Subliminal Talk

I'm 29 days into BASE. I had thought I would leave journalling my experiences as I wondered whether over self analysis was hindering progress. There have been some pretty interesting insights though which have rocked me - it's possible it might be of some use; but at least this will help to organise my thoughts and maybe some of you might have thoughts on this as well.

BASE, in many ways, runs completely counter to mycurrent programming and self image. So it's making me deal with some really deep level issues.

I've been carrying a lot of bitterness and resentment which comes out in unpleasant ways. But for a long time i thought it was everyone else - people being condescending, belittling, bullying. this bitterness against people started to dissappear, or at least lessen in intensity to where I realise now that actually it's me, i'm incredibly condescending and judging - even hateful!

it used to be subtle but now its coming up a lot, and i find myself being rude to people and dissassociating myself from people. This is good progress in that it's good that it's working it's way out but at the same time it's pretty horrible to see this side of me when i thought i was such a nice guy - it turns out that this nice guy image is a bit of a front.

I think more and more, moving toward surrender and letting go is important for any evolution; whilst maintaining commitment to goals. I was quite concerned about releasing before, but now i think it's essential in order to allow the more natural programming through.

So on BASE specific feedback.

Reistance
Obviously EPRHA is a big deal for me in this. Also having strong resistance to motivation and ultra success. I have spent the last few weeks lying in bed as much as possible; but then finding myself extremely motivated at the prospect of using my day for advancement.

Laser like focus is very hard for me. I am focussing more and more but there is an aversion to using my brain, or doing hard thinking which seems to pull me off track. either that or i'm just lazy/a little under developed in teh pre-frontal cortex area.

There are so many things i can see that need improvement that i don't even think it's possible to get to where I want to go. it would take a long time, unless maybe i can hire a coach to help guide/mentor me. Otherwise if i think about it the prospect is overwhelming.

Results
I am socialising much easier, and without alcohol (i don't know if this is part of the first stage, who cares it's happening). I have little problem being in a crowd and just talking to people.

I'm facing fears more, not getting overwhelmed by them. for instance going into meetings, contacting new leads for my business etc.

I'm devoting more time to educating myself. I've been reading books like rich dad poor dad etc. and am more committed to the idea that any spare time/recreational time i have should be spent reading or developing, since this is fun and rewarding, Or socialising (rather than chilling out by just sitting at home).

I'm more aware of the need to pace myself. it's a long haul and i'm very far from my idea - idealisim about how i 'should' be is likely to kill me. It's better to just be patient and take the little wins every day, allowing them to (hopefully) compound over time, rather than going all out and burning out as i've always done before.

Seem to be better at negotiating at the moment and holding my own. for instance i answer emails better, am more challenging, and respond to challenges quite strongly. for example i've been working on property development for a relative and getting questions from angry employees, architects etc. previously i would just get nervous and agree with them but now i stand up and deconstruct what they're saying, with responses that essentially make them go away and get on with their jobs rather than walking all over me.

Those are the positives. Resistance is always there, but time, patience and persistance are the three words i'm going by now.

That's a lot of good insight! Keep at it man, wish you all the best on your journey

Somewhere around a week to go of Stage 2.

Notable depression which forced me to really face up to hard realities and begin to be very pragmatic, understadning my limitations

Reorientation of life coontinues, echoeing what has been said on this forum about removing the need for anything. Coming to understand that needing things creates blocks to obtaining those. Releasing is really useful for removing the un necessary clutter around desires. For example, i've been alone for a while. did some releasing, and within a week a girl was asking to come visit and stay with me. eventually she came, from abroad, literally just for one thing. every desire and want seems to be cluttered up with so much other unecessary stuff. I want a girldfirend becomes i want someone to validate me, i want to prove i'm not lame, hope theres nothing wrong with me because i don't have one, having one will prove i'm ok. removing all of that frees up a lot of energy and creates clarity on what you want. then when it happens its great but it's not meeting a wierd ego need for validation so that validation buzz isn't there. I think this can then create another block because the ego was looking forward to that but then you have to remember to let it go again so that you can have more of what's real and good for your life.

Business wise not much is happening. have redeveloped a property, but couldnt do much on it last few months. making contacts to take that business forward. have a tech business which lost steam but is picking up again - i will take it to an incubator to see if i can get some funding/mentorship. Meanwhile I also know very clearly that i want to do something physical, even if it's on the side, as a part of my vocation. so looking to train on the side to become a teacher of one of the physical disciplines i'm in to.

That's about it.