sure. Get that crap out of my head.

Things have gotten depressing latley as I refer to my past posts in my journal.

I feel lost. When it come to woman and my life.

However, somewhere deep inside I feel peace. It's probably because of feeling unattached to most everything at this point. I'm still very much protecting my ego but last night after a period of self limiting thinking I watched half of Burt Harding's newest video and it really fucking opened my mind. It feels like his philosophy is to not worry about taking action but trust that you will do what is right if you just let go and relax into everything. Feel what you want to feel in this moment. For me every moment it would be peace because then It would lead to happiness. I feel like I always should be doing something. It's like I wasn't ok with not doing something before. I've been on Sex Magnet for 5 months now and I feel like I should have made change at this point. In my physical reality. I havn't but there has been mental change. What I have learned that I need to change is how I receive things. As I type this it seems so weird.. but I need to allow everything. I'm probably being redundant now because I've told myself this and posted this kind of stuff before. I guess I keep thinking that it's not enough to trust myself and open to everything else. It's like I still want to make things complicated for myself.

After Sex magnet... I figure I'll run disconnect from negativity and either socializing is just a fun game or end self sabatoge.

(01-07-2012, 07:09 AM)Spiral Wrote: [ -> ]Things have gotten depressing latley as I refer to my past posts in my journal.

I feel lost. When it come to woman and my life.

However, somewhere deep inside I feel peace. It's probably because of feeling unattached to most everything at this point. I'm still very much protecting my ego but last night after a period of self limiting thinking I watched half of Burt Harding's newest video and it really ***** opened my mind. It feels like his philosophy is to not worry about taking action but trust that you will do what is right if you just let go and relax into everything. Feel what you want to feel in this moment. For me every moment it would be peace because then It would lead to happiness. I feel like I always should be doing something. It's like I wasn't ok with not doing something before. I've been on Sex Magnet for 5 months now and I feel like I should have made change at this point. In my physical reality. I havn't but there has been mental change. What I have learned that I need to change is how I receive things. As I type this it seems so weird.. but I need to allow everything. I'm probably being redundant now because I've told myself this and posted this kind of stuff before. I guess I keep thinking that it's not enough to trust myself and open to everything else. It's like I still want to make things complicated for myself.

After Sex magnet... I figure I'll run disconnect from negativity and either socializing is just a fun game or end self sabatoge.

Spiral, "inner change" IS "outer change". Think about it. Do you build a skyscraper (outer change) and then draw up the plans (change in thinking)? Do you write a book (outer change), and then come up with the plot (change in thinking)? Do you get home from grocery shopping (outer change) and then decide to go (change in thinking)? No. Change always takes place internally, and then your outer reality changes to match it.

I know that not everyone will see outer change follow inner change at the same speed, also, because everyone works at a different "speed" so to speak. The only other possibility is that you're resisting the program, which would be based on fear of what it's attempting to do at some level.

Fear is a big part of it. But I have trouble pushing through fear and always have. But that's where opening up to things destroys fear. That's what I need to practice.

SM does handle disconnection from and destruction of fear. Of course then there's those guys and gals who are actually afraid of letting go of their fear, because their fear is at least "the devil they know".

You'll get through it.

You are right I so will. Today started out slow but things calmed down and it was easier to relax my body. This resistance is probably some of the worst I've been through but it was different in a way that is hard to describe. All I can say it wasn't as bad emotionally.. but that probably contradicts my original statement. Either way I actually look forward to work tomorrow to get started on finishing an episode I've been working very diligently on.

Does get better into stage 6.

Spiral, if you don't mind my asking, what is it exactly that you are wanting? From the set and from life right now?
In terms of woman, the biggest way to get over fear of anything with them is staying focused on that part of you that is driven to get sexual with them, even if that means risking being creepy, even if you 'fail' I think one 'humiliating' experience for you would set you free for life...
The only way you get better at bringing woman into your life, SM or no SM, is by putting yourself in places that you enjoy, or at least can tolerate, and the woman you enjoy are there as well...then you just got to GO FOR IT...over and over again. Woman can and will come into your life more naturally but in my experience the more comfortable you are going for woman the more comfortable they are going for you. I would recommend night life for you because you can go full out and have a clean slate in the morning...as long as you don't get anyone pregnant

I recommend you get the ebook 4 elements of game by Rob Judge-I am NOT a fan of community products anymore but this book is amazing especially for someone who is already has what it takes and just needs some direction. Its the pure reality on meeting woman and dating them.

I think you'r like a bamboo shoot that spends years 'looking' like it is not growing from the outside and then boom, in a week, it grown like 10 feet.
For me, at the end of the day life is about two things..Loving what Is more and more, and getting in touch with desire/intention about what I really want in life and focus on what it takes to get there. The two are a feedback loop that creates a positive Spiral...pun cheezily intended

I feel better today.

But to answer your question.. I don't know what I want out of life anymore. Things seem uncertain right now regarding music and my current career. I've contemplated going back to school for something completely different but I don't want to do that. But ultimately from life right now and with women I want to be able to relax and enjoy women's company because I know everything else in life is great (but it doesnt seem that way). I want to have sex with lots of gorgeous women and then get a steady girl friend that is attractive but independent and can handle me traveling a lot. She will be there right by my side when I perform on stage with my real drum set with a real band that is comprised of my friends that I find to be good fits for me as a collaborative, creative group. Oh.. and better job security and some more money. I want to be able to go to the gym again and get ripped.

Some of these things are hard to visualize because of the recent troubles of my elbow. I also want to edit films but getting into the industry is challengeing and that's discouraging me alittle bit because I'd probably have to leave my job and try to get small freelance jobs every other month or so in order to get into the film industry. I remain grateful for all the things I have but I just don't seem comfortable being a home body. It's like nothing interests me anymore.

If I could though.. I would quit my job right now.. drive out to Colorado, buy a motorcycle.. ride the mountains and hike them and take pictures and shit. I would do that for the rest of my life.