Today I have the event with people around my residence.
This time I experienced many setbacks in various aspects of self-improvement so in that place I feel like my old self, reserved, shy, shaky and etc..
In the middle of the event there was one person who made jokes about my business. I'm sure his intention was only joking, and I also do not feel offended. Considering I'm very sensitive, I think it is one of improvement.
My response is only silent because I think the joke is not funny and considering the old me was very quiet and anti-social.
Am I doing right? Because I saw after that he became somewhat silent.
I always worry if I was hurting the feelings of others.
Edit: I like the expression of people who will laugh, but did not because I was not comfortable to pretend to laugh.
I was wondering about it for a long time. I would say you should not laugh most of the time.
If you laugh it means you are agreeing that someone make a fool out of you.
By not laughing the guy saying the joke will most of the time feel that he did something out of line and even the people around laughing will realize that unconsciously or consciously . Even if it was meant only as a joke it can degrade your status, influencing how people see you. The best would be to react as nothing was said like you didn't heard what he said. But at the same time you have no shame about it, really like nothing happened.
Worst would be to shake, feel threatened.
Less bad would be to laugh with them but I think it can degrade your status. As people will see that's it's okay to make a fool out of you so they might do it more often after that.
Maybe there are another possibility too, I don't know yet.
Maybe someone can laugh but at the same time using a facial expression that express that what was said was out of line. Or maybe saying so afterward that you didn't like what he did.
(11-10-2015, 01:54 AM)AwesomeGuy Wrote: [ -> ]Am I doing right? Because I saw after that he became somewhat silent.
Seems like he was regretting what he said. I have to say I was in the opposite scenario, sometimes I joke about my friend who is very alpha. And when I say something out of line he act as nothing was said, like he didn't hear it. After that I realize that my comment is out of line. So out of this I realize how stupid my joke was and at the same time he didn't feel any threat at all.
Also the fact that he is silent afterward means his jokes didn't have the effect he wanted. Maybe he was threatened by your presence so he tried to make a joke. Maybe his purpose was to break the ice but he did it awkwardly. So after that you could warm him up socially so that he doesn't feel bad, at the same time making a friend and keeping your status.
are you the guy who used am5 3 times?
no you shouldnt laugh if you dont feel comfortable with it, i actually like to make poeple feel awkward if i ignore their jokes or what they said if i dont like it
you are running am6 right now right? didnt you have the problems with am5?
(11-10-2015, 05:12 AM)Alpha360 Wrote: [ -> ]I was wondering about it for a long time. I would say you should not laugh most of the time.
If you laugh it means you are agreeing that someone make a fool out of you.
By not laughing the guy saying the joke will most of the time feel that he did something out of line and even the people around laughing will realize that unconsciously or consciously . Even if it was meant only as a joke it can degrade your status, influencing how people see you. The best would be to react as nothing was said like you didn't heard what he said. But at the same time you have no shame about it, really like nothing happened.
Worst would be to shake, feel threatened.
Less bad would be to laugh with them but I think it can degrade your status. As people will see that's it's okay to make a fool out of you so they might do it more often after that.
Maybe there are another possibility too, I don't know yet.
Maybe someone can laugh but at the same time using a facial expression that express that what was said was out of line. Or maybe saying so afterward that you didn't like what he did.
(11-10-2015, 01:54 AM)AwesomeGuy Wrote: [ -> ]Am I doing right? Because I saw after that he became somewhat silent.
Seems like he was regretting what he said. I have to say I was in the opposite scenario, sometimes I joke about my friend who is very alpha. And when I say something out of line he act as nothing was said, like he didn't hear it. After that I realize that my comment is out of line. So out of this I realize how stupid my joke was and at the same time he didn't feel any threat at all.
Also the fact that he is silent afterward means his jokes didn't have the effect he wanted. Maybe he was threatened by your presence so he tried to make a joke. Maybe his purpose was to break the ice but he did it awkwardly. So after that you could warm him up socially so that he doesn't feel bad, at the same time making a friend and keeping your status.
