S5 day 18 (missed a day but caught up already):
[Post in violation of rule 4]. Didn't really want to get too deep into this for now since the combustion didn't seem like such a good news, but rather exposing some of the weaknesses that I seem to have.
I have been thinking about this for a few days now and read somewhere that to find the strong inner base as a man, I would have to be completely individualized. That makes sense, I can't stop trying to fit myself in other people's shoes and thinking what would someone else do in my situation. Seeing when someone writes a self help book, I have to become that exact person. Or seeing someone successful I would have to do exactly what they do and have the same beliefs. Kind of like needing a mould to pour myself into. Over the years that has brought more and more anxiety, it's literally like swimming against the stream, or fighting the life's flow. In short: resistance to life. Feels like in one of the films where someone is slowly stabbing someone and while looking into their eyes, saying: " easy, easy, let it go". And that can only build anger in me, why would I let go and let someone (life) stab me slowly.
I think that the only way for me to overcome that fight against life and myself is to completely let go of control and practice acceptance. I sometimes hate myself so much for not being that strong perfect person that I am aiming for. But I don't see people that make strong progress do that, so maybe I would need to try the former.
In general I don't know progress wise what's going on and don't really want to think whether the program is working or not. I'll leave that to when I'm done with the program.
d27: Been feeling some incredible wisdom inside me for the past week, it's something I have noticed a few times in my past but my insecurity and negativity has drowned it completely. I am currently reading "The seduction bible" and I feel that some things are completely in tune with me, especially the part where he mentions the men who have had the guts to make a true difference in the evolution of the thinking of mankind. The exploration of the "unexplainable" or socially unacceptable. I consider LOA as one of those things that man has yet to fully understand, and many other subjects that most scientists (or most people) discard for the fear of being taken for a fool.
I like this part, there is still a big list of things that need to be sorted out, but I feel like light is being shone on some areas. I am currently doing meditation and BWE to aid with my daily mental state and it's working great.
I still have no clue how to exactly tackle my emotions, nor can I find the guts to face my fears, but I see changes in my thinking every now and then.
I have decided to drink alcohol when I'm in a good mood. Not when I'm in an emotionally destructive state to just drown those feelings. Having a drink right now actually.
EDIT: I have been on edge for a long time and I have tried to work with it recently. It's like there's this excess energy in my body, feels like I am constantly in battle with myself, resistance. And that isn't just something from a subliminal usage, I've had this since I can remember. I think that's what has kept me from being calm in the past and enjoying a single moment.
I have started to pinpoint this and instead of fighting myself, I'm going more with the "surrender" attitude. Meditation really helps with this. Instead of beating myself up constantly (which is the habit) I let it go when I can, although now that I am focusing on it, it has become magnified.
Also my dreams are back and they are weirder than ever. Some are definitely manifested from the SM lead in and some are working on my past and fears. More specifically my fear of confrontation which has been the main focus in my dreams and day dreams.
EDIT: Almost forgot I had the funniest experience. My sister has been telling me how my subliminal use doesn't work at all and she doesn't see any changes. Yesterday when I said no to her wanting me to do something she kind of flipped. She basically said "You don't do what I tell you to do, you are not the same" or something similar. And that is now when I've been saying no to most of the stuff that I've been asked to do. Sadly I kind of tried to brush it off in defensiveness saying that I've been doing what people tell me to do all my life and won't be doing it any more. To which I got "You can still do stuff for me!", ended just ignoring that. There's still a lot of deep stuff to sort out since this is obviously not something that I should be defensive about.
Stage 5 day 32: 502 hours at roughly 15/16h a day with 1 day missed.
Here's my Google doc sheet. The 4th stage is roughly the same as 3rd, just didn't mark the hours on there.
Not much to recap on this stage, similar to previous stages, feels like more of a setback if anything. Like I've gone back to before I started the sub and that's depressive. Makes me doubt if it has done anything. Regardless I'll be finishing the 6th stage with more hours and will compare myself to the promised results of AM6.
