Quote:What advice would you give then? I mean, I can't just ignore people anymore (in fact, it's getting to the point where I'm almost gonna start running into the streets just chatting up strangers like a crazy person. I assume because of AM) and I don't want to say "no" to my desires any more.
I'm not sure I understand what you want advice on specifically.
Quote:Let's say I know a woman in a relationship along with a ton of other women who are single, married, what have you. I have no problems with having sex and (possibly) relationships with all the single women. But if I tell myself "no" just because someone's got a piece of metal on their finger, I think I'll be denying what I believe to be the truth. I do believe humans are polygamous. I've read about how the earliest humans are documented as having communal children, and besides that, I've believed this since I was 6 years old. I've never been around polygamy, nor have I ever known anyone who accepted it, and my parents tried their damndest to beat that idea out of me (religion >>). But I never lost that feeling. Never understood why people couldn't just love one another. If there's one thing I'd change in the world it would be people's (and my own) insecurity that they will somehow lose something if the person they love also loves somebody else.
I happen to believe, based on my research and observations, that humans are naturally programmed at a genetic level to maximize genetic diversity and survival opportunities for the species. In other words, humans are designed to have sex with every possible mate, and reproduce at every possible opportunity. This fits what you are talking about. It's also why we as a species are ranked second in global population only to insects, which are much smaller and have nothing but instinct to go on for reproductive limits. Effectively, they have a lower requirement to keep each individual alive, and nearly unlimited reproductive options and capacity. We have more requirements for food, water, shelter and space, and we are not unlimited in our ability to produce offspring per-mating, or in the sense that we operate purely on instinct with regards to mating, since we do not. That is the ONLY reason why they outnumber us.
A woman having a piece of metal on her finger only means what it is agreed to mean. If she honors her commitment to the vow she made to her husband by actually getting married, she will not have sex with you regardless. If she does not, then the ring on her finger does not mean much. But when you get involved with a married women, you are opening up a major can of worms that can very realistically get you killed. Regardless of how much you may only be acting out of your natural genetic instructions.
A human who is driven by their genetic code alone is not a man or woman, but an animal. S/He will resort to the lowest of behaviors to get his/her genetic instructions acted out and fulfilled. This is why there is so much prevalence of pregnancy among the least educated, and why shows like Jerry Springer exist: these people are not thinking, they are just acting on animal instinct. A man or woman who chooses to be his or her full potential is above that, recognizes that an animal is beneath him or herself, and has too much self respect, self esteem and self value to do such things. The more high value a particular person is, the harder it is to mate with them; thus, highly educated people and the very wealthy generally have far fewer children per capita than the type of person you see going on Jerry Springer.
At the same time, these people are more sought after for mating privileges because - in part - they are particular, and they are high value. Part of expressing high value is being able to and willing to pick and be choosy with whom you share your genetic material for reproductive purposes. This is why a woman who is greeted by a man with disinterest will often seek his interest, and even pursue him. He is demonstrating high value by his disinterest, which signals that he has other, possibly better, options.
In the end, you must choose whether you will be a man, in control of his sex drive, or an animal, being enslaved to it.
Quote:I believe it's just the way we are. We aren't meant to make our infinite hearts finite, which is what the idea of "love" and, certainly, monogamy does.
You say that love makes one's heart finite, but you just said that you were polyamorous, which is the very thing you now claim love is not. What love is, depends on what you make it. In the beginning of every relationship there is a period of time during which a couple makes and sets rules that will govern their relationship. The vast majority of the time, these rules are set by both parties to "default", which is to say, they just go with what society, religion, family, and expectations from others tell them to go with, and never even consider that they have the option of setting rules any other way.
And yet I have had multiple girlfriends at the same time, more than once, who all knew about one another and knew I was having romantic/sexual relations with all of them, specifically because I stated up front, during that rule-making period, that I was going to do exactly that, and if they wanted to be with me as more than a friend, they would have to choose to deal with that fact. In the beginning I did this because I was simply tired of being unhappy with having one woman who was what I wanted or needed in some areas, but not in others, who obstructed me from being happy in the rest of those areas. The idea that "there is someONE for everyone" didn't seem to work, so I changed the rules and let the chips fall where they may. And when I did this, openly, honestly, and stood my ground, a magical thing happened: I ended up with every woman who expressed interest going from "I could never do that." to "I want to be your girlfriend regardless." Usually in about 24-48 hours.