All that really makes sense. There are several scenarios that could happen but I'm very sure it is the response from my subconscious mind which detects the person is violated my personal boundaries.
My instincts are usually right, plus it somehow since I use AM6 I'm much easier to detect BS. Even though there is no evidence.
Yesterday I read a book on the issue and it really makes sense.
I had felt dejavu when reading this thread.
(11-10-2015, 05:17 PM)Dzemoo Wrote: [ -> ]are you the guy who used am5 3 times?
no you shouldnt laugh if you dont feel comfortable with it, i actually like to make poeple feel awkward if i ignore their jokes or what they said if i dont like it
you are running am6 right now right? didnt you have the problems with am5?
No, I had not even finished AM6 and now I'm at stage 4. I recently changed my username, you've posted in my journal a few times. My journal name "Sunshine After The Rain"
(11-10-2015, 10:14 PM)yeah! Wrote: [ -> ]Not laughing creates tension which is a showdown for who is higher status (in whatever way) then it starts again with who breaks tension. I think we pick up a lot when we are kids, all sorts of stuff. Some people are taught to keep tension to a minimum at all times, others are taught to use it for their benefit.
Sometimes if someone laughs at me I agree and amplify, it depends on the situation.
That is true, that is what was taught to us since childhood.
Thanks for all the answer guys.
Do what's natural for you amigo.
Personally if someone jokes about my business, I laugh with them because I don't give a fuck what they think. It's a genuine laugh. If it's not funny, I'll just not laugh or even tell them "that's not funny."
Think about this scenario:
A guy approaches a girl and gets rejected. Two guys nearby laugh at him.
What should his reaction be?
A. Get mad and try to fight them
B. Ignore them or try to ignore them
C. Laugh with them
Of these 3 scenarios, which guy would you think is the most successful with women? A, B, or C?
Laughing is good. Life filled with laughter is a good life indeed.
(11-12-2015, 02:47 PM)Geodude Wrote: [ -> ]Do what's natural for you amigo.
Personally if someone jokes about my business, I laugh with them because I don't give a **** what they think. It's a genuine laugh. If it's not funny, I'll just not laugh or even tell them "that's not funny."
Think about this scenario:
A guy approaches a girl and gets rejected. Two guys nearby laugh at him.
What should his reaction be?
A. Get mad and try to fight them
B. Ignore them or try to ignore them
C. Laugh with them
Of these 3 scenarios, which guy would you think is the most successful with women? A, B, or C?
In that case I chose option C.
It made me realize there are a lot of cases related to the response that does not have to take it seriously. And the most important point is to keep my alpha male composure and demonstrate that others say is not a big deal.
Want to laugh or not not so important. More importantly should not force myself and I should not take it seriously.
(11-12-2015, 03:00 PM)Soaring Wrote: [ -> ]Laughing is good. Life filled with laughter is a good life indeed.
Sure.
The question isn't should you laugh or not. The question is if you should force your laugh or not. And that you must absolutely not.
(11-13-2015, 07:34 PM)diamiteo Wrote: [ -> ]The question isn't should you laugh or not. The question is if you should force your laugh or not. And that you must absolutely not.
that's right :p.
I just want to tell that in fact likely that person is a fake person. The person is very different compared to the first time I met the person.
When first I met the person, the person asked me about the ongoing business I run. I'm quite surprised because the response is very positive. But strangely when I met the person at an event -which I tell above-, that person even make jokes about my business.
Not surprisingly, my response was not too friendly. There is most likely the person is trying to reduce my self-esteem. Even if I pay more attention to the details, the people at the event laughed -like people there know about the joke. Even people at the event only went along with their laughter should have asked me about my business-because they do not understand about the joke. In other words, there is a possibility that people already know about my business - the people who make jokes behind my back. But, now I do not care about it all.
Laugh loudly sarcastically, and then make a better joke about them.