Last day of Stage 3.
It's been tough. I've detached even more from others expectations and that means letting go if people, accepting your own bullshit behaviour and taking responsibility.
Facing down the barrel of the gun of all the insecurities and accumulated bullshit is gonna be painful I guess, as is the sense that I have of - "now what".
Strange that I'm being quite anti social, and without the neediness I'm not being the clown I used to be, refusing to entertain people - thinking about it. Im a bit of a jerk!, yet the girls around me still seem to want to talk to me. They're being really nice.
I'm feeling right now that I've got to pull myself together and get organised, I'm just stumbling along moving slow and not getting shot done that one supposed to.
I'm also in a slightly dangerous zone I feel. I could easily cut off from everyone now and just be alone going for what I want to go for, and if anyone else wants to come along for the ride they can but I don need em.
Early stage 4
I'm noticing a few things.
1. Little regard for other people. Half the time I walk around like no one else is even there.
2. Get lots of bs from people. When I go out to clubs I feel like people are trying to assert their higher status over me.
3. More slow speaking, stronger body language. And a strong desire to do my job, and business well.
4. Improving barriers. Last few days I've been around some people who
Used to be big influences on me, listening to them now I just hear bullshit from them. I try to distance myself from their negativity and when they don't stop complaining and criticising everything I just say stop.
5. Disconnecting from negativity. I don't want to even listen to
Negative shit. I can't be bothered with eminem and his misery playing in my ears for instance even though I love the guys music.
6. Meeting alphas. I have met a number of alphas in this time. Ran into some big time gangster who was talking to me in a club. He started talking to a girl and then his body guard told me to f/off. Similar experiences with others, a wealthy guy who owns a big real estate company, was out drinking with him.
There are more but what I seem to be getting is how to have less power than someone without it being an issue. Some people are much more developed. That's the way of
It. So how do you spend time with em without suplicating.
Women don't give a shit about me right now. I don't seem to be attracting them at all. When I do meet some though they look like they want to talk all the time, even though my
Conversation is awful these days.
(04-21-2014, 01:02 AM)Darwin Wrote: [ -> ]5. Disconnecting from negativity. I don't want to even listen to
Negative shit. I can't be bothered with eminem and his misery playing in my ears for instance even though I love the guys music.
I got this too. I don't want to watch some movies anymore because of this.
(04-21-2014, 01:02 AM)Darwin Wrote: [ -> ]6. Meeting alphas. I have met a number of alphas in this time. Ran into some big time gangster who was talking to me in a club. He started talking to a girl and then his body guard told me to f/off. Similar experiences with others, a wealthy guy who owns a big real estate company, was out drinking with him.
There are more but what I seem to be getting is how to have less power than someone without it being an issue. Some people are much more developed. That's the way of
It. So how do you spend time with em without suplicating.
This is the question for me too, seems like I'm surrounded by people who have more power than me and it's suffocating at times.
(04-21-2014, 01:02 AM)Darwin Wrote: [ -> ]Women don't give a shit about me right now. I don't seem to be attracting them at all. When I do meet some though they look like they want to talk all the time, even though my
Conversation is awful these days.
I definitely have the women issues too, though my conversation is ok, simply because I got a method I rely on, though for me, I don't ever feel like talking and it annoys me how often I have to actually go into "conversation mode".
Thanks for the update.
I think I'm somewhere around 10 days in to stage 4.
I've noticed that at work i'm more willing to be seen as what i am. sometimes i don't get the work that we're doing, i take my time to understand and catch up, and i don't fake it - it's a complex area to work in, and i'm surrounded by brainiacs, I'm supposed to be one of them but i've always felt like i'm not and had a lot of complexes about this.
That seems to have started to disappear. people have been saying nice things to me as well. 'you're smart', 'you're like clever so it's ok for you', that sort of thing. I don't buy it really, i don't even really care.
I feel a little like I'm starting to accept how things work. you feel great one day, strong, centred, like nothing can touch you. Just as you get used to it, life says, ok enough time at this level, time to get you to the next stage - then you get another load of crap. You get broken down again, go through pain, the muscles rebuild and you become stronger, and so on and so on - never ending growth. It's just demanded of you.
You have to be prepared for reality to change, for your beliefs to no longer work, prepared to let go of who you were because who you were doesn't function in this environment - kind of like buddhist non-attachment.
I don't think i believe anything all that much anymore.
Goals. How many is too many?
