or "LionKing breaks free" :P
I felt that I needed a boost in confidence, motivation, drive and such, so I thought of ASC. But I like the OF script a lot more, and I like the idea of putting less "effort" into being confident, i.e. being confident as a natural consequence of having no fear fear/inhibition. Just a few journals, but each one is positive. So I'm testing it out.
I'm not really into journaling atm, but I thought it'll be interesting to see how strong of an effect OF produces after AM6->SM3->AM6. How long I run this for will depend on how powerfully it affects me (hoping for big impact per time invested, vs. the multi stages).
Towards the end of AM6 r.2 I just started ignoring pretty much everyone. But I know I do care what they think, because I found it hard to get out of that ignoring mode. Also, I was having negative thoughts about people and I think that's because I expected them to have negative (or not positive enough) thoughts about me, so I just beat them to it. That could be fear-based, in part at least. Also stress-based, because I've had a lot of that lately. Pushing for things to happen in my work life.
I might want to try 4-8 hours of another 4G with OF at some point, but I'll run it solo for now to see how I respond to it. For efficiency too. Anyway, options:
-US or Positive thinking & positive attitude: good "foundationals"
-BIABW(S): OF with attraction covers a lot of ground, so I think I'd have less of a hurry to move on towards SM/WM and I could run these for longer
-Overcome Procrastination or UM: for productivity
As a goal, let's say I'm aiming for "no separation between me & others". Or "no wall between me & what I want to do", or "no hiding, no worry". Something like that. More specifically also:
-fear of failure, perfectionism
-fear of having too low energy (and not using up my energy on stress)
-calmly being, and holding, the center of attention in bigger groups / presentations
-being able to "approach" women through eye contact, without staring (i.e. non-forcefully) at random places. A halv approach. For some reason I feel this is often harder than a full approach.
-getting to approaching again; casually and not worrying about it
-going for new experiences more aggressively
-----------------------------------------------------------
Day 5
Last night was the first night I had multiple, clearly OF-induced dreams. I woke up from a dream where my mother had been trying to guilt trip me hard on something. Then I got up to get some water and realized I had to watch for every corner and shadow when I went into a new room.. I knew this was OF's doing and I knew there's no one in my house, but I was SURE my mind's playing a trick on me - that I'm still asleep and any second now I'm gonna see someone jumping at me with a knife and I'll have the scare of my life! Its a weird feeling to be afraid of the dark again, lol. I laid down, just felt it for some time. Then got bored of it and went through the Sedona questions a few times, let it go and relaxed and smiled again. Had some other dreams afterwards, too.
I'm starting on some old hobbies again right now and I was feeling very comfortable & light at 1st practice at a new venue. Nothing really out the ordinary yet, I've been feeling pretty good. Getting a lot attention because I'm making much more eye contact on the street. That probably placebo, but I'll take it happily :)
AM6>SM3>AM6>OF!?!?
Holy hell, you're in for a ride.
OF? That´s part of the classical Hero´s Journey...fits well with your username
Have a great one, LK.
Siiimmbbbaaaa!!
I look forward to reading this!
Good to see you posting again man. I purchased this sub with the intention of running it after sm. Guess I get a head start from your point of view.
Nice goals, man!
I look forward to your journal.
Thanks guys, nice to feel welcome! :)
----- Day 6
I dreamt of standing on high ground and looking at the sun setting down behind a metropolis. There were these pillars forming up from the ground, made of some black scifi mini robotic transforming things or whatever.. the pillars were rising upwards, destroying the city as they grew, then forming these horizontal discs as they got higher, only to shoot up from the discs again. After a while they started to slowly wither away, glowing hot like coals as they did. Thought it was really beautiful and took a picture of it, lol. Also dreamt of things falling apart with the girl I'm seeing.
I was at a new gym today and there was a young hottie who clearly found me interesting. I ignored her at first as I was talking to this guy and, surprisingly, she got up from where she had been working out and walked to stretch her chest right in front of me. I thought she must be wearing heels by the way she walked, but she wasn't. Skillful. Continued to ignore her, then walked around some more, walked close to her, she was staring at me again and I talked to her. She was kinda warm and I was very relaxed, but it got a little stifled after a while, so I left. Some laughs, but she got a little distant in the end. Also, it seemed like she got in her head, because it took her several seconds to reply to some comments (to which I wasn't even expecting an answer). Didn't have any intentions anyway, so cool.