The difference between what you have been proposing, and what I am proposing is that I am being brutally, blatantly honest and I genuinely don't care if they do or don't want to be with me as more than friends. I let them decide, based on the whole truth, and I make sure they know well in advance exactly what they're agreeing to by being with me. If you do this, and you present yourself as a high enough value target, they will surprise you.
Now that's not to say that I always want multiple simultaneous girlfriends, but if I do, it's just a matter of being honest and up front about my needs, or wants or desires, and then letting the chips fall where they may.
They go for it because they recognize that a man who can do that has a lot going for him. Women value boldness and honesty in a man far more than you might realize, specifically because they deal so commonly with people who are weak and trying to lie their way into whatever they want. A woman will often take me up on a relationship even if she doesn't like knowing I have other girlfriends specifically because she knows that if I have the balls to be honest about that, I'm going to have no reason to be dishonest about anything at all. She knows where she stands with me, and she never has to worry about being cheated on or lied to, because by my rules, it's impossible to cheat on her (cheating means breaking the rules) since the rules I set specifically allow me to have as many girlfriends as I want. And at that point, what have I got to gain versus lose by lying? I have nothing to gain, and every man's dream to lose. So on top of being honest because I have honor as a man, I am honest because it would be idiotically and unbearably stupid for me to lie.
On the other hand, a guy who is willing to have sex with a married woman is displaying low self esteem, low self respect, low value, and no consideration for those around him. He is acting selfishly without thought, as an animal expressing it's genetic instructions, and so is the female he is mating with. Neither respects each other or their relationships or partners, and it always ends badly.
Quote:But I'm running off on a tangent. Maybe if you shared a story? You said you learned the hard way...
Long ago, before I created AM, I was at a bookstore one night when I had a woman catch my eye who I just could not ignore. I walked over and we started talking, and it quickly became apparent that she was just as irresistibly attracted. We left together and went out to dinner, where while holding my hands, she hung her head and - clearly not wanting to - confessed to being married, with kids.
But I was so enthralled by my nether regions (having had no sex for two or three years before that) that I happily deluded myself into ignoring that little fact, and we ended up having sex in her car several times that night. I assumed that she had the common sense not to tell her husband, but as fate would have it, she was an emotional core personality type and had a serious guilt complex and told him everything. He of course promptly showed up on my doorstep within an hour of me pulling my dick out of his wife, and shoved a loaded gun in my face. His hand was shaking so badly with rage that I am not entirely sure he'd have hit me even at point blank range. The only thing that kept me alive that night, I believe, was the fact that I knew I had been in the wrong, and I remorsefully surrendered to whatever punishment he was wanting to give me.
Let me tell you this. Having a loaded gun shoved in your face is a life changing event. The genuine and imminent threat of death is something you have to really work hard to become comfortable with, and I guarantee you that you aren't. You may not meet with a gun in your face the first time you do it, or the second or the third, but sooner or later it or something worse will happen. And a man killing you in a fit of rage for having adulterous sex with his wife is not exactly a slam dunk case of he goes to jail. He might walk, and then finish the job.
I have also been shot at with live ammunition, although that was by gang bangers who were breaking into a store I was acting as security for. That is also something you will never forget, and it also takes a lot of practice to learn to handle with less than terror, and again, I can almost guarantee you - you haven't had that kind of experience.
If after having a threat of imminent death presented to you, by gun, knife, bare hands or whatever, you are still doing what triggered it - you are either stupid, or you are too big and/or skilled to be smart.
I am not proud to have done what I did, and I learned the hard way that you don't play with a married woman. I also know that what you do will come back to you. So one day if you play with married women, you can expect that if you ever get married, you will probably have to deal with paybacks. And that, as they say, is a bitch.
Don't think you'll ever get married? Never say never. The right female comes along and you fall deeply enough in love and you'll find that it's all you can do to stop from dragging her down the aisle. Especially if you have kids with her. Marriage is a way of stabilizing and protecting a family.
Learning from the mistakes of others is the highest form of wisdom. Don't make the mistakes I have made. You'll get a lot further in life that way.
