Stage 3 day 32 5/7/14
Stage 3 is done and i feel like I turned into a big asshole.
-I readily insult friends even in a public setting.
-Im sexually aroused all the time.
-managed to attract a friend and she does small things for me. i have no interest though.
-Sub is really pushing me to hit the gym more often.
- a little more confidence.
Stage 4 day 7 5/14/14
Been getting really needy and reverting back to my old self. Might need to do ogsf after.
stage 4 day 11 5/14/14
apparently it seems like im drifting far away from my beta friend and he is trying to get me back. which is funny because he keep refusing my offers to hang out.
-last night I had a dream of overcoming an opponent . So i was on a fighting mat when I had a flashback of being knocked out by a person on a similar mat. After that flashback I saw my opponent and begin fighting.
Stage 4 day 17 5/20/14
Been following a voice inside my head lately. The voice seems to be the helpful kind and told me to stop some habits and curb my fapping.
I recently stopped by pherotruth and stumbled upon asc's modern man thread and remembered that there was a book I needed to read with AM5. John Alexanders how to become an alpha male. Should I use pheros with this sub?
Realized how incredibly clingy and needy I am towards EVERYGIRL I know of. I don't even think the sub is helping me with this right now.
yes phero can be use with sub.
Realizing something is the first step toward resolving a problem because you have to know where the problem lies first. So I think the sub is definitely helping you right now
Day 18 5/21/14
It is the 2 day of no fap and no porn and it is not too hard right now but it is showing how dependent I am to porn. Porn really scewed my perception of women and I perceived them as objects then human beings. Its like a subconscious message that tells me to fap and/or watch porn.
Stage 4 day 22 5/25/14
-Missed one night, making it up with 2 nights.
-instead of dwelling in negativity I try to go and change things.
EDit:
Damn looking at other people's journals makes me feel bad LOL jokes
Stage 4 day 24 5/27/14
I switched to headphones overnight because i felt like it would be better along with more hours.
-I was feeling needy for a particular girl that day and that quickly went away by talking to another female.
-A female friend that I was interested in last year said something after 6 months of cold shoulder( dunno if that is related in anyway)
-Just got out of an interview for a part time job. The manager that was interviewing me was a woman. she kept smiling and possibly giggling a little bit. dunno if it was formailty of something but i thought it was plain weird and hard to gauge if im doing something right for this job lol.
update 1:
the more im playing this the more i feel needy for that particular person lol. Been seeing results again, should have switched to headphones earlier
Stage 4 day 25 5/28/14
-ever so slowly killing neediness by talking to other female classmates instead of drifting in my mind. In class today a classmate just shot a sexual joke in class while the class was quiet.
-funny thing i was talking with a female friend and it pretty much sums up what John Alexander's said about women and their need for emotions.
- headphones are doing wonders, now if i can keep them in my ears
Update:
As unalpha as it seems it be my female friend's emotional tampon tonight it was quite the lesson on how women are affected by emotions and how some guys bring about these emotions inside a girl. enlightening really
stage 4 Day 29 6/1/14
I might get into tapping to help release resistance. I went to practice on Saturday and was easily the worst person there lol. I am a rookie but still cant help but beat myself over it.
When I am tapping I got:
one word answers
negative self talk that i often subconsciously say.
long sentences answering the question
beliefs that I didnt even know I believed
etc
i can be in the middle of tapping something and another answer pops up.
Stage 4 day 32 6/4/14
Right now I am trying to tap on everything that might be of interest. Thanks to geodude for the PDF with the worksheets I can start tapping stuff away. Right now I'm trying to tap away my apprich anxiety and that is the biggest block yet. I generally know if something conflicts or triggers something inside if I yawn. Every time I'm tappin something away it happens. The resistance is strong I am gonna have to section it into parts or else I'm gonna sleep half way through lol
Can you share that .PDF you are talking about?
Is tapping working for you?
Look for the geodude post on SageMax Thread Or Geodude Thread.