The only reason I'm writing about this^^, is that its just kinda hilarious.. I mean, she'd probably never in a million years admit she'd shown me any sort of interest at all, when in reality that's about as strong of an approach any young (hot) woman will do (for us mere mortals not getting approached everywhere we go). So... you know, why not put a little effort into it, yeah? Even if just to make it a little fun for while. Like, make a tiny joke back? Start a smile and not just respond to one? Tell me that you're dripping sweat and smell like my momma? Blah, always so serious. Yes, I could do better, but really, the guy has to be on his 5th run of SM and doing NG daily for her to even try a bit to see what's what? That's roughly -1% of the general population. Kinda rare. \rant
----- Day 7
Watched a little NG after that previous post (NG reel 2.0)... I'm so in love with Palmy its ridiculous :D Haven't watched any in ages.
No dreams that I recall. I held an hour-long presentation for about 20 people. I was way the hell nervous and I went through it kinda fast, but my voice got good as I went along and I made decent eye contact when I could. Went to a new exercise-thingy again and talked with a girl and a guy there casually.
Overall feeling pretty good & happy, but also tired. Nothing I'd describe as hard resistance.
Walking back home from the gym, I realized it probably doesn't matter at all how I actually look, because if I feel good & open, then I "look good" anyway. With decent clothing at least. This was first when I was sweating like a pig at the gym right after other hard training, and then as I was walking home right after showering with my hair just dried down (it looks like shit that way). Its all about owning it and projecting good energy, not trying to hide for fear of disapproval. I thought I must look like Jude Law, for whatever reason :D
----- Day 8
Feeling a bit antisocial today. And discouraged, because I put a LOT of effort (a week) into making this mother of all job applications and it was supposed to be a done deal to get an interview, but I haven't heard back from them. It just boggles my mind how getting a better job at what I do can be this difficult. It seems I really have to get a marketing degree or something, because the requirements and abundance of applicants are so ridiculous. Its just that I freaking knew I would've been good at this job. Yeah well, back to plan B.
I did install Tinder again today, and opened up one online dating account I last checked sometime on SM3. Currently I think both sex and traditional relationships are overrated, but I do miss something.. could be validation, maybe just some fun. More towards that NG feeling - open, warm & sexy, not bar, competition, gamy. I have a good thing going on already, but I have room (time & energy) for another one. Though, honestly, what I expect to find is a lot of clinginess and insecurity, doubts about men and so on and so forth, ha :D I have another old hobby I'm restarting on the weekend and I expect to find more women there than at the exercising things.
I was thinking that the types of women I really, really like have little or next to no fear when they communicate. You can see it in some of their photos, even. They're just very present and they take your attention completely. That's kind of what I want from OF - though of course a masculine version of it. So far it seems like the early effects are leveling off, but its still very early.
----- Day 9
Feeling OF and liking it a lot! I was feeling very happy and uninhibited today as I walked around the city. Buying some clothes, I was again joking loudly with the cashier and I got a big smile and a "thank you SO much!" as I was leaving, whereas for everyone else it was just the same normal toned-down politeness. Went to a salsa class, and it took about 1 second to notice one girl was into me after I walked into the room. She then kept smiling and partnering up with me during the whole class. Just overall a really good 6-hour section of today :)
Last night I swiped a little Tinder, and I noticed I was getting triggered quite a bit by various things in the profiles, so I used it inspiration for tapping. Spent some 30-60 minutes of slowly swiping and tapping away.
Also, I think the guys alternating between the stream and ultrasonic tracks might be onto something, so I'm trying it out too. Maybe alternating between the 2 subconscious levels could in a way give each level a break, and time to "integrate", as they're alternating.
----- Day 10
Feeling like I'm bipolar. I was feeling extremely free and laughing by myself, sending extremely disturbing messages to people, and just enjoying things a lot... and then I'll get tired and feel really down on myself to rest of the day, even somewhat irritated at things... and then it'll more or less even out for the evening.
----- Day 11
Dreamt that I went to watch a play and somehow ended up going on stage to perform for everyone. I was very relaxed and loose when I did.
Feels like I'm on this seesaw, where sometimes I'm feeling great, I want everyone to see and it feels like I'm beaming, and sometimes like I'm sort of shy or embarrassed and I just want to sneak home and not bother anyone, not get noticed. Its not really that extreme - I can function and all that - but its just a bit weird 'case I'm not sure where I'm at at any given moment.
Overall the gratitude thing is just pretty damn awesome when it kicks in :)
----- Day 12
Feeling shy and avoidant today.
----- Day 13
Wasn't feeling too phenomenal, but I did present in a somewhat-important meeting at work for around 20 people. I was a little anxious, but overall it went well, and I was definitely more free than I was the last time, a few months back.
The Tinder and online dating account things didn't really take off.. I think I have one match on Tinder and one message from someone on the online thing, but I haven't gotten around to checking & replying to those in 2 days. Its an aversion, but also I legitimately am very busy now. Messaging some unknown woman isn't high on my list at the very end of the day when I'm tired from work and training.
Hey LK!