(02-03-2015, 06:17 AM)Natious Wrote: [ -> ]Stage 5 day 32: 502 hours at roughly 15/16h a day with 1 day missed. Here's my Google doc sheet. The 4th stage is roughly the same as 3rd, just didn't mark the hours on there.
Not much to recap on this stage, similar to previous stages, feels like more of a setback if anything. Like I've gone back to before I started the sub and that's depressive. Makes me doubt if it has done anything. Regardless I'll be finishing the 6th stage with more hours and will compare myself to the promised results of AM6.
You're doing great Natious! You do get relapses as you progress through AM but the duration should get less and less and not so severe. AM feels to me like it's still working on me even though I've finished it. Are you going for a second run through or are you going to try one of the magnets?
I don't feel like I'm even close growth wise to start doing the attraction subs, for some reason dating isn't that compelling to me right now. I think it's just because there's so much stuff that's on my way and I feel so defensive at all times, like I can't trust anyone and that brings up a lot of hate which is very painful. So I'm thinking of doing EPRHA before I'll contemplate what I'll aim for. After all, I decided that this year should be the year when I will completely heal myself.
Since I was a kid I have been an extremely sensitive/compassionate person and life can't help but point out how much of a weakness that is. Often it feels that maybe life isn't for me because it seems so overwhelming.
Got a little off topic, but I guess those are the determining factors in what I'll be choosing. I wish there was something more specific like the paid version of EPRHA that Shannon mentioned somewhere instead of LTU which is a bit too heavy to work as just a healing sub.
EDIT: Also your journal was quite awesome, have fun on WM.
(02-03-2015, 02:17 PM)Natious Wrote: [ -> ]I don't feel like I'm even close growth wise to start doing the attraction subs, for some reason dating isn't that compelling to me right now. I think it's just because there's so much stuff that's on my way and I feel so defensive at all times, like I can't trust anyone and that brings up a lot of hate which is very painful. So I'm thinking of doing EPRHA before I'll contemplate what I'll aim for. After all, I decided that this year should be the year when I will completely heal myself.
Since I was a kid I have been an extremely sensitive/compassionate person and life can't help but point out how much of a weakness that is. Often it feels that maybe life isn't for me because it seems so overwhelming.
Got a little off topic, but I guess those are the determining factors in what I'll be choosing. I wish there was something more specific like the paid version of EPRHA that Shannon mentioned somewhere instead of LTU which is a bit too heavy to work as just a healing sub.
I feel the same way. :x
About a week left of the last stage. Everything seems to have settled down. To be honest I might have used this program at the wrong time of my life and instead should have focused on more of a subliminal for "positive change" rather than fix the deep stuff. Fonzy had an awesome journal about ASC and I agree with a lot of his opinions.
I am not sure how much change I have gone through past this journey, it's hard to see anything through a half empty glass. A little suggestion to Shannon: make the introduction page to AM a bit more informative on where you should be in life to use this sub successfully and to avoid spending 6/7 months in a bad place if you are not ready for it or have none of the AM traits. Whether I will ask for a refund or not I'll decide after a short break and reflection after the 6th stage has been finished.
Partly this has been my own fault, since I had a feeling that I might not be ready for the sub yet, but used it only in the mood of hype that I got from reading from journals how this is the sub that every man should use and they would run it forever if it was the only subliminal they could use.
I want to make sure the next choice I make is an honest choice of what I need to get moving in life. AM for me has been more of a sit, hide and wait for it to do it's job. The pain that is supposed to help you start moving has done the opposite for me and now I need something more specific.
A few months ago I was certain that I'd be running EPRHA for a while after this, but now I am uncertain. I don't think it would be a subliminal that would give me the drive to start taking action. On the other hand I did want to make this the year of completely healing myself. ASC long term is also a very good option, at least I would have the confidence to start going outside of my own house. I haven't left the house in roughly 5/6 months due to severe anxiety and that might be one of the reasons why I've been so depressed during this sub. To be honest I feel so weak that it makes me sick. Do I have to remove and heal the stuff inside? or do I have to boost my confidence and hope that my confidence would help me get ahead of my own problems.