Right now I have two incredible ideas for online businesses. I want to build an investment portfolio to secure my future. I want to get promoted at my job.
Being fit and healthy, becoming happier, more centred through meditation, love connection and relationships are also wants.
But shit I just end up spread too thin and not getting anything done.
Into stage 4 now and I don't know if it's the sub, or the at ease with myself feeling
Getting that helps clear my thinking a little but my mind has been in overdrive - so
Much so that I'm burnt out.
Not much else to report. Apart from I'm accepting myself more. I'm a little wierd, not everyone accepts me, it hurts at times - acceptance is something that is hard wired I suppose so you can't avoid it. I don't care. But I care about not caring too much.
Probably makes no sense to y'all, but whatevs
Much love my sublimibrothers
Proceeding as ever. Slowly, and with difficulty.
On the plus side I'm noticing a strong desire to focus on my talents rather than fit myself in with what the world wants of me. The scary part is that I know I'm going to have to take a plunge in order to cut my own path, start my own business and quit my job.
Just got to get over this laziness which is messing me up. I'm behind at work - not delivering and the team I work for is noticing. They can see that I'm drowning and have little sympathy. I just have to do what I can now. It's gonna be messy on the way out but I'm determined to give it my all and go out swinging.
Girls seem to respond to me better. I've noticed girls being a little more comfortable around me, being in my space, and I also catch them looking at me (I'm really not attractive in any normal sense so this is strange).
On the business side I'm making moves and realising I can't rely on anyone to make them for me.
Ah and I'm wondering, Shannon, is the surprise just that? That we find our strengths and find a way to work with them?!?
One more thing, I've started having messed up dreams again, mainly about me just fucking things up and not realising - don't know if that's to do with the subs or my anxiety about work.
I think this will be the last day on these subs. I still have my major anxiety at work but I feel like I'm more grounded and solid in general.
Sorry that was meant to be last day stage 4. I don't know if anything has changed for the better. I will keep on, with faith given my success with LTU.
Likely I'll run LTU for 3 months after just to get a better foundation in self esteem.
don't give up man, you are so close to finish line.
(05-19-2014, 03:31 PM)Darwin Wrote: [ -> ]Sorry that was meant to be last day stage 4. I don't know if anything has changed for the better. I will keep on, with faith given my success with LTU.
Likely I'll run LTU for 3 months after just to get a better foundation in self esteem.
You could just use the refresher stage of AM6. I believe it includes OGSF and everything else that was important during AM6. Either way good look man.
Guys, thanks for the supportive words.
I wasn't going to post anymore until I had some positive things to report back.
I would really have hoped to be a solid alpha by now. But the truth is I kind of have a schlep rock personality at the moment. I'm a bit uncool- I go out and I can feel like my energy is negative and it bums people out sometimes.
I mostly just want to be alone, I'm embarrassed about the way I've behaved with people, where I've been awkward and weird with people and I don't want to embarrass myself again. Also have quite low energy.
Some things I've noticed that are good. I've used my creativity to start setting up a few businesses, I'm coming up with ideas for other opportunities as well, and have firm goals to be able to quit my job by a certain time.
When I do meet girls, they seem to respond well to me. I don't know if this is am6 or what, but they do seem to want to look after me. The other day I was walking along and I saw this hot girl and I just though hey, I'll go talk to her, I had no fear, I really didn't care - I've not felt that way before about just going up to a random girl - she disappeared before I could do
Anything in the end but still that I was prepared to and it's something totally out of my character is good.
I'm thinking about what I'm going to do next. Maybe run am6 again, possibly run Shannon's new program for basf, wm or LTU.
I need to kick up my self esteem, and motivation a lot - so if the basf has the sort of ofgs and self esteem enhancement as LTU as well it would be perfect - I seem to self sabotage a lot.
So, stage 5 has been different to say the least, I've definitely noticed women responding to me better if not everyone.
The tapping guides posted up helped a lot to get me tapping again, mainly by removing the perfectionism, now I just do the tapping not worrying about the outcome or whether it's being done right.
It's likely that I'll do another run now of am6. I don't really want to - the new base would sit better with my current goals and the fact that I'm setting up a business. But Am6 just seems to be doubly required to solidify the foundation before moving on.
The added attention from women made me realise just how much I'm
Missing ok that side if things - I wonder if sm3 would be better than a re run of am6 to both become more alpha and improve that side of life too!