I'm looking at this sub to do next after Stop Jacking 4G. I figure it's time to get rid of the habit since I kicked the porn habit months ago as well. It should do wonders for the PIED issue, anxiety and fear, attraction. Apparently somehow it increases your attraction to not do it, amazing.
After that, I planned to do OF for several months to root out the garbage that caused my SM3 run to fail. I'd really like an update on how you're doing, man!
(10-24-2015, 01:54 AM)CatMan Wrote: [ -> ]Hey LK!
I'm looking at this sub to do next after Stop Jacking 4G. I figure it's time to get rid of the habit since I kicked the porn habit months ago as well. It should do wonders for the PIED issue, anxiety and fear, attraction. Apparently somehow it increases your attraction to not do it, amazing.
After that, I planned to do OF for several months to root out the garbage that caused my SM3 run to fail. I'd really like an update on how you're doing, man!
Starting this after SM from all the positive reviews it's a must , do it.
Hey folks, sorry Catman didn't see you there!
I actually quit OF at maybe day 14 or 15. Just had this feeling that the less fear I have, the more WM-like I'll be acting... so I thought, why not just do WM2 instead? Started that and told myself to get off the forum and focus on something else. I'm on Stage 3, Day 4 right now.
Some highlights of the last few months:
-started taking cold showers at Am6 r2 s5 and right now I'm doing the Wim Hof Method. I've noticed I'm very attracted towards all kinds of self-improvement, gym and stuff. Then again, that's often ALL I do, i.e. little socializing and such.
-At work, I've participated in a few workshops and such, and I've been very vocal and participating actively, much more than in the past. I have always clearly been, and still am, an introvert, but I've now been told by two trainers that they see me more as an extrovert. But then I'll revert at times, so its still shaky.
-I've gone out two times just by myself recently, which I found very difficult before. I was amazed at how comfortable I was both times! Not "I can do anything" comfortable, but "wow this is so nice, I really like sitting here and taking my space, looking at people" comfortable. The 1st time these 2 chicks (sisters) were looking at me so hard I had to go over (and was very warmly received), and on the 2nd time a girl approached me directly (but I lost her a bit later). Otherwise uneventful. So nothing spectacular, but still very different from the nervous hiding and running around I did before. Still seeing the girl I always have, weekly.
-Pretty easy to start convos on Tinder (more matches too?), though they (almost) never lead anywhere; usually the girls don't make the effort to keep the conversation going and I'll think I have better ways to spend my time & I'm busy with hobbies every night, so going on dates would be hard anyway.
-easy to converse with women on the rare occasions that I do. It gets dark outside at maybe after 5 pm, so this time of the year everyone just stays home or goes to the gym. You don't really stop women on dark, cold alleys :D More & more often if I run into a nice woman/girl on surprise (hallways, elevators, etc) well share nice, warm smiles and then just continue with our lives. I am definitely not "on the hunt", and I feel very little motivation to be, though I should. I guess I feel somewhat resigned towards the whole thing; "fine, be difficult (women)".
-The gym is going great. Fasting seems easier than before, somehow. I think I can see the handiwork of OF in my martial arts training (one of my ribs might be broken because of it right now, lol).
-The job marked for what I do, and where I do it, is horrible. I am working atm, but I want to upgrade and it seems I'll have to do some serious changes to make it happen. So many unknowns, so little time, and no one to ask or look up to. I guess that's why I'm so drawn to exercise & self-development; its something I can control. With the job market, and women to a lesser degree, I feel like I'm always confused & out of choices. Unhappy with my current direction, willing to work for a change, but unable to find a new direction (outlet) that'd excite me. The result is a lot of blocked energy and negativity. This same pattern also applies within the work I do atm, so it repeats on many levels and contexts. Feeling drained and beating myself up for not getting excited about something new. Well, I am very excited about the cold training I've started (WHM), but I can't find anything like that to make a career of. Every job application I see asks for extreme passion and dedication, yet fails to offer anything worth such passion. Can't work for myself, because what the hell would I do? My only idea is to start learning web development and move, just to expose myself to something new. Anyway, \rant. Its gonna be ok, and I can see I'm slowly moving from apathy to pissed off, which is good. Its also very pretty outside right now :)
-Listening times are around 14-18 hours per day. Stream with sleep phones at night, ultrasonic with ear plugs or headphones during the day.
Nice , what kind of martial arts ,do you have a teacher ? I want to learn Tai Chi , and akido I'm thinking about teaching myself with MLS after AM. Try meditation to clear your mind.
(11-24-2015, 04:58 PM)Womanizer Wrote: [ -> ]Try meditation to clear your mind.
Yeah meditation is good. I'm currently doing a program called "headspace". It's guided meditations starting from 10 minutes a day for 10 days, going to 20 minutes a day for 20 days, and more. It seems to help give me a lot of space in my mind.