I have a misunderstanding about what healing ones self actually means. Does it have to be like running EPRHA, meditating and digging up deep stuff, or can it be using subliminals that program positive beliefs into subconscious so the deep stuff doesn't matter/intervene any more? What would be a more permanent solution? Dealing directly with these things while I feel like I'm already at the bottom (but might keep me here longer) or building some positivity which could change my view about these things entirely?
Well done for sticking with it but I'm sorry you don't have a lot of the positive results. I found the journey rough and sometimes really depressing and wanting to hide away but that passed each time and I felt better. The feelings would come back but would be less intense, so there was a continual improvement. I also reads Fonzy's ASC journal and from his observations confidence is a big part in the success of emotional healing. It would be a good idea to run ASC for a few months before running through AM again if that's your plan.
(02-26-2015, 12:11 PM)Ricardo Wrote: [ -> ]Well done for sticking with it but I'm sorry you don't have a lot of the positive results. I found the journey rough and sometimes really depressing and wanting to hide away but that passed each time and I felt better. The feelings would come back but would be less intense, so there was a continual improvement. I also reads Fonzy's ASC journal and from his observations confidence is a big part in the success of emotional healing. It would be a good idea to run ASC for a few months before running through AM again if that's your plan.
ASC seems the best choice for now since there aren't many 5g single stage ones that I'd want to use, they are all in 4g or 3g. Depending when Shannon will extract the single stage subs from BASE I might use one of them in addition.
I have actually run ASC once before for 32 days and got good results, but they seemed to run out a few months later so maybe 3-6 months this time. High confidence can be amazing.
I have finished the sub a few days ago.
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1...edit#gid=0
It has been a very long journey, but I guess I'm glad that I didn't throw in the towel in the middle. Kind of feels like quite the accomplishment. I have somehow become a bit paranoid towards people since the last stage and people have even mentioned it. That is one of the reasons why I'm going to be running EPRHA for the next 3+ months instead of ASC.
After having compared my results to the sub's intended goals, I actually found that I have regressed in some of them compared to before and I'm not quite sure why. I might have been resisting the programming in some of my self destructive thinking. On some level I think I actually don't want to become better, but rather feel pity and like a victim. Makes me incredibly angry at myself and everyone. These seem the things that I feel should be focused first.
Starting EPRHA this weekend, 1 week after AM.
Better for you to re-run AM after 1 week of rest. Another re-run with massive usage, imagine EPRHA in every stage with bonuses, golds, and glitters. Dayuuuuummmm!!~
(03-10-2015, 05:59 AM)AlphaMind Wrote: [ -> ]Better for you to re-run AM after 1 week of rest. Another re-run with massive usage, imagine EPRHA in every stage with bonuses, golds, and glitters. Dayuuuuummmm!!~
I considered this in the past, but I have my reasons why I won't be running it for a while. I think I posted it in some EPRHA thread before. Regardless I know what you mean about the potential results with it, but my mind is set on running EPRHA now.
(03-10-2015, 07:52 AM)Natious Wrote: [ -> ] (03-10-2015, 05:59 AM)AlphaMind Wrote: [ -> ]Better for you to re-run AM after 1 week of rest. Another re-run with massive usage, imagine EPRHA in every stage with bonuses, golds, and glitters. Dayuuuuummmm!!~
I considered this in the past, but I have my reasons why I won't be running it for a while. I think I posted it in some EPRHA thread before. Regardless I know what you mean about the potential results with it, but my mind is set on running EPRHA now.
I found Ephra good for releasing different negative beliefs.and other useless things.
I am going to run it after I finish am6. I should have run Ephra for 3 months minimum before I started am6.